arromdee@rahul.net (Ken Arromdee) writes:
I don't know if this sets a record for obscure crossovers, but it's got to
come close. Comments, particularly from people who know the series, are very
appreciated.
I know neither series, but that won't stop me from plunging in
boldly!
Dark Confrontation
by Ken Arromdee
It began just a couple of months past the start of our senior year in
high school. Like me and the other girls always did at lunchtime, we had
gathered together on one side of the room and were chatting about whatever
struck our fancy. There was me, Fumiko Gisei; Kei Akashatsu, who was a little
taller than me and had slightly shorter hair; and Tomie Kamizawa, who in the
few months she had been here had become perhaps the most popular girl in our
class--at least among the boys. Her long black hair, her figure, and her face
were perfection, except for one tiny mole beneath her left eye.
RON STOPPABLE: That's a naked mole rat!
It looks like you're doing a nice job of capturing not-grammatically
perfect, but nonetheless accurate dialogue , so I won't bother
pointing out that sort of issue in the narration.
She had finished her lunch and had both her
elbows on the disk, while in both hands she cupped some kind of trinket.
Maybe it was a keychain or a coin, but whatever it was, it wasn't something
that normal people stare at. And then she mumbled something.
As I approached her desk, the girl clasped her right hand over the coin
and pocketed it. "I'm Kuroi Misa" she said, and waited for my reply.
So has the narrator decided more firmly that it's a coin?
"She's *Misa*" I said. "The girl probably goes for black cats and eyes of
newt. Who knows what she could be doing in there?"
They just found out her name today. That "She's *MIsa*" sounds like
the narrator is talking about an existing reputation for weirdness,
but they only met her today, supposedly ; this seems inconsistent.
I thought that it meant Misa could be dangerous, but now I wasn't sure.
Maybe everything was my imagination, after all. Misa had told us why she had
the knife and it may have been a little freaky, but it had nothing to do with
sticking the knife into another human being. There wasn't any real reason to
doubt her aside from watching too many mad slasher movies. And I hadn't even
seen Freddy versus Jason.
Should be italicized or underlined.
I'm not a very spiritual girl but it occurred to me then: Maybe she wasn't
playing with spells. Maybe the spells were real... and she was playing with
us instead.
I was a little relieved. That could be nothing. Even if it was something,
there were so many things it could be that had nothing to do with witches and
warlocks.
Meanwhile Misa was looking at Tomie suspiciously. In another time and
another place, she might have gotten away with that, but Tomie, sharp as ever,
caught her.
"Something to say about that, Misa?" asked Tomie.
"No, not really" replied Misa. "Yes, I was looking you up. I'm not going
not really, "
to lie about that. I was..."
"You suspected me of killing the other girls at the mansion, didn't you?"
asked Tomie.
Misa, not the least bit contrite, readily admitted it. "Yes, I did. From
what happened, anyone would suspect you."
"Anyone?!" exclaimed Kei. "I didn't suspect that."
And I added "I didn't, either!". I needed to help my friends--to protect
No need for that period.
Tomie when her integrity was being attacked like this.
"So what did you find?" asked Tomie. "Could I have killed them?"
"No, you couldn't," said Misa.
"Could you say that a little louder? We didn't hear you."
"No, you couldn't! I admit it. You couldn't possibly have killed the
girls. You only got there a few months ago. People were dying at the Hinata
I knew Narusegawa was trouble. Keitaro, run for your life!
Earlier you had used Hinada. Oh, and something I had forgotten to
mention from earlier:
,----
| Tomie began to tell us the tale, in a low whisper that rivalled anything
| one would hear at midnight around a campfire. "This mansion was once full of
| death for girls like us. It wasn't long ago that neighbors would tell stories
| about all the beautiful teenage girls at the Hinada Mansion."
|
| Kei giggled. "Where you were one of ten girls trying to make it with one
| guy?"
|
| "No! You've got the wrong name, it's 'Hinada'. That was their name. An
| old man and a woman. They lived there with a servant, and they took in girls
`----
You repeat Hinada. I'm assuming one of those is supposed to be Hinata?
"Brrrng brrr brr BBRRRNG brng-brrrng!"
The sound of my phone ringing was a big jolt, considering how wrapped up
What about the Inuyasha ringtone?
Then there was a knock on the door. No--not from the door. From the
window. It must be Misa, I thought.
"Get away!" I yelled. "Get away!"
"Fumi-chan" yelled someone from outside, "I saw someone in there. Is that
Fumi-chan!"
I backed away, but hit the bed with my legs and stumbled to the ground.
"Kei, I told you" said Misa.
"Look, Fumi-chan," explained Kei. "Misa's not going to hurt you."
"She's a witch!" I screamed back at Kei.
"Not a witch, a wizard," said Misa, and she began a low chant. "Eko Eko
Azarak, Eko Eko Zomelak...."
Kei must have seen the terror in my eyes. "Misa" she said, "you said
Misa,"
"No, we haven't. I didn't even meet her until I first came here. I knew
there was something going on, but I didn't know what. I usually don't even
bother hiding my magic. But when I found out it was Tomie who was the monster,
I decided to lay low. And it worked, for a while. To her, my magic was just
a quirk that she could use to make you string me up a lamppost or burn me at
the stake. She never dreamed I had any real power--until I cast that
protection spell at the movie theater and it let you see her petty speech for
what it really was. And then she saw me for what I really was, too."
I heard Tomie's footsteps again for the tenth time in at least an hour.
This time, she stopped at the door. There was a clicking sound and, still
holding the key to what was after all a room in her own house, she threw the
door open and stood there in all her glory. Misa turned towards her and I
That sentence seems a bit awkward.
Someday Tomie would be back.
Fairly chilling. Not knowing either series left me guessing up until
the very end (and even now not knowing the answers :-). Engagingly
written, too .