On Wed, 15 Dec 2004 15:42:45 -0500, "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:

Family Relations
[An Azumanga Daioh fic]

Welcome back, DB.

Not much was to suggest, everything was great until about this paragraph:

[...]
Tomo was the first to say what everyone was thinking. "Wow! She really is
related to Mrs. Kimura. Only someone as messed up as her could marry
something like him."

The others nodded in agreement.

I think the ending was not intense enough. Whole thing kind of wimpered
here, IMHO. But stupidly, I cannot express the problem in words. I checked
how it looked in other of your oneshots:

Carnivale:
  Yukari placed a comforting hand on Kagura's shoulder. "That's all right.
  If you had proposed to him and he had accepted, I would have had to kill
  you for stealing my opportunity from me." She left Kagura and began running
  after the dancing man, shouting out how she thought he was cute and she
  would let him treat her to dinner.

Houseguests:
  Tomo finally interrupted the conversation. "And then you can come by my
  house?"

  "Sure," Kagura said, since by that time they'll have certainly graduated
  and she could get out of it by saying she had to go to college. She had
  suffered enough trauma for one lifetime. Knowing there were two more Tomos
  in the world was bad enough, actually meeting them would be more than
  anyone should have to take.

Sex Education (add-on ending in its own micro-segment, actually)
  The principal wandered aimlessly about the halls of the school, his mind
  still trying to process exactly what it had seen and failing miserably.
  As he walked, lost in thought, he stopped as he came up in front of someone
  who was so like him it was as if they were a pair of matched bookends.
  They stared at each other for a moment, two mirror images of one another.

  "Freak," Kimura said, before walking off.

Field Trip:
  [The glass circle] fell out of the window and to the ground below,
  shattering against the concrete.

  "Easily the best gift I've ever received," Tomo said quickly.

  The others nodded their heads in agreement.

They are all somewhat different, but... And the puzzling thing is, "Relations"
do not end abrubtly, there's no simple technical error: scene ends, everything
is resolved. Funny how "Field Trip" ends with exactly the same sentence, but
its air is different. Maybe what happened there was not obvious, and what
happened in Relations was?

-- Pete

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