Subject: [FFML] [C&C][R.5][AU] Magical Guardian Ranma prologue
From: Jared Waddell
Date: 8/2/2005, 4:35 PM
To: ffml@anifics.com


original -> suggested correction
(suggestion, commentary)

Opinions and 'review' at bottom.

--- Tangent <tangent@zoominternet.net> wrote:


MAGICAL GUARDIAN RANMA!

PREREADING AND EDITING ASSISTANCE BY:

Howard Melton,
Philip Jacobs,
Jeff Denniston
Lord Talon,
And some guy named Steve.

DISCLAIMER: 'Ranma �' and all characters therein belong to Rumiko
Takahashi, Shogagukan, Kitty, and Viz Video. This fanfict has been

fanfict -> fanfic
(or)
fanfict -> fanfiction

produced for my own enjoyment and to pass on without profit. Other
characters that come into play in this fanfict may or may not be pulled
from other sources (including other fanficts, RPGs, manga, anime,
literature, or possibly even GASP American comic books!).

PROLOGUE:

Genma looked out across the sea from the railing of the ship that was
taking him back to Japan. Another expense he hadn't planned on, but
again the cost was much less due to Ranma's current state. When?
When did things start going so terribly wrong? Was it at Jusenkyo?

The decision to find and train at Jusenkyo was definitely not one of
Genma's better ideas, but the fact that the springs turned out to have
real curses was more bad luck than anything else. Most of the training
grounds Genma had taken Ranma to over the years had legends that
were just that - legends with no current basis in reality other than
historical curiosity. Even those whose legends were active had only
amounted to a few interesting adventures and minor inconveniences at
worst. Nothing a couple of martial artists couldn't handle when it came
right down to it. The boy got to feel good about helping people out,
and if Genma himself was enriched in any way, that was just a side
benefit, right?

amounted to a few interesting adventures and minor inconveniences at
worst. -> amounted to a few interesting adventures in some places, and at
the worst, minor inconveniences at others.


That the last cursed training ground on their planned route turned out
to have the effect that it did was remarkably active was entirely 
unforeseen.

that it did was remarkably active was entirely unforeseen. -> that it did
and was remarkably active was entirely unforeseen.

(add 'and' otherwise it's difficult to read)

Genma felt that he had really let Ranma down this time with his habit
of 
just
bulling ahead and damn the costs and advice. If only he had actually
paid
more attention to the guide, other than just enough to actually get to
Jusenkyo...

The... incident... at Joketsuzoku was also a result of some poor
decisions
on his part. Eating the prize for the annual village tournament had not
endeared him to any of the Chinese Amazons. Oh, they had spared him,
for Ranma's sake if nothing else, but Genma was under no illusions that
he held any respect in their eyes. About the only good they saw in him
was his desire to find a cure for his son.

Leaving as he had, in the middle of the night with Ranma, wasn't likely
to
win over any of the Amazons either, but Genma couldn't allow the bonds
that were forming between his son and Shampoo to strengthen! If Ranma
was going to form ties with anyone, let it be one of the Tendo
daughters!
It would be a way to keep the pledge after all...


Amazons either -> Amazons
(drop the 'either')

(drop the exclamation marks)

Perhaps the only way...

Tears of a father who deeply and truly regretted the actions that had
cost
his son so much poured unhindered down Genma's grief stricken face.

The Guide and the Amazons had called it an honor...

They had said that the Nyannichuan would have turned Ranma into a girl
had Jusenkyo not found him worthy of a higher purpose...

DAMN THEM! A girl would have been much better than this!


(the exclamation marks work perfectly here)

Genma looked down at the sapphire lens clenched tightly in his fist.

"Don't worry Ranma... Surely one of the Tendo girls will be able to
activate
you and release you from your token..."

END PROLOGUE

FFML NOTES: At this time, my story has been preread up to chapter 13,
with
chapters 14, 15, and 16 in progress. Most, if not all, of the spelling
and 
grammar

mistakes should be gone by now, but occasionally things do slip
through, so 
if
you see something in these reposts that you feel needs correcting, feel
free 
so
say so. Comments and Criticism are also welcome, but flames wil be used
to
roast marshmallows. 


And I'm all oughta marshmallows...

As above, very minor tweaking. I hate looking at stuff I've had ten
people go over for a year and finding a dozen mistakes here and there.
The story improves with every correction though, right?

Now preparing to peruse the following chapters...


Later,
Rick Spiff

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