Ryouga scowled when he realized what Ranma's choice of restaurant
was.  "THAT place?"  The golden arches set against the bright red
sign rotated slowly on the top of a tall pole.

RANMA: We deserve a break today.

RYOGA: I'll give you a break! What do you want broken?

Ranma shrugged.  "Hey, American fast food ain't my favorite
either, but it's better than a lot of things.  'Specially Akane's
cooking," he muttered the last sentence almost as an afterthought.

cooking."  He muttered the last sentence almost as an afterthought.
(or)
cooking," he muttered, the last sentence almost an afterthought.

"Feh.  I've been there before," he nodded towards the McDonald's.

before." He

Ryouga grabbed Ranma by the shirt and pointed angrily at the
McDonald's.  "I'm telling you, we're in Okinawa!  I ate at this
place last time I was here!  We're completely out of our way!"

Good joke, but the delivery seems a bit off. Having Ryoga catch on only belabors
it, explaining something that the reader already understands. It might be
funnier to leave him the dark.

CASHIER: May I help you, sir?

RYOGA: When did you move here from Okinawa?!

CASHIER: Pardon? I'm from Osaka.

RYOGA: Don't change the subject!

Ranma smirked.  "Okay pig-boy, whaddya think this is, dictation?"

"Okay, pig-boy,

It was Ukyou's turn to be furious.  Shampoo always brought out
the worst in her, one way or another.  When they were at each
other's throats, the okonomiyaki chef found that she lost all her
composure and became hot-tempered, irritable, and violent.  Perhaps
even worse, though, were the times that she'd actually ended up
working alongside the purple-haired girl.  On those occasions,
Shampoo had managed to drag Ukyou down to her own manipulative,
scheming level.  Ukyou always looked back on those ignoble times
with shame and self-contempt.

Okay, I know this is Uk's biased point of view, but even so I'm having trouble
believing that even she could see it this way. The times when Ukyo's been at
her most scheming and manipulative -- her intro story and subsequent arranged
Ryoga/Akane date, Secret Sauce, the Cave of Lost Love -- were all incidents
that Shamps had nothing to do with and in fact wasn't even present for. When she
and Shamps did get together (e.g. trying to steal what they thought was Ranma's
engagement ring) they had usually pretty much dispensed with subtlety.

So Ranma had hit upon a brilliant plan.  The early-morning flight
was not going to be full - there would be extra seats to spare.
They'd sneak Ryouga in as a pig while everybody was boarding, then
Ranma-chan would get him into the bathroom and leave the hot water
running so he could change back into a human.  Once they'd gotten
past the ticketing attendant in the general chaos of boarding,
nobody would notice the extra person - they'd assume he had a
ticket, just like everyone else.

Lordy, and it actually worked. I guess Japanese air security (at least in the
Ranmaverse) is really lax. o.O

STEWARDESS: Actually, we'd figured out that he was a stowaway. But making
accusations is so impolite. It's less embarrassing to just let him ride and
hope he's not carrying any bombs or anything.

"Oh yes," Kasumi chimed.  "Grandfather Happosai does seem to
travel a lot.  Sometimes it's almost like he's in several places
at once, isn't it?  Perhaps he's gotten a bicycle," she
hypothesized.  She knew that bicycles were very popular in
China, and Shampoo did seem to get around rather well on hers.

"I don't think his feet could reach the pedals.

A tricycle, on the other hand... why am I having Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In
Flashbacks?

Good stuff, as always. I think this is the last chapter that I didn't comment on
the first time around, so at this point I'll sit back and wait for the new ones.




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