On Wed, 29 Dec 2004 20:16:12 -0800 (PST), Adrian Tymes <wingcat@pacbell.net> wrote:
--- "C. Richard Davies" <masefield_k@yahoo.ca> wrote:
--- The Eternal Lost Lurker <lurkerdrome@sbcglobal.net> wrote:
............................................................................
............
... what he said.
I know this isn't a usual Azufic (like there are
enough to form standards, though I had been thinking
of warning that this wasn't like DB's), but at least:
is that a good "..." or a bad "..."? ^_^;
It is rather personal, you understand. For me, it was quite painful to
read, although I think there won't be any lasting effects. This is point
where I normally say, "but from the writer's technique standpoint the fic
was...", only not this time. Suffice it to say that since it hurt, I can't
say I enjoyed reading. I'm not masochistic.
Pleasant Azu fics do not have to copy DB, although he is a benchmark and
some authors try anyway. My favourite so far would be either Zoltan's
"Non New Year's Dreams" or his "The More Things Change" - I cannot decide.
I tried to pull him into FFML, but it was a tall order. Links:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2082139/1/
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2035094/1/
------------------ SPOILERS - for discussion ------------------------------
Here's the taste of "Dreams":
Suddenly, it was over. Her mighty sword was buried a half-foot into
the ground before her, right between Chiyo-dad's tapered legs.
"Well?" Chiyo-dad said. "Are you going to strike?"
"I already have," Sakaki replied softly. "You missed it."
The hallucination stared at her with what appeared to be satisfaction
before he burst in two, showering her with pink lemonade. Sakaki stared
in awe as the two halves of Chiyo-dad flew into the air separately,
still gushing lemonade.
The greatest part of the story is how that bitch Tomo finds redemption
after seeing her own grave with epitaphy "WORTHLESS" and it makes her to
rethink her life. Cheesy, but nice.
And "Things":
Chiyo looked around the park again. The landscape looked completely
different to her now; instead of holding that sort of melancholy autumn
beauty, it just seemed to be shriveling up and dying. She wanted to say
something to lighten the mood, but...
“I should hate you,” Ayumu said suddenly, her voice as mellow as ever.
“What?”
“Or resent you, anyway. You’re a prodigy. You would’ve been able to become
rich and famous even if you’d been born in squalor, but you weren’t; your
family is rich. So you would’ve been able to live comfortably even if you
never did a stitch of work, but you do. Here you are, studying away, out
to conquer the world. And always so good-natured about it, too.”
Chiyo didn’t know what to say. She pulled at the grass uncomfortably; it
was dying, too.
I would like to see more of Azufic in a similar vein. But instead it is just
more citrus, more Teris, more Orangeboy. Amishi and Aoyama try, but they are
not strong enough writers yet. DB could, but does not share my vision of a
literary Azufic but since he offers a great alternative, I can respect that.
I'm not going to rave and rant, I'm just sad, very sad. If you want to
work along the same lines in "The Path of Cute", more power to you. I won't
be a part, but and I'm sure a few folks will appreciate, especially at
FF.net. And freedom is a big part of fanfiction.
I hope that explains what I see in those dot lines. Richard Davies and
Robert Morrison may see something else.
Have a great day,
-- Pete
P.S. If someone did more rampant humour like Kamehameha's Hotto Doggi, that
would be grand as well. Unfortunately, I'm humour challenged. Just cannot
write it.
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