Disclaimer: All characters and settings used without permission. Same
goes for all the following chapters. Now that I've finished incriminating
myself...
Warning: The events of these first three chapters are so derivative, its scary.
Things get better as it progresses.
----
Prologue � Of Cowards & Oversized Spatulas
A pair of six year olds sat in companionable silence, or rather as close
to companionable silence two six year olds hungrily munching okonomiyaki
can get, while their oh-so venerable fathers discussed a business
transaction �or sans cynicism� a family matter of great import.
"So your Ukyo wants to marry my Ranma?" asked one of the men. He wore a
white bandanna and spectacles. Heavily built, he was possessed of a
stoicism developed through many years of keeping a straight face, when
questioned by disgruntled hotel owners and restaurant managers of his
capacity to cover the bill. The man sighed. "Sorry to tell you this, but
Ranma's already been promised." And to a fine fianc�e at that, if what
half of what his friend Soun said of his daughters was true. And of that
there was no question. Tendo, his training partner of two decades and he
trusted one another implicitly. Nothing would stand in the way of their
mutual vow to unite the two schools of Anything Goes Martial Arts. Not
while Genma Saotome drew breath.
"Ah, a pity," the equally burly man replied, "and here I was ready to
throw in my yatai as a dowry."
"But aren't promises made to be broken?"
o-o-o
Genma Saotome was by no means an unfairly harsh man. He only wanted what
was best for his boy. So, after presenting his son with a steaming pork
okonomiyaki (Ranma's favourite), he asked Ranma whether he preferred the
tasty dish on which he was happily chomping, or his little friend Ukyo.
"Uhh," began the boy with some indecision before taking another bite,
"okonomiyaki!" he cried, with certainty. Genma nodded. He would respect
his son's decision.
o-o-o
"Come on, boy!" muttered Genma anxiously.
"Where we goin'?" asked Ranma as his father's muscular arms placed him on
top of the yatai. Surreptitiously glancing about around, taking hold of
the cart's handles, Genma answered,
"You and I are going on another training trip, boy. Say goodbye to your
friend Ukyo." Nodding energetically, Ranma waved to his friend as he
reappeared from the bushes on the side of the road, and called,
"Goodbye, Ucchan! See ya later!" He smiled broadly as Ucchan began dashing
after them. "Hey, Pop," he yelled over his shoulder, "Ucchan is tryin' ta
play catch-up!" Genma mumbled unintelligibly through the okonomiyaki in
his mouth as he looked behind only to increase his pace at the sight of
the pursuing child. Ranma laughed and kept waving, encouraging Ucchan and
urging him to pick up his pace.
Genma relaxed a little as the child disappeared over the horizon. He
looked ahead again... Only to skid to an abrupt halt. Just in time to
avoid the ridiculously large spatula that imbedded itself noisily in the
tarmac before him. The burly martial artist gulped back the rest of his
okonomiyaki. It stuck in his throat as he beheld Ukyo's father in full
battle garb. As imposing a figure he made in an adult version of little
Ukyo's outfit, it wasn't he that made Genma balk. Rather, it was the half
dozen similarly dressed muscular men, who stoodat either side of the
okonomiyaki chef that concerned him. Sweat rolling down his brow, Genma
laughed nervously, "Kuonji! Say, what brings you here?" He eyed the
oversized cooking tool as the chef pulled it from it wedged position in
the ground.
"Trying to renege on our deal, Saotome?" Kuonji growled accusingly. "I'll
tell you now that this was one promise made to be kept."
Still laughing, and scratching the back of his head, Genma stuttered,
"W-why, of course, Kuonji! Whatever gave you that idea?" he asked as he
stole a glance at the red-faced, puffing form of Ukyo making her way
unsteadily to the yatai. He turned back to her father, whose grimace
promised a most unpleasant end if he didn't quickly explain himself.
"J-just speed and stamina training, Kuonji," he improvised. "Why, can't
have my daughter-in- law too unfit to carry on the family school, after
all, now can I?" Exhaling, Genma felt like patting himself on the back
at his own cleverness. The chef's eyes narrowed as his daughter began
climbing the cart to sit beside the younger Saotome.
Apparently convinced, he lowered his battle spatula. Genma mentally
congratulated himself, and pondered how far outside the city he'd have to
go to safely relieve himself of the burden of the girl. "After all," he
continued confidently, "I'm responsible for her training now, aren't I?"
Kuonji's grimace relaxed into a deep frown.
"Alright, Saotome. You've accepted the dowry, so I expect you to take
good care of my daughter." Genma nodded enthusiastically, and readied
the yatai cheerily saying,
"Right you are, Kuonji. Well, we'll be going," he was cut off as the chef
flicked his wrist and levelled his weapon at his jugular. Genma paled.
That combat spatula was sharp!
"However," Genma's eye twitched as Kuonji gestured towards his heavily built
companions with the spatula, which was still very close to his throat,
"the Kuonji's have family all over Japan. In fact, you'll rarely find a
town the entire Orient without one practitioner of Martial Arts Okonomiyaki.
Should you feel the need to 'speed train' my daughter again, I'm sure
you'll always find a member of my extended family will be nearby to help
supervise." Genma's eyes widened from a moment, but then his shoulders
drooped.
"Of course," he grumbled, "that's very helpful of you Kuonji." With a
resigned sigh, he began moving the cart at a more sedate pace, as Ukyo
waved backed to her family, and was soon joined in by Ranma.
o-o-o
"What's 'fianc�s'?" asked a puzzled Ranma. Giddily shaking her small legs
off the side of the yatai, Ukyo rubbed her index fingers together and
explained,
"Well, y'know that time I made my Dad's secret okonomiyaki sauce?" Ranma
sweatdropped. "And you said that if it was good you'd promise to take
care of me forever and ever?" Ranma acknowledged this with a high-pitched
chuckle that carried the signature 'Saotome-Guilty Conscience" nervousness.
"Well, 'fianc�s' means that you promise to take care of me forever even if
the sauce is bad!" She smiled. Ranma exhaled.
"Oh, well that's okay!" declared Ranma with relief. Ukyo yelped
with all the unrestrained glee of a six-year old.
"You, you mean it Ranchan? Really?"
Cockily, he replied,
"Sure, Ucchan! I'll take care of you. You're the swellest guy I know."
He paused for a moment, "and it don't matter how that sauce turns out!"
"But I'm sure it'll turn out great!" beamed back Ukyo.
"Eh-heh..." Ranma bigsweated.
o-o-o
"Where are you _going_?" hissed Ranma. Uyko frowned at Ranma. What was his
problem? They'd gone to the baths lots of time together, but now she felt
old enough to go over to the women's side alone instead of the men's side
with Pops and Ranchan. "You're going to the girls' side!" he muttered
through cupped hands.
"Well, of course, Ranchan. I am a girl after all."
"Nani!?"
o-o-o
"Pops, you got sum s'plainin' to do!" Genma glanced up at the indignant
eight-year old, from his relaxed position in the public bath. "What did
you do to Ucchan?" he demanded. "How d'ya make him think he was a girl?"
The master of the Saotome School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts stared at
his son dubiously.
"Sit down, Ranma my boy. I think you may be confused about some things."
o-o-o
Ukyo couldn't help but feel Ranchan's stare on her back, while she
prepared a seafood special okonomiyaki on the grill. As she poured the
mixture onto the griddle, she asked without turning, "What's the matter,
Ranchan? You've been actin' strange all week." She tended the food and
absently placed it in front of the customer, smiling sweetly, and turned
to Ranma, glancing as she did, at Pop competently preparing a deluxe
special. Neither he nor Ranma could match her exquisite touch, but
nobody would complain. Her own customer seen to and Pops taking care of
the other; she grabbed her fianc� by his ponytail and abruptly dragged
him - howling indignantly - from the yatai with her. Sitting him down
well away from their stall, she put her little hands on her hips and
waited patiently. For five seconds. "Well?" Ranma pointedly stared at
his feet.
"Is it true?" he mumbled, his high-pitched voice cracking. Exasperated,
Ukyo asked what he was talking about. "Is it, is it true? I mean, are
you really..."
"Yeah?" she prompted.
"Are you really...a girl?" She facefaulted... hard.
Twenty minutes later, Ranma was pale as a sheet, and Ukyo pale in the
face from trying to get the facts through his thick skull. Downcast,
Ranma asked, "So, how long?" Raising an eyebrow she asked puzzled,
"How long what?"
"How long've ya been a girl?"
"You... JACKASS!"
"Please, Ucchan, ya gotta tell me!" She answered by reaching for her
spatula. The big one.
Twenty more minutes and a thorough spatula pummeling later, the young
cookfelt confident that she had beaten the truth into Ranchan. He sat
crouched, rubbing at the growing lump on his cranium, and looked up into
Ukyo's turquoise-blue eyes with something akin to regret. "I'm really
sorry for ya, Ucchan." Her cheek twitched. Very calmly (for an eight-year
old), she bid,
"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"
"Well, yer a girl, ain't'cha? Ain't nothin' worse that could happen to
a guy right?"
If Ranma Saotome had known better, he wouldn't have tempted Fate. But
how was he to know that not only did Fate have an impeccable memory, but
a rather sick sense of humour, too?
o-o-o
They hefted their packs, Ukyo having to shift the extra weight of her
double battle spatulas. Smiling triumphantly as they crested the ridge,
Genma turned to his two students of the Art and proudly declared "Well,
boys. We've finally arrived. Welcome to Jusenkyo!"
"Huzzah." They simultaneously deadpanned. Genma frowned.
"Ingrates."
----
Chapter 1 � Junctures At Jusenkyo
�All this build-up,� grumbled the heir to the Saotome School of Musabetsu
Kakutou Ryuu, �and it ain�t nothin� but a bunch�a dumb pools and bamboo
poles.� Shaking his head sadly, Genma complained
�Don�t you know anything, boy? This is the legendary training ground!
Some of the greatest ever practitioners of the Art have trained here.�
Ranma �phfft� at that. Rolling her eyes, Ukyo added,
�I�m with Ranchan on this, Pops. I don�t see _anything_ here to justify
spelunking halfway across China with almost no food and only an illegible
brochure for company.� Genma stiffened and began lamenting,
�Ah, I have two ungrateful children under my wing!� His tone changed as
he grumbled, �Will you two never drop that? Just because we took a
little detour through a cave.�
�For seven miles?� Yelled Ranma.
�Underground!� added Ukyo. She sniffed in disgust as Genma howled and
expressed his grief audibly to himself, and to anybody within a kilometre
radius. �Wonder what�s so special about this place anyway?� she asked no
one in particular as they made their way down the hillside, nearing the
springs. She spied a figure exiting a lone hut on another hill and
making its way toward them. �Say, Ranchan, do you think he might know?�
she asked her fianc�, indicating the man rushing down the hillside.
Ranma shrugged noncommittally.
The man was approaching fast and was waving his arms, frantically
gesturing at them. Neither of the men seemed or cared to notice the near-
frenzied figure.Genma deftly leapt onto one of the high poles, gripping
with his bare feet. He was followed by grinningRanma. After a brief
verbal spar they went at it for real, lashing out at each other in
midair. Ukyo turned her attention to the portly man who was nearly upon
her, mumbling something in Chinese. �Sorry, what did you say?� she asked.
The man reached her and began ominously, in thickly accented Japanese,
�Oh miss, you must make sirs come down from there. This cursed springs of
Jusenkyo! Very tragic tales here miss, yes. Very bad you fall in spring!�
The Guide�s last word was punctuated with a orotund splash. Bonelessly,
Ukyo turned around in time to see a giant panda swiftly break the water�s
rippling surface, and nimbly land on a bamboo pole.
Mouths agape, Ranma and Ukyo stuttered in stereo, �What the _hell_ is that!?�
Always ready to enlighten, the Guide proffered up a sign and began
recounting a tragic series of events that led to the creation of
Shanmoaniichuan. �Listen, buddy,� growled Ranma, �we never heard nothin�
about no cursed sp-� he was abruptly backhanded by the seemingly unfazed
panda, and landed with a stentorian scream in a nearby spring.
Had it a face, Fate�s would have sported a decidedly evil grin right
about then.
�Ranchan!� screamed Ukyo dashing to the spring�s edge, dimly aware of
the Guide prattling on about another �too too tragic story�. There was no
movement. She gasped in mortal relief as Ranma broke the surface,
screaming obscenities inhis soprano voice. Soprano? Ukyo blinked and her
eyes looked to Ranma�s chest, and the nearly open gi top, as Ranma
angrily left the pool. �Ranchan?� She asked shakily.
�Yeah, Ucchan?� Ranma�s hand flew to the ruby red lips the martial
artist now sported as the tone of the voice registered home. Seeing Ukyo
motioning, Ranma�s hands moved agonisingly slowly to the soaked gi vest,
and parted it at the centre. She screamed, and Ukyo continued to blink
dumbly at her fianc�, now seemingly, her fianc�e.
o-o-o
First and foremost, before anything else, Ranma Saotome was a martial
artist. And one of the most important tenets of the art was the
unwavering discipline that allowed Ranma to remove herself form her state
of shock, and into a dull detachment (rather similar to shock, actually)
long enough for the Guide�s explanation to hit home. With morbid curiosity,
she continued to stare down at her new assets. A girl. How? Why? How?
~Three excellent questions~, thought Fate. ~Let�s just say that Karma is
of friend of mine.~
Mechanically, Ranma looked up to Ukyo. UP to Ukyo? That was different.
Ukyo�s mouth opened but no words escaped. 'Discipline. Self control.'
Ranma turned her head looking over heroldest friend�s shoulder. For some
reason, the Guide was heating up a kettle of water. Her gaze continued to
wander until it settled on the morose form of a soaked and dishevelled
giant panda.A pair of glasses hung precariously from one of itears. 'Pop.
Pop, who had dragged them to this damn ground in the first place. Discipline.
Self control. Pop, whose fault it was that Ranma Saotome was now a
little... busty... girl!...' Her eyes narrowed.
�Excuse me, miss customer,� said the Guide looking up from his heating
kettle and gaining Ukyo�s attention, �You just hear something snap, no?�
�Huh?� answered the chef, coming back to herself. She looked up to see
the small form of her fianc�e moving very deliberately toward the fidgeting
panda. Catching a glimpse of Ranma�s expression, Ukyo noticed that her
eyes were burning as red as her newly acquired hair. �This isn�t going to
be pretty.�
o-o-o
�OYAJI!� murderously shrieked the redhead. She leapt for the panda, who
growfed cowardly, and hopped up onto a pole, and was quickly bounding
his way across the springs. �I�m gonna kill you!� screamed Ranma as she
took off after him.
�Damnit,� muttered the chef leaping after their rapidly shrinking figures.
o-o-o
As bulky a man as Genma Saotome was, he did not lack for agility or
dexterity. Quite the contrary. Which was why he was thankful that he was
quickly able to adapt his abilities to his rather altered dynamics. This
was a good thing. As much as he disliked this new black and white hide of
his, he still longed to keep it attached to his person (panda?). And that
look in Ranma�s eyes as he approached him: that had made him shiver to
the bone. �If the boy had had a katana, there would have been no telling
them apart�, thought Genma with a shudder.
�Come back here, you stupid old man!� shrieked his no longer especially
manly son. 'The voice's the same, too', quivered the Saotome patriarch,
picking up the pace.
�Stop runnin� and I promise I�ll make it quick!�
Somehow, Genma doubted that.
o-o-o
The travel-worn wanderer shifted his backpack tiredly, patting some dust
from his navy shirt, as he surveyed the springs before him. �Is this...
Jusenkyo?� he wondered aloud.
o-o-o
Those jerks, thought Ukyo. 'What was Ranchan thinking?' She pondered as
she leapt the twenty feet to the next pole, keeping the raging redhead
in sight. Running off like that...She supposed she couldn't blame him for
being mad. And Pops; it was all his fault for bringing them here. As much
as the idea of selling a panda hide on the black market for some much-
needed cash appealed to her right then, she realised that she had to stop
Ranma before he did something rash.
She observed the panda springing from the poles to a nearby outcropping
of rock. Ukyo shifted direction in mid-air to compensate for the change
in direction. As she neared, she spied a backpack-sporting figure,
staring off into the distance. From the way Pops was moving and Ranchan�s
bloodthirsty cries, they hadn�t noticed him. As she approached the outcropping,
her mouth opened wide. What was _he_ doing here?!
o-o-o
Scowling at the unspectacular sight before him, Ryoga Hibiki mumbled to
himself, �This can�t be Jusenkyo. That�s supposed to a really special
martial arts training ground. This is just a,� his martial arts viscera
kicked in as instinctively leapt away, the spot where he had been standing
now occupied by a semi-airborne giant panda. �A panda?� he mumbled cleverly.
He gawked in amazement as it sprung away onto the bamboo poles dotted
amongst the pools.
�Yaaaaah!� followed an increasingly loud cry. Ryoga curiously turned
around and took a foot to the temple, as his head was used as a stepping-
stone by some crazy, frenzied redhead. �Get back here!� she yelled as she
pursued the escaping bamboo-muncher.
Twisting in midair, Ryoga righted himself so that he landed on the cliff�s
edge. His exhaled in short-lived relief, as the rock gave way beneath
him, sending him plummeting towards the springs below. ...Only, he wasn�t
plummeting. Abruptly, with a violent jerk, he found himself yanked up
onto solid ground. Coughing dust, he looked up with gratitude. His eyes
widened at the sight of his rescuer�s face.
�Ukyo-san!� he cried happily, rushing to embrace his saviour. He was met
with a face full of spatula.
�No time for that, Sugar,� chided Ukyo candidly. �We have to catch
Ranchan before he kills Pops. Not that he doesn�t deserve it,� she added
wryly. Ryoga�s delirium turned instantly to rage.
�Ranma! Where is he?� growled the bandana wearing boy.
�This way, Sugar!� directed Ukyo, as she leapt onto a bamboo pole,
advising him to becarefulnot to lose hisfooting. Ryoga followed, being
sure to keep Ukyo in sight.
Funny, he thought absently.That was the same direction the redhead and
panda had run off in.
�Ryochan�, questioned Ukyo, as they ran on a grassy area near the springs,
�WHAT are you doing here?�
�I came to save you, of course!� he replied righteously. �When you didn�t
show up for our date, I just knew Ranma had done something horrible to
you. I, ah �questioned�, one of the guys at school, and he said you and
Ranma had gone to China. I never thought he�d sink so low as to abduct
you!� Exasperated and sweaty, Ukyo shouted back,
�I waited three days for you to show up, jackass!�
Ryoga chortled shakily,
�Yeah, I heard something like that from one of the guys when I arrived
on the...um, fourth day. If only I had arrived sooner,� he moaned, his
tone turning serious, �I could have stopped that damn Ranma from kidnapping
you!� He stumbled as Ukyo, without breaking stride, slammed one of her
twin spatulas into his face,
�I wasn�t kidnapped, you dolt! Who told you that?� Scratching the back of
his head, he murmured,
�Well, I just assumed...�
�What am I gonna do with you?� Ukyo sighed peevishly, fighting off a grin.
It fled from her face as she heard the piteous whining growf of a despairing
panda nearby. �Just over this ridge,� she instructed Ryoga as they both
leapt.
This was a very strange sight indeed, thought Ryoga. It was perhaps one
of the strangest sights he�d seen since he stumbled into Chengdu, and
realized he was in China, a few months ago. It probably wasn�t THE
strangest sight (that was still held by the guy in the speedo who ran out
of that strip club in Shanghai, and promptly transformed into a twenty
five-feet tall blushing winged minotaur and flew away into the sunset),
but regardless, this remained a positively peculiar sight. A short, and
quite pretty girl (who he quickly realised was thecrazy chickwho had
clocked himearlier) had a very large panda backed up against a sheer
cliffside, and was advancing. The large cornered animal resorted to...
taking up a battle stance?
A kenpo-trained panda? Shanghai had a challenger.
Ryoga got a better look at the girl as she sprang at the panda. No, she
wasn�t pretty. She was stunning. Her azure eyes burned with passion, and
her scarlet ponytail danced in the air as she flew with all the grace of
a swan, her lithe body shifting in midair, as she fluidly dodged the
panda�s counterstroke. As she swiftly avoided another blow, he could see
that her gi jacket was almost open, revealing a pair of exquisite...
Ryoga twitched as he felt the onset of a very large nosebleed; potentially
dangerous if the gi top opened fully as it was threatening to do.
He shook his head clear. What was he thinking? He was being unfaithful
to Ukyo-san! Ukyo, who was so nice to him in school; who didn�t tease
him over his lousy sense of direction. He didn�t deserve her! Ukyo, who
always stood up for him against other students (not that it was necessary),
and even against Ranma. Ukyo, who hadn�t turned him down when he had
finally summoned up the courage to ask her out on a date; who not fifteen
minutes ago had saved him from a dangerous fall. Ukyo, who right now was
raising her spatula behind the redhead...
o-o-o
Genma wasn�t fairing very well. His son was in a berserker rage, and
while usually this would give Genma the advantage, he simply wasn�t
accustomed enough to this new body to block and dodge all of Ranma�s
fury induced strikes indefinitely. Panting, he growfed in pain as his
son landed a kick in his soft panda belly. Doubling over, he was briefly
aware of someone approaching Ranma from behind...
o-o-o
�Gotcha, old man!� cheered Ranma triumphantly, as the panda doubled over.
�Now the coup de gr�s!� she announced as she swept her leg high for a
vicious axe-kick. Dimly, she realised that she hadn�t connected, as a
thud reverberated through her eardrums. 'No fair', she thought, as she
met the grass.
o-o-o
Ranma woke to the sight of a disapproving scowl from her father.
Her... _father_! Not the panda! Relief washed over her, no, him. He�d
never been happier to see his Pop�s face (not that he�d ever actually
been too happy to see his Pop�s face, but that was beside the point). He
was a man, and not some cursed little kid. He smirked as he reached for
his chest to find... 'Oh no.'
Ukyo rolled her eyes when Ranma sat up grabbing her breasts and began to
scream. �We�ve already been through this, Ranchan,� she grumbled wearily.
Genma glowered,
�Stop this whining and be a man, boy!�
�That�s easy for you to say, oyaji!� bawled Ranma, looking up angrily.
�You�re not the one stuck as a girl!�
�But you�re not stuck,� explained Ukyo, trying to gain her attention.
�How�d _you_ get rid of your curse, anyway?� demanded Ranma, ignoring Ukyo.
�He didn�t, jackass,� said Ukyo sharply, finally gaining Ranma�s attention.
With a thumb she pointed over shoulder, and continued, �The Guide explained
that this 'Jusenkyo curse' is reversible.� With new hope illuminating her
face, Ranma turned to the Guide,
�Really?� she whispered, pleadingly.
�Is true, sir,� replied the Chinese man. �Young sir only need pour hot
water on self to return to old form.� He presented a steaming kettle to
Ranma. Grinning broadly, she said,
�What�re waitin� for? Pour away. I wanna be rid of this dumb body as
soon as I can!� Nodding, the guide poured the hot water over the little
redhead, whose form promptly grew and shifted into the familiar guise of
Ranma Saotome. Staring with wonder at his again large hands,the pigtailed boy
balled a fist, punching the air with an exultant victory cry.
�You very strange one, sir,� commented the Guide with raised eyebrows.
�Most customer not happy with this news.� The martial artist looked
confused. Why would anybody be unhappy to lift their curse?
�Ah, Ranchan?� began Ukyo, biting her lip, �What he means is that hot
water changes you back to normal, but cold water...� Ranma didn�t like
where this was going.
�Yeah?� he prompted reluctantly. In answer, someone dumped a bucket of
cold water on Pops. Ranma blinked when he realised that it was Ryoga!
What in the hell was he doing here, hewondered for a moment, before the
furry presence before him registered. His eyes widened in aversion, and
he recoiled on the cot.
�Its not temporary?� he asked pointlessly. What had he done to deserve
this?
Fate and Karma shared a mutual snicker.
�Cold water? It...� In answer, the panda shook his wet fur, thoroughly
drenching Ranma. He looked down at his soaked gi with a sickening
foreboding, and realised that it was once againher gi.
No! There had to be a way out of this! �You!� she demanded pointing at
the Guide. �There�s gotta be a way to cure this, right? I, mean, for good?�
The uniformed man puffed on a pipe and nodded. Her heart leapt.�What is
it? Where is it?� she asked joyfully. The Guide used his pipe to
indicate a large map on the wall. It was of Jusenkyo.
�Sirs,� he said, pointing to a crudely drawn hut on the map. �We is here.�
He then pointed at a large spring not too far from the hut, �and here is
Naniichuan. Very tragic story of young man who drown there fifteen hundred
year ago. Oh, very terrible legend, sir. Is very cursed...� he trailed
off as he realised that his audience was now minus two cursed martial
artists. His eyes opened in horror. �No sirs! Very, VERY bad you fall in
spring!� he exclaimed. Ryoga, who had been staring at Ukyo staring at the
Saotomes� dust trail, picked up on the Guide�s distress.
�What do mean?�
�Jusenkyo magic very volatile, sir!� he said frantically. �It no stable
for many months sir. If sirs jump into spring so soon, curse mix, and
become permanent! Ooh, terrible sir!�
�What?� Ukyo gasped. �Oh god, Ranchan!� she took off after them, Ryoga
in tow.
o-o-o
Heh heh, thought Ranma, near skipping as she saw the large pool before
them that the Guide had identified as the Spring of Drowned Man. One
quick dip here, and her horrible experience at Jusenkyo would soon
become a distant memory.
Fate smirked.
Leaping for the spring with abandon, Ranma�s gleeful cry was cut off as
she was intercepted at the water�s edge by a wooden sign, being wielded
by her father. �What d�ya do that for, old man?� she demanded groggily.
She looked at the sign Pops had somehow gotten hold of,
[Show some respect for your elders, boy! [The sign flipped. [Let your
_father_ go first.] The panda made a dive for the spring, but was caught
in midair by a foot and swung away by his own momentum. He landed heavily,
fifteen feet away. Patting her hands together, Ranma smirked cockily at
the unconscious panda and turned to the spring.
Ukyo�s heart caught in her chest as Ranmareached the pool. She gulped
noisily when Pops stopped him right at the edge. �Jeez, Pops, this is
one time I�m thankful you can be such a greedy jerk,� she mumbled to
herself. She gasped as he jumped for the spring, only to be swung away by
her irate fianc�e. Ukyo didn�t know which would be worse: some sort of
weird hermaphrodite, or a Panda-Man. She was almost there when Ranma
took a step into the spring. �No!� she cried, her long, braided hair
sweeping behind her. She leapt and dragged the light redhead away with
her, before her foot could touch the water's meniscus.
�What the!�demanded Ranma in disconcertment from beneath Ukyo, �What�s
the deal Ucchan? What are you doin�?�
�Ranchan, you can�t go into the spring,� puffed the chef, trying to keep
Ranma pinned long enough to explain. She wasn�t successful. Ranma was
stronger than Ukyo, and apparently being a girl didn�t change this. Ukyo
struggled to maintain a grip on her fianc�e.
�What�cha talkin� �bout? Of course I�m goin� in! How else do you think I'm
gonna get rid of this dumb body?� she said, indicating herself with her
free hand.
Ryoga arrived in time to see Ukyo and the beatific redhead grappling on
the ground. His eyes glazed over momentarily at the sight. Slapping his
own face, he berated himself. 'Thatgirl is Ranma, you idiot! And you
love Ukyo-san! Yeah, but just think of the two of the toget-. Stop that!'
Ryoga roared inwardly. Wiping away a line of drool, he noted that the
stunning, ravishing � that Ranma was holding Ukyo in a wristlock. Why,
that vile, nubile Ranma! �I�ll save you, Ukyo-san!� he promised, dashing
towards the girls.
o-o-o
�Tell me you're not serious, Ucchan?� woefully moaned the redhead after
Ukyo reiterated the Guide's explanation. �How long did he say I�d have
to stay as...? This stupid body!� spat Ranma mournfully.
Worried that her friend was about to have a psychotic episode, the dark-
haired girl reached for something... reassuring that she could use to
calm the cursed girl...'Er... Puppies?'
'Perhaps something _pertinant_, moron,' she lambasted herself.
�I can see why you�re upset, Ranchan, but why are you so mad about this?�
queried Ukyo, hopefully. �Look at this in perspective. So you turn into a
girl. Pops turns into an uberracoon!�
Groaning, Ranma repeated,
��So you turn into a girl�. Well, I SHOULDN'T be a girl! Hell, Ucchan,
you see how you react when you get a gender-bending curse!� she replied
hotly.
�Well, I don�t think I�d react as badly as you have,� she replied honestly.
Not even buying it herself she added, �Seriously, I don�t see why you�re upset.�
o-o-o
Fate downright belly-laughed as Ukyo turned to see Ryoga madly rushing
towards them. Time slowed down, Ukyo heard Ryoga�s battle cry,
�I�ll save you Ukyo-san!� She felt Ranma pull away from her grip as
Ryoga attempted to tackle the redhead, who adroitly jumped out of the way,
to a safe distance as Ryoga ploughed past, leaving Ukyo balancing on her
heels, at the pool�s edge, arms flailing wildly.
Ranma stared in helpless fascination, as the girl waved her arms about,
attempting to regain her balance. She was about to make a dash for the
chef, when she noticed Ukyo almost imperceptibly regain her equilibrium,
and settle at the water�s edge. She gave Ranma a smile as they both
sighed in relief. Ukyo began,
�Ha! For a moment there,� when the earth unceremoniously gave way
beneath her and she toppled backwards with a resounding splash.
Fate and Karma high-fived. Metaphorically, that is.
---
Chapter 2 � Anything You Can Do...
'Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap. She's going to _kill_ me!' chanted Ranma,
forcing herself to slowly inch closer to the pool. Her self-
preservation instincts kicked in. She leapt backwards, missing an
explosion of spray, as Ukyo erupted from the turbulent spring water, with
a thunderous falsetto roar of fury. In truth, it was more of a falsetto
shrill of fury. Nonetheless, Ranma cringed in dread on
the grass as the okonomiyaki chef's soaked form stepped out of the
spring. Ukyo locked eyes with the blubbering redhead. "Now, Ucchan,"
pleaded Ranma giddily, as said headman took a step toward her and ominously
unsheathed a battle spatula, "let's not do anything hasty... Ucchan?
Ucchan!" Ranma's eyes suddenly lit up. "Ucchan, you're okay!" she exclaimed
brightly.
"Huh?" faltered Ukyo, halting in the calculated death march towards
Ranma's execution. "I'm...okay?" the chef questioned in a familiar high
voice. A hand reached tentatively upwards andran acrossthe smooth,
epicene cheek it found. The chef giggled. "Oh, Ranchan, you idiot," she
gushed, relief effusing from every word, "you went to the wrong pool."
She and Ranma shared a smile, as she used her free hand to pat at her
dripping okonomiyaki garb. Her eyes widened as she brushed her chest.
"Ucchan?" questioned Ranma, as she tread closer to her suddenly frozen
friend. Ukyo's eyes were as wide as saucers, and she was holding her
breath. 'What was the matter' thought the redhead as examined her friend's
stock still face. 'Its not as though she, hey since when has Ukyo green
eyes? Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap. She's going to...'
"I'm going to KILL you!" 'Heh, I thought you didn't see what the problem
was', thought Ranma sardonically, before she turned and bolted.
Ryoga's tackling her, successfully this time, ensured that she didn't
get very far. "Not so fast, Ranma!" growled the Lost Boy, as he pinned
her down. He raised a fist as she struggled beneath him... and stopped,
transfixed. His eyes were still as he drank in the pulchritudinous
visage before him. "K-kawaii," he breathed, moving his face closer to
hers, the better to burn this beauty into his memory. He was rewarded
with a mighty uppercut beneath the chin that sent him crashing into a
nearby sprawled panda. Ryoga barely noticed.
"Damn you, Ryoga!" grumbled Ranma, as she sent him flying. His
intervention had delayed her escape long enough for a very large cooking
tool to nearly decapitate her. "Eep!" she yelled, as she rolled away
from another swipe. "Calm down, Ucchan!" she squeaked out as the chef
readied her, er, his, second spatula. Ranma gulped. She was in serious
trouble if Ukyo switched to her twin spatula style. "I thought you said
it wasn't a big deal!" she tried to reason, as she back flipped out of
spatula-range. Seething, Ukyo snarled,
"Well, I guess I was wrong, wasn't I!" accentuating each syllable with a
swipe.
'She'll take my head off if I try to take her down now', calculated
Ranma, and she knows the Saotome Super-Secret Technique, so no help
there. Desperate, Ranma fell back ona Saotome techiniqueshe realised was
perfect for this situation.Fightng dirty.It was 'Anything-Goes' after
all.
"I thought you said you'd be able to handle this better than me", she
reminded the chef, knowing exactly which buttons to push, "Guess you're
not up to it, huh?" That brought Ukyo up short. With a high-pitched
growl, he sheathed one of the spatulas, and stood in place, taking deep,
measured breaths.
"Damn you, Ranchan!" he cursed effeminately.
Finally, the Guide joined them.
"Oh, much relief miss!" he declared to Ukyo, when he saw the chef,
spatula in hand, standing between the redhead and the spring. Nodding at
the unconscious panda, he continued, "You save sirs from terrible tragedy,
miss". He eyed her tense form, curiously, wondering why she was so wet.
"Something matter, miss?" he asked when he noticed her eyeballing him.
"Well?" Ukyo clamoured. The Guide raised his eyebrows. "Aren't you going
to start prattling on about another 'too too tragic story'?" demanded the
chef, looking down at himself. Scratching his head, the portly man asked,
"Why would I do that?" in his thick accent. "And why honoured customer
so wet?"Ukyo boggled but turned angrily when he heardsqueaky guffawing.
Glaring daggers at his fianc�e, he asked what was so goddamn funny.
Ranma wheezed,
"Ha Ha! Your guy-side's a sissy! Hah Hah!
"Don't push me, jackass!" he warned with a girlish grumble.
o-o-o
Back in the Guide's hut, and back in their original genders/species,
the cursed martial artists quizzed the uniformed man. "So how long do we
gotta wait before we can use the other spring to cure ourselves?" asked
the freshly male Ranma. Puffing thoughtfully, the Guide turned his full
attention to the boy,
"It no for certain, sir," he answered succinctly. He took another puff,
"Sirs must wait until at least half half year before using cursed spring,
but even then could be terrible tragedy," he opined. "Best if sirs wait
full half year."
"Six months?" Ranma moaned piteously. "I don't wanna wait here that long."
Smacking the back of his son's head, Genma sneered,
"What did I tell you about whining? Quit acting like a girl, boy, and
see this experience for what it is: training."
'Girl-boy?' repeated Ranma in his head. 'Is that what I am now?' Ranma's
eyes narrowed as he fixed his gaze on his father with a glower,
"And I suppose bein' stuck here for the next six months is goin' to be
great trainin'?"
"That it would, my boy," answered Genma, rubbing his chin, "but we won't
be staying here long. We're heading back to Japan."
"What?" blurted Ranma. "You mean we're gonna haveta drag ourselves all
the way back here in six months?" Disgusted with his son's attitude,
Genma said,
"Make the most out of the experience, boy. Anyway, like I said, we're
going back to Japan. We have engagements to keep!" More specifically,
one engagement, and now considering Ukyo's 'semi-unique' predicament,
perhaps two, reflected Genma in jocosity. "Hurry it up, boys," he said
to his two charges, "we'll be leaving after dinner." He announced.
The Guide's eyes widened at that.
o-o-o
Ukyo smiled at the little girl, presumably the Guide's daughter, as she
helped dab a moist cloth over Ryoga's brow. She returned to her father's side
when Ryoga moaned from the cot. "Jeez," complained Ranma as he knelt
beside the chef, "I didn't hit him that hard. And I don't figure
Christopher Columbus here for suddenly havin' a glass jaw," he added,
glancing at his slightly bruised knuckles.
"I don't understand either," admitted Ukyo. "He's a lot tougher than
this," Suddenly, Ryoga's form thrashed on the cot, and he began mumbling
incoherently.
"Oh Ran... No, I mustn't! Must be faithful!"
"What's he sayin'?" asked Ranma. Ukyo hushed him.
"No, I can't! You're so... Must be faithful... Ran...Well, if I must..."
Ryoga quickly calmed on the mattress, a blissful smile slowly spreading
across his face.
"What was that all about?" asked Ranma. Ukyo shook her head in
puzzlement, failing to notice the thin trail of blood trickling form
Ryoga's nostril.
o-o-o
They left Jusenkyo behind without much unhappiness, despite the
knowledge that in less than a year, they'd eventually have to return for
a cure. Well, not Ryoga. He'd been the only one of them save the Guide
to come out unscathed. Ukyo sighed. If it hadn't been for Ranma being so
damn impulsive, she would have too. No! She wouldn't dwell on it. Ranma
hadn't mentioned it since they'd left the cursed valley.
He may have initiated this little contest, but she didn't plan to lose.
It was strange. Ranma had reacted so badly to the curse earlier, but
now didn't seem at all flustered. Ukyo couldn't honestly claim that she
didn't mind her curse, but wasn't about to advertise that when Ranma was
taking everything so coolly. As the Guide explained to Ryoga and Genma
that they were heading toward the village of Joketsuzoku, it began to rain.
"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" cursed a disgruntled redhead from beside
Ukyo. The now male chef smiled crookedly. Denial was not just a river in
Egypt. He turned to his petite fianc�e, and drawled,
"You know that's now not very ladylike, Ranchan?" Ranma fumed.
"Well at least I'm _supposed_ to look like a girl this way. You look even
more like a girl as a guy!" she smirked.
'Why, that rotten _jackass_! No, keep calm.'
"Ha, I think you're just saying that, Ranchan. Does this look girlish to
you?" he said deepening his voice as much as he could, and opening his
loose vest top to reveal hairless, but very male pectoral muscles. Ranma
reacting liked she'd been splashed with a bucket of ice water.
Gotcha! smirkedthe chefas he grinned toothily.
'What? I mean? She? No way!' Thought Ranma aghast, as Ukyo, who had
apparently gone without a t-shirt, bared his chest at her. Ranma stared
woodenly at the sight. It seemed so odd. Surreal, even. Save her eye
colour, Ukyoform appeared untouched whenthe curse took effect. (Her
voice remained almost unchanged.) But, here before was quite stark
evidence to the contrary. Ukyo's pecs, while not bulky, were compactly
muscled.. Noting the angular shape, Ranma surmised that Ucchan's guy-
form was a LOT stronger than it looked, and from the way the muscle
rippled beneath the surface of those abs... What the? Ranma
banished away that thought with alarming force.
'So it's a fight you want, huh? If that's how you want to play it', she
thought evilly.
Ukyo shook with barely suppressed laughter at the expression that played
across Ranma's face. First surprise, which graduated into astonishment;
then embarrassment, and then, what the? Was Ranchan blushing? Ha Ha!
Ukyo: One, Ranma: Zero, he scored.
Prematurely, as it happened.
Ranma stretched her slim arms, palms outward before her, and clasped her
fingers together.She aimed her arms at the sky, in what would be
considered the most scandalous possible yawn this side of a bordello.
Her bosom projected before her, Ranma stared at Ukyo from beneath half-
lidded eyes, and drawled coquettishly,
"Oh, I _dunno_, Ucchan. Does THIS look girlish to you?" Ukyo froze like a
deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi. Blinking sensuously,
Ranma gradually ran her hands down her sides, "Well, does it Uuu-chan?"
she asked, licking her incisiors.She swept closer to the now
hyperventilating chef. Ranma was almost in his face when she was suddenly
swatted away and sent skyward by a large wooden sign. Their little
exhibition hadn't been without an audience.
[Knock it off, boy!] read the sign Genma held up to Ranma, who was
grumbling at the panda. He turned to Ukyo, and the sign flipped. [Keep
it up, boy!] He pranced away.
The Guide seemingly took all of this in his stride.
Ryoga continued to leak blood and drool in blissful unconsciousness on
the ground.
"Stupid panda," muttered Ranma irritably as she approached the
unresponsive chef. "Earth to Ucchan," she called, bringing the Anything-
Goes Okonomiyaki practitioner back to reality. Ukyo blinked at Ranma,
who was grinning cockily at her. "Guess I win that one," she sniggered.
"How's about I let you decide the terms of the next round to see if you
can draw level?" she added loftily, sniggering once more at Ukyo's
embarrassment. Ranma hefted her pack, and motioned behind Ukyo with a
nod to the ground. "Now, who gets to carry Majellen, here?"
o-o-o
They set up camp half a day's travel from Joketsuzoku. The Guide sat on
a large rock, blathering away about the (generally tragic) history of the
area to Genma, who acknowledged with an occasional nod, as he sat about
preparing an okonomiyaki on the small portable grill. If there was one
thing to be thankful to old Kuonji for, he thought.
Ryoga leaned ponderously on one elbow, still a little shaky on his feet
from the display that took place earlier. He noticed the love of his
life approaching Ukyo � er, rather he noticed the love of his life being
approached by Ranma. Yeah, that was it...
"Wanna spar, Ranchan?" Spying her father readying a kettle, Ranma turned
back to Ukyo and nodded.
"Sure, Ucchan. Anything particular in mind?" she asked expectantly.
"Actually, yeah," he replied in his falsetto voice. "I was thinking that
spatula-braid combination duel we practiced last week." Ranma considered
this a moment and then nodded.
"Okay, just gimme a sec to get my hair ready," she asked as she readied
the weights she would tie into her hair. "You know I don't like to wear
a braid if I don't have to. And don't hold back just 'cause my hair ain't
as long as yours," added Ranma tying her braid.
"Ready?" At the redhead's affirmation, Ukyo hefted his second battle
spatula and flung it spinning at Ranma, who deftly plucked from the air.
Both assumed a similiarbattle stance. They stood, legs apart, knees
slightly bent with the spatula held low to the left, its head pointing
diagonally down and backwards, their right hands gripping the handles as
though they were katanas. Despite their bizarre shape, they were used in
a somewhat similar fashion. Had they held actual katanas, their free
hands would have held the scabbard; instead, it was held loose from the
body, elbow and wrist bent in a somewhat serpentine fashion.
Unlike his traditional family weapon, the enormous Great-Spatula (which
Ukyo had used exclusively until she was eleven), Ukyo favoured two
smaller twin battle-spatulas, each about four feet long with a flat
head about a foot across. He supposed he had Pops to thank for that. It
took more precision and skill rather than plain brute strength, to get
true results from the weapons, but it was more than worth it. When she'd
first used both spatulas in concert, wielding them akin to pair of
herculean kamas, while utilising her leg skills to the best of her
ability, Ukyo, knew she'd discovered her forte. But, he thought, this
decidedly odd hybrid in which they were about to engage also had its
pros, being fun paramount among them.
At some invisible signal they moved. Ukyo swung his spatula in an
outward arc at Ranma's chest, while springing from the ground, his legs
spread, arching around his base following the momentum of his attack. Ukyo
marvelled at how quickly Ranma had adapted to her altered centre of gravity
as she leaned backwards to avoid the slash and continued fluidly into a one
armed back flip that dodged Ukyo's flailing feet, who landed swinging his
neck smoothly, bringing about his waist length braid to swipe at Ranma's
unprotected midsection while bringing up his spatula in a wicked in-stroke.
The redhead parried the incoming braid with her spatula, while fluently
craning her own neck to bring her scarlet braid about to whip away and
then around the spatula that was threatening to gut her. With a flowing
turn, she yanked the spatula from the chef's grasp, which flew directly
into Ranma's free hand. She looked Ukyo in the eye and grinned. Ukyo
grinned right back, as he flicked his braid causing Ranma's grip to
falter on her original spatula, flying smoothly from the girl's hand.
Dodging a stab with a cartwheel, Ukyo caught the airborne spatula while
parrying a kick with his braid, and righted himself, several feet away
from his fianc�e. Finding themselves in their original positions, they
shared a wink. Wordlessly, they both smiled and launched at one another
again.
o-o-o
Ryoga grimaced forlornly from his position on the grass. He had been
avoiding speaking to Ukyo. Not because of the curse. Or, more
specifically, not because of Ukyo's curse, at any rate. How could he
face her? He didn't deserve to even speak to the lovely chef considering
the thoughts he'd been having. Even right then, he was struggling
mightily not to lapse into another scarlet-hued daydream. But how long
could he resist, with the object of his desires right there in front of
him? He raised his eyes at the sound of clashing metal to see Ukyo and
Ranma were sparring. Ah, Ukyo! With her pretty face, and slim hands, and
close proximity to a certain sex- kitten...
That was it! This was intolerable. He needed a few moments away from
Ukyo and... Ranma, to clear his head.
o-o-o
Engrossed as they were in training, or in Genma's case, eating, none of
the martial artists noticed the bandanna-wearing boy leaving their
campsite and disappearing over a nearby natural incline in the surrounding
area. The Guide spied his departure, but didn't see any need comment.
Twenty-five minutes later, the two teens relaxed and Ranma returned the
borrowed spatula to its owner. "That was great, Ucchan," she said
contentedly, undoing her braid, and removing the weight. "Still prefer
my fists when it comes down to it, though." Ukyo sheathed his second
spatula. "Wanna go hand to hand for a while?" suggested the redhead.
Spying the darkening sky, Ukyo realised that it was already late in the
evening. He indicated the moon with a look, and answered,
"It's getting a bit late, Ranchan. I think we should call it a day and
get cleaned up." Advised the chef. After, a moment, Ranma assented with
a nod.
"Pity we've got no water, though," she grumbled. Ukyo raised and single
eyebrow, and suppressed a sinister grin.
"Well, he said it was a bit muddy, but the Guide mentioned something
about a small stream not far along ahead..." he trailed off.
"Great," replied Ranma, ready to follow his lead. He nodded with a smile,
and made for the stream the Guide had mentioned.
A few minutes brisk walking later, the area turned earthy and wet.
"Guess this is why we didn't camp further on," mentioned Ranma absently,
as they trudged through the muck. She could hear the slight trickle of a
small stream, which they soon reached. "Guess it's only a couple of feet
deep," evaluated Ranma, as she knelt by the brook. In the dull twilight
she could make out that the water's flow kept the creek from getting too
dirty. With a happy sigh, she cupped a handful of water and splashed her
face. She washed her hands, and splashed herself a couple of more times,
before turning to Ukyo, asking if she was ready to go. The question died
on her lips.
Two facts rather forcibly made themselves known to Ranma as she turned
to Ukyo who was cleaning himself in the brook. One: Ukyo was wearing
boxer shorts. She briefly wondered just when exactly Ukyo had acquired
boxer shorts, but this train of thought was cut off by the second glaringly
blatant fact, which somewhat qualified the first: Ukyo was wearing boxer
shorts, and ONLY boxer shorts. Crouched in the stream, and pouring water
over his chest and shoulders, Ukyo nonchalantly raised an eyebrow the
paled Ranma's way.
"What's the matter, Ranchan," asked Ukyo conversationally, "you finished
already?" Ukyo's eyes followed Ranma's gaze to his shorts. "Oh, I see!"
exclaimed Ukyo in mock realisation; "you show me yours..." he trailed
off suggestively, blatantly eyeing Ranma's midsection.
Ranma, for her part, blinked once, and fled in terror, missing out on a
madly cackling Ukyo laughing his transgendered ass off on in the stream.
Eventually, pulling himself together, Ukyo grinned mischievously. Well,
she DID say that he could set the terms for Round Two. Can't wait for
Round Three... he thought with anticipation, as he plucked his clothes
from a dry rock and dressed heading back to the camp, giggling girlishly
all the way.
----
Chapter 3 � Two for the price of One
'Where the hell was the campsite?' He was sure it was just over this
hill. He cursed when he saw the stream below. That was new. Ryoga
squinted in the twilight as he realised that there were figures by the
stream. He focused intently on the smaller of the two. It was Ranma! Her
sparkling eyes opened in... terror? This was confirmed as she ran shrieking
from the brook, the other person's laughter following after.
Ryoga gasped as his eyes relayed what he saw to his brain. Some half
naked guy has just accosted Ranma! He growled in stygian fury, fists
clenched. Ranma's molester made to escape, but Ryoga wouldn't allow that
monster to live. He stopped short in his dash, as he became aware of a
sharp trident poking at his chest. His eyes moved rapidly to the slight
forms of two armed girls, one of whom still had her prong levelled high
at his chest, aimed at his Adam's apple. That one had green hair, the
other, indigo. It was she, who spoke,
"You! You know fighting womans what train nearby?" She meant Ranma and
Ukyo! Tentatively, he nodded. "Is good. You tell. Tomorrow is Amazon
Womans Tournament in village. Outsider womans no come if know what good
for them." She hefted her short staff. "You is understand?" Slowly, he
nodded a second time. The green haired one, lowered her trident,
humphing,
"You is not so stupid for man," she begrudged, as she nimbly stole
after her partner. Ryogasoon realised that he was standing alone on the
hilltop. And that Ranma's attacker was long gone. He made a vow to track
that pervert down! But first, he had to find Ranma-san and Ukyo, and
relay the feisty Amazons' warning. Without preamble, he ran off in the
direction of Singapore.
o-o-o
Ranma practically dived for the kettle when she arrived back at camp.
Feeling much better, now that he was back in his original form, he
waited patiently for Ucchan to return, which he soon did by way of
skipping merrily into the camp. Genma's eyes narrowed unhappily at this.
Wordlessly, Ranma presented the kettle to his...friend, who accepted
with a polite grin he somehow managed to embue with smugness. In short
order, Ukyo's eyes were as blue as ever, as she gratefully returned the
kettle. She looked at her silent fianc� with ill-concealed amusement.
Ranma regarded her a full minute in silence.
She was beginning to feel a little self-conscious when Ranma exhaled
mightily. He extended his hand. 'He wasn't!' "Truce?" he asked, his bearing
not unlike a condemned man. With poorly hidden astonishment, she
regarded the hand before her. 'That little scene by the brook must really
have shaken him up.' She had admittedly outlined some future plans, but
the fact that Ranchan was actually calling for a ceasefire to the
shenanigans, combined with her somewhat forgiving nature swept those
aside.
Affectionately, she took his hand, and smiled back. "Truce," she agreed.
His uncharacteristic uncertainty melted away from his face, and she
couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. "But," she reminded him good
naturedly, "you started this in the first place..."
"I know, I know," he grumbled without rancour. "I owe you a forfeit."
They shared a silly grin with each other for a few moments before Ranma
added, "But don't think I ain't gonna call off this truce sometime," he
threatened. She laughed,
"And don't YOU think that I won't eventually call in this forfeit. You
owe me one, Sugar," she finished with mirth.
Genma scowled at this exchange.
o-o-o
Tucking into her okonomiyaki, Ukyo suddenly identified what had been
troubling her the last half hour. "Say, Ranchan," she began, a little
bit of concern in her voice, "you haven't seen Ryoga, have you?"
"Not since we were trainin', Ucchan," he answered between bites.
Overhearing this, the Guide uncharacteristically volunteered something
useful.
"Sirs, friend walk away some hour ago. Think he going to do business,
but still no come back."
"Ryoga," groaned Ukyo in exasperation, "why did you have to go off alone?
Think we should go look for him, Ranchan?" He shook his head knowingly,
and mumbled through his dinner.
"You know it'd be pointless, Ucchan. Marco Polo could half-way to
Beijing by now, and even he wouldn't know it."
"I know you're right, Ranchan," she said disquietly. "I just feel
kinda, y'know, responsible for him. Like a kid brother." Ranma held up
his hand.
"Woah there, Ucchan," he frowned. "You ain't responsible for nothin'.
Its Ryoga's lousy sense of direction, and you being too nice for your own
good that's to blame. And that second one is really his fault, too," he
frowned."'Sides, you know he can take care of himself. He'll probably be
waitin' for us when we get back to Japan."
"Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised," she chuckled. "I still can't
believe he followed us all the way here, though."
"So, who'd he blame?" asked Ranma simply.
"What do you mean?" she asked, puzzled. Yawning, he answered.
"Oh, come on, Ucchan. Ya don't hang around with someone for a year and
not learn anything about them. You and me both know that ol' Ryoga simply
can't accept that bad things just happen sometimes. Especially to him.
He's gotta assign blame to _someone_. Heck, even if the weather takes a
bad turn, he's tries to find some poor sap to pin it on." He suddenly
shuddered. "Nothin' big," he answerd at his companion's inquiry."Just
had a horrible thought of what it'd like for someone if Ryoga ever
decided they were the source of all his problems. Can you imagine?"
Ranma shuddered once more and banished the horrible thought away, and
began rolling his shoulder to work out the kinks in his left arm. "So,
like I was sayin' Ukyo. You probably know who Ryoga's decided to bear
responsibility for whatever little snafu brought him here, right?"
Ten years with Genma and Ranma had allowed Ukyo to fully master The
Saotome Guilty-Conscience Laugh (or as she liked to think of it, 'The I
Know You Know I Know Something I'd rather you didn't know-Chuckle'), and
she utilised this special technique in an effort not to sweatdrop.
"Er...you?" she mumbled uncertainly.
"What about me?" He suddenly made a disgusted sound. "Shoulda seen that
comin', really. So what'd I do? Rearrange the scenery so that he SOMEHOW
got hopelessly lost and couldn't find you in time for you 'date'?"
Shaking her head slightly, she replied,
"Actually, he blamed you for abducting and spiriting me away to China
before he arrived...on the fourth day," she addedtryingto keep amusement
from her voice. Ranma blinked, and began rubbing his temples with the
thumb and middle finger of his right hand.
"I don't know where'ta even begin with that," he moaned. "Have you tried
getting the concept of 'four days late', 'training trip', or even the
sheer improbability of someone abducting his own fianc�e through his
thick skull?" Ukyo's breath caught, but she tried not to let it show.
Ranma almost never referred to her as his fianc�e. He didn't seem to
notice her reaction as he stared at the sky. "Come to think of it," he
thought aloud, "I did notice Ryoga givin' me these weird looks since
Jusenkyo. Never figured it for the 'evil eye', though." Genma's ears,
which had been covertly following the conversation, picked up at this.
"But I explained everything to him at Jusenkyo," pointed out Ukyo, "and
he seemed to understand. He said he believed me, and Ryoga's not the
type to lie. I don't think he could considering..."
"His gross stupidity?" suggested Ranma.
"His forthrightness," corrected the chef. "So if he was looking at you
it was for some other reason..." she trailed off into a choked laugh,
finally recalling an incident from days before. This quickly grew into a
full on fit of giggling, the chef pressing her face into her blue gi.
Despite being fairly certain that he didn't want to know, Ranma prodded
Ukyo back to lucidity with a grumpy cough. He stared at her questioningly
as she wiped away a tear.
"What?" he demanded in mornid curiousity.
Smiling wickedly, she hurriedly explained why it was she thought Ryoga
had devoted so much of his attention since Jusenkyo to Ranma, whose face
twisted into a grimace of revulsion.
"Its not his fault, Ranchan," sniggered the girl. "As he said, you are
so 'kawaii'!"
"Oh man, Ryoga!" he shivered. "That's..." he couldn't finish the sentence.
Abruptly, he looked up to see the very furry form of his father, who had
somehow gotten close unnoticed. He flashed a sign.
[You stay away from that Hibiki, boy.] It flipped. [You're marrying a
girl!]
He growfed, and plodded away.
"That... was new," said Ranma, staring after him.
"Yeah," she agreed. "Pops never usually brings up the engagement like
that."
"And what's he mean 'Stay away from Ryoga'?" he winced almost violently.
"Like I wanna be near him!" The chef snickered again.
"Like I said, Hon. You're just so,"
"Kawaii! I get it!"
"Don't let it get you down," she suggested. "I'm not teasing you when I
say that you look really cute... y'know, that way." He 'hmphed', sceptically.
"I'm serious," insisted the brunette honestly.
"Well so do you," he complained, "an' you're not getting the freakin'
googly eyes from Ryoga!"
"I guess this means Ryochan won't be crushing over plain old Ukyo,
anymore?" she said in poorly feigned distress.
o-o-o
The group awoke to an ominous peal of thunder, and elicited mutual
groans as the heavens opened. The Guide led the cursed individuals away
from the recently dusty clearing and through the muddy areathe teenagers
had seen the night before. The sky cleared slightly by the time they
reached the stream. "Wanna heat some water?" questioned Ranma. She
rolled her eyes to the heavens as a fresh shower answered her.
"You want we should wait until rain stop, sir?" asked the Guide. Snorting
tiredly, the redhead replied,
"Nah. Let's just get to this village you keep talking about. I'm dying
for something to eat 'sides camp rice and okonomiyaki."
"Hey, what's wrong with okonomiyaki?" asked Ukyo defensively. "You've
never complained before," he pointed out, putting his hands on his hips
and pouting.
"Nothin' at all," relied Ranma honestly. "But then again, we've never
gone this long with only plain okonomiyaki," she pointed out. Ukyo
nodded.
"Hey, I'm with you, Sugar. Still, I've got to speak up for the team," he
explained looking down at Ranma. He wondered if he'd ever get used to
that disparate view.
"I'm on the team, too, y'know. Just be aware that revolution is in the
air," singsonged the redhead. Ukyoarched an eyebrow thoughtfully.
o-o-o
Later, the weather had settled, and they approached Joketsuzoku eagerly.
Hoping to sate their hunger, they found themselves drawn by a crowd to
large structure in the centre of the village. Lots of people, mostly
women, were gathered, with a few men milling around. Children were
playing in the street as vendors hawked their wares unabashedly. It
was impossible to miss the buzz working its way through the crowd.
Soaking up the carnival atmosphere, the cursed group followed the Guide
towards the large structure, as he began to explain. "Today, Tournament
for Amazon womans what only come once a year." Ranma nodded as she and
Ukyo took seats by a large table covered in various foodstuffs. Finding
her mouth watering, Ranma tucked into the freely open food, which Genma
had already began attacking. Shrugging when he saw nobody in the village
complain, or even look their way, Ukyo bit into a large ham. Still
concentrating on the spectacle before them, the Guide continued. "Is
great honour to win, sirs. See, final match happen now." They paused as
two Amazons readied themselves atop the huge log that was hanging from
the structure, acting as a suspended battleground.
"That's a woman?" questioned Ranma dubiously, as a hulking, broad
shouldered Amazon attacked her smaller opponent with a loud grunt.
Indicating the opponent who had nimbly dodged the attack, the Guide
commented,
"See. That one more pretty, no?" Ranma nodded absently as the girl in
question sent her opponent flying from the log with a mighty blow of her
bonbori. The Chinese manturned, waiting to hear the martial artists' views
on the battle, when the entire crowd became deathly quiet. "Sirs," he said
gaining their attention, "what you eating there..."
Ukyo paused at the Guide's words, and realised that the three of them
were the centre of attention of the village. His gut instincts cut in as
he leapt an airborne bonbori which continued to fly and imbed itself
beside Ranma, who didn't flinch. He turned in surprise, to see the
winner of the tournament, pointing another bonbori at them, with a look
of anger spoiling her pretty face. She muttered something at them in
Mandarin. Ranma and Genma grunted something through the food in their
mouths as Ukyo listened to the Guide's translation. "She say 'Outsider
womans and panda. Today I win great victory. Why you steal my prize?'
That's what she say." Perking up at the translation, Ranma asked from
the bench,
"Hey, but if I beat her, I win the prize, right? So there'll be no
problem?" The Guide turned to the seething Amazon girl and said something
in Mandarin. She smiled and took up a battle stance. Ranma tried... and
failed to extricate herself from between the fat panda and the ruined
bench, the crowd looking on in confusion. Ukyo sighed and rolled his
eyes from the position by the table.
"Just leave this to me, Ranchan."
"Alright," grumbled the redhead, as she realised that her foot was caught
firmly beneath the gorged panda. Shaking his head, Ukyo readied a spatula
and moved towards the indignant Amazon, who paused in surprise for a
moment, but then resumed her stance.
'So the taller woman wanted to fight her instead? No matter.' Shampoo
would beat her just as easily. She rushed her, attempting to swat away
her strange weapon. Shampoo never expected the outsider to sweep her
long hair forward and take her feet from beneath her. The fall winded
the Amazon, and before she could recover, she was on her back with the
blade of the outsider's weapon levelled at her chest. Shampoo looked to
the bonbori just out of reach, and then back to the outsider, who shook
her head slowly. The Amazon's body slackened in acknowledgement of her
defeat. The outsider smiled crookedly and sheathed her bizarre weapon,
turning back to her companions. Shampoo stood mechanically, still in
shock from her abasement. Amazon law dictated what she must do.
o-o-o
Ranma grinned at Ucchan as he made his way back to the long table. "There,
now there's no problem," said the chef with satisfaction, patting his
hands together. The redhead gave Ukyo a thumbs-up, and the chef beamed
at the gesture.
'Woah. That was different.' Ranma gradually let a similar smile spread
across her face. She broke eye contact with Ukyo as a hand appeared on
his cheek. It belonged to the Amazon girl. What was she doing? She
cupped Ukyo's face, as the chef looked on in passive obfuscation. Moving
her body right beside Ukyo's she slowly placed a long kiss on the shocked
martial artist's face.
o-o-o
This outsider woman would pay for stealing her victory. Shampoo leant in
close to place a slow, deliberate kiss on the on the outsider's cheek.
The Amazon gradually pulled her lips away, a sinister smirk on her face.
The smirk immediately transformed into wide-eyeddumbfoundment as Shampoo
felt something brush up against...She quickly ran her hands across the
outsider's chest. Her world turned upside-down. It was a man!
o-o-o
Ranma's battle aura flared when the Amazon pulled away from Ukyo, who
stood there with a somewhat vacant expression, and proceeded to rub her
hands across the chef's chest. Surprised to find herself seething, Ranma
froze when the purple haired girl planted a kiss smack on the lips of
her... of Ucchan!
That... HUSSY!
The redhead clenched her fists as the Amazon hugged Ukyo and cried out
something to the village, which was met with raucous cheers,save one guy
in white robes shrieking madly and having to be restrained. Ignoring
this, and without taking her eyes off the pair, Ranma asked the Guide in
white-hot tones just what 'the hussy' had said.
"Amazon woman give Kiss of Marriage, sir. She declare it to whole village.
It very lucky that miss is in cursed form, sir," he continued, but Ranma
had stopped listening after that first sentence. She wrenched herself free
of the panda who she didn't see was holding a sign reading,
[Not what I'd planned, but it'll do in a pinch.]
She swept ominously over to the Amazon, who was still latched onto the
chef, and growled,
"Get away from my fianc�!" Her tone made the Guide's quick interpretation
unneccessary. The Amazon smiled darkly at the redhead, and said something
which she thought she heard the Guide interpret as 'Obstacles is for
killing'.
o-o-o
Just to be certain, Shampoo looked closely at the redhead's half opened
gi top. Good, this little onewas a woman, and she would teach her to
stay out of Amazon affairs. She couldn't possibly be half as good as her
new husband was. Quickly reclaiming her lost bonbori, Shampoo flung
herself forward.
Only to be sent crashing backwards again. No! This was...This was just
too much! This one would pay for humiliating her.
o-o-o
Before she realised what she was doing, Ranma had latched onto Ukyo in a
credible imitation of the Amazon girl's earlier display. The strong grip
finally broke the okonomiyaki chef's daze. He blinked twice and saw
Ranma's small face staring up at him. "Ranchan," he began slowly, "what
just happened?" Before she could respond, a massive blush raged across
Ranma's face, as she motioned downwards. Ukyo looked down, and gulped in
mortification, before someone appeared behind Ranma. It was the girl
Ukyo had defeated. Still blushing, Ranma was caught unawares by the kiss
on the cheek, but growled bestially as the girl made her way between them
and into Ukyo's grasp.
Resembling a steam cooker that had been left on far too long, Ranchan
opened her mouth to say something. Ukyo never got to hear it, being
suddenly dragged away. He looked up to see that both Ranma and he were
being hauled bodily away by the Guide, who displayed a remarkable amount
of adrenalin-fueled strength to hold onto the teenaged pair.
Before Ukyo discerned it, they had fled from the village, Genma in tow,
and the heavy-set man began to explain a certain Amazon law that would
be rather impactful on the next few months of their lives.
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