hkmiller wrote:

Azumanga Die Hard

Now this should be a sight to behold.

- - - - - - - - - -
"These guys aren't very competent terrorists," Tomo remarked
in a casual aside to Yomi and Chiyo-chan.  "I could do a much
better job."

Actually, they would probably be 'Tomo the Interpol Officer's speed. :)

Oh, wonderful, now I have Tomo taking the Inspector Cluseau role from the
Pink Panther movies.

Yomi made very indignant-sounding noises through her gag.

Oh. My bad. I thought she was watching a movie.

Tomo had assembled six school friends as character witnesses for
her job application to Interpol, ignoring the fact that Interpol
didn't hire second-year high school students.  The seven girls had
been bullied into trooping downtown to Shinjuku, only to find that
Tomo had the wrong address.  They'd still been staring at the sign
saying "INTER-POLL (International Polls and Marketing Consultants,
Inc)", on the thirtieth floor of a Shinjuku skyscraper, when the
terrorists had captured them.  Now they sat together in a back
room, their arms and legs bound with thick ropes, all except Tomo
and Osaka firmly gagged.

Heh. Let's see what you're up to now.

"Oh, you think so, do you?  You think terrorism is easy, do you?
Well, let's just see how you handle things!"

I'm assuming they are blundering morons if they are actually referring to
themselves as terrorists.

Finally the terrorist guard handed his automatic rifle over to
Tomo.  "Now, why don't you just SHOW us how we should be going
about this, hmmm?"

Hmm. Realted to Tomo, is he?

"Hmmm.  Yes, I see," the terrorist nodded his understanding of
Tomo's point.

everything after 'his...' is unneccesary. The dialogue already delivers the
information.

"Yes, that's true, I am.  Thank you very much!"  The terrorist
guard gave Tomo a deep bow, then tied her arms and legs back up.
Ten minutes later, he fired another rifle burst into the wall
above the girls' heads.  The other girls ducked, their gags
muffling screams; Tomo merely nodded.  "That's it, you've got
it now!"

Heh. Until he runs out of ammo. I doubt if he carried many rounds,
especially with how stupid he is.

"Huh.  If they get killed, I'll have to learn new seating
arrangements.  That's bad.  On the other hand, I do get rid
of Tomo."  Yukari considered, then grunted.  "It'd be worth it."

Yes, it probably would. Except by the end of the series she and Tomo were
starting to mirror one another in behavior.

The cats made their slow way through the group of girls, examining
each, before setting down behind Sakaki.  Sakaki barely winced
when she felt the bite of their teeth on her bound hands, this
being the most familiar part of the entire situation.

Ha! Irony at its best

After a few chomps, Sakaki was surprised to find that her bonds
felt loose.  Carefully choosing a moment when their guard was
looking in another direction, she flexed her formidable muscles
and felt the ropes part.  Now, what to do with her free hands?

Pet the cats? No, there wasn't time, and they had already indicated their
desire to gnaw on her.

Sakaki leapt to her feet and dived for the guard's legs, tackling
him.  With both down, the two began wrestling, and Sakaki found,
to her surprise and dismay,

Not sure she would be dismayed now anymore than she was dismayed at the
atheletic competition's runs and such. MAybe after the action is over and
Tomo says something like 'Wow! You kicked the crap out of him easy!" then
the irgency of the situation has passed.

 that she was clearly the stronger of

the two.  Easily wrenching the gun from the guard's grasp, she
reversed it and swung the gun's butt against the side of the
guard's head.  He slumped.

abrupt. slumped to the ground, or 'He went limp' or something.

Kagura began fumblingly trying to reload the guard's gun.  Chiyo-
chan came over.  "Oh, the Romanian-made MK-11.  These rifles are
copies of the Russian AK-47,"

Interesting. Considering how many extra AK's there are with the fall of the
USSR, and the ease with which to obtain them, I'm surprised anyone made a
knock off.

Chiyo-chan shrugged.  "I got to try one once when my folks took
me to Romania.  Oh, Yomi, wait!  That's the wrong knot to use
there.  Let me show you."  Chiyo squatted down next to Yomi and
retied the last knot on their former captor's bonds.

Heh

It turned out that Tomo and Chiyo-chan both felt strongly that
the girls should go for the bomb, and Kagura agreed with them to
some extent.  Neither Sakaki nor Osaka voiced any feelings on the
matter, and Kaorin would go wherever Sakaki did.  Yomi found
herself outvoted.  Grumbling, she went along with the majority
rather than try to escape by herself.  "I suppose there is SOME
wisdom in sticking together," she muttered to herself.

Yeah, by going out on her own, that would guarentee Yomi stumbling upon the
terrorists. :)

"So the bomb is six floors above us," Kagura added after a
moment's thought.  "But these guys are bound to have guards on the
stairs.  And they'll notice if the elevators move."

Not if they are as dumb as the guard was. Hmm. Perhaps Dr. Evil is financing
this operation.

Scott Evil: So we'll have the guys plant bombs on the central support column
to collapse the building.

Dr. Evil: Don't be silly, boy, we're going to build a super futuristic laser
beam canon to shear the building in two.

Scott: But building that would cost a hundred times the money we're going
get from this operation. We'll be losing money even if we succeed.

Dr. Evil: You just don't get it, do you, boy? If you can't do things in
style, there's no point in doing them.

"Did you know that if you assign musical notes to the 'Up' and
'Down' buttons on an elevator bank, and play the first three
stanzas of Beethoven's Sixth Symphony on those buttons, a
skyscraper elevator will arrive at your floor with its roof level
with your floor?" asked Osaka.

No doubt stumbled upon through trial (I doubt Osaka made an error playing
the music) ^_^

Luckily, the now-dead guard had another gun, with ammunition, plus
a number of well-balanced throwing knives.  Sakaki picked up a few
of the latter, flipping one in her hand thoughtfully, as she kept
her eyes focused on the far end of the corridor leading to the
elevator.  Kagura, next out into the hallway, picked up their new
gun and handed it to Yomi, carefully keeping it out of Tomo's
reach.

I'm surprised Kagura didn't insist on some of the knives so she and Sakaki
can compete to see how many terrorists each can kill using the same weapon.
:)

Continuing, Tomo began to draw bloody streaks on her cheeks and
spirals on her bare chest.

Osaka finally spoke up.  "Ah!  You're trying to summon Neo-Ranga
to help us, aren't you?  Good idea; he could destroy the whole
building!"

Haven't seen that one.

"That's anime, not real life!" Yomi muttered.  "Get a grip!"

"That's not what I'm doing!  I'm just doing exactly what Rambo
does every time he has to take out some North Whatever
terrorists!" Tomo replied loudly.

Actually, covering one's self in ritualistic patterns and/or blood is quite
common in lots of more primitive warrior cultures. It's meant to invoke
fear, and usually works if you're not used to people covered in blood coming
after you.

"Hey!"  Another terrorist poked his head around the far corner of
the hall and saw the girls.  Fortunately, Sakaki saw him as well,
and threw her knife the length of the corridor and into his throat
before he could bring his gun around and fire.  He gurgled and
fell forward, into the hallway, dropping his gun as he fell.

Still say Kagura should have thrown one too and see who got him first.

"Tomo hasn't got enough upstairs to freeze anybody, though,"
Osaka pointed out.

"In either sense of the word 'upstairs'," Yomi added.

Heh. I wondered about your word selection there.

 From inside, they heard a stern, slightly staticky voice lecture
someone.  "You have failed me, Number Two!  You know my standing
orders for anyone related to Doctor Mihama!  You should have
gone to Plan B the moment you knew you had the girl in your
possession!"

Oh. Maybe I was right

Chiyo-chan ignored all this to stare boldly at the face on the
communicator, a bald man of indeterminate age and yellowish
countenance.  "So, Doctor Zin,

Oh. Johnny Quest, is it?

 you were behind this!  My father

will be very interested to know that.  He had hoped you were dead
after our last encounter."

Aw. Fu Manchu would have been more fun. He's more fiendish and diabolical
anyway.

Osaka, it turned out, was just finishing using two different
colors of nail polish to paint red and blue "wires" on the plastic
explosive.

Smart girl

Chiyo-chan noticed something odd about Osaka's bomb and peered
closer.  After a moment, she abruptly blanched.  "AAAAAHHH!  This
bomb WAS booby-trapped!"  Quickly she traced the leads.  "Oh,
good," she relaxed.  "It's disabled now.  But this was very
tricky, Osaka.  You had to cut this brown wire half-hidden behind
the others first, and then the green one.  You did it perfectly.
How did you know what to do?"

Hehehehehe. Nice punchline to the joke.

And when setting multiple bombs, it's not uncommon to do something like that
to throw someone off. Get them set in a pattern, then change the pattern and
hope they get sloppy and don't notice.

"Hmmm?  Oh, bombs never have brown wires, everybody knows that.
So that one had to go first.  Now, sometimes they have green
wires, and I figured, green is blue and red combined, right?
Since you always cut either red or blue, it was easy to see that
you'd always want to cut green."

Chiyo-chan gazed at Osaka nervously.  "And that's why you did it
in the order you did?"

Osaka nodded happily.

Dr. Zin: I see someone possesses the same brilliant intellect I do. This
Osaka is a grater threat to me that that insipid (but lucky) Dr. Mihama,
whose intellect is vastly inferior to mine

One burst from Kagura down the corridor, timed just as Tomo
cleared her line of fire, caught one of the terrorists just as
he came around the corner.  He collapsed.  The sound of footsteps
coming to an abrupt halt came echoing

echoed

Chiyo-chan handed her two.  "Be careful with these; they explode
without much provocation."

"Just like Yukari-sensei," Osaka observed sagely, nodding.

true

A couple of second passed, then a lone terrorist rounded the other
corner, hands up and weaponless.   "Don't shoot!  I'm unarmed,

Tomo shouted, "Great. Unarmed guys are the best ones to shoot, since they
can't fire back' and proceeded to empty the magazine into him.

The other girls' murmurs of appreciation were drowned out by
Tomo's loud cry of "Hey!  What about me?"

"Tomo, those markings on your face are in violation of the school
dress code.  You'll have to stay after class for detention."

Tomo screamed.

Heh. Amusing, despite a situaiton a far cry from the original series. I
enjoyed it much. Ought to post it to the Azumanga fanfic list as well.

DB Sommer



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