Once again, I pulled this copy off the web site; if it differs from what was
posted here, that's why.

Shampoo bowed to the captain of the river barge in gratitude.

I thought bowing was only a Japanese schtick.

She and her companions wouldn't have cabin space for their
stay on the boat, but the captain had agreed not to throw
them off the ship either.

Somehow the clauses in this sentence seems mismatched. Maybe

The captain wouldn't give her and her companions cabin space for their stay on
the boat, but he had agreed not to throw them off the ship either.

Or not. Maybe it's just me.

Akane, who had delivered her own share of smacks to Ranma,
looked on in sheer amazement. Several of the ship's crewmen
who had been watching hastily scribbled signs and held them
up: "10.0, 10.0, 9.75."

Erm... IMO, this particular bit is a bit too silly and implausible for the tone
of this series. But again, maybe it's just me.

Shampoo considered forcing them into a hug, but opted against
it. These two were stubborn types - too much forcing would
make them resist.

RANMA: That's true. Unfortunately, you passed that point several paragraphs ago.

SHAMPS: *grumble* Back to drawing board.

"Mm-hmm," she hummed in satisfaction. "So, tomorrow we is
begin special training, Ranma-san. I teach you how to stop
worry and love the cat!"

RANMA: Felines vill be chossen vor zeir sexual prowess... und rodents vill be
bred und slaughtered....

stroke. Ukyou normally did not keep her weapon's blade so
keen, but there was only one foe against whom Ryouga intended
to use the great spatula, and against that enemy there was no
point in holding back.

HAPPOSAI: Nonsense! I'm just a harmless old man!

RYOGA: I wasn't talking about you!

Shampoo grinned and held up a finger. "Is exactly what
Shampoo mean. Ranma-cat is playing and silly, yes? Even when
is fighting, Ranma-cat think he playing in fun. That because
Ranma-cat stuck thinking he is kitten."

Ranma snapped his fingers. "I get it! Since I first turned
into a cat when I was six years old, my cat-self was just a
kid too. Or a kitten, in this case."

RANMA: So all I need to do is become a different kind of cat! Great idea,
Shampoo!

[LATER]

AKANE: Oh no! The Rekoku is coming!

RANMA: The Reikoku? Big fat hairy deal. Time for lunch. Got any lasagna?

SHAMPOO: I think Reikoku already adapted to this technique. It carrying four
suction cups and car windshield.

RANMA: I hate Mondays.

"There is only one way to truly convey my regret at my
clumsiness," he whispered, closing his eyes and leaning in
for the kiss.

NABIKI: Uh oh... better think fast... er, I mean OHOHOHOHO! I am ready, my
handsome darling!

MIKADO: Eep. On second thought, just forget it.

"There's no seduction going on here," Mikado shouted up to
his unwanted admirer. His voice lost a good bit of polish
when speaking to her - in fact, he sounded close to panic.
"This girl happens to be... uh... my fiancee!"

That's two fanfics in which he's tried something like this in. You'd think he'd
learn. :)

Akane glared at him. "You ORDERED this yourself! We bought
these yesterday and you liked them just fine."

The young Saotome crossed his arms and turned away, not even
deigning to look at the egg rolls. "These are not fresh. You
expect me to eat these?" He made a disparaging noise.

I like these cat bits. They're not only funny, but completely believable given
the situation.

"Huh?" Konatsu said. "Kunou-san, I hate to ruin your
metaphor, sir, but there's no way a five ounce bird could
carry a one-pound coconut."

We shall not quip on this, as the reference is just too bloody obvious. :)

This was a path only a select few could hope to take, leaping
from one safe perch to another over the roiling sea as they
traveled along the rugged Japanese coastline.  Jagged peaks
of dark stone stabbed forth from the roiling surface of the

It's the whole roil family! Suggest you reword to avoid the repetition of
"roil".

As the shorter member of the Golden Pair glided towards her
adversary, she drew an aerosol can from behind her back and
pointed it at Miss Sanae. "Here, you nasty brute! Take
this... Monkey Repellant!"

Shouldn't that be repellent?

>From the shadows came a low, confident laugh. "You fool,"

There's a few places like this where there's an extra > before "From". This is
inevitable in email (because a line beginning with "From" indicates the start
of a new message, so the email server munges all such lines) but you may want
to fix it on your web site copies.

<He's got a hot aura on one hand, and cold aura on the
other,> she observed. <That's... something new. He must have
learned that on the road.> She felt her pulse quicken, and
tried not to let her feelings show. <He's not for you
anymore,> she told herself. A pity... he could be SO cool
sometimes.

RANMA: Well, that's the left hand. Cold aura.

The word "cool" seems out of place for Shamps' speech patterns.

<Well,> Neko-Shampoo thought as she arranged herself into a
comfortable position. <It's about time. I knew one of my
schemes to get a kiss out of Ranma would work someday.> She
was a cat, after all, and cats never made mistakes. This was
exactly how she had planned things to go all along.

Nice ending. This really brings home what Shampy is feeling.

COMING SOON:  Ryouga and Ukyou search the wilderness for the
temple where it all began, and find more danger than they ever
feared. Meanwhile Ranma, having overcome his Neko-ken weakness,
must make a heartbreaking choice...

RANMA: Meow Mix or Fancy Feast? Whichever shall I choose? I WOULD HAVE THEM
BOTH!

Once again, good work. My only criticism is that a whole lot of relationships
seem to be resolving at one time -- Ranma/Akane, Ryoga/Ukyo, Nabby/Konatsu, and
Tatchi/Natsy all seem headed for definite closure with no further significant
obstacles. In a "match-'em-up" fic this wouldn't be at all unusual, but this
story really isn't of that genre. Anyway, just a minor issue. Keep 'em coming!




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