No answer. The alleyway she'd found herself in was empty apart from
her.
"CHIYO-CHAN! KAGURA!" Sakaki screamed despite herself. "YOMI, TOMO,
AYUMU! FATHER! MOTHER! SOMEBODY!"

Okay, the last two (before the 'somebody') are a bit of a stretch...

Hm. If you're referring to her formality in calling them "father" and
"mother," I couldn't really see Sakaki saying "mom" or "dad." It just
didn't seem to fit her...

I'm referring to her calling for them period. :P It's a little awkward in
the context.

There are a few incongrueties to this paragraph, but I'll leave them
to you
to realise for yourself.

Hm. If you're referring to the use of "manga" I can see your point - I
wasn't sure how Japanese people would think about American comics. Not a
big deal to change it to "comic books."

That wasn't quite what I was referring to. :P I was more referring to the
reference to "a shop for otaku", as a Japanese person would not find
anything particularly strange about a comic shop--as comic books are rather
commonplace in Japan--and would not automatically dismiss them as "otaku
dens", since otaku has VERY strong negative connotations in Japan.

Don't get me wrong, I get where you were trying to go with it, because it's
obviously the lair of the Comic Book Guy, notorious geek extraordinaire. But
manga shops in Japan are frequented by just about everybody, as opposed to
the pretty-much-geek-turf comic shops in the US.

In other words, it's Sakaki's offhand dismissal of the store as an 'otaku'
place that's incongruous.

(That, and Sakaki herself probably reads quite a few manga--so long as
they're full of cute things.)

Okay, the magic gun thing is reminding me very strongly of Kaze from
Final
Fantasy Unlimited. @_@

I think I watched an ep of that. O'Neill loads his gun faster.

Though to be fair, Kaze's Summoning Gun takes longer to load for obvious
reasons. ;)

Thanks for the C&C, much appreciated. As for the influences, it's going
to go in the opposite direction in later parts - if everything goes to
plan, in total three times more Japanese fandoms will appear than
Western ones. That's just how it happened.

I'm cool with that. MORE than cool with that, in fact. ^_^ I was just a bit
worried from this chapter that it was going to run more towards Western
references--which I have nothing against if they're handled well, it's just
that I tend to prefer manga/anime/Japanese gaming sources.

...dammit, now I feel the need to pick one of my tabled multicrossover ideas
and run with it. ;_;

This post brought to you by Dammitol.
Dammitol: We can't get rid of the stress,
but we can help with the headache.
==============================
The Eternal Lost Lurker
(Shodaime Shirikage)
www.lurkerdrome.com



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