DB Sommer wrote:

I didn't think it was much elaborated on beyond the first ep, but I was 
uncertain since I saw all of 4 eps of it.

 

See the series, clear thrpough to the end if possible. This will not 
only put you on the moist demadning rollercoaster you've ever ridden, 
but it'll make the Odd Quad's motivations 9such as they are) seem much 
clearer.

It could have been that way too, although it probably makes them even more 
shallow than the reasoning appears on the surface. Except that it's not 
meant to be taken seriously. Naturally I create a serious story in it's 
place. Ironic, isn't it?

 

The Odd Quad ARE shallow, extremely so. They may be the worst parents in 
anime because they don't care at all what kinds of hell their children 
are going through. At least Kenji Tsukino of Sailor Moon cared enough to 
get upset when he learned his 15-year-old duaghter was dating a college 
student. The Odd Quad don't notice what's going on under their own roof 
-- or, if they do notice, don't care. Miki could run away from home and 
all they'd care about is whether she would send them gifts from wherever 
she went.

In this connection, I think your narrative strategy to use one of the 
women as
narrator
   

was correct; this language would be much less believable (IMO)
 

coming

>from a male character.

In shoujo? It's standard that the men think like women. Of course, the 
reverse is true in for anime directed toward us guys. :)

 

Marnalade Boy may be the prototypical shoujo series, but many of the 
male characters are actually very convincing. Mnay of them, of course, 
are wounded and don't show it easily -- Yuu in particular (if he could 
have convinced himself he DESERVED a chance to be happy things would 
have gone a lot easier for him).

Should you be
 

tempted to
revise more than trivially (which I suspect you won't), I suggest giving 
the men's POVs
a different tone than the women's.
   

I don't use theirs all that much.

 

But, again, MB is a shoujo series, so female characters are supposed to 
angst about
love, romance, and passion, while male characters aren't supposed to come 
off (to
male readers, at least) as real people.
   

That's funny. Yuu, Na-chan, Ginta and Kei-kun came across as real people 
to me.

Michael Hopcroft





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