I'm not certain if I should feel somewhat honoured or just 
terribly unfortunate that you've decided to review my fic. ^_^

However, I'm all growed-up, and I'm as glad to recieve
constructive criticism as I am praise. 

'Renege'? Wow. Now there's a thesaurus word you don't see everyday.

Its also sounds much better to me than the suggested alternative. Maybe 
studying commercial law adversely affected my capacity for informality 
in regular conversation? My friends describe me as aloof and verbose.
(Okay, so they actually said 'smarmy and wordy', but...)
Imagine what I'm called by those who dislike me? And, to be completely 
'cross my heart and hope to die' honest, 'renege' was not a "thesaurus 
word". However, the story _does_ have its share, something for which Aondehafka rightfully slated me for in FF.Net reviews.

Heh. Well this is certainly an Ukyo fanboy's dream-come-true that's not 
so contrived.

Heh. Pobodie's Nerfect, Abdiel. ^_^

Ukyo couldn't help but feel Ranchan's stare on her back, while she
prepared a seafood special okonomiyaki on the grill. As she poured 

the

mixture onto the griddle, she asked without turning, "What's the 

matter,

Ranchan? You've been actin' strange all week." She tended the food 

and

absently placed it in front of the customer, smiling sweetly, and 

turned

to Ranma, glancing as she did, at Pop competently preparing a deluxe
special. 

That sentence reads weird... mostly because you have too many thoughts 
in that one sentence. Suggest separating it into several sentences and 
making a 'one thought per sentence' limit to each.

Aye. It is an unsightly sentence.
 

There's no such word as 'bonelessly'. Besides, why would you describe 
Ukyo turning around as boneless anyway? She was just turning around 
suddenly in surprise, after all.

Really? I never... I guess that's just a colloquialism that slipped in. 
My bad.

Stuttering in stereo should involve actual stuttering. Suggest: "W-What 
the _hell_ is that!?"

*Nods.*

Had it a face, Fate�s would have sported a decidedly evil grin right
about then.

And now, that last line was just IMO cheesy.

But not necessarily worthy of a revision.

Yeah... soprano? Shouldn't Ukyo mistake it to be a very convincingly 
effeminate falsetto instead? Ranma-chan won't be mistaken for a soprano 
by any stretch of the imagination.

I'll take your words over my ignorance here. 

I dunno if it's an alternative spelling, but I thought it's supposed to 
be, "agonizingly".

Being Irish, I don't use Americanisms. 

reason, the Guide was heating up a kettle of water. Her gaze 

continued to

wander until it settled on the morose form of a soaked and 

dishevelled

disheveled

Americanism.

pair of glasses hung precariously from one of itears.

What the hell are 'itears'?

It happens to be a word made especially for to me to illustrate how 
desperately I require a proof reader. And, if you look at it during an
Equinox (at sunset, mind you), you'll see it was intedned to be 
"it's ears".

'viscera' as opposed to 'insides' or even 'guts'(I suppose, 'gut 
feeling')? The word reminds me more of the wrestler than anything else.

I miss Mable.

Hmmm. Something seems to be missing. I thought your fic, mildly amusing 
as it is in the first parts, has the potential for it, but as read 
further along my doubts begin to mount. What's the very thing that's 
missing from this fic? Ah, yes...

It's called 'conflict'.

About that. Bear with the fic.

Is your space bar getting stuck at random parts of a sentence? Suggest 
getting that keyboard to the nearest technician. If the problem stems 
instead from you, then I'm sure you have enough mental capacities to fix 
this rather piddly problem, ne?

Actually it spawns from the floppy on which I had originally saved this 
story going AWOL, thus forcing me to use the FF.net archive of the story
in order to post it to the FFML. What I didn't realise when I first posted 
was that FF.Net had raped any space it encountered. Examine the later 
chapters I've posted to the FFML, and you'll find that I 'sorted out' that
annoyance.

for a moment, before the

furry presence before him registered. His eyes widened in aversion, 

and

he recoiled on the cot.
�Its not temporary?� he asked pointlessly. What had he done to 

deserve

this?
Fate and Karma shared a mutual snicker.

Disbelief, in the meantime, gave them the finger while boredom snored

Yeah... when I wrote the early chapters of this about eighteen months ago,
I imagined that it would be just *hilarious* to utilise 'Fate' and 'Karma'
as instruments of foreshadowing. I hang my head in shame. 

How knowledgeable. Usually normal people have no idea that the panda 
isn't a bear but just a very, very large raccoon.

You can thank 'Whose Line Is It Anyway' and Colin Mockerey.

(sigh) Have you filled your quota for vocabulary words yet, fic?

'Jocosity'? o_0 What the hell was I thinking? I have no excuse.

*coughgrosslyOOCandthefourthwall'sbeenbreachedcough*

Ukyo: "Majellen', eh? Sounds about right.

Ranma: He was the one who discovered Okinawa, right?

Stay with me, pumpkin. It'll be alright.

Fanboys and Fangirls alike: (confused, not sure if it's fanboyservice 
or fangirlservice)

I miss Kenko. There was no question as to the nature of his fanservice.

added, "But don't think I ain't gonna call off this truce sometime," 

he

threatened. She laughed,

Awwwwwwwww...

Doesn't it just make you all warm inside? ^_^

(shrug) Personally, I think that, as far as Ranma is concerned, 'snafu' 
is a potato chip snack, so it won't be characteristic for him to use 
the word, IMO.

I think he'd believe it was some esoteric martial art. "Sna-Fu Final 
Attack! HAH!"

Hearing the word 'forthrightness' in normal, non-academic conversation 
is weird. Suggest simplifying it.

Using such an ungainly word was my (apparently unsuccessful) attempt at 
conveying some indecision on Ukyo's part on how to sugarcoat Ryoga's
"Frankness! Candor! Bluntness!"

MS Word thinks that 'areathe' isn't a word. Can you claim otherwise? 
What does it mean, exactly?

"Area the..." Disregarding typos, I should have placed 'that' between those 
two words.

"Alright," grumbled the redhead,

Suggest: "All right," instead of "Alright,"

That's just a cultural divide we'll have to work through, yankee. :)

wide-eyed astonishment (there's no such word as dumbfoundment, AFAIK) 

And of course, you're right. I feel like Lily Von Shtupp. -_-

Thanks for taking the time to post C&C. It is very much appreciated. 
Seeing as you judge the fic to have potential, I'd hope that you 
eventually read (and perhaps post C&C on) the later chapters I've 
posted to the FFML.

Ace A

 

		
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