--- The Eternal Lost Lurker
<lurkerdrome@sbcglobal.net> wrote:

Kaorin thought at first that Osaka had said it, as

did Osaka.

[Osaka] "Sorry. I don't know what I'm sayin' half
the time."

I was worried that this might be a little too Osaka,
even for Osaka.

Kaorin watched her personal inspiration walk away

disappointed.  "Miss

Sakaki?"  She grabbed Yomi.  "What's wrong with

Miss Sakaki?!?"

*twitch* I guess we'll have to get used to this,
now... >_<

Get used to what?

"Ahh, you didn't know?" Osaka drawled.  "Strange. 

Ya obsess over her

and ya don't know what she obsesses over?"

You're...kinda overdoing Osaka's 'accent' there.

I'll tone it down a bit, but that's the level of
accent she sounded like she had when I watched it.

"Chiyo-chan and cats...so if I...and she's all

alone this weekend..."

She grinned so fiendishly that Yomi and Osaka both

took a step back,

then Kaorin set off down the hall.  On the way,

she came across Chiyo,

whom she scrutinized without breaking her smile.

This...does not bode well. o.o;;

Setting things up for the rest of the fic.  Could be
worse, though.  Another Azufic I'm thinking of
concerns, among other things, Tomo asking Yukari to
teach her how to drive, and the implications thereof.

"Oh, don't worry, Chiyo-chan.  She's just glad you

ain't a catgirl."

....mental image...too cute... *dies*

I tried to study the essence of universal cute for
this fic, so I could express Kaorin's attempts to
realize it.  Kaorin's not helpless, but in recent
years super-competence - especially in mental skills -
has seemed to become its own sort of cute, for example
as expressed by Chiyo.  That might be just my
perception, though.

Ironically, a catgirl Chiyo was dancing in

Sakaki's daydream when her

doorbell rang.

[Neko-Chiyo] "....meow."

*Sakaki explodes*

*Neko-Chiyo dances in the confetti, not knowing that
it recently was Sakaki and wondering where Sakaki is*

waist and
breast hiding pink dress

That's kind of an awkward turn of phrase...

Hmm.  Any ideas how I could make it better?  I'm
trying to evoke the dress Chiyo wore in Sakaki's
vision, when Sakaki tried to picture herself with
pigtails.

Before Kaorin could grow too concerned, Sakaki

returned the smaller

girl's hug.  "K-Kaorin...chan...you are welcome to

stay as long as you

like."

"D...do you mean it, Miss Sakaki?"

Dude. Pick one or the other. Japanese honorifics or
dubbification. Not both.

The dub used "chan".  I'm going by the dub's
standards.

Kaorin looked up, sincere happiness beaming into

Sakaki's still

somewhat surprised eyes.  "Please, call me Kaori,

Miss Sakaki."

"Kaori."  She smiled.  "Miss Kaori."

That...doesn't quite seem to work, for this.
"Kaori-chan" is definitely more
appropriate.

Hmm.  You may be right, but I was thinking that Sakaki
would try to make Kaorin appear cuter by putting her
on a pedestal, just like (but not knowing that) Kaorin
had done for Sakaki.

Might it work better if I explicitly put that, like
so?

"Kaori."  She smiled.  In her mind, Kaorin gained a
glow of respect reserved for those just short of
dieties, the exact same glow Kaorin bestowed upon
Sakaki in her own mind.  To both girls, the glow
emphasized that which they admired most about the
other, and thus was to be acknowledged whenever
possible.  "Miss Kaori."

The addressed student sat up straight, embarrassed

to have been caught

casting sidelong glances at Sakaki in the

cafeteria, while having a

pleasant daydream about a werewolf named Sakaki

hungrily devouring a

piece of meat named Kaorin.

O_o;

Emphasis on "pleasant".  I'm not sure, but it seems
like there may be a better way I could note that
Kaorin was thoroughly enjoying the dream.

"Chiyo-chan misses you."

"Er, well, I have new friends now and-"

"Even Osaka's noticed."

Um...after Kaorin got transferred during third year,
the others more or less
forgot she even existed, except for the beach trip.
Actually, they forgot
her even before that. So this seems kinda...off.

They didn't completely forget about her.  They
invited her for the trip, after all.  But maybe I
could put something more in - say, that they were
trying to "rescue" Kaorin from worrying about Kimura's
attentions with the trip but it didn't seem to take
since she still wasn't with them a lot?

"Because...I'm not as cute in a school uniform."

Kagura froze, a number of possible lectures dying

on the seeming

non-sequiter.

No shit. @_@

And yet it makes perfect sense to Kaorin.

No one noticed Sakaki abruptly stand up and leave,

or the tears she

wept through her afternoon classes.

Awww.

People often don't pay much attention to Sakaki
anyway, leaving her free to stare out the window and
think about cats.

"I can't help it."  Kaorin quivered slightly.  "My

body...I tell it to

stop, but it won't.  I don't know what to do." 

She looked up.  "I

don't know how to stop it.  I'm scared, Miss

Sakaki."

And THAT is probably the weirdest conversation two
girls will EVER have...

Nah.  Osaka and almost any other girl can beat that
hands down, without trying hard.  ;)

Besides, there are some girls who really don't want
big breasts, and some subset of those get them
naturally anyway.  This is why breast reduction
surgery was invented.

"On your jaw...you have..."  Sakaki leaned over

and licked off a stray

drop of sauce that had landed and dried just below

the left corner of

Kaorin's lips.  Her tongue lingered there, then

almost of its own

accord drifted upwards.

#H_H#

>From that, I take it this qualifies as Lemon even
before the first reference to actual sex?

Kagura snickered.  "Sakaki's, of course.  Who do

you think 'studies'

Kaorin?"

*SNRK*

Oh, yeah.  No way they wouldn't notice.

One night a couple months later, Sakaki came back

from class to find

Kaorin curled up in a ball, crying.  Mayaa was

trying to nuzzle

Maya

Again, dub standards.  The only place I saw his name
written is in one of the scene intros, which gets
translated as "Together with Mayaa".

One quick run to the cosmetics store and an hour

of trial and error

later, Sakaki smiled into a mirror on the desk in

front of her and

Think you mixed them up there. :P

Yep.  Thanks, will fix.

"Specifically, cosmetic surgery."

Kaorin blinked.  "...for me?  Just because of

this?"

Awwww.

"I was leaning towards it anyway, just in case

something like this

happened."

.....that's a bit......

...................disturbing.

And in those two bits, you get the essence of what I
was going for with this fic.  I'd thought that having
both Dark and WAFF tags on the same fic would be
boasting, but from this and other peoples' comments I
think I should use them.

*snip the surgery simulator bit* That was hilarious.
XD

I wasn't sure I'd conveyed the imagery quite well
enough.  Could you envision what was going on?

Unfortunately, the reflection staring back at her
had acid-whitened skin,
emerald green hair, and a freakishly unnatural and
unnerving grin...

...and by this point, Sakaki would call even that
"cute".  Because it was Kaorin.

Fashion creations by Daidouji Tomoyo.

Or possibly one of the manga-only characters.  You
know, crossing over Azumanga with itself.

That's not cool, that's SCARY. X_X

Not that anyone's going to say it to their faces.
"Cool" is the polite way of putting it - and thus does
Kaorin come to believe that others still see Sakaki as
cool.

Wouldn't it be a lot easier for her to give Kaorin a
handkerchief with her,
ahem, "scent" on it? That'd keep her in a constant
state of euphoria.

Unfortunately, the nose adjusts to scents after a
short while, until it doesn't report their presence.
Kaorin would definitely use it constantly, thus the
effect would fade, and even Sakaki's actual presence
might have a muted effect.  Sakaki knows all of this.
Becoming jealous of a handkerchief is a minor, but
non-zero, reason against; Kaorin's long-term happiness
is the main reason.

This is a very screwed-up relationship they're in.

VERY screwed-up.

And now we come to my original inspiration for the
fic: what if Sakaki became as obssessed with Kaorin as
Kaorin was with Sakaki?  Work backwards to justify how
such a thing could come to be, then forwards to see
how it plays out.

Later, the two would later refer to themselves

prior to that day as

Before, as in Miss Sakaki Before as different from

Miss Sakaki.

That sentence should be taken out back of the barn
and shot.

Didn't see the double "later" until now. >_<  Thanks
for the catch.

Might this work better?  If not, any suggestions for
improvements?

Later, the two would refer to their past selves as
Before, as in Miss Sakaki Before versus Miss Sakaki.

This is MORE than a little creepy. This is getting
into downright 
WRONG.

Which is how I wanted to end it.  I was worried that
the ending was a bit abrupt, but perhaps the
abruptness serves its own purpose.  ^_^

Thanks for the comments.

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