Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fusion][Azu/FMA] Fusions That Should Never Be V
From: "DB Sommer" <sommert@connecttime.net>
Date: 2/7/2005, 8:32 PM
To: "The Eternal Lost Lurker" <lurkerdrome@sbcglobal.net>, <ffml@anifics.com>



The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:


Fusions That Should Never Be V

Full Metal Azumanga

Oh God. XD

Hey, someone had to do it. All series will eventually be fused with one 
another.


Yes, folks, it�s that time again when we force our minds to wrap around
a concept that should never have been conceived of in the first place.
Once more we deal with two series that should never have anything to do
with one another being jammed together in impossible ways under no
greater premise than �Cause I think it�s neat.� Once again I shall
highlight the futility of such actions by writing in futility. At least
with more futility than usual.

Can we get a link to your futility utility?

Since my brain is rather stand alone, no, no you can't. :)


Minamo �Nyamo� Kurosawa tapped her foot impatiently, the echoes bouncing
off the lab walls, as she stared at her watch. Where the hell was
Yukari? It was already mid-afternoon, and she still hadn�t shown up for
guard duty. For Yukari�s sake, the boss had better not show up, or else
she might find herself unemployed yet again. She was lucky the Fuhrer
hadn�t had her executed instead of settling for firing for her

missed a 'her' here, as hard as that may be to believe

Made a lot of grammar boo-boos. Teaches me not to revise a third time, like 
I should have.


Nyamo felt a headache coming on. �Don�t you think that since the boss
felt compelled to hire us, he might be concerned about the actual
secrecy of the base?�

It was then a far wall to the lab exploded.

Naturally.

Waiting for Godat this is not.


Yukari pointed an accusatory finger at Nyamo. �That�s your fault!

�How is it my fault?�

�You jinxed us with what you said!�

She has a point.

Oh, if only reality warped itself in response to what I say. I could 
blackmail millions from people for things I wouldn't say. :)


Yukari raised her own white-gloved hand, a similar symbol etched on the
palm. �The most important task of all: getting reinforcements.� She
turned and ran.

Typical.

Not the most stolid of people, not.


�I�ll make sure its clear!� Yukari shouted as she threw open the door
and bolted through it. She didn�t make it more than a step inside when
she hit her head against a metal barrier just beyond the doorframe. She
fell backward and onto her behind, holding her head and wincing. �See?
It�s not clear. Good thing I checked.�

*snrk* She EARNED that one.

She earned more than that. But that's what she's getting in this fic.


Yukari looked up to see what she had run in to. It was not a wall,
merely someone in a suit of huge armor that was almost as wide as she
was tall. It was gigantic, like a walking tank, with a demonic faceplate
that had curling ram�s horns on the sides and red eyes whose crimson
glow would be more appropriate in the pits of hell than on any mortal
being.

Hmm. Wonder who's playing the part of Al today...I have my hunches.

Chihiro, of course.


Nyamo drew back in horror. �Oh no! It�s the military�s infamous prodigy
transmuter, Chiyo Elric, The Chibi Alchemist!�

,,,heh. I half saw that coming--I knew Chiyo was going to be one or the
other. Casting her as Ed makes more sense.

I figured being a prodigy of short status made the fit ideal.


Chiyo winced. �Would you mind not calling me that? I�m not that short.�

Yeah, right.

Chiyo: It's not that I'm short. It's that the rest of the world is so tall.


Before she could shout out a retort, Yukari turned to look at the
armored figure that had moved past the doorway and into the room. �Then
this must be the Chibi Alchemist�s partner, the most horrifying,
fearsome, deadliest being to ever walk the face of the planet, �Death
Machine� Sakaki.�

Okay, I was WAY off on that. I had my money on Osaka.

Oh, she'll be showing up.


The armored figure raised a yellow smiley face mask to its face. �Does
this make me look less fearsome?� it asked hopefully.

�It makes you look worse!� Yukari screeched.

*SNRK*

She tries



That helped boost Chiyo�s morale. �Now Sakaki and I walk the lands,
righting wrongs and trying to find the Philosopher�s Stone so I can give
Sakaki back her body.�

Gee, that was a lot of exposition in a damn big hurry. XD

It's a short story, and the reader needs to catch up in a hurry.



�Dog of the military?� Sakaki asked. She was suddenly overcome with the
idea of becoming a cute little puppy with an olive green beret on her
head.

*groan*

It seemed the best way to abuse that continued curse from the series.


Chiyo said, �You were known as the �Crash Dummy Alchemist.� Everyone ran
away from you only when you were in a vehicle, and that was because you
were likely to run them over, not because of your powers in alchemy. You
were kicked out of the military when you ran over the Fuhrer�s car with
a tank, while he was still in it.�

*SNRK* SO believable. XD

Yukari: Not true. I am a wonderful driver. It's just that trees occasionally 
jump out in front of my car in order to hit it.


�But I�m still one of the best there is.� She pulled a coin from out of
her pocket and tossed it in the air. She caught it, simultaneously
snapping her fingers. Instantly the coin was transformed into a
miniature figure of ice that rested on the back of her hand. �Now you
see how I earned the title, �The Ice Maiden Alchemist�.�

I doubt THAT'S what earned her the name...

Actually it is. As evidenced by her not being an Ice maiden around Roy. :)


Chiyo continued. �But can you answer me something? What does Colonel
Mustang mean when he says he was able to �melt the Ice Maiden by putting
some fire inside her?� I overheard him saying that to some of the guys,
but when I asked him what he meant, he just laughed nervously and said
he�d tell me when I got older.�

*SNRK* Good one XD

Couldn't have Nyamo not mess up on her own at least a little.



�Pointing fingers after the fact is pointless,� Yukari said
philosophically.

Especially when you know you're guilty and don't want to admit it.

Amen


Chiyo�s surprise turned to disgust. �You�re not my father. You�re my old
high school alchemy teacher, Kimura Sensei.�

�That�s all right; you can still call me Daddy.�

*SHUDDER*

WRONG. JUST. VERY. VERY. WRONG.

Kimura has a heart of gold. He'd love all the girls to call him daddy. :)


�It doesn�t matter! High school girls are high school girls!� Kimura
shouted.

So true...so very true...

�I made them homunculi.�

*FACEFAULT*

Only way I could bring in the rest of them all at once


Tomo placed her hands on her hips and confidently boasted. �The heck we
are. Out of all of us, only Kaorin�s ever looked at another girl.�

*TRIPLE FACEFAULT*

I thought I might sneak that one in, since they were homonuli in the series.


Osaka pondered that. �Artificial humans? Does that mean if I were to
change sand into sugar, it would be artificial sugar?�

Very nice bit of Osaka logic. :)

Thanks. Only bit I got to use, sadly.


Tomo scrunched her face at that. �I don�t want to be Greed. I want to be
Pride.�

Kimura said, �You want to be Pride?�

�Yes.�

�Then you�re Envy.�

*SNRK* Good one. :)

He does raise a valid point.


While Tomo tried wrapping her mind around that one, Kimura turned to
Yomi. �This is Gluttony.�

�Why the hell do I have to be Gluttony?!� Yomi shouted.

NO COMMENT

Heh


Kimura ignored her and turned to Osaka. �This is Ditziness.�

�Ditziness isn�t a sin,� Chiyo pointed out.

�None of the standard ones fit, so I made one up,� Kimura admitted.

Actually, Sloth sorta fits...actually, more than *sorta*, when you get 
right
down to it...

.... Shoot. You're right. We'll try this:


�Why the hell do I have to be Gluttony?!� Yomi shouted.



Kimura ignored her and turned to Osaka. �This is Sloth.�



Osaka considered that. �I think I�d make a much better Anger. Watch.� She 
tried growling in anger, but it came out closer to the growl one�s stomach 
made when hungry.



Kimura pointed to the last girl. �And Kaorin-chan is Lust, since she lusts 
after me.�



�I do not!� Kaorin shouted, darting behind Yomi.





Tomo smirked at Yomi. �I�m envious of your ability to pack down food
like an elephant.�

*snicker*

You knew she had to jab at Yomi's new name somehow.



�Because I like High School girls. All of them, in every shape and size.
But they eventually grow up and stop being high school girls. That is
unacceptable. With the Philosopher�s Stone, I can freeze high school
girls� age, making them high school girls for the rest of their lives.�

I like this idea.

You and Kimura are of the same mind, then.


Yukari suddenly became shifty. �Oh, are you saying you want him to
succeed? How easy do you think it�s going to be for us to get boyfriends
when we have to compete against a world full of women trapped in teenage
bodies?�

Nyamo�s look of anger now matched Yukari�s. �You�re right! We have to
stop his abominable plan!�

Heheheheheh.

Nothing like having your interests threatened to make you take a moral 
stands.


Osaka said. �I�ll help out.� Her latest attempt at anger made her look
like she was constipated.

Oh, she's actually constipated. For real. Really.

Heh


Kimura saw the four were about to descend upon him. He shouted out, �Is
it so wrong to want a world full of high school girls?!�

Hell no!

double, heh. Maybe you can be Kimura in the live action movie of this they 
will never do.


There was a resounding chorus of ��Yes!� and he found himself buried
under a wave of changing matter courtesy of four alchemists.

Heheheheheh.

He had it coming.


Yes, as you can clearly see, nothing in common. I like Azumanga. And I
like Full Metal Alchemist. But they go together as well as oil and
vinegar, once you transmute the vinegar into helium. Best to let bad
ideas like this rest in peace.

Indeed. But hey, it was great for a quick romp into the weird. XD

Do AzuNaruto next!! ^_^

That would be evil, wouldn't it? So would 2X2 Naruto as well. :)

DB Sommer




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