Cast Adrift of Memories Bliss
(A Marmalade Boy fanfic)



Any and all C+C is appreciated. You can contact me at
sommert@connecttime.net

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http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/d_b_sommer/index.html

And also Angcobra is now storing fics, at
http://www.hostultra.com/~AngCobraFics/dbsommer.html

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Writer�s forward: This one came about as a result of seeing the first 
four episodes of MB at Otakon last year. Having only seen 4 eps, I might 
be contradicting some canon here, but I haven�t been able to find 
anything to contradict this, so here we go.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I remember the epiphany. It was on a Wednesday between noon and one. I 
was eating lunch at the weekly get together with four of my oldest 
friends from when we were in high school. It was a ritual we developed 
to keep in touch with one another after we graduated and moved on in our 
lives. Sixteen years and I missed it maybe a total of four times, one of 
them when Miki was born. We were as regular as clockwork. It was as 
though the years had never happened and we were in high school selves 
once again. Over lunch we�d talk about many things. How our lives were 
going. Our marriages. Raising children. Sex. Anything. No subject was 
forbidden, that was how open we were. No guys allowed either. Not ever. 
That was the one unbreakable rule. It was so we wouldn�t have to worry 
about putting on airs and looking good for them. This was a time for us 
to just be ourselves.

It was Miyabi who said it. She was always the crudest out of all of us. 
If someone in our little gathering of hens swore, it was her nine times 
out of ten. We always attributed her coarse behavior as the principal 
reason for why she was still single.

Miyabi was talking about some guy she was dating. She was going into 
great detail about him being a major hunk, and confessed to us she was 
having great sex with him. When I asked if she was going to marry him, 
Miyabi laughed and said it was nothing romantic, and that the two of 
them were just �fuck buddies.�

That was the first time I had heard the word. The instant I understood 
what it meant, I wave of nausea passed through me, and it took all I had 
not to vomit up my lunch. That would have been something the girls would 
have talked about for months. I managed to regain enough control to 
remain at the table. I tuned out the rest of the conversation from that 
point on. I just wanted to leave. For once the girls were in my way. I 
needed time to myself to think.

It took an eternity, but the meal finally ended and we went our separate 
ways. Finally my stomach settled enough to think about that word, and 
the reaction it triggered inside me. I knew why it had such an effect. 
The explanation was simple, really.

It was the perfect term to describe my marriage to Jin.

Jin and I first met in high school on a double date. It was the typical 
story. A friend of mine and a friend of his were dating. When they 
talked about us, (including the fact we were both not dating anyone) 
they thought we�d be perfect together. So with the best of intentions 
they set us up to meet one another and go out with them. I didn�t have 
my hopes up. My dating life up to that point had been limited and, 
frankly, disastrous. Still, I wanted to please my friend whose 
intentions were noble, if not terribly bright. So I smiled and pretended 
like I was looking forward to it. I figured it was only one evening, and 
if things went poorly with my date, it was only a one time thing, and I 
wouldn�t have to feel guilty if I refused to go out a second time. It 
wasn�t like he had asked me out or something. It was just a favor we 
were doing for someone else.

We agreed to meet near the school�s soccer field around six. My friend 
and I waited for the guys to show up. The plan was to keep things 
simple: dinner and a movie. It wouldn�t even take up the whole night, if 
things went poorly. It was a sound plan and strategy.

The first time I laid eyes on Jin I was delighted to see he was 
good-looking. Not incredibly handsome, not even head turning, but no one 
would call him ugly. I know it sounds shallow, but I�ve always been a 
proponent of the idea that there has to be some degree of physical 
attraction in order for there to be a chance at a relationship. Ideally, 
it shouldn�t be that way. We should judge each other on who we are, not 
what we look like. On the other hand, models don�t look like the rest of 
us lowly mortals, now do they?

Mind you, it wasn�t �love at first sight�, I didn�t believe in such a 
creature, but Jin was easy on the eyes. My first concern about being 
repelled by him was gone, and he didn�t wince when he saw me, so I felt 
a sense of relief. It was a good way to start things off. If only the 
rest of the night went as smoothly.

Jin seemed happy to see me as well, probably relieved for the same 
reason, though I�ve never asked him about it. Since we didn�t reject one 
another from the outset, we separated into couples, our mutual friends 
walking ahead of us just out of earshot, giving us time to get to know 
one another, as well as affording themselves some privacy.

We started talking, tentatively at first, but quickly became relaxed and 
opened up to one another. It was odd. While I had dated guys before, I 
never felt so comfortable with one. Moreover we had a lot in common 
(proving our friends were good judges of character), so we had a lot to 
talk about. I felt at ease with Jin in a way I had with no other guy. It 
was almost like talking to my female friends, but not quite. Jin was 
undeniably male, available, and we were on a date, so it wasn�t exactly 
the same thing. He was the first guy I ever really �talked� to, if that 
made any sense. Soon we forgot our friends were even there as we 
discussed everything from our favorite music, to what flavor ice cream 
we liked. What trepidation I felt slipped away as the night wore on. 
Everything went perfectly. We enjoyed the meal and the movie, and when 
it came time to call it a night, Jin decided to walk me back to my home. 
It was good sign, especially since he lived in the opposite direction. 
Our friends bid us goodnight, obviously delighted that we hit it off so 
well.

Since neither of us wanted the night to end so soon, we took a detour 
through a park, trying to remain together as long as we could. I 
wouldn�t call what we shared romantic. Friendly was the word. Very 
friendly. I actually stayed out past my curfew, but I didn�t really 
care. Here was a guy I was relaxed with and whose company I enjoyed. In 
one night I had more fun with him than with every other guy put 
together. He was worth a little hassle from my parents.

When it came time to call it evening, the date ended the only way it 
could: with a kiss. At the time I felt it incredibly romantic, yet 
unlike the exotic tales I heard other girls talk about. There were no 
fireworks going off. No sakura trees surrounding us in a storm of 
leaves. No groping. It was a simple kiss with a man for whom I had 
nothing but good feelings about, which were sharply contrasted with my 
fears at the start of the evening. Simply put, it was one of the best 
nights of my life.

Seeing each other again was a given. We went out the next night, and the 
night after that, and the night after that. I would probably have gone 
out with Jin every night of the week if my parents hadn�t made me slow 
down. He met them soon enough, at their insistence, and they were nearly 
as enchanted with him as I was. I never had so much fun in my life as 
when I was with him, and while I wouldn�t call myself addicted to him, I 
definitely enjoyed life more being with him than not being around him.

We were going steady within two weeks, and by the end of the month, we 
were officially recognized as �a couple� in the eyes of our fellow 
students. It was odd, but kind of neat. I was never notable in any way 
before that, but now that I was part of a steady couple, it gave me a 
reputation, making others recognize my name even if they hadn�t met me 
personally. Jin said it was much the same way with him. Once we were 
cemented as a couple, guys stopped hitting on me, not that I had an 
overwhelming number of advances to begin with. It was just that they 
(correctly) saw there was no sense in wasting their time with me since I 
was in steady relationship I was happy with.

It soon became obvious our relationship wasn�t like that of those around 
us. I constantly heard from my friends and others describing their 
relationships in far different terms. The high points made them 
starry-eyed and giddy, sometime to the point of annoying those of us 
around them. The lows made them depressed, hollow shells of what they 
once were, some claiming they were so miserable it felt like killing 
themselves was the only way to end the suffering. No one ever did, 
thankfully, but I was relieved Jin and I weren�t like that.

What we had was a steady, solid relationship, with little in the way of 
ups and downs. High points were when he would get me flowers or candy, 
and once he did buy me a small (very small) diamond necklace which 
brought tears of joy to my eyes, but it was hardly the torrid affair 
other girls seemed to have. Of course, while our love might not have 
been the blazing inferno others described, at least it didn�t burn out 
like theirs inevitably did.

The low points weren�t all that low either. Oh, there were the 
occasional disagreements and more rarely hard feelings over them, but 
they were fleeting and easily forgiven. I never once thought of leaving 
him, nor he I. Our trust with one another was so absolute that even if 
harsh words were exchanged, we knew in our hearts the other didn�t mean 
it and never held it against them once things cooled down, which was 
always the next day.

Our trust was so deep that when I asked him if a dress I wore made me 
look fat, I wanted him to tell the truth. And if he said it did, I was 
glad he told me. I never felt angry or resentful, the way most of my 
fellow girls did, which I took to mean my relationship with my boyfriend 
was far more stable than theirs.

Everything went steady and smooth. After we had dated a year, becoming 
seniors in the process, we began having sex. It just seemed that it was 
the next logical step forward in a relationship neither of us wanted to 
end. Most of our friends had lost their virginity, and they hadn�t dated 
half as long as we had. Our first time wasn�t even planned. It was just 
something that happened on the spur of the moment. While it might not 
have been the result of a long candlelight dinner and dance followed by 
a room in an upscale hotel, it was definitely one of the most wonderful 
experiences of my life. We began doing it on a regular basis, though 
neither of us was demanding. We were always sensitive to the other�s 
need. The sex was enjoyable, though neither of us had anything to 
compare the experience to. It only helped to cement our already 
wonderful relationship.

With our graduation came the next logical step in our continuing 
courtship: marriage. Everyone seemed to agree, as the announcement of 
our engagement was met with knowing looks or �it�s about time�s. The 
engagement was brief, and soon we had our wedding. It was a small 
ceremony with family and friends, but it was the most wonderful day of 
our lives.

We set up a home near the university Jin and I attended, though I ended 
up dropping out as our rather rambunctious honeymoon yielded a not 
unexpected result. I was pregnant. The pregnancy was by the book, much 
like my marriage, though with the birth of my daughter, I discovered 
there was something much more wonderful than my wedding day. Having Miki 
was by far the most incredible thing in my life, making my marriage pale 
by comparison. Jin felt the same way. Our lives revolved around our 
newborn, and she became the most important thing in the world. It took a 
great deal of restraint for us to not dote on her too much and spoil 
her, though I think we might have from time to time.

We became a family then. Jin graduated and was hired by a solid firm 
making a decent wage. I was a homemaker and housewife, and enjoyed it. 
Everything flowed smoothly, with few bumps in the road. It was like we 
were the ideal family, which was what I believed for years. We were the 
envy of everyone we knew.

But there was a feeling of dissatisfaction. Something not quite right 
with everything, but I couldn�t put my finger on it. There was something 
missing, and for the life of me, I couldn�t figure out what it was. It 
grew worse over the years, more noticeable, almost irritating. It was 
like having an itch but not knowing where to scratch. It was 
distressing. Even when I mentioned it to my friends, they had no idea 
what it could be. My life lacked any real problems. Both Miki and Jin 
were fine. It felt like there was something off inside me.

And then it all came into focus with one brusque phrase. A fuck buddy. 
Someone you sleep with while lacking any real sense of attachment. The 
more I thought about it in conjunction with myself, the more I felt like 
that was what I had with my husband. While we loved each other, it 
wasn�t with any sense of infatuation. There was little in the way of 
passion between us. It wasn�t so much a marriage as much as a business 
partnership. We didn�t dislike one another, on the contrary, we liked 
each other very much, but at the same time it seemed we never cared 
intensely about one another. That was why I had never minded it when he 
told me a dress made me look fat: I didn�t love him so deeply that I 
would feel automatically hurt by a non-flattering comment he made about me.

It was like my life was built on a lie, but that wasn�t exactly true. It 
was an illusion, one I created and fooled myself into believing was 
something it wasn�t. I found myself not with a husband, but with a fuck 
buddy. It was nothing like a true marriage. If I did love Jin before, I 
certainly didn�t now. Cared, but not loved, and there is a world of 
difference between the two.

It was horrifying to me, but it was the truth. And as much as I cared 
about Jin, at the same time, I couldn�t pretend nothing was wrong. On 
the contrary, the very nature of our relationship, and the trust (which 
was a real thing) made it so I had to tell him how I felt, even if, for 
the first time in my life, I really and truly hurt him. But that honesty 
was the foundation of our relationship (unlike passion, which was what 
marriage was supposed to be about), and without that, we truly had nothing.

Waiting for Jin to come home that day was one of the hardest things in 
my life. Luckily, Miki was at a friend�s house. She had been doing that 
a lot more often since she entered high school. She was blossoming as a 
girl, and I was proud of that. I couldn�t have said anything while she 
was around. While my love for my husband was not that deep, it was the 
exact opposite when it came to my daughter. I would do anything for her, 
even maintain the illusion of a happy home, if it came to that. But I 
didn�t know what to do, other than discuss things with Jin. We�d have to 
put out minds together to come up with a solution to my problem. I only 
prayed we could.

I didn�t wait. Once Jin came home, I told him we had to talk. It was 
easily the most loathsome thing I had to do in my life. After Miki, Jin 
was the most important person in my life. Never had I done anything to 
hurt him, and now I was going to, and it was due to a failing on my 
part, not his. But I couldn�t refuse to tell him either. I just couldn�t.

So I confessed everything, as though I had cheated on him. I was a 
babbling wreck by the time I was through, all of it a self-inflicted 
wound. When I was done with my rambling emotional speech, Jin just 
looked at me in shock. I finally understood what those girls back in 
high school meant when they said their relationship took a turn for the 
worse and they wanted to kill themselves. I wanted to die on the spot of 
hurting him this way. It was entirely my fault. He was blameless. I 
cursed the day I had met him. Better never to have met him than to hurt 
him this way.

After several minutes of sitting there, staring off into space, I 
couldn�t take the silence anymore. I asked him what he wanted me to do. 
To pay for my sins, I would do anything he wanted. All he had to do was ask.

And then he spoke, reacting in the one way I never thought he would. It 
was one phrase which would stay with me to the end of my days, and 
perhaps the only form of salvation I could have.

�I feel the same way.�

Now it was my turn to be struck speechless. Of all the reactions I 
considered, that was not one of them. It was his turn to confess the 
same thing to me, though I only half listened. It was too much to be 
believed. It wasn�t until some of my higher functions kicked in that I 
realized it actually made sense. We treated each other in much the same 
way. We were a lot alike in personality, which was one of the reasons we 
got along so well together. It only made sense that he too was suffering 
in the same way I was, though he hadn�t figured out what the problem was 
anymore than I had before that day.

Once the truth set in, I was nearly hysterical with laughter. It was as 
though a great weight had been taken off my shoulders. After Miki, it 
was the greatest gift my husband could have given me. He joined me in 
relieved laughter. It was odd, how one could feel so delighted in 
discovering their marriage was a horrible mistake. Almost perverse, but 
it was the way of things.

After we both calmed down, we talked things out, as we always did. 
Perhaps the single advantage in not loving one another deeply was that 
we weren�t as careful about not hurting one another. Love and hate go 
hand in hand, and lacking the first made the second more difficult. We 
had to do something, for Miki�s sake if for no other reason. We both 
loved her far more than we ever loved each other, and divorcing on the 
spot would have hurt her terribly. It was decided we needed to try to 
salvage things for her sake. In order to do that, we would need some 
time alone together, and perhaps a spark would ignite our passions. Of 
all the men I had ever met in the world, Jin was still the one I cared 
about the most. There had never been anyone else that turned my eye, not 
that I had been looking around. So perhaps he was what I was looking 
for, and we just needed to find a way to make the connection between us 
deeper and stronger.

We decided on a romantic cruise. That would give us the time and 
isolation we needed to reconcile. We moved quickly, taking off at the 
end of the month. We maintained a solid wall of togetherness in front of 
Miki until then. Actually, it was quite easy, since she was the common 
ground we shared at the moment, while at the same time we were 
frightened at the new truth that had intruded into our lives. But we 
maintained the facade for her sake.

The end of the month came and we were off. I was looking forward to 
seeing what would happen now. It was odd, but almost from the instant we 
left Miki behind, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. It was then I 
realized how much pressure I felt in trying to pretend nothing was 
wrong. Now I was afraid. If our attempt to kindle our passions failed, I 
didn�t know what it would be like having to go back home and feign a 
happy married life with Jin. It had been bad enough before when I didn�t 
know what was wrong. But now that I did, I had to do something to fix 
it. I just hadn�t figured out what to do yet. I prayed the trip would 
garner the results both Jin and I wanted.

The suite we had was truly romantic. Flower petal were scattered across 
the room, heart-shaped chocolates on our bed. Everything was in 
valentine red. The mood was perfect, but I felt no desire to do anything 
with Jin. We made a weak attempt at making out, but it was obvious 
neither of us had our hearts in it, despite intentionally avoiding 
having any sex since our discussion. But even now, with the setting and 
atmosphere ideal, our love making would have been perfunctory. We both 
realized it, so we dropped the matter and went to sleep. Only if things 
occurred naturally could it possibly work out between us.

The next day we were a good distance out on the ocean, gaining the 
solitude we wanted. However, whatever we were hoping for wasn�t there. 
Nothing seemed to jump start the feelings we had hoped would be 
triggered on the trip. It was still early, but we were not off to a good 
start. There was little to talk about, since we knew each other so 
intimately. We simply couldn�t figure out where to begin.

By the time dinner rolled around, we were frustrated at being stymied so 
easily. Also we were becoming bored. If nothing else, this was a 
vacation, and we both wanted to enjoy it, but the palpable cloud of 
worry that hovered between us prevented anything but misery from seeping 
in.

During dinner we were seated at a table with another married couple the 
same age as us: Youji and Chiyako Matsura. Being naturally outgoing, Jin 
and I struck up a conversation with them. They both turned out to be 
just as friendly and sociable as us. We were quickly talking with each 
other as though we were lifelong friends.

While my initial intention was to talk primarily with Chiyako, I found 
Youji just as interesting as his wife, if not more so. I don�t know what 
it was about him, but there was something fascinating about his 
presence. He was extremely handsome, witty, and interesting as well. 
Honestly, he was unlike any man I had met since Jin, but while we got 
along almost as quickly as Jin and I had, there was something else 
there, a tension that had been lacking when my husband and I met as 
teenagers. At least on my part, though I could have sworn Youji was 
showing a bit more attention than was proper for a married man with his 
wife sitting right next to him. Then again, perhaps I was doing the 
same. My judgment was somewhat clouded, given the circumstances.

Not that Jin or Chiyako noticed. On the contrary, they were going on 
like old friends as well. At the time I could have almost sworn they 
were flirting with each other, which was preposterous. Jin never flirted 
with anyone, including myself. It wasn�t that he was shy; he just didn�t 
do that sort of thing.

Dinner ended all too soon, but since we were on a ship, and having 
nothing better to do we invited the Matsuras to our room for some drinks 
and to continue our conversation. Our revelry went into the wee hours of 
the morning. We chatted away all through the night, never tiring of one 
another�s company. Chiyako and I got along well, probably better than I 
did with any of my friends, but I had to admit, I found Youji the more 
interesting of the pair. My initial impression of him was only confirmed 
the longer I was in his company. There was something alluring about him, 
a sort of animal magnetism, and I could see why his wife had decided to 
marry him.

Reluctantly we called it a night, with a promise to meet each other in 
the morning. The mood had definitely changed between Jin and I, as we 
started to relax and enjoy the journey, rather than trying to force the 
issue of romance between us.

I was eager the next day, my thoughts turning to breakfast with Youji 
and Chiyako. Jin was just as excited as I was. I managed to grab the 
bathroom first, taking extra time to make myself presentable. It was a 
bit odd, me trying so hard to look good for our new friends, but for 
some reason I wanted to look my best when meeting them, though my 
thoughts were more in line with impressing Youji.

We arrived ten minutes late because of how thorough I was in cementing 
my appearance. Jin seemed a bit irritated at my taking so long. I 
thought for a moment he might be jealous, but whatever annoyance he had 
melted when we met the Matsuras again. Jin was gushing all over Chiyako, 
and I confess I did much the same with Youji. I noted that Chiyako was 
wearing an extra bit of make up herself, and Youji was extremely 
well-groomed as well. He looked even more dashing and handsome than the 
night before, and I felt the faintest pang of jealousy at how lucky 
Chiyako was to have landed such a handsome husband.

We picked up where we left off. Breakfast passed quickly, with all of us 
getting along famously. It was a bright sunny day, and being on a ship, 
we decided to work on our tans. We went back to our rooms and changed. I 
chose the smallest bikini I could find and tied it on, hoping to impress 
one person in particular. I thought Jin might not have approved of me 
showing so much of my flesh to our new companions, but he didn�t say a 
word. I could have sworn he didn�t even notice, distracted as he was. It 
was curious, but then, my mind wasn�t really focused on my husband at 
the time, and to be honest, I wasn�t the slightest bit interested in his 
opinion.

This time we arrived first. We grabbed a quartet of chairs on the deck, 
next to the ship�s swimming pool. The Matsuras weren�t long in a 
appearing, and I learned I didn�t have to worry about how much flesh I 
was showing when Chiyako removed her shirt and showed off an even 
smaller bikini than I did. While her bust was slightly larger than mine, 
my hips were narrower. I�d say we were about even in the looks 
department, and since I was getting along so well with her, I didn�t 
feel jealous at all.

Jin was quick to greet Chiyako, kissing her on the cheek. The gesture 
surprised me. My husband was not the type of man to greet a woman so 
affectionately. But my musings were quickly distracted as Youji grabbed 
my hand in a gentle hold and kissed the back of it, complimenting me on 
my looks. From that moment on, I didn�t care what my husband did. I 
preferred Youji�s attention to his by far.

Rather than each couple lying next to one another, a curious thing 
happened. When we had first come out, Jin and I had sat together. But 
Jin offered Chiyako his lounge chair while he sat on her far side, 
putting us on each side of her and not giving Youji a chance to sit next 
to her. Rather than complain, he sat down on the open seat next to me on 
the far end, forcing him to always look at me, even if he wanted to talk 
to anyone else. While he did end up talking to the others, most of his 
attention was focused on me. I didn�t feel like complaining either.

Despite the unusual seating arrangement, we got along well. We went 
rambling on with one another for a while, until I needed to roll over. 
Having second degree burns on the second full day of my vacation was not 
my idea of a good time. While it would have been more proper for Jin to 
apply the lotion to my back, Youji was closer. It seemed simpler to 
allow him to do it.

Not wanting to trouble my husband, who was in deep conversation with 
Chiyako, I held out the bottle of lotion in offering to Yuji and asked 
him if he would reach those hard to get places on me. There was 
eagerness in his eye that I hadn�t seen in Jin�s for years, if ever. 
While it should have made me uneasy, instead it only excited me. Youji 
seemed to come to his senses as he reluctantly asked Jin for permission 
to lotion me up. Jin just gave a dismissive wave, as though it was the 
most trivial thing in the world and he would just as soon not have been 
troubled by it. Chiyako interrupted though, by telling her husband it 
would be all right if Jin was allowed to do the same to her. Youji 
laughed and said it was fine trade off. Now Jin seemed attentive and 
eager as he grabbed a bottle of lotion and Chiyako happily rolled over 
for him.

The men really worked the lotion into our bodies. I was thrilled at the 
very touch of Youji in ways I couldn�t possibly describe. I felt like a 
little girl with how giddy I was. Youji was hesitant for just a moment 
once he got to my bottom, but there was no way I wanted those magic 
fingers of his to stop their dance upon my flesh. I urged him to go on, 
even being so bold as to say he had permission to rub the lotion in 
wherever he�d like. He laughed and took me up on my offer. Chiyako 
wasn�t any better, telling Jin he�d better do the same to her as she 
didn�t want to get burned in any sensitive places either.

I can�t imagine what Chiyako and I must have looked like, being touched 
in such a familiar manner by men other than our husbands, while the men 
in question watched, no less. Had something like this happened in our 
neighborhood, it would have been borderline scandalous. Instead, I 
didn�t care. There was something about being in the presence of Youji 
that made me throw all my concerns to the wind. Slowly, insidiously, the 
rest of the world was ceasing to matter, and it was only Youji who I 
could focus on.

It was my turn to lotion up Youji. I took my time, savoring the feeling 
of his taut muscles under my fingertips. He was a lot like Jin, 
physically, and in as good a shape. Very little fat, and lean, but not 
in a skinny way. Despite the fact they were very physically similar to 
one another, I had no doubt there was something about Youji that was a 
bigger turn on than Jin had ever been.

We lay like that for some time, rotating a couple of times to keep from 
burning, talking the entire time as we got to know each other better. I 
found Youji fascinating. Not just in the life he led, but his 
personality, his caring, even the way he talked with a faint Kansai 
accent that was just barely detectable. If there was a downside to the 
man, I couldn�t tell what it was. He was incredible in every way. I had 
never met anyone like him.

There was also something else, an almost instant connection between us. 
Even Jin and I hadn�t hit it off as powerfully as this. There was 
something much more basic, almost instinctive, which caused me to be 
drawn to him. I found myself envious of Chiyako, having a man like this 
as her husband. I wished Jin was exactly like Youji, and then I wouldn�t 
be so dissatisfied with my life. I�d never be dissatisfied with anything 
ever again. That was the effect he was having on me.

My ruminations were interrupted by someone shouting about a pod of 
dolphins that were flitting about on the other side of the ship. I had 
always loved dolphins, and fantasized about seeing some on the vacation. 
I was up in an instant, declaring to the others that I wanted to watch 
them.

Jin simply shrugged, saying he had no interest in them and remained 
where he was. In our entire relationship, from the first date on, I 
could never recall him being so casually dismissive of something that I 
obviously wanted to do. He had always been supportive, no matter what, 
and I was the same way with him. To have the man I had been married to 
for seventeen years so casually brush me off bothered me.

Then Youji came to my rescue, a knight in a pair of swim trunks. He said 
he�d be delighted to see the dolphins, and had always had a soft spot 
for them. He held out his hand in offering to Chiyako. She remained 
where she was, saying she would rather work on her tan than watch a 
bunch of fish jumping up and down. Youji seemed surprised by that, 
saying he thought she had always liked dolphins. She shrugged and said 
she wasn�t in the mood.

I no longer cared about Jin�s refusal to come along. In fact, with 
Chiyako choosing to remain behind, I was looking forward to having some 
time alone with Youji. We went together to the opposite side of the ship 
to peer over the railing. Many others had gathered there was well to 
watch the dolphins leap acrobatically through the ocean as they traveled 
alongside the ship. The number of people made things a bit crowded, so 
Youji and I had to squeeze into a space that was enough room for about 
one and a half people. Our bodies rubbed up against one another, oiled 
flesh on flesh, and a tingle shot down my spine. My physical reaction 
was evident through my small bikini. I blushed at the response my body 
was having to Youji�s presence. I only hoped he didn�t notice. It would 
have been embarrassing.

I tried concentrating on the dolphins, but it was the way Youji�s 
brushed against me that had my complete attention. I found myself 
fantasizing about what it would be like to have sex with someone other 
than Jin. Would Youji be just as kind and caring, or would he be rough, 
or more refined? I couldn�t tear my mind away from what it would be like.

Then, to my shock, I felt his hand slip around my waist. It was a 
gesture far more familiar than propriety called for considering we were 
both married, even if my own marriage was a sham. Had it been any other 
man, I would have removed myself from his grasp, and made some weak 
excuse as I walked away. Instead I moved into his embrace. Embarrassment 
was gone, so I savored the sensation his mere presence induced in me. He 
seemed to take that as permission, and began stroking my side. It had 
always been a sensitive part of my body, and I moved closer still until 
there was plenty of space on that railing for both of us.

It was only a matter time, I suppose, before we stopped paying attention 
to the dolphins and looked at each other. I turned in his embrace and 
found myself lost in his eyes, just like overly sappy romance songs 
claim. Earlier I thought he was merely good-looking, now I knew he was 
the most handsome man on the planet. My world was suddenly focused on 
him. I didn�t care if I was married. I didn�t care about anything other 
than Youji. It was a sensation I had never experienced before: 
unadulterated lust. It was as though thirty seven years of it hit me all 
at once.

Our faces moved together and we began kissing. Deeply, passionately, 
unlike anything I had ever done with Jin. It was almost animalistic the 
way we devoured one another. The floodgates had been opened and they 
weren�t getting shut anytime soon.

We became vaguely aware of the sounds of disapproval from the other 
people surrounding us. We overheard one of them telling us to �get a 
room�. In our current state of mind, that sounded like a good idea. 
Reluctantly we broke off our kissing, Youji guiding me by the hand into 
the interior of the ship, I following as closely as I could. It took 
only moment for me to realize we were at his room as he opened the door 
and pulled me inside where we began kissing again.

�Chiyako� might� find�us ,� I got out between kisses. I didn�t care if 
Jin discovered what was about to happen. It was over between us now, no 
matter what. I couldn�t be married to him, knowing what a man like Youji 
could be like.

�She didn�t take her key with her,� he got out between kisses.

That was all I needed to know. Lacking any reservations, we began 
pulling off what few clothes we had, and nearly threw each other onto 
the bed. For the next two hours we made engaged in what was the finest 
lovemaking of my life. I finally learned what other girls meant when 
they described their own relationships and the passions that sustained 
them. Being with Youji was indescribably wonderful. It was the fireworks 
and the love and the bliss that everyone gushes about when they�re with 
the person they love. I had never felt a sensation like it before, and 
never wanted it to end. It made what I did with Jin seem boring by 
comparison. Having our lovemaking end was the saddest moment in my life. 
Nothing was as tragic as that. Nothing.

It was while we were lying in bed, that Youji began talking. He became 
serious, and I thought I knew what was to come. I heard from a couple of 
single girls I knew who had affairs with married men, about how the men 
broke it off. There would be excuses and apologies and explanations of 
how it was a one time fling and he could never leave Chiyako. We got 
caught up in the heat of the moment and let our emotions run out of 
control. Now we would have to go back to the others and act as though 
nothing had happened so we could continue moving on with our lives. It 
was all going to end forever. He hadn�t said a word and I already hated 
him more than I had ever hated Jin. And we weren�t even married.

And then he said the words that would live with me for the rest of my life.

�My marriage to Chiyako is over.�

Youji began explaining that they had only taken this trip as a last 
ditch effort to save their floundering marriage. It wasn�t an exact 
mirror image as mine and Jin�s had been, but it was close. He and 
Chiyako had been dating for a while before she had become pregnant with 
their son, Yuu. Youji had done the responsible thing and proposed once 
he found out. The marriage was quite good for a while, but it was never 
based on the true depth of love that was needed to sustain it. They 
still got along well, but their relationship was dead. They had tried 
salvaging it for Yuu�s sake, but they were becoming resentful of being 
faithful to one another when neither wanted it. They decided to make 
this voyage one last attempt to stay together, but he knew as soon as he 
met me that it wasn�t going to work out. He too had felt an instant 
attraction to me, and the more he learned about me, the more deeply he 
felt drawn, until his restraint snapped like a dry twig and we ended up 
in bed.

Once purged of his confession, Youji finally started to apologize. I 
shushed him and told him my own situation. He didn�t believe me at 
first, but when I threatened to punch him in the head (only half 
jokingly), he realized I was being serious. I told him it was love at 
first sight for me as well, truly a new experience, but it was real. I 
wanted him more than any man I had ever met, and if he was telling the 
truth, we were both about to become very happy.

We began kissing again, far more slowly but with just as much as passion 
as before. I felt my soul take flight, knowing that I could experience 
this sort of thing again, hopefully for the rest of my life. He felt the 
same way.

There was only one thing left to do: inform our spouses about what had 
happened, and what was going to happen. I had to tell Jin before he 
figured it out on his own. I needed to explain what had happened. I owed 
him that much.

I went to our room. It was one of the longest walks of my life, despite 
it being less than a hundred meters. I unlocked the door to our cabin, 
certain Jin was waiting there for me by now, wondering where I had been. 
But I was wrong. It was empty. I was about to leave when I noticed the 
sheets were disheveled. When we had gotten up that morning, the cleaning 
woman had been working on the room next to ours. There was no way she 
could have been unable to get to it by now.

I walked over to the sheets and looked them over. I noticed the wet 
spots immediately, and it didn�t take a genius to figure out the origin 
of the wetness. All of a sudden, my brain managed to process information 
that had just been lying around, all of my higher functions that had 
been focused solely on Youji. Now that I thought about it, I suppose the 
attraction between Chiyako and my husband had been obvious from the 
beginning. His interest in her was as great as my interest in Youji. And 
now, knowing what the Matsuras� relationship was like, reflecting Jin 
and mine�s in so many ways, it seemed obvious that they too had taken an 
interest in one another. A very deep interest.

Rather than feeling jealous, I felt relieved. I was happy for Jin, and 
for Chiyako. Now that I had fallen truly in love with someone (for 
perhaps the first time in my life), I didn�t have any anger left in my 
body. I only hoped they came to the same decision Youji and I had. 
Perhaps they were even looking for us now to tell us what had happened. 
It was strange, no, bizarre was perhaps the better word, of what had 
happened between the four of us. But it seemed to be the best answer to 
all our worries and concerns.

We�d have to take some time off to be with each other, to make sure our 
emotions aren�t a transient thing, but deep in my heart, I knew they 
weren�t. Understanding Jin in every way for over half my life, and the 
seeming instant connection I had with both Matsura�s, I can�t help but 
feel that what seems to have happened between the four of us is meant to 
be lasting. It�s the perfect solution to all of our problems. I hadn�t 
been a proponent of Fate until that moment, but it was the only 
explanation. The odds that the four of us found each other during the 
greatest crisis of our lives were astronomical. Better a chance to find 
a needle in a haystack. There was only one complication from this 
seeming perfect solution that had me worried.

How were we going to explain what happened to Miki?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[End notes] There�s my little take on the thoughts of some of the 
underused characters in the series. Someone might have actually done 
this before, but if so, I was unaware of it. It�s just something that 
came to me and I had to write it down. Don�t count on me doing anymore 
MB fics. I still haven�t seen much of the series, and it doesn�t look 
like I�ll have the time to watch more. Still, it was a neat little thing.

DB Sommer



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