(ahem) Ctrl-V! And now for the latest one... Ask and ye shall receive.  
The standard disclaimers from the previous C&C I gave you apply here 
too. So as per usual, blah, blah, blah grain of salt, blah, blah, blah, 
use what you can use, ignore the rest, blah, blah, blah, reserve right 
to be wrong, blah, blah, blah...  ^v^

To be honest, I expected you to tear into the story/me much more than 
you have. And I always want C&C that that tells me what _needs_ to be
improved in the fic. Any compliments entailed are a nice bonus ^_^    

The eyes of a portrait can do that? ?_?

I didn't want to specify the eyes of a portrait of Jesus. Might have 
offended somebody, but more importantly, it would have been an even 
more inappropriate line than all those pop culture references you noted.

Er, what does the sun care about Genma? It's still benign.

Author: But my beautiful prose...!

 
Exactly! T_T

I have no words. 

I've decided that self-deception isn't always a bad thing, and will take
that as a compliment. ^_^;

You don't need to make every last paragraph beautiful when simply being 
straightforward about it should suffice. A general rule of thumb for 
simplifying prose is that if Joey (from Friends) can understand it, then 
it's good.

Duly noted (despite hating "Friends").

Suggest: a hundred pound ('a one-hundred pound' sounds redundant to me)

Good point. 

Woah. (applauds) That certainly clears your fic from Genma bashing. 
Genma actually able to kick ass! (amazed)

*Shrugs* I never heard of a rule that declared a character couldn't 
provide both comic relief and a viable challenge to the protagonists 
of a story.

Genma may be a lot of things, but he's no slouch when it comes to 
teaching the arts. Given students with great potential, he could do wonders. 
Granted, he could also induce incredible trauma to his pupils, but he 
can do wonders nonetheless.

*Nods* I agree. This Ukyo would certainly be on a higher level than her
canon counterpart thanks to Genma's role as her sensei. 

Not that she'll be on canon Ranma's level, though.

WC?

Wash closet... What?! 

Suggest: sliced into the bald martial artist's heart. Cheesy, I know, 
but adding 'heart' goes well with the rather cheesy sentence. ;)

I really like you ^_^

WC... Yma Sumac... Perry Como... (sigh) Must be an inside joke of the 
author or something.

 
o_o;

Suggest: replace "pythonic braid" with "python-like/serpentine braid"

But what if the Spanish Inquisition drop by? ^_~

So many adverbs... @_@

I'll try to work on this.

Okashi na... Ranma's Christmas Lights metaphor makes me think of Ukyo 
wearing a head of Christmas Lights instead of a head of hair. What a 
weird point of comparison. ^^;;;

Wasn't it just? 

I'm really curious... How does one snort playfully?

*Snorts playfully* Like that. ^_^

This fic is beginning to read like a Harlequin Romance Novel, except 
he couples have interchangeable genders. 

*Is speechless*

Ah yes. Fandom's term for Ranma's condition

But Hydro-Hermaphrodite sounded kinda icky...

Ukyo: I don't wear boxers!

Ranma: (listening intently) So what type of underwear do you wear when 
you're a girl?

See? Win-win situation.

 
^_^

Meh. Slightly amusing, but not deserving of a 'Heh'.

To each their own. 

Apparently, you're using a mix of anime and manga in your story. To 
claim the use of both types of canon renders canon complaints moot, ne?

Actually, Ryoga is subconsciously keeping the colour of Ranma's hair from
himself for reasons, which if not already apparent, will be in two or 
three chapters.

I've gone with red-haired Ranma-chan, but that doesn't mean that Kirin, 
Toma or the delivery girl from the anime are going to be appearing. 
Hair and eye colour aside, it'll be the manga that takes precedence as 
the base.

Cute. "Male Ukyo to female Ranma" isn't really my idea of a fanservicey 
pair, but that scene still remained cute and sweet, save for the 
gawking Ukyo. Congrats.

 
WAI WAI WAI! ^_^

Replace unamused with something else, 'coz AFAIK you can't just 
randomly tag the 'un' prefix with every last verb out there... T
here has to be precedent of it being commonly used.

*Takes note* 

Er, what's the point of this disjointed and out of place flashback? By 
now, the readers should have figured that out. For those who didn't, 
they'd probably prefer to have this flashback as not a flashback. They'd 
prefer the scenes done in chronological order, even. Personally? A mere 
mention during the shopping scenes would suffice. The whole flashback 
reads far too... extraneous for me.

I see your point.

Commas: Learn to use them properly.

Ugh. I understand any frustration you might have. In rereading the story
I wonder why I felt the need to overuse commas like I did.

Your reply to my C&C 
showed that you _do_ have a penchant for being straightforward and 
simple, despite what your friends may say. Do that in your prose too. Be 
frank! Candid! Blunt! ;) Also, as much as possible _do_ _not_ let your 
wordiness spill into the dialogue. Genma telling Ranma that he should be 
generous by words other than 'generous' increases my disbelief.

Efforts will be made.

Kudos to you for making a fic which you and your fans would enjoy 
fully.  As such, I wish you luck on your future ficcing endeavors and I do 
hope you keep on entertaining your ficcy, fanboy fans with the 
fanservicey slants of your fic. 

Thanks again for the great C&C. Happily anticipating more. 

Looking forward to/dreading the C&C of chapter 
8. In short, keep on writing.

Will do. 

-Ace.



		
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