Quoting Loki-L <loki.laufeyjarson.ffml@gmail.com>:

you
fight." Akane brought up the vow she had made while she was a
prisoner of
the phoenix people.

As phrased is a trifle redundant.  Perhaps "She'd made the vow
while being held captive by the phoenix people".  And is

"phoenix

people" a proper name?

I wanted to combine a version of "Akane said" with an explanation
of why
she said it. 

So don't.  It's not necessary in tennis volley dialogue to have some
version of "Akane said" in every one of her returns.  If it is clear
from context who is speaking, that is sufficient.  

He had a secret lair that nobody was using at the moment and

all

the other
props he needed. A prince in an iron mask from some faraway

country

far-away

Are you sure about this? Dictionary.com recognizes faraway as one
word.

Whatever.  

I was thinking along the lines of explaining to someone like
Pantyhose
or Mousse that Ranma can't come and rescue Akane at the moment.
The problem with a stranger would be that they would not know
their
reasons and where to send the meassge that Ranma can't come out
play right now.

Fair enough.  

headquarters

It is one of those tricky plural only words and 'headquater'
slipped though the
spellchecker because it is the verb.

Spellcheckers are idiots.  I never use them because they can't be
trusted.  

After a brief struggle during which Akane tried to hit, kick,
scratch,
bite and finally knee her captor in the groin,

Fortunately the outfit comes with a codpiece, disguising another

of

Ranma's proportions.

Hah! Hadn't thought of that. Ranma could have used something like
that to
further intimidate Akane, but it might have backfired and given her
unrealistic
expectations.

Just a little joke.  

Probably not.  Ranma regards his female side as a license to

abandon

all dignity

Hm... I added this bit because I had complaints that Ranma was
taking to
easily to his totally ooc roles when I first posted it to the
addventure.

Well let's face it, there's no way to write Ranma so that he puts
Akane through an elaborate series of sexual bondage scenarios without
being OOC.  That was just a comment though, not an attempt at
correction.  

"Good," Ranma smiled even if Akane could not see it, "one

other

"Good." Ranma smiled even though Akane could not see it.  "One

other

It does sound better your way.

But I forgot to put in a comma after "smiled".  



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