----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Gary Kleppe" <gary@garykleppe.org>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>
Cc: "Eric Holdt" <dragonboy1098@hotmail.com>; "Loki-L"
<loki.laufeyjarson.ffml@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2005 10:17 AM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic] [Ranma] Just Another Day

I generally agree with Loki-L's comments, except:

Quoting Loki-L <loki.laufeyjarson.ffml@gmail.com>:

"Yes, thank you."  Then the boy sat up and started looking around for

the

one who ran him down.  He saw him instantly; a slightly muscular boy

with

black pants, a red Chinese shirt and a long pigtail.  Ranma, the girl

had

called him, was being confronted by the wooden sword boy.

I think you are supposed to keep speech and action always separated.

This

should be two paragraphs. You are doing this a lot, but since I am not
entirely sure that it is a mistake I will not point it out every time.

Opinions differ on this, but I think having speech and action in the same
paragraph is a perfectly fine thing to do. Most if not all professional

authors

mix them all the time, and it's good to have some variety in the way

dialog is

narrated. Having a whole series of '"Blah blah blah," he said, "and blah

and

blah."' paragraphs can get monotonous.

I believe it totally depends on if the spoken part is *part* of the ensuing
action or mini-scene. If you are talking while doding several attacks (that
you are describing in detail) it could be left as one paragraph. If the
action changes or a new person is speaking, then it should be a new
paragraph.

Arthur Hansen


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