I like AUs and this is an interesting idea. I should
say though, that in AUs what I'm most concerned about
is what is different and what is similar doesn't
interest me nearly as much. The only real problem I
have so far with this is that it mirrors the "here's
Ranma" episode so closely even with its many changes.
This is a pet peeve of mine. If I want to see
something from the anime or manga I'll watch or read
the anime or manga. This fic seems like there's enough
different about it that it shouldn't fall into the
same trap so many other fics have, but it veers
dangerously close.

Anyway I like how you kept Ranma's dark history a
secret until the end there. One thing though the fight
with his father doesn't ring true if he went through
all that. It's a little too silly for someone who
recently witnessed and possibly caused someone's death
to do. 

I guess I'm ambivalent about this. I think your next
chapter will be better and I look forward to it, but
several things about this chapter annoy me to bits.
Three years is a long time for so many things to stay
the same. I think it would be many times better if you
didn't rely on convention so much and just told the
tale the way it should progress naturally. But I say
that as if it were easy and it really isn't. 

The greatest thing about this fic so far is the
backstory. I've only gotten hints of it so far and
what I know is very intriguing. I like that you
haven't revealed everything yet, the mystery is part
of the charm. I also like a dark Ranma and I am
interested in how he's going to proceed now that he's
back home.

Thanks for writing,

-Zorknot




http://www.geocities.com/zorukonotsu/fanfics.html
http://www.fanfiction.net/~zorknot

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