On 8/3/05, Tangent <tangent@zoominternet.net> wrote:

"Nabiki, the only video games I ever got to play were 

Pac-Man, Zaxxon, 

and Gallaxian," Ranma explained. "Although I had gotten 

rather good at 

Martial Arts Pinball before Pop made me quit. He said that if I was 
getting so lazy as to let some blind boy beat me in a tournament, I 
could be doing other things to improve my hand-eye 

co-ordination. Too 

bad though, the kid was a really cool customer, a regular pinball 
wizard! I'd have liked to challenge him again. Didn't seem 

to be all 

there though..."

*snrk*

o/` Ever since I was a young boy,
I played the silver ball o/`

But I can't imagine anyone beating Tommy fairly!

	I can't believe Tangent didn't put in a comment about "supple
wrists"!

Despite Ranma's best efforts, Akane was actually the first to reach 
the scene. Although he supposed that the blazing trail she 

left in her 

wake would be easy to follow. Good thing it was flickering 

out almost 

as fast as it had been ignited, or Nabiki would lag even further 
behind as she would have otherwise had to extinguish the 

flames. Not 

that the elder sister was currently slow by any common 

measure, as the 

pace she was setting would have been challenging for any olympic 
runner. Ranma, on the other hand, was actually built for speed, as 
nobody beat 'roos (even small ones) at the long fast haul.

Ranma as a kangaroo rat chasing a flaming Akane.  Awesome 
mental image!

The creature's excresions turned out to be surprizingly flammable.

excretions?

	"Excretions" isn't really a good word to use, as it has connotations
of the use of toilets. The word probably ought to be "secretions".

And who was this Ranma kid that Genma kept talking about? Their son 
was named Tatawaki, wasn't he? Or was that Mikaido? Damn, 

she'd have 

to look up the birth certificate again to be sure. Damn Genma for 
staying away so long that she forgot her own son's name. It 

couldn't 

be Ranma, of course.

Mikaido -- Mikado (I think)

	Mikado, yes. Mikado Sanzenin, to be exact.

Okay, H'rys could admit to itself that perhaps it had made 

a mistake 

in trying to provoke the other magical girl. Granted, even as 
overpowered as the attacks were, they were barely under 

control, had 

no finnesse to them, and were actually easy to dodge, 

block, or parry. 

Granted, with as much unaccountable momentum as the female 

was putting 

into her strikes, it preferred to dodge or parry, saving the blocks 
for last resorts.

Uh....  Blocking and parrying are the same thing, when you're unarmed.

	Have to disagree with Brian about this. "Blocking" implies that you
are absorbing the force of an attack, while "parrying" implies that it's
being redirected. Your statement makes perfect sense to me.

H'rys continued to dodge the powerful blows of the giant 

water girl, 

desperately wondering when she would run out of power. 

After observing 

the female get bigger and more water-like with every 

exposure to the 

broken pipes cause by their battle, H'rys decided to try to 

lure its 

opponent away from any more of the human hive structures. 

Some random 

searching had eventually lead the battle to what appeared to be an 
area set aside for gravel storage.

*snicker*

The monster is leading the magical girl away from civilian 
targets.  I like it.

	Agreed. This scenario really tickled me, too. It's something I can't
recall seeing in another fic, and I doubt there are many fics where
something like it does happen. Points for originality, Tangent. Seeing
something that hasn't been used in dozens of fan fiction stories is rare for
old-timers.

Kasumi got up from her sewing project to answer the door. 

"Oh, Uncle 

Saotome! We were wondering when you would get back. We thought that 
you had only gone out to check the local temples and shrines 
yesterday." She wondered who the lady accompanying Genma was. She 
seemed nice enough, and very proper, although Kasumi wasn't 

sure how 

to take the wrapped katana the woman carried.

Does Kasumi know it's a katana, as opposed to just a wrapped bundle?

	The wrappings on a katana don't look like anything else. Gotta
wonder why the police don't ever stop her in Nerima or outside of it; I seem
to recall reading somewhere that habitually carrying a real sword is
unlawful in Japan.

"That would be fine, Kasumi," Nodoka nodded as she removed her geta 
(wooden sandals) and placed them carefully in the getabako (shoe 
cupboard) of the genkan (entranceway).

Too much edutainment.  I'd break Nodoka's actions up across 
the conversation so that the new vocab can be worked in more subtly.

	Speaking of which, the Japanese words are unnecessary anyway, and
IMHO detract from the story. My eyes came to a screeching and unpleasant
halt at this sentence, because nothing of value was given. This is what's
called "gratuitous Japanese".

	BTW: Nodoka doesn't even wear geta. She wears zori, which are modern
Japanese women's sandals customarily worn with kimono. You can see an
example at http://www.naraku.com/Page1.html, which has at least one shot of
Ranma holding her in his arms so that you can see her feet clearly.

"You never told me how tight those outfits were, you letch!" Nodoka 
gestured at Nabiki, who looked up at the older woman with 

irritation. 

"And who is this girl, anyway? I thought you said that 

Nabiki was the 

one in Blue? This girl looks nothing like her!"

Blue is not usually a proper noun, and probably shouldn't be 
capitalized.

	Actually, this is the beginning of a MAJOR plot glitch. Nodoka is
shown here and later as being completely unable to reconcile Nabiki as the
magical girl despite having her transform right in front of her, supposedly
due to protective magic. Yet later, everybody and their brothers -- both the
authorities and the bad guys -- are able to recognize her -easily- and
remember it. That makes absolutely no sense to me at all.

	Otherwise, I agree completely with Brian. This is a very
entertaining story, although the extreme brevity of the chapters doesn't
really do much for me. It's emotionally unsatisfying to have them end so
quickly.



     Ja mata,
     Larry F

     The Lost Library of Florestica
     http://rakhal.com/florestica/

     La Biblioteca Perdida de Phantasia
     (The Lost Library of Phantasia)
     http://phantasiaca.tripod.com/ 

     Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! The Early Years
     http://nettg.simud.org/



             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'