As always, thanks for taking the time to comment on my story!

DB Sommer wrote:

hkmiller wrote:
 

Azumanga Die Hard
   

Now this should be a sight to behold.
 

Heh.

Yomi made very indignant-sounding noises through her gag.
   

Oh. My bad. I thought she was watching a movie.
 

Heh.  That never even occurred to me.  (For some reason I keep having this
temptation to place the Azu cast into situations vastly removed from those
of the series.)

Tomo had assembled six school friends as character witnesses for
her job application to Interpol, ignoring the fact that Interpol
didn't hire second-year high school students.  The seven girls had
been bullied into trooping downtown to Shinjuku, only to find that
Tomo had the wrong address.  They'd still been staring at the sign
saying "INTER-POLL (International Polls and Marketing Consultants,
Inc)", on the thirtieth floor of a Shinjuku skyscraper, when the
terrorists had captured them.  Now they sat together in a back
room, their arms and legs bound with thick ropes, all except Tomo
and Osaka firmly gagged.
   

Heh. Let's see what you're up to now.

 

"Oh, you think so, do you?  You think terrorism is easy, do you?
Well, let's just see how you handle things!"
   

I'm assuming they are blundering morons if they are actually referring to
themselves as terrorists.
 

Well, THIS guy certainly is...

Finally the terrorist guard handed his automatic rifle over to
Tomo.  "Now, why don't you just SHOW us how we should be going
about this, hmmm?"
   

Hmm. Realted to Tomo, is he?
 

You'd think so, wouldn't you.

"Hmmm.  Yes, I see," the terrorist nodded his understanding of
Tomo's point.
   

everything after 'his...' is unneccesary. The dialogue already delivers the
information.
 

Good catch; will change.

"Yes, that's true, I am.  Thank you very much!"  The terrorist
guard gave Tomo a deep bow, then tied her arms and legs back up.
Ten minutes later, he fired another rifle burst into the wall
above the girls' heads.  The other girls ducked, their gags
muffling screams; Tomo merely nodded.  "That's it, you've got
it now!"
   

Heh. Until he runs out of ammo. I doubt if he carried many rounds,
especially with how stupid he is.

 

See!  Sakaki wouldn't have succeeded in overpowering the guard without
Tomo's help!  The girls owe their lives to Tomo!
...or so Tomo might say if she ever thinks of it...

Sakaki leapt to her feet and dived for the guard's legs, tackling
him.  With both down, the two began wrestling, and Sakaki found,
to her surprise and dismay,
   

Not sure she would be dismayed now anymore than she was dismayed at the
atheletic competition's runs and such. MAybe after the action is over and
Tomo says something like 'Wow! You kicked the crap out of him easy!" then
the irgency of the situation has passed.
 

Hmm... perhaps.  Feedback indicates that I may have overdone Sakaki's 
reaction
slightly, so I'll revisit.  My thinking was that Sakaki being this 
strong will strike the
reader as too implausible to be swallowed unless promptly defused like 
this, but
I like having Tomo make such a comment, too.

that she was clearly the stronger of
 

the two.  Easily wrenching the gun from the guard's grasp, she
reversed it and swung the gun's butt against the side of the
guard's head.  He slumped.
   

abrupt. slumped to the ground, or 'He went limp' or something.

 

Change adopted; thanks.

It turned out that Tomo and Chiyo-chan both felt strongly that
the girls should go for the bomb, and Kagura agreed with them to
some extent.  Neither Sakaki nor Osaka voiced any feelings on the
matter, and Kaorin would go wherever Sakaki did.  Yomi found
herself outvoted.  Grumbling, she went along with the majority
rather than try to escape by herself.  "I suppose there is SOME
wisdom in sticking together," she muttered to herself.
   

Yeah, by going out on her own, that would guarentee Yomi stumbling upon the
terrorists. :)
 

Heh.  With her luck, it certainly would.

Luckily, the now-dead guard had another gun, with ammunition, plus
a number of well-balanced throwing knives.  Sakaki picked up a few
of the latter, flipping one in her hand thoughtfully, as she kept
her eyes focused on the far end of the corridor leading to the
elevator.  Kagura, next out into the hallway, picked up their new
gun and handed it to Yomi, carefully keeping it out of Tomo's
reach.

   

I'm surprised Kagura didn't insist on some of the knives so she and Sakaki
can compete to see how many terrorists each can kill using the same weapon.
:)
 

Thinking it over, I may have been using a third-year characterization 
for Kagura here.
I agree that's what Kagura would do at the beginning of the second year, 
when her
opinion of Sakaki is dominated by the "athletic rival" label, but to me 
it seems to change
later on, especially after she discovers in how many ways they're 
different (grades, cats).

Also, Kagura always seems to me firmly grounded in reality; unlike Tomo, 
she doesn't
attempt things she has no chance at.  (In fact, she actively discourages 
Tomo from
trying to join the swim team, something Tomo probably has no chance at, 
but how
could Kagura have been certain?)  Firing a gun accurately, it seemed to 
me, is something
she believes she can do well, and, in their situation, SOMEBODY needs to 
be doing
that job, but competing with Sakaki at knife-throwing (an activity 
neither previously
practiced) might just strike her as pointless, like trying to compete 
with Sakaki on grades.

Continuing, Tomo began to draw bloody streaks on her cheeks and
spirals on her bare chest.

Osaka finally spoke up.  "Ah!  You're trying to summon Neo-Ranga
to help us, aren't you?  Good idea; he could destroy the whole
building!"
   

Haven't seen that one.
 

I really like the series, though it didn't seem to attract all that much 
attention.  At any
rate, if you've seen the original covers (on the reverse side of the 
"family-friendly"
modified versions), the visual image is hard to escape here.

"That's anime, not real life!" Yomi muttered.  "Get a grip!"

"That's not what I'm doing!  I'm just doing exactly what Rambo
does every time he has to take out some North Whatever
terrorists!" Tomo replied loudly.
   

Actually, covering one's self in ritualistic patterns and/or blood is quite
common in lots of more primitive warrior cultures. It's meant to invoke
fear, and usually works if you're not used to people covered in blood coming
after you.
 

True, but how would Tomo know that?  :)

"Hey!"  Another terrorist poked his head around the far corner of
the hall and saw the girls.  Fortunately, Sakaki saw him as well,
and threw her knife the length of the corridor and into his throat
before he could bring his gun around and fire.  He gurgled and
fell forward, into the hallway, dropping his gun as he fell.
   

Still say Kagura should have thrown one too and see who got him first.
 

Well, Kagura is an athlete.  We know she swims, but she may also play 
sports where
teamwork is important:  soccer, basketball, baseball to a lesser 
extent.  If so, it might
be intuitively obvious to her here that this situation is NOT a time or 
place for intra-team
rivalry; it's a time and place for closely-knit teamwork.

Chiyo-chan ignored all this to stare boldly at the face on the
communicator, a bald man of indeterminate age and yellowish
countenance.  "So, Doctor Zin,
   

Oh. Johnny Quest, is it?
 

I finished re-watching the original 60's series on DVD not that long 
ago, and it's still
fresh in my mind.

you were behind this!  My father
 

will be very interested to know that.  He had hoped you were dead
after our last encounter."
   

Aw. Fu Manchu would have been more fun. He's more fiendish and diabolical
anyway.
 

I had the thought that if I ever write any sequels, I might have Chiyo 
turn out to know Jonny
and Hadji quite well.  In the original series, they're both around 10 
somewhere, I'd say.  But
probably not as friends:  the idea would be that Dr. Mihama and Dr. 
Quest are friends
and colleagues, but Chiyo thinks of Jonny and Hadji as obnoxious pests.  
There might
also be something I can do with Bandit and Mr. Tadakichi together.  :)

Fu Manchu is an interesting thought, however.  Chiyo-chan might get her 
hair color
from her British mother, a descendant of Sir Denis Nayland-Smith, for 
instance?  ;)
(who was, of course, related to every other British or American action 
hero of the
twentieth century...)

One burst from Kagura down the corridor, timed just as Tomo
cleared her line of fire, caught one of the terrorists just as
he came around the corner.  He collapsed.  The sound of footsteps
coming to an abrupt halt came echoing
   

echoed
 

change adopted.

The other girls' murmurs of appreciation were drowned out by
Tomo's loud cry of "Hey!  What about me?"

"Tomo, those markings on your face are in violation of the school
dress code.  You'll have to stay after class for detention."

Tomo screamed.
   

Heh. Amusing, despite a situaiton a far cry from the original series. I
enjoyed it much. Ought to post it to the Azumanga fanfic list as well.
 

I may do that.

And I'm glad you enjoyed it!





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