This...was awesome. Extremely well written, very high
tension while staying true to character. Kudos, and
may you continue to have enough free time to write
things like this. 

A few minor things...

As Belldandy skid backward, she noticed the runes on 
the walls glowing 
brighter with a 
sickly light. Once again, the second she took her

gaze 

off her 
opponent, she found herself 
on the ground facing her foe's angered face.

I think "skid" should be "skidded."

Also, at the end of Belldandy's battle with Verthandi
(btw did that name come from the manga? Because it
fits perfectly) when V says that she's everything that
B hates about herself, its kind of a let down. I
wonder if it might be better to leave the scene
without explicitly revealin who V is. We can sort get
that she's B's shadow without the explanation anyway.

Finally, V's description when she talks to Keiichi and
co. is somewhat different from her discription when
she is fighting B. Although I'm pretty sure they are
the same person, a word or two describing the markings
on V's face while she attacks B, might keep me from
thinking there's three Belldandy's.

Really, this was a great chapter and an excellent
start to a fic. Thanks for posting it.

-W.B.R. (Zorknot)


http://www.geocities.com/zorukonotsu/fanfics.html
http://www.fanfiction.net/~zorknot


		
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