Loki-L wrote:

On 6/11/05, rgorman@telusplanet.net <rgorman@telusplanet.net> wrote:
 

Quoting Loki-L <loki.laufeyjarson.ffml@gmail.com>:
   

She was obviously trying to steal his thunder and be send to the
castle in
his place even if she did not actually believe in its existence
herself.
     

delete "herself"
   

I thought that I could use 'herself'  for emphasis here.
 

Then you should set it off with a comma.  It should also be "sent", not 
"send..."  You're also switching voice in the middle of the sentence, 
from active to passive.  You should spread them out a bit.  Maybe


She was obviously trying to steal his thunder and hopefully be sent to the castle in his place, even if she did not actually believe in its existence, herself.

Meanwhile at Kunou Manor the young scion of the house Kunou was
making a
shocking discovery.
     

Well not so much shocking as irritating.
   

Surely, he can't be that irritating.
 

Kunou doesn't do "irritating."  His world has no such drab words as 
"irritating."  His world has "vile sorcerers" and "momentous 
discoveries" in it, not such mundane things as "irritations" or 
"annoyances"  It should be "shocking."  When Kunou makes a discovery, 
it's shocking (pun intended)...   If Kunou finds out that toilets flush 
it would be a major discovery...


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