This is an idea that, if it hasn't been written yet, it would really
surprise me. Nonetheless, having seen no such thing anywhere else, I
present my Megas XLR/Evangelion crossover. It will probably get better
as it picks up... this is just the scenario that merges the two series.



EVAS XLR
Chapter 1: Time Driven

    Coop eyed his latest creation critically, scratching his chin and
humming to himself. "No, no. It's not right. Something's still missing."
    "Dude, it's fine," said Jamie. "You've been working on it for five
hours. You've built stuff ten times this size in less time."
    Kiva raised an eyebrow. "Ten times the size of that thing?"
    "It's not the size that matters," said Coop. "I mean, we beat up
stuff bigger than Megas all the time. It's all in the quality of the
construction, and the right materials." He held out a hand. "But this
part's gonna be tricky. Pass me that crowbar and a flathead screwdriver.
Oh, and a blowtorch."
    "A blowtorch?" exclaimed Kiva, taking a few steps back. "Are you
sure you know what you're doing?"
    "I'm gonna be fighting one of the mightiest forces in the universe,"
replied Coop, taking the requested tools from Jamie. "I'm gonna need all
the power I can get."
    Kiva pushed him roughly aside and grabbed the glass jar in one hand.
She quickly twisted the lid off with the other and offered it to Coop.
    He glared at her for a few seconds before reaching in and grabbing
one of the pickle spears in his meaty fingers. He dropped it on top of
the sandwich and spread his arms. "Voila! My masterpiece is finished!"
    "Good," said Kiva. "Now, can I PLEASE make a sandwich for myself?"
    "Are you sure you don't want some of my Coop Extreme?" Coop offered,
gesturing to the foodstuff that covered most of the counter and towered
over even the lanky Jamie.
    "Well, if you can spare a square yard or so, Jamie and I can
probably get by for about a month."
    Coop scratched his chin. "I dunno... I'm feeling pretty hungry
today."
    "It was a joke," Kiva pointed out. "I wouldn't touch that thing if
it was the only food in the house."
    Coop stared at her and blinked.
    Kiva caught the drift quickly. "Don't tell me... you used all the
food in the house to make that one sandwich?"
    "If we HAD more food, I'd have put it in the sandwich!"
    Kiva sighed. "I'll just go to McDoland's and get a burger."
    "Mind if I tag along?" asked Jamie. "I don't want to be here when he
starts eating that thing. There are times and places where watching Coop
eat is fascinating, and this is neither."
    "You guys have NO sense of adventure," said Coop, licking his lips
eagerly.
    "You know, we DO ride in Megas with you when you fight the Glorft
and destroy planet-eating monsters and win giant robot tournaments and
stuff," Jamie reminded him.
    "Yeah, but that's just the same stuff we do every day. THIS..." - he
gestured grandly at the Coop Extreme - "is an adventure!"
    "I'm up for it," said Jamie, "but I think my intestines want to
pass."
    Coop snorted. "Whatever! Kiva, you're man enough to take one bite,
aren't you?"
    There was no response. There was no Kiva to deliver one.
    "Hey, where'd she go?" asked Coop.
    Jamie jerked a thumb toward the open back door. "I think she left."
    "Aw, man!" groaned Coop. "She's always moping these days! What's her
problem?"
    "Aside from being stranded in the past with a guy who can turn a
kitchen full of food into a single meal?"
    "It's not THAT much food," Coop countered.
    The gravitational pull of the food's mass finally overcame the
quantum boundary, and the entire sandwich collapsed in on itself in a
temporary black hole, sucking in most of the magnets from the
refrigerator and the entire gallery of Coop's kindergarten art before
vanishing into a singularity.
    "You were saying?" asked Jamie.
    Coop shrugged. "Well, if we got no food, I guess we'd better go try
to cheer Kiva up. Maybe she'll buy us some more."
*************************************************
    Kiva rested her chin on her palms and sighed. The massive blue
flame-styled hulk of Megas towered over her, but the dark shadow that
surrounded her made its shade seem bright by comparison. She furtively
glanced around the yard to make sure nobody was watching her, then
pulled a small silver disc out of her pocket and pressed a button on its
surface. A faint, flickering image of a group of people appeared above
the disc, so blurry that the faces were little more than discolored
specks and the uniforms could hardly be recognized as identical to
Kiva's. She had to squint to make out any details at all, and even then,
it was little more than a dim blob. She felt a tear forming in the
corner of her eye and quickly blinked it away. She'd been trained better
than to let emotional attachments weigh her down.
    She was so intent on the fading image that she didn't notice Coop
and Jamie until they entered her field of view. "What's that thing?"
asked Coop.
    Kiva nearly dropped the disc in surprise. She fumbled for the button
as Jamie poked a finger into the picture. "Is that some kind of
futuristic hologram device?" he asked.
    "Yes, it is," snapped Kiva, finally turning the projector off.
    Jamie ignored her heated tone. "Man, I thought the future was
supposed to have cool stuff. They make better holograms than that NOW."
    "The battery's almost dead," Kiva explained. "And the technology to
make a new one won't be developed for at least twenty more years."
    Coop snorted derisively. "Like that's ever stopped me. Lemme take a
look at it."
    Kiva quickly pulled the disc out of his reach. "Even if I thought
you could build a new battery, I wouldn't let you within a hundred feet
of the raw materials."
    "So, what's it a picture of?" asked Jamie.
    "My battalion from the future," she replied. "The last time I saw
them was months ago, before I came back to the past."
    "That picture's all you've got left of them, huh?" Jamie asked
sympathetically.
    "Too bad it's running out of juice," said Coop. "Hey, maybe we could
use Megas to give it a jump and -"
    "It's not rechargeable," Kiva said quickly.
    "So, was one of them your boooooooooyfriend or something?" teased
Jamie, nudging her shoulder.
    "There was no time for that," said Kiva quietly. "On the front line,
we couldn't afford to let anything slow us down. We were all close...
but never that close."
    Understanding finally forced its way through Coop's thick skull. "So
you miss all your friends from the future, huh?"
    "I wasn't supposed to be stuck in the past for this long," Kiva
reminded him. "This was supposed to be a simple mission to retrieve
Megas and return to the future."
    Coop scratched his head. "So it's a little longer than you expected.
Big deal."
    "A little longer?" Kiva struggled to comprehend the lack of
compassion it must have taken to reach such a conclusion. "Coop, it's
more than that! It would be like... Jamie saying he's just going down to
the store and not coming back for five months!"
    Coop glanced over at Jamie. "Oh yeah? Where'd he go??"
    "That's the point!" Kiva shouted. "You don't know! You don't know
where he is or how he's doing or even if he's still alive! You might
never see him again! Wouldn't you be upset?"
    "Darn right I'd be upset!" Coop poked a meaty index finger into
Jamie's face. "You know I can't eat lunch alone! Think of my stomach the
next time you wander off and disappear!"
    "Hey, relax!" Jamie said defensively. "It didn't really happen! Kiva
just said what if!"
    "Oh, yeah." Coop rubbed his chin. "I guess I oughtta stock up on
one-player games, just in case."
    "That's not what I meant," said Kiva. "I was talking about being
separated from everyone you know and care about."
    "He's done that before," said Jamie. "One time, he left to go to the
store and didn't come back for weeks. He got lost in the woods and ended
up living with a family of boars."
    "Wouldn't they have eaten him?" asked Kiva.
    "It was just last year," Jamie explained. "He could have eaten
THEM."
    "Me, cook? No way!" Coop protested.
    Kiva shook her head. "Look, it's really not important. The point is
that yeah, I kind of wish I could see my old team again. But the only
way to do that would be to fix the time drive."
    "Don't think I haven't tried," Coop said defensively. "I used four
whole rolls of duck tape on that thing, AND I used components from seven
different game consoles. It just plain doesn't work."
    Jamie looked at the device in question, which was sitting in the
middle of the yard surrounded by a pile of tools and parts. "Um, Coop?"
he ventured. "Have you tried this button marked 'ON'?"
    "What button marked 'ON'?" Coop asked accusingly, approaching the
time drive. "I know there ain't no ON button."
    "Well, it says 'NO', but you probably just put it upside down," said
Jamie. "See, the arrow with 'THIS END UP' next to it is pointing down."
    Coop stared at the button and casually spun it around. "Hey, what do
you know? It does say 'ON'. Wonder what it does."
    "You think maybe it turns the machine on?" Jamie guessed.
    "Nah. I always write 'NO' on the start button. Otherwise, why would
I ever press it?"
    "You never tried this one even though it was marked 'NO'," Jamie
pointed out.
    "I don't wanna go to no future overrun with Glorft. The present
overrun by the Glorft was bad enough... and the present has video
games."
    Kiva stepped between them and stood in front of the time drive.
"Excuse me... did you just say you figured out how to make the time
drive work?"
    "Well, we haven't tested it yet," said Coop, "and I'd really like to
put some decals on it before we put it in Megas... you know, just so it
doesn't clash too much with the interior...."
    Kiva spun around and grabbed his collar in both hands. "PUT... IT...
IN... MEGAS... NOW!"
    Jamie put his hands up. "You know, considering that Coop's the one
who put this back together, I think we'd better -"
    Kiva cast him a glare hot enough to melt a star.
    "- put that thing in Megas and fire it up right now," Jamie quickly
finished. "The future's not getting any closer, right?"
*************************************************
    Eighty-seven minutes later, Coop wiped his hands triumphantly and
stepped out of the car that formed Megas' cockpit onto the waiting hand.
Megas lowered him to the ground, and he hopped off. "There you go, Kiva.
You're all set."
    Kiva's eyes sparkled with joy. "You mean it? I can really finally go
home?"
    "Anything's possible," said Coop.
    Jamie stepped forward. "I'm really gonna miss you, Kiva."
    "I'll miss you too," said Kiva.
    Coop nodded. "I'm really gonna miss Megas."
    "Yeah, me too," echoed Jamie. "It's gonna be weird without people
trying to kill us all the time, and flying to other planets where the
space chicks have completely new ways to humiliate me...." He paused for
a moment of thought. "I bet your friends will be real happy to see you."
    Kiva smiled. "Thanks, Jamie. And thank you, Coop. I'll never forget
you guys." She climbed onto Megas' hand.
    "Don't forget the recipe for the Coop Extreme!" Coop called after
her as Megas lifted her to its head. "I know it's gonna be famous before
your time comes, but maybe they'll need a reminder what order to put the
cheeses!"
    "You really sure you want those to be your last words?" Jamie asked
him.
    "What else am I supposed to say? 'See you later?' 'Don't forget to
write?'"
    Jamie scratched his chin. "Yeah, that is a tough one."
    The engine revved as Kiva started up Megas.
    "I get the feeling I'm supposed to say something really deep and
philosophical now," said Coop.
    "Like what?"
    "You expect ME to think of something? I'm too hungry to think. I
missed lunch. Both lunches."
    "Oh, yeah." Jamie nodded sagely. "Philosophy's overrated anyway."
    "That'll work," said Coop.
    They both looked up at the robot that hadn't moved since Kiva had
started it.
    "How long is that time drive supposed to take, anyway?" asked Jamie.
"'Cause it's been a while."
    Coop shrugged. "The last time I had the time drive mostly working,
it was making fruit smoothies out of dirt."
    Jamie retched. "I had three of those!"
    The car door opened. "Um, guys?" Kiva shouted over the roar of the
engine. "It doesn't work!"
    Coop groaned. "I told her to let me put on the decals. But did she
listen? Noooooooooooo...." He banged a palm on Megas' leg. "Hang on,
Kiva! I'm coming up!" Megas stretched a hand down, and he rode it up to
the top.
    Kiva slid into the passenger seat as he arrived. "All the
coordinates are right, and I know it's getting enough power. I just
can't figure out what's going wrong."
    Coop examined the device that took up half of the back seat and
scratched his chin. "I think I see the problem. This connection's
backward."
    "You installed it, didn't you?"
    "Usually, I get enough parts backward that it all evens out." He
leaned out the window. "Hey, Jamie! Bring me up a one and five-eighths
inch wrench!"
    Jamie grabbed a wrench from the toolbox and rode Megas' hand up.
"Didn't realize you were that hungry," he quipped.
    "Ha ha, very funny," said Coop, leaning over the seat to make the
adjustment. "Wait a second! This isn't one and five-eighths! This is one
and three-quarters!"
    "What's the diff-?"
    For several seconds, the only sound in Coop's backyard was the loud
rush of air moving into the vacuum where Megas had stood. Then, all was
silent.
*************************************************
    The three children raced up the ramp toward the security door.
"That's it!" shouted Asuka. "That has to be the door to the hangar!"
    "But we've been going uphill!" Shinji protested, panting from the
long run. "If anything, that door probably leads back outside."
    Asuka crossed her arms. "Shut up, Third Child! I'm the leader here,
so if I say that door leads to the hangar, then it leads to the hangar!"
    "I think the door probably outranks you," Shinji mumbled as he
grabbed the manual release handle. With a groan, he turned the giant
wheel, slowly releasing the locks that would have unfastened
automatically had the NERV Base not been completely out of power.
    "Here," said Asuka as she grabbed the wheel. "If I don't help,
you'll never get this done." The two of them hauled in tandem, pulling
the door aside. Bright sunlight flooded the corridor.
    "It leads outside," Rei said calmly.
    "Thank you, Wonder Girl," snapped Asuka. "I would never have figured
that out myself."
    "We should probably close this door," advised Shinji. "You never
know what might be outs-" His voice trailed off as the Angel came into
view, its bulk blocking the sunlight. A giant eye stared through the
doorway, watching the three children as two scrambled to get the door
closed and one stared right back.
    Suddenly, as if announcing the world's most inappropriately timed
Monty Python sketch, a giant metal foot stomped on the spiderlike Angel,
crushing it. Streams of green and orange goo squirted out, splashing the
nearby buildings and the three children inside the base. They ignored
the mess, however, as all three of them raptly cast their eyes to the
sky, searching for the top of the robot that stood in the middle of
Tokyo-3.
    A voice came from above, speaking in a language that wasn't
Japanese. Shinji strained to hear it, then shook his head. "Did you
understand any of that, Asuka?" he asked.
    Asuka smacked him on the back of the head. "Dummkopf! I speak
German, not English! My English is even worse than my Japanese!"
    "It said, 'Ew, that was disgusting. I hate spiders, especially the
ones with lots of eyes,'" Rei translated.
    Shinji looked back up at the robot. "Do you think maybe we should
invite it in? Seeing how it saved our lives and all...."
    "I'll ask the commander to prepare storage space for it," said Rei.
"I'm sure Dr. Akagi will want to examine it."
    Asuka disgustedly shook her arms, dislodging very little of the
sludge that covered them. "Just tell it to wipe its feet first."

------------------------------------------------------------

Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do
it himself.

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