--- Aaron Nowack <anowack@tulane.edu> wrote:

Adrian Tymes wrote:

Good thing it had just rained and
the woods were green: no one would hear the guards' yelling, but a
forest fire might attract attention.

I am not sure that a colon is the proper punctuation to be using
there.

You're right, I should break that into two sentences.

Scarlet always wanted to be a spy when she grew up.

Should be "always had wanted," I believe.

"had always wanted", maybe.

...a spider as the magical companion.  Interesting.

Reference to certain specific legends, which would give the general
region Scarlet's from.  Ditto the nature of the spirits.  If you get
it, you get it, but I was trying not to make it requisite for enjoying
the story.

Ew.  Nasty.

Actually, that goes for most of the rest of the story, but I guess
that's what that dark tag is for. ;)

Aye.  When I say "Dark", I mean it.  (See the fic I posted to this list
a month or two ago.)  ^_^;

Although, in retrospect, perhaps it doesn't quite deserve "Lime".

You've strayed so far from the standards of
the
genre that there's really not much "Magical Girl" left - except for a
handful of references and the naming conventions, it could just as
easily be about generic superheroes.

I hope that helps some.

That was indeed exactly what was missing.  I was trying to warp the MG
genre so much, I warped it right out of the genre.  Thanks.  (And
thanks to those who pointed this out in private C&C - including the one
who pointed out there's need for empathy with the main character.
Which gives me an idea of how to add the "Magical Girl" bit back in...)

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'