Chapter 5:

"Warped?  What do you mean?" he looked worried.

Suggest: mean?" He looked worried.

Akane had taken to traveling with her sister in a large part because 
she couldn't keep up the pace that she had once maintained.

I could well be wrong about this, but doesn't "traveling" sounds like it's a
little further than just a walk to school? Say, more like a bus ride or
something? Suggest just "walking".

Chapter 6:

That's what I'm gonna to teach you.

gonna teach you

He'd always considered "dream visualization" training sort of hokey and 
useless, but maybe if he found some way to focus the subject of the 
nightmares...

focus on

"Hey Ranchan!" she shouted.  "Wake up!"

Suggest: "Hey, Ranchan!"

"It aint' a big deal.  I'm gonna go clean up before 

breakfast."

ain't

Ranma-chan got a sly, malicious look on her face.  "Maybe you 
just want me away so you can try snugglin' up in another 
girl's bed at night, eh piggy?"

I'd just like to take the opportunity that I still think the following scene is
one of the best Ryoga scenes ever. 

Is it my fault the she's too stupid to figure it out?"

that she's

(or: if she's)

Ranma-chan glared at the woods sullenly, angry at both Ukyou and Ryouga.  
It's not like it was Ukyou's business, anyway.  

It wasn't like

But she couldn't help but think that if the positions were switched, 
and if she was the one who was unknowingly inviting a disguised 
boy into her bed every night instead of Akane, that Ranma 
wouldn't react any differently. 

I'm not absolutely sure, but I suspect the second "that" should be omitted.

"Oh shut up," he grumbled, but he couldn't put much force behind it.  

Suggest: "Oh, shut up,"

Ukyou desperately tried to compose herself, but snickers and giggles still 
escaped her unbidden.

Not sure about this sentence: I thought "her unbidden what?" a brief moment
before realising it (very brief, but it still hurt the flow a bit.) Suggest you
re-word to avoid this. Maybe: "snickers and giggles still escaped from her,
unbidden"? Or is that wrong?

"Well I'm sure he'll get better with some rest," Kasumi assured her. 

Suggest: "Well, I'm sure

That, she realized, was even worse than her shame at ruining the business.

Not quite sure, but suggest: shame over


And that's all I could find. Hope it's of some help to you. 

(I suppose I should try to read faster - the sooner I finish re-reading, the
sooner I can start on the new chapters!^_^)

Cheers,

Elin





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