Chester Castaneda wrote:

So my next victim iissss... a regular victim of my C&Cs. :P

And I'm happier for it. :)

On 5/25/05, DB Sommer <sommert@connecttime.net> wrote:

Prologue

Well, nice to see the prologue thingy up and running. :)

Only use them when it's necessary. There's none in the next chapter.

I've already mentioned the smart quotes thing, so FYI they're here again
and you should go uncheck several options on the autocorrect function if
you're using word. Then I'll just leave it at that.

I'll try and remember. It's hard to remember simply because the email always
looks fine to me.

holographic projector was working. As far as the world was concerned,
Senator Victor Timely

'Timely', eh? Sounds rather familiar, for a Marvel fic. Intended? :)

That was an identity Kang used in the 20th century. He wasn't a mayor, but
he did have an advanced robotics center there to help him with his plans for
conquoring.

Washington D.C..

I'm not sure, but is that right? Ending D.C. with an (IMO) extra period, I
mean?

I'm uncertain as well. I probably need to look it up to be sure.

By Kang's estimation, with the additional campaigning the

president had done, he should only have won by five thousand votes.
Instead he had won a clear cut margin of twenty-thousand. Kang didn't
like his estimations being off. The stakes were too high to allow
mistakes of any kind.

Sailor Pluto: Time isn't a set thing. It's best left to professionals.

Kang: Yeah, well I am one!

Kang: Eventually, when I literraly make the time to master everything.

"And you read my recommendation?" Kang prodded. "The gamma readings on
site match the ones taken by SHIELD. They clearly indicate this
rampaging behemoth called the Hulk is clearly that muted pig.

Is 'muted' intentional? Or did you meant mutated?

mutated

Jonathon peered closely at one of the photos. "Weird, I'd swear that
hill has eyes and a mouth."

Ah. Him.

Spragg. And you thought it was a throwaway reference last chapter, didn't
you? :)

"How about that worldwide ban on whaling you've been trying to push
through in the U.N.?" Jonathon suggested. "They've been complaining
about that for a while now. If we agree to bury it, that might be the
favor we need."

Typical politicking,

Hence the term, yep

I'd say. But I wouldn't know, I don't read those kinds of novels.

The Hulkbusters would succeed. They would kill the Hulk and then
everything would be right with the world. A couple of months and it
would all be over.

Funny how in contrast to all this seriousness, it'd have to be the
Hulkbusters who would save the day for Kang. :P

Yep. Tools for his manipulation. Not that it ends up working for him. :)

Through gritted teeth Gyrich spat out, "Their name is Jamie Madrox. All
of them are, including the pilot. He's a mutant that likes making bad
Matrix jokes and can create an exact duplicate of himself with a kinetic
impact."

Heh. Cameos galore and references galore.

An advantage of a bigger work, though I am considering having Irie hire
Jamie away and into HOUND

"Yeah, but I only get paid like one," Jamie Two grumbled.

That sucks.

A way to keep costs down, though.

Kaori began leading him to a large structure next to field.

Not sure what you're saying here, so I merely suggest: next to the field

a building. Will clarify.

Kaori spoke in a low voice, "I didn't even know it existed until it was
announced they were taking control of the situation. What I do know is
they stink. They have some sort of pseudo-military unit called 'Hound',
and believe me, they're good. They also operate real well together, like
they've been under fire.

I'm confused. Probably because I don't know what Kaori meant when she said
"they stink".

They're up to no good. What does the Ministry of Health and Welfare need
with an elite paramilitary unit after all? :)

It's not what I think it means, or else she won't be appraising them so
positively in the next sentence. Perhaps she meant that they 'stink' as in
their personalities? Body odor? ?_?

Every single one the Hulk had ever met

had attacked him for no reason.

Heh. That's a good observation.

Yep. The Hulk's direct line of thinking is easy to use. Like a child's
really.

That was enough for the Hulk. He went back outside, intent on destroying
Dr. Doom's armor. Doom tried to trick him again by claiming Chi was the
bad person, but the Hulk knew better. Bad guys were never cute little
girls who cried when you threatened them.

This is becoming almost as embarrassing as his Squirrel Girl dilemma.

Not really. Chi is actually dangerous because Doom designed her. Lots of
things have turned on Doom. The Doomsman. His clone with the FF's powers.
Darkoth. Probably a bunch of others that aren't coming to mind right now.

I wonder if Dr. Doom will again retroactively change things so that it
would be yet another Doom Bot that was booted off his castle.

Heh. He'd have to have a larger powerbase to manage that.

The Hulk looked down and saw an old newspaper. He recognized the
writing, if not the words it formed. That meant he was back in Japan.
Home.

Soooo... Hulk is bilingual?

Residual memory from Ryouga's. He knew enough English for it to be
conversational. He didn't know Chinese, as evidenced by when he was in China
and had no idea what was happening.

"I know. I just hear it all the time," Walker said.

"Keep on walking?" Narusawa asked.

That one went over my head.

"Chase cats."

"Cats are so dangerous in Japan you need an automatic rifle to take them
out?"

"Some breeds."

There's some witty dialogue there.

And it actually makes sense if you know Geobreeders. She's not making a
joke. Even worse, rifles only slow down Phantom Cats.

Wordlessly the figure reached out with a massive hand, huge fattened
fingers poking through what might have at one time been gloves, with
clumps of dirt sticking to them. A rancid smell reached Ryouga's
nostrils as the hand came near his face, and he resisted the urge to
regurgitate.

Nitpick: IMO, 'regurgitate' doesn't translate well, or is even remotely
related to (except the reflexive 'discharging' that both actions cause)
vomiting or nausea that'd cause vomiting. Regurgitate, AFAIK, is what
birds do to food to better feed their young. Why not use vomit (verb)
instead?

Sounded more neat. Will change.

Hell, he wasn't even that

angry at Ranma anymore. Whenever he thought of his mortal enemy, he just
couldn't get worked up over it like he used to.

Well, whaddyaknow! Being the Hulk is therapeutic. Admittedly not without
its downsides, I admit, but it's still therapeutic.

Heh. True.

tended to have little reluctance when it came to smacking men around,
when they felt there was just cause.

Akane: Humph. Chivalry is dead.

Seems that way sometimes.

Ryouga was fast, kicking the foreigner hard in the gut. The blow landed
solidly, and the solider

soldier

Ryouga turned, hoping to talk the woman into surrendering. Instead he
was met with a boot to the face, rattling his jaw. Spinning gracefully,
she switched legs

She 'switched' legs?

Switched which leg was kicking him. Went from right to left. Does that need
clarified?


Is this yet another colloquialism I have not heard about? What does it mean,
then? Inquiring minds must know. ?_?

Ryouga turned to go, then realized something. "How do I get out?"

Heh. Unintentionally bad (though admittedly good intentioned) advice for
one such as Ryoga.

True. But it's the contrivance needed to advance things.

complicated way of getting out? She probably meant two doors. So he
would count off two doors, and go out that way.

Well, shades of classic Ryoga-itis is there.

Ranma (Batter & Curses): Go for it, Marco Polo!

Heh

world he wanted was to be lugged around by Kenny again. It was better to
move on ahead, and if he couldn't find a way out, go up one level and
try again.

Or he could do it Shampoo style and break through the walls until he's
out.

Nah. Too easy.

should have been. Not a strand of hair was left, on his head, and only
hunger existed in his jaundiced-colored eyes.

So Kenny has... (looks up an encyclopedia) yellow-colored eyes? Ooooh.
Battousai-ish.

Much more negative connotation to them being jaundiced, though.

"Kenny!" Yumi cried out, not understanding what was going on, other than
some terrible monster was trying to kill her child.

Nice interplay of drama between the not so evil yet not so good mom Yumi

Oh, she's evil. Her son is a mindless cannibal and she's actively enabling
him to do it. She has her motives, but they're bad.

 and her mindless man-eating son while Hulk pummels Kenny.

"Hulk will smash stupid monster!" the emerald behemoth promised.

(wince) Nitpick again, but that description of the Hulk reminds me of an
Emerald mutated version of the Thing for some reason. Perhaps you _can_
repeat green in this sentence even though you've typed it a few paragraphs
back? Repetition isn't all that bad anyway, especially considering the
alternative. OTOH, the description has been used before, but IMO it makes
me have that strange visual every time.

I use emerald a lot for him. So did Marvel. Nothing else really emerald in
this (no leader yet and the A-Bra-Mination isn't hanging around)

That was the way Talbot wanted it. He finally had a chance to be the
hero and impress Betty Ross, the general's daughter. It had been love at
first sight for Talbot, though he quickly learned she seemed to only
have eyes for that wimp Bruce Banner.

A silly thought has occurred to me... If this were done in a, say, comic
or as screenplay, this would come out as awfully monologuish (not a word,
I know, but work with me here). It seems that narrative prose is a plus
for developing villains without resorting to them talking to themselves.

Absolutely. The advantage literature has over visual mediums is the ability
to bestow knowledge without slowing things down like it would a movie.

Of course, you have pointed out that bragging and rubbing it in is half
the fun, but when did 'rubbing it in' ever include a whole speechified
essay about the villain's motivations and bad childhood trauma? ^_^;

True

house. The Hulk looked even more dangerous and horrifying in person,
especially when surrounded by so many dead bodies.

Oh. Tsk, tsk. More misunderstood monster drama.

Luckily it doesn't last.

"Stupid metal men think making Hulk sweat will stop him?!

LOL.

Nice to see it worked out

Lighter by far

than its predecessor and a mix of grey and black instead of jet black,
it looked too slender to be very powerful.

A female version of War Machine, even.

Only in color. Not in design. Arthur Hansen did a neat picture of it on my
florestica webpage.

voice. Most likely it was the Iron Rose. Major Glenn Talbot was not some
mindless automaton.

Yeah, he's not. He's actually an arrogant, self-serving idiot.

He actually wasn't that bad in the original series. Here things are so far 
along between Bruce and Betty he's more desperate to try and win her 
attention.

"At least I have a super power!" Daredevil snapped back.

Heh.

Well, he does.

Oh, well you look at that. It's over.

This is actually the size I wanted most of the chapters of this series, not 
100k plus, like a lot of them have been.

Awww. :P

Try writing them like that and you'll get a feel for how much work goes into 
those things. Blech. At least I like the end results. Makes it all 
worthwhile.

Thankfully, this is a

rather standalone chapter without all that much need of prior knowledge of
previous chapters (at least, the chapters that I've skipped).

True.

 Mildly

amusing chapter,

Not that much humor in this one. Possibly the least of them all

 and it's pretty good too. Again, this wasn't an extra

special masterpiece, but you have said that not all the fics/chapters you
write intended to be masterpieces.

They can't be. Quality goes up and down, like in many episodic things, and 
this series is very episodic.

 As such, as it is, it's quite good. The

drama, to be sure, was exquisitely executed, with both themes from Marvel
and the Mangaverse converging.

Thanks. I'm trying for a mix of the two.

As usual, there lots of unfamiliar characters to me from anime I haven't
watched, but they, at the very least, didn't make bore me to death because
of flat-as-a-cardboard characterization. Fun factor was there. The cameos
were also cool.

And some of them are groundwork for future parts rather than mere cameos. 
Though the whole Banner, Ross, Hulkbusters things was wrapped up here. But 
there are plenty of other subplots going.

I can't really do the cut-and-paste standard disclaimer at

the end because nothing 'disclaimer worthy' has come up to make me rant
until the C&C is larger than the chapter itself. :P Prose flowed
reasonably well, most of the grammar mistakes are nitpicks and
suggestions, and the content leaves me wanting more. In any case, I'll be
off to C&C the next chapter.

Cool. Looking forward to it. Thanks again for all the help.

DB Sommer



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