Ooh, a KOR fic.  Darned few of those these days.

Disclaimer:  I've only read the manga and seen the movies, so that's where 
my perspective is from.  Never seen any of the OAV or TV series.

Light one moment and darkness the next--

A pretty apt description of Madoka.  =)

in the damp chill of this alien weather, I know
I've lost you.

Well, all's not well in Kyosukeville.  You've got me hooked, gotta wonder 
what's going on.

But every time I do, an invisible wind forces
me to keep my distance, and I can only watch
him as he walks alone in this empty house of mine.

Ah hah.  Guess I should have clued in from "Ghost Story".

I am caught between Scylla and Charbydis;

Hypnotized by you if I should linger staring at the ring around your finger?

and he will kiss it and greet it Okaeri,

One of my minor pet peeves is the use of unfamiliar Japanese terms in 
English-language fanfics.  I'm guessing Okaeri is some kind of endearment 
between husband and wife.

This Galatea would be lost without her Pygmalion.

Wow, laying the allusions on pretty thickly, neh?  Not that I object, 
though - I happen to like literary allusions myself.

Kyousuke, my beloved, hear me!

Wow, something strange is going on.  Don't have it quite figured out yet. 
One minor nit: I think this paragraph is just a tad too long.  It might work 
better to break it into two.  I may be wrong about that, though, so go with 
whatever you feel reads better.

and I have never had the heart to penetrate
her darkness and ask her again since then.

Very nice imagery, and very apropos for Madoka.

Er, assuming this is Madoka.  =)  Beginning to wonder.

This is not Madoka.

Ah hah!

The nerve of this woman, I think, to wear
something given to me by Hikaru.

I was wondering if/how you'd bring Hikaru into this.  Assuming strange 
body-snatcher woman isn't Hikaru, of course.

"I know you'll never forgive me, but I hope you
can understand why this insane woman did something
so evil to you and your girlfriend."

Hmm.  I am really enjoying the imagery and the language you're using in this 
story.  However, in contrast, this sentence is rather blunt and stark.  I'd 
expect something... oh, I don't know... more poetic at an important moment 
like this.  Just to keep the mood consistent.

Don't take this as a true criticism, as the sentence itself is perfectly 
fine.  I'm only highlighting it as a missed opportunity in otherwise 
wonderfully evocative prose.

Okay, story over, final comments:

Technically perfect; I didn't find a single spelling or grammar error 
anywhere.  That's extremely rare; you are to be commended.

Not much of a plot:  It begins with Madoka a ghost and the unnamed woman in 
control of her body.  One sex scene, a revelation, a journey, and then all 
is well.  Not much is done with characterization: I really don't sense much 
of a struggle between any of the characters, even during the revelation in 
the bedroom or the argument in the graveyard.

What really redeems this story, though, is the wonderful imagery you use 
throughout.  The descriptions of the characters and their thoughts and 
emotions feels absolutely genuine; this does seem like Kyosuke and Madoka. 
Or at least, it seems like the parts of Kyosuke and Madoka we liked best. 
=)  Truly, I'm seldom one to get caught up in flowery prose, but you pull it 
off so well that I couldn't help myself.

I hope you write more KOR stuff; I like the way you portray the characters, 
and would love to see you take a crack at a more complex and developed plot.

Well done.

-Richard 

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