finally getting to this:

David Dee wrote:

*Ahem*

First, I'd like to apologize for the wait between
chapters--I had this one written, but getting a good
text version took some time, and I always had other
projects I was writing, and anyway, I figured I could
send it in tomorrow...

For me the problem is sitting down and writing. Once the second draft is
done, then it's hard to not post immidiately, even if it needs a third
looking over.

-----

She'd been running so long, she'd forgotten what it
was like to be still-if she'd ever known in the first
place. She was tired-her feet were sore-and she needed
to eat-but

too many '-' for me. I'd ditch one set of htme.

 she couldn't stop. They would catch her if

she stopped. She knew that.

Even if she didn't know who they were.

If she has deep pockets, they're probably lawyers. They attack anything that
has money, other than another lawyer, on sight .

-----

"And I say," noted Hikaru, "the 'brain in a tank
method' of immortality is severely lacking in appeal."

"Oh come on!" said Inu-Yasha. "Ya get ta live forever.
That's a hell of a better deal than ya mortals usually
get!"

Just ask Hitler. His brain is in a jar somewhere. It's always Hitler's
brain.

Or Dr. Sun, but I digress.

"They're lying low," replied Miroku. "However, I have
found something out about the Crimson Cowl."

At least Miroku is making himself useful.

"So in fact, what you've discovered is nothing,"
muttered Hikaru snarkily.

"Some kinds of nothing are a form of something,"
replied Miroku. "An enigmatic supervillain arriving to
gather Shinken shards at precisely this time is highly
suspicious, you'll agree."

Miroku's got him there.

"You're thinking it's that Naraku fellow," said
Hikaru. "I don't think that works. Someone as powerful
as that guy is-if even half of what you say is
true-wouldn't waste time trading fisticuffs with
me-not if he had the advantage.

Unless something happened to his abilities.

Miroku glanced at Kagome. "What about you, Kagome?
What do you think?"

Kagome fixed Hikaru with an icy stare. "I think the
Kid Commandos is a brilliant name, no matter what
certain people think about it."

No. No, it was never a good name, even when it was being used. Admittedly,
the 'All Winners Squad' was worse, but still...

Hikaru slouched back in his seat. "I don't know what's
more depressing-the fact that I've saved her life
several times, or the fact that since I became a
superhero, my reputation has declined-something I
didn't even think was possible."

Silly, things can always get worse. There is no such thing as 'bottoming
out' when it comes to misery.

"There's a usual routine?" asked the waitress.

"Yep," said Kei. "We go in and wind up firing at the
usually bulletproof monster. When we run out of
bullets, Yuri usually winds up throwing her gun at it,
apparently under the impression that if a large number
of accurate speedy projectiles don't do the job, one
clumsily thrown slow projectile will."

"I might luck out," grumbled Yuri.

Hit a vulnerable point. Yep.

Hikaru stood up. "Are you kidding? Given my options
right now, the only reason I didn't bolt out the door
is I want to finish my coffee."

Heh

That was when she heard the clatter of footsteps. They
were coming.

She stood up and ran, determined to use what energy
remained to her to get as far away as possible. As she
ran, she whispered a prayer to gods whose names she
could no longer recall. Send help, please I beg you!

And Hikaru comes a running. Good for him.

She was quite possibly the most beautiful woman that
Hikaru had ever seen.

Heh. So he has a potential at least one-sided love interest, eh?

He blinked. Second most beautiful. Definitely second.

He had no idea where that 'most beautiful' impulse had
come from.

Because she's in his arms and Akane isn't. All that 'one in the hand being
worth two in the bush' et al.

Her head shot up nervously. "N-name.?" She blinked as
if trying to recall it. "N-Nadia.

Heh. I wonder if she's Namor type Atlantean in this.

Hikaru began to rub his temples. "That's because she's
poor, Hellcat. When people are poor, sometimes they
can't afford niceties the rest of us take for granted,
like shoes, or regular meals."

"Yeah, but-" Kagome gestured to Nadia's ankles.
"They've got little wings on them. See?" She tugged
lightly on a little green wing that rested perfectly
on the heel of the foot.

Hikaru blinked. "Oh." This was definitely-unique.

Nah. Lot's of human Atlantean hybrids have them. :)

"How is it you're allowed to feel her up, but I'm
not?" asked Miroku.

Hikaru: I'm the protagonist. Lots of things end up going my way.

Inu-Yasha glanced up at them, and shrugged. "Just
hers." He frowned. "Actually, it's pretty weird. Human
but-saltier."

Inu-Yasha: Like a cracker.

Miroku glanced at Hikaru. "Any idea where she's from?"

Hikaru sighed. "India? Africa? Brazil? The Caribbean?
Idaho?"

Nah. Then she'd smell like a potato.

He shook his head. "The world's a lot smaller

than you two remember-the best I could do is take a
guess at her ethnicity and even that would be a wild
stab."

Hikaru: All gaijin look alike, frankly.

 He walked over to the edge of the alleyway. The

brick wall that stood at the end of it had a huge
gaping hole in it.

I think you can drop 'of it' especially since the sentence ends with 'in
it'. Sounds too repetitive.

A pair of eyes were following him in the distance.
"Why, look, sister! It's that old meanie, Son of
Satan! I hate him, don't you?"

Oh goodie, a leftover of Yasha and Kagome

Hikaru gave a polite cough. "I'm Hikaru Gosunkugi. You
are in my house." He smiled in what he hoped was a
charmingly disarming manner. "We've-met earlier."

"We- met' sounds better to me

Nadia screwed up her mouth. "Actually the fact you
asked had me looking for a blunt object."

"You've given that up?" asked Hikaru with a note of
hope.

Nadia: Fists are easier and more powerful, in my case. I am a Sub-Mariner,
after all

"Oh, thank you," muttered Hikaru. "People are just
bowling me over with compliments today."

Nadia took a deep flustered breath. "Look, let's just
this out on different footing." "Sounds reasonable."

need a break there

Hikaru blinked. "Amnesia?"

Nadia stared at him. "You seem skeptical."

"It's greatly overrated," noted Hikaru,

Namor suffered repeatedly from it. Three or four times, I believe.

Nadia thought that over. "I know my first name but not
my last. I know a great deal about your culture,

And that she says 'your culture' means on an instinctive level, she knows
she's not of his.

"That was my food money for the next two weeks."
muttered Hikaru. "If I want to eat, I'm going to have
to dip into my personal savings, which are not in the
best shape right now."

"Um, we'll help." offered Kagome.

At least she's trying.

Nadia's jaw clenched. "Especially for fish." She
looked Hikaru. "I'm a pacifist, Mr. Gosunkugi, who
holds all life sacred."

Untrue. Plants are quite alive and she feels no compuntion to murder them.
It's that whole mobility racism against plants that vegetarians have.
Bastards talk about animal rights all the time and while proudly announcing
their planticide attitudes. Hypocrites, the whole lot of them.

"So," said the silky, accented voice, "she is being
sheltered by Hellcat and Son of Satan."

"That's right, boss!"

"Give us candy!"

Heh

Grandis moaned. "Come on grandfather! Don't spoil
them!"

Maynard Gravna Tiboldt

Hmm. Ringmaster I, correct?

turned towards his

granddaughter imposingly. "Granddaughter, Lin Lin and
Ran Ran were promised candy by me if they did as I
asked, and CANDY THEY SHALL HAVE!" He handed the twins
two suckers.

"That's right! Candy!" shouted Lin Lin.

Heh. More Joketsuzoku survivors, then

"Meanie lady!" shouted Ran Ran. The twins darted
around Grandis, wrapping her legs up in silken
scarves.

"You little-OOF!" cried Grandis as she toppled over.
"I'LL PUT YOU IN THE BOX!!"

Heh

"Now, now, granddaughter, the twins are merely
following their villainous shtick." A dashing smile
touched Tiboldt's face. "Indeed, we of the Gravna and
Tiboldt families have always prided ourselves on the
gimmickry of our underlings, who traditionally come in
matched sets of two." He stood up to his full height.
"And using those underlings we have created-THE CIRCUS
OF CRIME!" He struck his chest and immediately started
coughing.

Grandis scowled as he hacked up a large bit of mucus.
"Honestly, grandfather, that is disgusting."

Agree. Don't seem too many old villains like him, though. I like him
already.

"What? You will be old one day. I'm to blame for
this?" He frowned at her. "Also, it was unsuitable of
you to threaten them with the Box. That is the Tiboldt
family punishment, to be given by the Tiboldt family
head, which you are not." Tiboldt stared at her
imperiously. "Instead I am, and I shall remain so
until you do as I have long wanted you to do."

"I'm not killing you, Grandpa," sighed Grandis.

Heheheh

"Oh, come on-I'm an old man. All it would take his a
pillow and a few minutes!" He crossed his arms. "I
killed my grandfather when I was half your age!"

"We're not talking about this, grandfather,"

Grandfather, I think

Grandis took a deep breath. "I think our client would
want us to get the job done."

Hmm. Unlikely it's the Cowl, then. He has his own group of lackies to use,
and doesn't need to subcontract out.

"Of course," smiled Tiboldt. "Granddaughter, I think
we can handle these 'superheroes'. Or rather the
Ringmaster and Princess Python can!"

Grandis groaned. "You want me to get the snake, don't
you?"

Heh. It always was an incredibly lame ability of hers, snake charming.

-----

Nadia leaned back in the tub, allowing the water to
stream over her skin in calming rivulets. This had
most certainly been what she'd needed. Plenty of rest,
relaxation and water, with no irritating distractions.

If she's anything like Namor, she needs water at regular intervals as well.

"They're attending a reunion tour of some old metal
band called 'Black Heaven'.

Heh

"Among other things. I'm exceedingly versatile."
Hikaru shrugged. "Actually I'm practically omnipotent,
given ideal time and circumstances."

But then, aren't we all?

"So your God

you're

Inu-Yasha glanced at Hikaru suspiciously. "That so?"

"Yes. It minimizes distraction, though I won't deny
quieting her down as a certain satisfaction all it's

its

What he saw surprised him.

It also knocked him unconscious.

That is surprising

-----

"Are you certain this is the place?"

"Yes, boss!"

"That's it!"

Tiboldt shook his head, "Curious. Superheroes
traditionally have more-impressive abodes."

"Grandfather," said Grandis in choked tones, "the damn
snake's trying to strangle me."

Heh

the Gravna Tiboldt criminal empire."

"Because you've killed off every other member after
tricking them into trying to kill you!" screamed

That would do it

"Still, I hear one of them has gone into public
relations, so per haps there is hope."

perhaps

Hikaru looked at him meditatively. "In fact,
excellent." He looked at Nadia. "All right-someone has
apparently sealed off most of your personal memories.
Neither you nor I can get to them."

Hmm. Interesting.

"I see," said Nadia quietly. "Can't you just-unseal
them?"

"Only if you don't mind being a vegetable,"

She doesn't. She is a vegetarian, after all.

answered

Hikaru. "Whoever put them up had a lot of power and
skill. Only they can lower them at will. Anyone else
is going to have to put a lot of effort into getting
them open, and I'm afraid I lack the finesse to do so
without damaging you."

"I thought you were 'practically omnipotent'," snapped
Nadia.

"Sister, it's a big 'practically'!" shot back Hikaru.

Hikaru shot back sounds better

"The human mind is very delicate. You can't just go
charging in at will. I don't care if you can breathe
underwater-some things still aren't going to go your
way."

"Stop being so patronizing," said Nadia.

"I can't help my nature," replied Hikaru. "Though the
fact you used the word 'patronizing' will cut down on
my condescending."

"What if I use the word 'hemorrhage'?" asked Nadia.

Heh. She's as nasty as he is

"Damn," muttered Hikaru. "Now I have to fix that
window."

Nadia stood very still for a moment, then screamed.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" She charged forward.

Through the wall.

Hikaru: And now i have to fix that.

"So. Miss il Karthon,"

Hmm. Related to Karthon the Questor, is she?

"The Ringmaster!" gasped Kagome. "So the Circus of

Crime is behind this!"

"Say what now?" asked Hikaru.

that parses off a bit. "What are you talking about?" sounds better, or
something like that.

"The Circus of Crime!" intoned Kagome ostentatiously.
"A circus where the clowns don't cause laughter,

Clowns don't ever cause laughter.

 the

animals don't amaze, and the acrobats don't fill the
heart with wonder."

Hikaru frowned. "Kagome, that's every circus."

I don't know. Some acrobats can do neat stuff.

"I have no idea what that means, but thank you," said
the Ringmaster silkily. "Welcome to the Circus of
Crime! Our show-stopping acts are guaranteed to knock
your socks off!" He chuckled to himself, and then
gestured to a corner. "May I present-the Twin Chinese
Acrobats!"

Lin Lin and Ran Ran tumbled into view.

"Princess Python!"

By the way, I think we could have used a better description of Grandis here. 
While I know what she looks like, especially since I know the PP outfit, but 
you could probably throw in some lines when she pops up with Ringmaster

The arrow let loose a shockwave that knocked three of
the four people near it to their feet.

Nadia was the exception.

Oops

"Oh." Nadia bit her lip, and smiled slightly. "It's a
date."

Heh

-----

In a small ship by the docks a man shut off a radio.
"Damn," he muttered. He sighed and shook his head.
"Well, just goes to show you-you can't subcontract."

He shook his head again, and went below to inform h is

his

employers that there'd been an insignificant delay.

"Thank you, my sweet," he said, then sipped it down.
"Ahh, excellent. The arsenic adds just the right touch
of piquancy. It makes me glad I developed a tolerance
for it."

Heh

"You're the first person I've met who's honestly more
depressed than I am." He walked out. "I find that
awfully reassuring."

Heh

The spaceship stopped behind the moon.

"So this is the place?"

"Yes, Captain. Third planet in the Sol system. The
inhabitants call it-Earth."

"It is strangely lovely, is it not? I wonder if it is
ready for-THE HERALD OF GALACTUS?"

Hmm. I already had plans for Big G and the Surfer, so I'm assuming this is 
some poser. I guess we'll see

I'm aware that some people may not like the story
choices I've made in this chapter,

Eh. It works for me, and you can't please everyone

Nice work. I'll look over the next chapter soon

DB Sommer 



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