As always, thanks for taking the time to comment on my fic.

Michael A Chase wrote:

Suggested changes: {before : after}
 

I've made all your suggested changes.

On 01/04/2005 12:51 PM, hkmiller said:

 

"Oh, you think so, do you?  You think terrorism is easy, do you? 
Well, let's just see how you handle things!"  The sole ski- masked
terrorist set to guard them strode over ominously. Bending down, he
untied the ropes on Tomo, helped her to stand, and handed her a spare
ski-mask, which he then helped her to don.
   

That seems, somehow, excessive.
 

Their guard isn't the brightest bulb on the planet, but I'll review the 
paragraph and think
about it.

Sakaki leapt to her feet and dived for the guard's legs, tackling 
him.  With both down, the two began wrestling, and Sakaki found, to
her surprise and dismay, that she was clearly the stronger of the
two.  Easily wrenching the gun from the guard's grasp, she reversed
it and swung the gun's butt against the side of the guard's head.  He
slumped.
   

Why would she be dismayed or depressed?  She's normally the most
athletic in the class and it doesn't seem to bother her.
 

I think Thomas Edwards said it better than I would have.  My take on 
Sakaki is
that she is comfortable with her status as "most athletic HS girl", but 
not with her body,
entirely, and probably was not always comfortable as best athlete, 
either.  Suddenly
finding herself to be athletically competitive with a movie action star 
would depress her,
I think, but not necessarily for long, or at any rate enough to affect 
her performance.
You'll note that she doesn't let any remaining depression hurt her 
effectiveness later in the fic.

Chiyo-chan shrugged.  "I got to try one once when my folks took me to
Romania.  Oh, Yomi, wait!  That's the wrong knot to use there.  Let
me show you."  Chiyo squatted down next to Yomi and retied the last
knot on their former captor's bonds.
   

And redoubled the knots on Tomo.
 

Heh.  But then they wouldn't have had the diversion she provided 
upstairs.  ;)

"Tomo, those markings on your face are in violation of the school 
dress code.  You'll have to stay after class for detention."
   

She should probably have put her shirt back on too.
 

Heh.



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