Quoting Loki-L <loki.laufeyjarson.ffml@gmail.com>:

her
cold tongue.

Tongues aren't cold.

But the razor persumably is. Akane was supposed to be mixing
actual
events with her fantasy here, but I guess this did not work nearly
as well
as I thought it would.

Don't worry about it.  I'm only one reader and may not be
representative in matters of taste.  

due to
lack of sleepwear she was currently sleeping in the nude. She
busied
herself instead with inspecting the exercise machine.

instead,

Are you sure about that. 

No.  As I said, sometimes I'm wrong.  This is one of those times.  

Originally Ranma was supposed to have come up with Holle to
counter
the perversion going on all around him, but as you already
mentioned I
will have to work on that before it makes sense.

Right now Ranma has veered off target and is using the charcter to
teach Akane what it is like to be accused of being a pervert.

I suggest writing the scene from Ranma's POV and have Akane say
something that will piss him off so he loses track of his original 
intentions.  

She wanted to save her kingdom and risk her life by trusting

on

her
abilities in the bedroom and the powers of a thousand

cliffhangers.

power

Actually I like the more mystical sounding plural here 

No worries, then.  




             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'