On 15 Jul 2005, at 13:06, Zac Wendler wrote:

    Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 doesn't belong to me.  It belongs to the  
long-venerated Rumiko Takahashi.  She has made a great deal of  
money from Ranma 1/2.  I have made none.  Thus, I am very, very,  
very poor.  Please, don't sue me.

I can't believe I'm stealing Gary's shtick, but these sorts of  
disclaimers aren't funny anymore. Not to mention that yours suffers  
from a logical fallacy.

Anyhow, rather than go through line by line (since I didn't see any  
obvious errors), I'll give you some C&C in a block:

BAD: Trying to rehash the 'redhead and a panda going to Tendo Dojo'  
scene -- this has been done, and done, and done, and done. Not that  
it's not possible to give a fresh take on it. But it'll be really  
really hard. And I don't think you've managed to do it.

GOOD: Happosai's presence makes the family's lack of reaction to  
Akane's "There's a pervert in the bathroom" believable.

BAD: Akane's still got the same reaction to boys and/or perverts,  
three years later. I don't buy it. She'd either have lightened up, or  
gotten more obsessed with punishing them. Either way, she wouldn't  
have left the furo, and then come back to punish.

BAD: Misplaced commas. I know I said I wasn't going to do line by  
line, but this is just wrong:

    The door slid open, and Ranma glanced up.  Standing naked,  
aside from a tiny washcloth that covered her most important bits  
was Akane, her eyes as big as dinner plates.

ALMOST AS BAD: Derailing the train of thought. In the following  
snippet, by putting extra stuff between "ready for a great deal" and  
"not, however," ready to see a duck, you reduce its impact.

    "Saotome, my friend, you've come to save me!" Soun cried,  
making a dash for the door.  When he threw it open, he was ready  
for a great deal.  He'd not seen Genma in thirteen years, since  
he'd set out with his son to train.  For all he knew, Genma might  
be wearing a business suit, having finally stolen enough money to  
afford one.
    He was not, however, ready to see a duck.  With humongus  
glasses balanced, though listing slowly to the left, on its beak.

WTF: Ranma living with Shampoo for three years like that. Unless they  
kept Genma locked up and Ranma couldn't figure out how to break him  
out, I'm not buying it.




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