I have always liked this kind of story... good work!
Now, for the comments...
She turned to see her cousin Neji stepping in
slowly. His face held no emotion that she could see
and wondered what reason he had for coming to the
Main Family's house. As far as she could tell, the
defeat of Neji at the Chuunin exams almost two years
prior had only deepened the resentment of the Branch
Family House against the Main Family.
Hmm... I was under the impression that Neji's
relationship with Hinata's family had changed for the
better; on chapter 238, page 8 of the manga (the one
just before the Kakaashi Gaiden) we see him training
with Hinata's father...
Maybe you could be more specific on that point,
perahaps it's *most* of the Main Family... same thing
applies for Hinata's father grumbling, you could
change it for another family member... maybe a very
traditional grandfather?
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