Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Tenchi Muyo!, its
characters and settings, (c) Hitoshi Okuda, AIC / Pioneer LDC, and Viz
Communications, Inc.

I really don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Who am I, you ask?

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure of anything anymore.

I'm seriously starting to doubt my sanity.

But it really happened, I'm sure of it. It has to be true; otherwise,
I... I...

I guess I better start at the begining, huh? Yeah I guess I...

Well, It all started when I got this wish granted.

No, I'm not telling you how or where I got this wish; trust me, you
DON'T want to know. I'ts irelevant to the story anyway.

At the time my latest obsession was Tenchi Muyo!, so naturally enough I
wished to be part of the Tenchi Muyo! Universe; any one of them.

Of course, I added all sorts of safeguards and precautions; I didn't
want to be the "Omnipotent-All-Knowing-Self-Inserted-Character", but I
needed some kind of edge aside from my knowledge of the series in order
to get around. So I enhanced my strength and skills. Times ten.

That was my first mistake.

The first couple of years were rough. I had to deal with a new identity,
a new family, an entirely different culture and flashbacks about events
I'd never lived. If it weren't for the fact that I was already in high
school before starting my new life I would have never passed japanese
middle school. At least thanks to my enhanced ablilites I quickly
learned my "family"'s martial arts style and picked up a lot of tricks
from any dojo I happened to stumble upon.

It was just before the first year of high school that everything was
shot to hell.

I had decided to seek out Tenchi and the gang the day I turned sixteen.
Everything was sort of worked out in my head. I would find the Masaki
shrine, introduce myself as a wandering martial artist and get the old
man to teach me. That way I would meet the rest of the cast and  join
them in their adventures.

Would I become Tenchi's friendly rival? Which of the girls will fall for
me? At what point in the series would I arrive? Should I take an active
role in the adventures or let things go as they're supposed to?

I didn't know the answer to any of these questions and I didn't care; a
little impredictability would make things more fun. I had decided to let
things sort out for themselves; let the dice fall as they may, or so to
speak. Unfortunately, no plan or preemtive knowledge could've prepared
me for the situation I found when I arrived.

I was ready for anything: Ryoko's awakening, Kagato, Dr. Clay and Zero,
Yugi...anything!

Except for finding a twice married Tenchi, in his late twenties, with
three kids and another on the way.

All the stuff I read in the manga, everything I watched from the anime,
all the adventures I wanted to take part in, planned ahead and prepared
for had passed years ago.

Instead of mixing in with the gang I stood out like a sore thumb. Nobody
was in my age group; heck, even Sasami was older than me. There was
nothing for me to do here. After things settled down, most of the cast
had sort of gone their separate ways.

I trained a little with the old man just to keep up apperances. I left
at the first opportunity with the pretext that I had to get back home
before school started.

At this point, returning home, not the house I was currently living in
with my "family", but my real home, seemed like a good idea. The only
problem was that I had no idea whatsoever on how to accomplish that. I
figured I might as well continue with my "life" until I found a way back
to the real world.

That's when HE showed up.

You know who I'm talking about: the pig-tailed wonder. Of course, he had
his hair in a ponytail back then, as you already know.

I didn't think much of him when he first arrived; Just another new guy
that had transfered a few days after the begining of the semester. Heck,
he wasn't even in my homeroom. Our first clear meeting was at the
cafeteria, about a week after his arrival.

Lunchtime was war; to get what you wanted, when you wanted, you had to
fight for it. Naturally enough, I always came up on top. With my
enhanced strength and speed plus my martial arts skill,  nobody stood a
chance against me. So it was quite a surprise when I was knocked on my
ass when I went for the last tuna fish sandwich of the day. When I
looked around to see who had beaten me to the prize, I found none other
than you-know-who.

It was an occurence that I was to become very familiar with.

The next day, instead of grabbing my lunch as soon as possible, I waited
until HE arrived. When I saw him about to enter the fray, I made my
move. As he aproched battle zone, I cut in front of him and jumped over
the dogpile of students fighting for the curry bread. Just I was about
to get it, somehow he managed to leap over me, even though I jumped
first, and use my head as a springboard to bounce away with the bread in
his mouth.

I asked him his name; after all, I needed some way to contact his next
of kin.

After he told me, I quickly ran his name through the list of people I
should know and came up blank.

He was no Maskai, Hakubi or Juriai. No distigushing marks or abilities.
Nothing that indicated any kind of alien heritage whatsoever.

Nobody that mattered.

It's one thing to get beaten by one of the main characters; but to get
pushed around like a rag doll by a nameless background nobody?

Hell no! I was going to pound that little punk into the ground even it
it was the last thing I did!

So I tried to beat him at his own game.

And tried.

And kept trying.

But no matter how hard I pushed myself or how much I prepared, I could
never get to the damn bread before he did.

Not even once.

At first I waited until lunchtime to take him down. After kissing the
ground during lunchtime for the umpteenth time I started to come up with
any excuse, no mater how lame, to fight with him.

Fight? Ha! It was more like me trying my best to tear him to pieces
while he avoided my best efforts with a casual ease. That's when it
occured to me: why should I give a damn if he proved to be quicker and
sneakier than I was? There was no way he could ever beat me in a
straight fight...

So I set up the match after school at the empty lot behind my house.

I'm pretty sure you've figured out who I am by now. You've all read,
seen and heard about what happened, so it's pointless to go over all
that again. Why did I go after him? Why did I follow him all the way to
China? I guess it was a matter of pride, maybe a little something about
not leaving unfinished buisness and maybe a touch of obsession; but when
it comes down to it, I simply had nothing else to do.

I mean, think about it: my main reason for being in this world was gone.
I couldn't find a way home. I didn't have anything resembling a social
life. As stupid as it may seem, at this point my life revolved around
wiping that arrogant smirk from his face.

I didn't mean to chase him and his father all the way to China, at least
not at first.

Really.

It just happened that I kept, well, "just" missing them all the time. A
lot of times I was only days behind them. Sometimes, I missed them by a
couple of hours. Heck, once I even managed to lose sight of the pair as
they rounded a corner. The only reason I managed to stay on their trail
was because they tended to stop for days or even weeks at every temple,
training ground and dojo they came across. Unfortunately, with my sense
of direction, by the time I caught up, the only thing I got was a fresh
trail to a new location.

You all know how that ended up.

You all know how _I_ ended up.

I know what you think.

I know what you're going to say.

I brought it upon myself. I shouldn't have followed them. It was my
fault that I missed the duel. Blah, blah, blah.

Right?

So what?

You think I give a damn what you think?

You weren't there, you don't know what it was like, none of you do.

It was hell.

No, I'm not talking about that, that's just the icing on the cake; I'm
talking about being always in someone's shadow, about being only second
best, the one who is "not quite good enough". I wanted it all: the
reputation, the adventures...

I wanted HER.

Oh, shut up, you don't know what you're saying. She was...

She was the kindest person I've ever met.

No, her sister isn't kind, not really; she's just nice. Polite. There's
a difference.

She was the type of person that would go out of their way to help
someone, even if it was a complete stranger; not to get something in
return, impress anybody, or cause it was expected of her, but because
she really cared. That kind of empathy is rare.

She's really beautiful; those images you've seen of her don't do her
justice. No, she's not THE most beautiful girl I've ever met; however,
that's part of her allure. Instead of looking like some kind of
supermodel, distant and unaproachable, she's more kinda like the girl
next door: the one whom you've been buddies with since grade school, you
know, the athlethic outgoing type that's "one of the guys" but DEFINETLY
a girl. She's the kind of girl that could easily become your best
friend... or the center of your world...

Had it been up to me I would've never left her side.

My sense of direction?

Heh.

Well...

You see, I got this middle ear condition that affects my balance a
little; simply put, I get dizzy and disoriented easily. Nothing
crippling or life threatning. And, I'm a little shy around the ladies
(okay more than "a little"). And, a little stubborn. And tend to obsess
over stupid things. And... you get the idea. I'm not bloody perfect.

Sigh.

I guess I should've been more careful in how I worded that clause to
"enhance my natural abilities", huh? Go figure.

There's not much that you don't know already. I found my way back to the
Masaki Shrine a couple of times. Sometimes the old man taught me a trick
or two. Others I ended up baby-sitting. Yeah, yeah laugh it up; I'd like
to see how'd you fare taking care of a hyperactive eight-year old that
can fly through walls.

After a while I found my way back home. It turns out it wasn't about
where I had to go, but more about what I had to do. Kinda like a "cannot
return until you accomplish all your tasks" thing; and since I included
getting laid as part of my wish...

You can imagine my reaction the next time I entered a bookshop and
wandered over to the graphic novel section. There I was, in black and
white, all thirty-eight volumes of manga, sneaking around, making an ass
out of myself, completely unaware that I had and audience. I tried to
perform the role of the tragic hero and ended up acting out the fool.

But I don't care. At least not anymore.

You see, I'm going back.

Once more, I found the book, I've spilled my blood, I've made my wish
and I have paid the price.

This time I'm the one who's getting all the girls! I'm going to be the
better martial artist! And there's nothing anybody can do to stop me!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!

__

I posted this a while back at the anifics forums, however, I didn't get
much C&C. So here it goes again. If it helps any, I'm looking for more
C&C related to the layout and formating of the story rather than the
plot itself.

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