Slogging through the backlog...
Bob Schroeck wrote on 10/15/2004, 5:32 PM:
> Chris Angel and I would just like to thank everyone for their
> appreciation and support of "Oh! My Brother" and "Drunkard's
> Walk II", respectively, and we welcome you all to the start of
> a new adventure.
>
> -- Bob
Woo-Hoo! It's an intimidating prospect, C&Cing the likes of Bob
"Coulda been a supervillain" Schroeck, especially when teamed up with
Chris "I'm not a deity, but I play one in fanfic" Angel. But my mother
always told me I lacked enough sense to come in out of the rain.
But enough about me -- Let's C&C!
> DRUNKARD'S WALK V / OH! MY BROTHER! BOOK II:
> ANOTHER DIVINE MESS YOU'VE GOTTEN ME INTO
>
> by Robert M. Schroeck and Christopher Angel
>
>
>
> Dedicated to the memory of
> our comrade and friend,
> Lisa Frankel Tomaszewski
> (1965-2004)
> Sorciere - Phantasia
> The First Warrior To Fall
>
>
>
>
> 0. Here Be Dragons
>
> Zoom in on a city.
>
> It's a seaside city, on the outer edge of a longish island off
> the coast of a large continent at the western edge of a large
> ocean. It sprawls across a flattish plain near an almost
> perfectly conical volcanic peak crested with snow.
Madagascar? New Zealand? Probably not Manhattan...
> The city is Tokyo.
>
> The time is the late 20th century.
>
> The world, as is usually the case, is Earth.
>
> One of them, at least.
The planet having a severe case of MPD, a fact understood by any
reader of DC comics...
> Zoom closer.
>
> It's a modern city typical of its time period, with tall glass
> buildings and highways and many, many cars. Surging tides of
> people flow through its streets, channeled and guided by
> sidewalks and traffic lights. Even at this altitude they can be
> seen, although not individually.
>
> Zoom even closer, and pan.
>
> The city is made up of neighborhoods, each with its own style and
> personality. Here is the downtown area, home to those tall
> buildings and surging tides of humanity. It's the financial
> heart of the city, pulsing with the traffic of billions of yen
> every minute. Over there, spread out around the bases of several
> immense tanks storing natural gas, is a quiet suburban district
> filled with shops and restaurants and homes. Well beyond that is
> a zone of palaces and government buildings.
Lessee, there's your Crystal Palace, and the Infinite Fortress,
the ADP tower, the GENOM Cone...
> And over here is one of several college neighborhoods. More
> apartments than single family homes are found here, surrounding
> the campus of a mid-sized institution of higher learning. It's
> not Toudai, not nearly as prestigious. But it's a tough school,
> and it turns out some of the best engineers on the island. Maybe
> in the Pacific basin.
It's WPI!
No, wait... wrong continent.
> Let's get a little closer to this neighborhood.
An *engineering* school neighborhood? What, you got a death wish?
> As in many other parts of the city, the plain on which it is
> built is far from perfectly flat. Small hills and shallow dales
> undulate across the plain here, and the homes and the businesses
> and the college are draped, sprawled or perched upon them.
Sug: "The landscape undulates through a series of small hills
and shallow dales, here, and..."
> Closer.
>
> Not far from the college is a tallish hill, one of the taller
> ones in the neighborhood. An old, old stone wall rings it,
> setting it off from the road below and the houses that surround
> it. On the top of the hill is a Shinto temple complex -- one
> temple, priests' dwelling, outbuildings, torii, courtyards,
> assorted other accoutrements.
The subterranean mecha silos, reactor complex, pyramid-- wait,
wrong Step. This is "regular" Tokyo, no bloody -1, -2, or -3....
> Although no longer in use as a place of worship, the temple is
> far from abandoned. The buildings are in immaculate condition,
> no overgrowth can be found, and any leaf that dares to fall upon
> its pristine walkways is immediately banished. The sounds of
> laughter, song and conversation -- and the occasional small
> explosion -- drift through the courtyard, across the wall, and to
> the ear of the casual passerby.
We'll ignore the fairly regular sound of sisterly catfights,
refereed by one seriously exasperated big brother, and the aural
emanations of frustrated/enraged/embattled Denizens of the Pit.
> It is a home, a happy one. A man who found his heart's greatest
> desire lives there.
>
> As does his heart's greatest desire.
Always a plus. "Location, location, location." But location of
*what,* that's the critical question!
> And her sisters.
Ah, in-laws. How... nice.
> And their brother.
Who really is a nice guy, despite his penchant for occaisionally
violent overprotectiveness.
> Beware, gentle stranger. Here be dragons.
And robots and tanuki and demons and ninja and whales, oh my!
Except most of that hasn't happened yet. Bummer. Doug would
probably get on with the Schroedinger's Whales like an ampitheater on
fire. Might even be able to bum a ride home.
> Fortunately, though, they're usually very *nice* dragons.
For which we are *all* very, VERY grateful.
> But right now, two large, musclebound idiots are dumping the
> contents of a junkyard into their laps.
Which *would* have lead into the Infinite Tearoom arc. But ah,
well...
> 1. In Which I Wake Up Closer To Heaven Than I Want To Be At This
> Point In My Life
And my ride is in the shop.
> The gods love heroes. They also love a good laugh. Think about
> it. -- Anonymous
I am. And I'm not liking it.
> When an evil god laughs, run. When a good god laughs, run
> quickly. -- Anonymous
I think Chris might take that just a bit personally.
Then again, he might agree...
> I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic
> party. -- Dennis Ritchie
>
>
>
> Tokyo, Nekomi Ward, Friday, May 9, 1997, 4:05 PM
>
> Skuld, Norn of the Future, called by some the Raven-Haired and by
> others the Goddess of Technology, may be an eternal, transcendent
> multidimensional being, but at the moment, in this time and
> space, she was a thirteen-year-old girl. And like many other
> thirteen-year-old girls, she was known to have conflicts with her
> siblings.
For definitions of "conflict" bordering on "low-level nuclear
warfare," yeah.
> Her eldest sister Urd, Norn of the Past, called by some Snowmane,
> by the boys at Nekomi Tech "one seriously hot babe" and by
And "She whose outfits are held on only by the airborne
shockwave caused by bugging male eyes and dropping male jaws (plus a few
female ones, probably)."
> herself "the Cupid of Love", was a case in point. Skuld had
> little use for Urd. Urd, returning the favor, had little use for
> Skuld.
>
> They avoided killing each other out of consideration for the
> middle sister of the three: Belldandy, Norn of the Present --
> called Verdandi by the Vikings (who were not limited to the
> phonemes found in modern Japanese), "Wishbringer" by the
I could've sworn that her school file showed her last name as
"Asgard" in one of the manga, but that's hardly a point worth quibling over.
> administration of the Nekomi Institute of Technology (for lack of
> any other family name), and "Bell-chan" by one Keiichi Morisato,
> who found in her his heart's greatest desire. Belldandy was one
> of those persons whom it was impossible to hate, whose serenity
> and radiant happiness filled the temple and drove out all but the
> most enduring and persistent thoughts of intersibling homicide.
Unfortunately, the Urd/Skuld feud is listed in many
dictionaries as part of the definitions of "enduring" and "persistent."
Along with
"dangerous," "deadly," "longevity," "collateral damage," "Kyrie
Eleison," "global," "infinite,"... well, you get the idea.
> Killing each other would also have upset their elder brother
> Christopher Angel, known to some as the Lord of Paradox, to
> others as the God of Moments, to his sisters as "Chris", and to
> most of the neighbors as "that godawful huge gaijin from the
As opposed to "those really cute/beautiful/hawt gaijin chicks
from the temple."
> temple." Two young ladies of his acquaintance (with whose lives
> the collision of divine duty and mortal wishes had entangled his
> fate) called him something else: "Mine!" They then usually
> glared at each other for several minutes afterwards.
Ranma, Tenchi, and Others: "Wanna join our support group?"
I don't quite know why, but that paragraph had me ROTFL for
several seconds.
> Chris was charged with the protection of the Norns; his entire
> divine nature was geared to their defense and well-being.
> Sororicide would have upset him greatly, and since they both
> cared deeply about Chris, Skuld and Urd made a great effort to
> keep their conflicts to a manageable level.
For definitions of "manageable" bordering on "anything less than
permanently lethal."
> Oddly enough, Urd and Skuld did love each other. The apparent
> contradiction here is a familiar phenomenon to anyone who has
> ever had siblings of their own. Too much of each other, too
> close, too often has a less than salubrious effect on the
> temperaments of, say, two sisters. Still, although neither would
> willingly admit it, they cared for each other as strongly as they
> cared for their brother and their mutual other sister.
Preaching to the choir, bro. My older little sister couldn't
get along with *any* of the rest of the family until after she moved
out. Then, suddenly, we were all much easier to live with.
> This did not mean that they had to be civil to one another,
> though. Witness one interaction between them, late in the
> afternoon of a spring day:
What's a safe distance for witnessing this? Ten parsecs? Five
universes? The far end of a text-only link with insufficient bandwidth
for any of the collateral damage to splatter me?
> Skuld, a cardboard box the size of a milk crate filling her arms
> and almost completely blocking her field of view, stopped in
Sug: "Skuld, her arms occupied with a cardboard box large
enough to almost completely block her field of view,..."
> front of the door to Urd's workshop/laboratory. After the
> fifteenth or twentieth explosion, Belldandy (reluctantly) and
> Keiichi (somewhat less so) had banished the eldest sister's
> "researches" to one of the more distant outbuildings of the
For definitions of "distant" bordering on... okay, okay, I'll
stop now.
> temple complex. Walking all the way there from the furo with her
> arms full of a heavy box had done no favors for Skuld's
> temperament.
She didn't think to put a glass of water in the lab? Tsk. That
girl's just not lazy enough. Now, *me,* the entire reason I went into
robotics was so I could indulge my lazy streak. Well, that and the
money. And the fact that it was the only job offer I got just out of
college...
> With an offended little "hmph!" noise, she toed the door open and
> stepped inside. She gave her eyes a moment to adjust to the
> dimmer light, then walked over to the end of Urd's worktable,
> where there appeared to be enough space to put down her load
> without having to risk actually touching anything.
Given that Urd's formulae generally make decade-old
nitroglycerin look downright stable...
> "Here," Skuld announced curtly, dropping the box.
Forgetting that some of those same formulations might actually
be *in* the box....
> As it came to an abrupt rest on tabletop, it made the jangling,
> thudding sound that was somehow so characteristic of unsorted,
> randomly-accumulated junk.
>
> "Thanks ever so much, squirt," Skuld's eldest sister drawled
> without looking up from where she carefully infused droplets from
> a pipette into a small glass bottle. The contents of both were
> clear; the result was a strawberry-pink cloud floating in the
> larger container. "What is it?"
"Unsorted random junk. Weren't you *listening* to the sound FX?"
> "Father had me sort through the parts bin and rescue everything
> we could use and toss out everything that was broken or just
> junk. This is what's left," the young goddess sniffed.
A parts bin? In Heaven? ...Skuld, I'll take the stuff you
threw out!
> Having emptied the pipette, Urd carefully laid it down on a white
> cloth. Deftly, she corked the bottle and labeled it. "What do
> you mean, 'what's left', brat? What would be left after you
> rescued the good stuff and tossed out the garbage?"
All the stuff that's "none of the above."
> Skuld pursed her lips in distaste. "Whatever tested as a relic
> but doesn't seem to have a purpose or a function. I thought you
> could check them and maybe find out what they are. Sitting on
> top of the Tether ought to make it easy."
Tether? I don't recall that term coming up in canon. Time to
re-read my accumulated OMG manga?
> "Hmm." The white-haired goddess dipped one bronzed hand into the
> box and began fishing through its contents. "It all looks like
> trash. Why should I bother?"
Because there might be something valuable and/or dangerous in
there?
> "Well!" Skuld spun on her heel with a huff, long black hair
> spinning momentarily into a broad fan. "*I* thought you'd be
> interested. Excuse me for making a mistake!"
Oh, yeah, I remember this. No remark, however innocuous, can
just be let go. *Everything* gets taken waaay too seriously.
> "Little brat," Urd muttered to herself.
>
> "I *heard* that," Skuld declared with a huff, still standing with
> her back to Urd and her arms crossed.
>
> Urd rolled her eyes and slid off her stool and stepped to the end
> of the table. She raked her fingers through the box, then lifted
> her hand and studied its contents: a broken cogwheel, a chunk of
> broomstick, half of a shattered gem. She scowled and dumped them
> back in with the rest. "Nothing but junk," she growled. "I've
> got better things to do."
>
> "Like what?" Skuld demanded, turning around.
>
> Urd graced her with a smile just this side of lascivious. "Like
> a few things you're still *way* too young for, yet."
"I AM NO-- wait, what *exactly* are we talking about, here?"
"I could tell you, but then Chris would get upset after you went
into hysterical convulsions."
> "You..." Skuld began to steam, but a sudden horrendous crash
> interrupted her. "What was that?"
>
> A second crash, metal upon metal and metal upon stone, even
> louder than the first, shook the little building and rattled its
> windows. The two goddesses exchanged a look, and then dashed out
> to the courtyard.
BATTLE STATIONS!
Or, rather, TAMIYA&OOTAKI STATIONS!
Hmm. Equivalent danger level, but just doesn't quite have the
"ring"...
> * * *
>
> Tokyo, Nekomi Ward, Friday, May 9, 1997, 4:15 PM
>
> The thunderous din outside the front of the temple hadn't really
> surprised anyone in the building, but it did bring them running.
> By the time Keiichi and Belldandy reached the site of the
> incident, they found Chris and Skuld already digging through a
> virtual mountain of vehicle parts, sorting them into piles.
> Nearby, Urd lounged idly on the engawa, watching them.
"If the Geek cannot come to the Dumpster, then the Dumpster must
come to the Geek..."
> Picking up a headlight assembly, Chris turned it over in his
> hands for a moment before noticing the couple. He tucked it
> under his arm and waved. "Hey kids, did anyone order something
> from Junk-We-Be?"
>
> Skuld poked her head up and looked around crossly. "'Niichan,
> did you see a... Oh, give me that!" Chris handed her the light
> and she put it onto the grass beside another one.
I've seen this behavior. Worse, I've been *part* of it. It's
like this DNA-coded geek reflex -- upon seeing a big pile of junk,
something deep inside us screams "PARTS!", and we go all salvage-packrat...
> Keiichi approached slowly, his brow furrowed in thought. "I'd
> almost suspect Tamiya-sempai and Ootaki-sempai of entering me in
> another competition," he murmured, and then snapped his fingers.
Yeah, it's the play-at-home version of "Junkyard Wars."
> "Oh! The repairs to the clubhouse! They wanted to drop off some
> gear here..." he trailed off, looking at the pile. "I just
> didn't think there'd be so *much*." He frowned, squinted and
> peered at the monstrous heap. "Is that a whole *car* under
> there? Where did *that* come from?"
Heck, the NIT Motor Club once found, rebuilt, and flew a WWII
fighter plane which was, IIRC, buried *under* the campus. After that, a
few whole cars ain't much of nothin'.
> "Well," Belldandy mused, walking over to the pile and looking
> over it, "It looks like there should be enough for a *couple* of
> cars here." She looked over at her brother, who was turning over
> a black plastic object in his hands with a bewildered expression.
> "Chris, that's a distributor cap."
Tech note: did you know that the average Crayloa Crayon will
fit tightly, and break off, in the top openings of most average
distirbutor caps? Rendering the cap unueseable? My father did, the
hard way. It's not *my* fault, I was only five at the time....
> "Sheesh," Skuld snorted, and tossed a set of spark plugs over her
> shoulder. "How can you call yourself an engineer and not know
> this stuff?"
>
> "*Computer* and *telecom* engineer, thank you," Chris said
> primly, "not automotive. And at least I know how to set up a
> decent sound system, unlike some people around here." He tossed
> the cap onto a pile, dusted his hands off on his pants, and then
> looked with disgust at the grease streaks left on them. "Well,
> sorry, kids, but you get to clean this up without me. I have to
> change now for a date, and I want to get going while we've
> still go some sunlight."
SP: "got"
> "Hey!" Skuld complained, brandishing a strut like a conductor's
> baton. "Who's going to help me with this?"
>
> "Don't be silly," Belldandy soothed. "Keiichi and I can help
> you." She walked up to Chris and placed her palm on his chest to
> stop him. Murmuring a few words, she looked with satisfaction as
> the filth disappeared from his clothes. She stepped back and
> game him a warm smile.
Sug: "...looked ON with..." or maybe just "watched"
> "Slick," Chris said admiringly, and examined his pants. "Thanks,
> Bell. I need to learn that one."
>
> "No, you don't," a voice said sternly. They all turned to look
> at Urd where she lounged on the porch. Standing and joining them
> at the edge of the junk heap, she added, "Mispronounce two words
> in that incantation and you summon a demon lord."
These spells were obviously not written with OSHA safety specs
in mind.
> "Really?!" Keiichi demanded, eyes wide. "Maybe he better not try
> it then. I remember the ice cube spell. It took us two days to
> melt that ice."
>
> Skuld snorted from where she was digging in the pile. "No,
> dummy, not really. But knowing 'Niichan and magic, he'd probably
> end up sterilizing Nekomi."
>
> "Hey!" the god in question protested, "I'm not that bad! So I
> mixed up two words."
>
> "Christopher." Belldandy said the name firmly, like speaking to a
> child. "Yes, you are."
>
> With a dejected sigh, Chris slumped and wandered back towards the
> house. Urd patted him on the shoulder as he walked past her.
> "Don't worry, you've got your own talents." She said
> sympathetically, and then grinned. "So who's the date with?"
>
> "Rachel."
>
> Urd's grin became positively evil. "And if Ami comes by...?"
>
> "I'm out. God business."
>
> "And if P-mmpf!" Urd glared at her brother as his hand clamped
> over her mouth.
>
> "Don't say it," he pleaded. "If *she* asks, Thor's gone to storm
> the gates of Hell, and he's letting me hold his cloak." He
> dropped his hand.
That sounds like fun. Story to tell the grandkids, at least.
> Urd shook her head disgustedly. "It's not like saying her name
> will make her appear, moron."
>
> "You can take those chances. *I* won't, thanks. She scares me."
> Chris turned and hotfooted it into the house. All could hear
> some coins and keys jingling, and he came out again a moment
> later. "Late. Bye-o." With that, he almost ran down the street
> towards the NIT campus.
>
> A piston in each hand, Skuld blew a lock of her raven hair out of
> her eyes with a puff of breath and watched as he vanished in the
This just SCREAMS "fanart"
> distance. "You know, sometimes I think 'Niichan really needs to
> grow a sp... Oooh!" Her eyes lit up and she dropped both
> pistons with a matched pair of thuds. "An electronic ignition
> system!"
God have mercy on me, I know exactly how she feels. I've *done*
that.
> She made a lunge for the part while Keiichi chuckled quietly to
> himself. *She'll never change,* he thought. As he studied the
> universal joint in his hands, he glanced sidewise at Belldandy
> and smiled fondly. Under her influence, the parts nearest her
> had animated like props from a Disney movie, and were sorting
> themselves neatly in response to her gentle requests. He
Uh oh. This isn't going to turn into a huge
Gilbert&Sullivan-esque musical dance number, is it?
> chuckled again, then turned back to the task at hand.
>
> How quickly he had gotten used to miracles and wonders, living
> here with Belldandy. Just beyond the gate to the street was the
> mundane world, but in here... here was magic. He grimaced as he
> remembered that not all magic was Disney-style fun-and-games.
> Some of it was dangerous, and some of it was dark. And some of
> it was just damned inconvenient.
>
> But if that were the price to be paid for being with Belldandy,
> then by the gods, Keiichi Morisato was more than willing to pay
> it.
Sug: "...that was the price..."
> "Hey, Bell-chan?" he grunted as he rolled a battered transaxle
> off to one side of the courtyard.
>
> "Yes, Keiichi-kun?" Although she wasn't physically lifting and
> carrying as he was, a certain amount of effort and concentration
> was audible in her voice. It reminded him once again that magic,
> even the magic of the gods, was not a "get out of work free"
> card, but a kind of labor in its own right, whose toll simply was
> paid later and in different currency.
>
> He stood up from where he'd maneuvered the transaxle against the
> base of the compound wall. "I've been thinking about your
> suggestion," he said, rubbing his hands and returning to the main
> junk pile. "You know, about putting a bench outside by the
> gate?" He glanced over the next layer to see what needed his
> attention.
>
> She turned one of her glorious smiles upon him. "And what have
> you decided, Keiichi?"
>
> He chuckled nervously, resisting the urge to put one grease-
> smeared hand behind his head. "Well, I haven't exactly *decided*
> anything, but I did a little looking around at prices, and I
> think, well, if we manage to stay within our budget for the next
> couple weeks, we could afford a simple hewn-timber bench." He
> looked around the yard and smiled. "The one I was looking at
> should go well with the architecture here."
>
> Belldandy didn't *quite* clap her hands in glee, but the
> perceptible brightening of her smile seemed to carry with it the
And suddenly, "I'm Walking On Sunshine"....
> same feeling. "How wonderful! We'll just have to be extra-
> careful with all our purchases for a little while, then."
>
> Skuld's head popped up from behind one of the larger drifts of
> metallic debris. "I don't know why you'd want to *buy* a bench
> when I can build one for you, easy."
>
> "That's because they don't want it to randomly eat passers-by,
> brat," Urd interjected before Keiichi could come up with a
> diplomatic way of expressing much the same concern.
<snicker>
Or carry them into orbit, or spontaneously turn into a StarGate,
or...
> "It *wouldn't* eat random passers-by!" Skuld declared with a
> huff, then ducked back down behind the pile, which was almost as
> tall as she was. Belldandy and Keiichi shared a grin -- hers
> sisterly and tolerant, his nervous -- when a desultory mutter,
> muffled by the intervening junk, drifted their way: "It'd only
> eat people who *deserved* it."
<begins checking furniture>
> The moment was fortunately (in Keiichi's opinion) broken when a
> young woman's familiar voice called out "Hey there!" As Bell
> quickly dispelled her magical sorting efforts, Keiichi turned to
> see the front gate open. "Hi, everyone!" said a petite brown-
> haired girl as she slipped in and closed the gate behind her.
>
> A timing gear still clutched in one hand, Keiichi stood up
> straight and watched his younger sister Megumi cross the temple
> yard. She was dressed for the pleasant Spring weather in a
> shimmering white blouse, a black silk vest and khaki slacks so
> crisply pressed that he could see their creases from here.
Ooooh, snazzy.
> "Good afternoon, Megumi!" Belldandy greeted her with a warm
> smile. Behind her, the dancing auto parts quietly drifted to the
> ground like exhausted marathon dancers at the end of a long
> night.
>
> "Hi, Bell!" Megumi chirped brightly as she strolled up to the
> junk heap. She paused a moment to scruffle Skuld's hair with a
> "Hey, kiddo!". The young goddess ostentatiously rolled her eyes
> and returned to her excavations.
>
> "Yo!" called Urd lazily from where she had returned to her perch
> on the engawa. Megumi gave her a wave then stepped around the
> pile toward Keiichi with open arms. "Hey, big brother!" she
> declared; then she finally got a good look at him. "Urk," she
> said, stopping and drawing back. "You're all covered with
> grease." As her arms shifted from imminent embrace to "don't
> touch me", she shook her head. "Sorry, bro. Love you and all
> that, but this is a new outfit and I *don't* want to mess it up."
>
> "Hey, Megumi," Keiichi said. He held up the timing gear and gave
> her a sly smile. "The sempais dumped a load of junk on us, and
> we're trying to put it in some kind of order. Come to help?"
>
> Megumi made a face. "As *if*," she said. "I avoided getting
> dragooned for the other end of that mess, and I'm *not* getting
> involved in this end." She looked around and furrowed her brow.
> "Where's your jerk of a brother? Why isn't *he* helping?"
K1: "I have a brother?"
> Belldandy didn't *seem* to frown, but somehow faint disapproval
> radiated from her. "Oniichan is on a date right now, Megumi."
>
> "Well, isn't *that* convenient," Megumi snarked. "At least that
> means I don't have to deal with him."
>
> Keiichi suppressed a sigh. Chris and his sister got along poorly
> at the best of times -- only slightly better than Skuld and Urd
> did, and that was likely due to their somewhat more peaceful
> natures. It still bothered him that his sister and Belldandy's
> brother couldn't at least make an effort to be civil. Instead,
> Chris descended into an icy over-politeness, and Megumi never
> missed a chance to needle him. It never escalated to anything
> even approaching an argument, at least not in public; there had
> been a time or two, though, that he thought he might have just
> missed some private, acrimonious exchange between the two.
Hmm. So why *does* Chris dislike Meg?
> *One of these days,* he thought, *I'm going to sit those two down
> and find out *why* they seem to hate each other.* "Don't be like
> that, Megumi," he reproved her gently. "Chris was helping right
> up until the time he had to leave."
>
> "Yeah!" Skuld piped up without stopping her search through the
> rubble. She rubbed her face, leaving a long streak of grease
> across one cheek. "'Niichan was the first one out here after
> those two morons dumped this stuff." Her eyes suddenly lit up.
> "Ooh!" she squealed and once more began digging furiously.
<shudder>
> Megumi laughed once, silently and through her nose, then rolled
> her eyes at her brother. Keiichi suppressed another sigh and
> simply raised his eyebrows in as bland a manner as he could.
> "So," he said, trying to change the subject as subtly as
> possible. "What brings you by today?"
>
> She dug into her pocket and withdrew an envelope. "Care package
> from Mom and Dad. Here's your share of the latest cash
> disbursement." Deftly avoiding any of the grease-covered parts
> on the ground around him, Megumi slid the envelope into her
> brother's free hand.
>
> "Thanks," he said, slipping it into his own pocket.
>
> "Have you eaten yet, Megumi?" Belldandy asked, smiling. "We're
> having a late dinner tonight, for obvious reasons." She gave a
> quick, amused glance at the piles of auto parts around her feet.
> "You're welcome to join us, of course. We'll be done here for
> the evening in just a few minutes."
>
> Megumi dimpled. "Sure, Bell! You know I'd never turn down your
> cooking." She tiptoed through the minefield of metal and grease
Would *anyone*?
> to stand next to Belldandy. "Just tell me... how can *you* do
> this and stay so *clean* when Big Brother is a greasy mess?"
>
> Belldandy smiled again. "Well..." she began.
>
> There was a clatter as Skuld dropped an armful of parts. Keiichi
> turned to see her standing almost on tiptoe, craning her neck
> rapidly left and right. She spun in place, eyes darting back and
> forth as if searching for something. The lowering sun stretched
> her shadow out across the yard.
<rifles through soundtrack collection> Lessee, "Jaws"? The
"tension builder" from Original Trek? The shower music from "Psycho"?
The "Jason Sound" from the "Friday the 13th" movies?
> "Skuld?" Belldandy abandoned Megumi and crossed to her sister's
> side. "What is it?"
>
> "It's coming," Skuld whispered, then looked up into Belldandy's
> concerned face. "Oneechan, something's coming!"
>
> "What's..." Belldandy began, then suddenly stood ramrod straight.
> Like Skuld, she began looking around her, searching for something
> she could sense but not see. "Oh my. Yes. It's coming."
You know, I think I've seen this commercial. Usually for a Huge
Blowout Sale at Sears or something...
Hm. First the Future, then the Present...
> "What?" Megumi asked, frowning. "What's coming?"
>
> Keiichi felt an unpleasant tingle, reminiscent of a high school
> encounter with a Van de Graaf generator, ripple across his skin,
> and he knew that this was not something ordinary. "Belldandy!"
> he cried as a wind began to whip up out of nowhere.
>
> She didn't reply. In eerie synchrony, she and Skuld turned
> together to stare at the dark rectangle of the temple building's
> entrance. Seeing where their attention was drawn, Keiichi found
> himself staring at the doorway, too; he wondered what, if
> anything, was going to come out of it. Much magic had been
> worked in that building, far more than he would ever be
> comfortable with; had its residue inadvertently attracted
> something?
>
> Behind him on the engawa, where he couldn't see her, Urd suddenly
> unfolded herself from her drowsy sprawl and stood bolt upright.
> "It's here," she announced in a throaty whisper that somehow
> carried across the windswept courtyard.
...and now the Past.
> A circle of rainbow light erupted in the center of the shadowed
> temple doorway. Almost before Keiichi could register its
> appearance, the rainbow rippled outward to ring the door frame,
> leaving behind it a sheet of flat, ebony black that filled the
> rest of the entrance. From out of that dull black surface came
> an unearthly howl that dopplered up the scale even as its volume
> grew, until it was a piercing shriek that drove Keiichi to clamp
> his hands over his ears even as he squeezed his eyes shut against
> the pain.
>
> As the horrific crescendo hammered spikes through his head,
> Keiichi thought of Belldandy and his sister. He forced his eyes
> open and looked around. Megumi was on her knees, bent over with
> her head to the ground, her arms wrapped protectively around it.
> Belldandy and Skuld seemed unaffected; instead, they stared,
> seemingly dumbstruck, at the temple door.
>
> Head pounding from the simple effort of moving his eyes, he
> followed their gaze just in time to see a gleaming, flame-trimmed
> black motorcycle burst through the shadowed doorway. A figure in
> grey hung limply from straps holding him onto its saddle; Keiichi
> couldn't tell if it were an unconscious man or a loose-limbed
> dummy.
Well, his IQ *is* debateable... (;)
> As the cycle's rear tire cleared the threshold, the rainbow and
> black manifestation vanished, revealing the temple interior once
> again. At the same instant the banshee howl abruptly transformed
> into the whine of an unfamiliar engine, its volume far more
Interesting. I wonder what it is about the gate effect that
amplifies the sound so much?
> tolerable that it had been a moment before. Keiichi's headache
> vanished.
>
> Wheels spinning and its entire frame surrounded by a faint red
> glow, the cycle took far too long to reach the slate tiles of the
> courtyard; to Keiichi's experienced eye it looked more like a
> plane coming in for a landing than a cycle dropping to the ground
> as if at the end of a jump. He had no time to ponder this
> observation before the motorcycle, seemingly on its own, began to
> dodge around the heaps of auto parts Tamiya and Ootaki had
> scattered across the temple grounds.
Look! It's play-at-home Junkyard Motocross!
> Whatever controlled the bike was not up to the challenge, though.
> It swerved wildly to avoid a panic-stricken Skuld, and wiped out
Ah. Doug's autopilot puts a higher priority on missing
pedestrians than on maintaining uprightness.
Although... wouldn't it be easier to stay airborne, even if only
a foot or two off the ground, in order to come to a halt? Just how well
does that bike brake when airborne, anyway?
> with a resounding crash. Its rider, suddenly released from the
> straps, flew free as if ejected from its seat. He hit the ground
> hard, tumbling in a welter of limply flailing limbs until he
> fetched up with a resounding thud against the passenger door of
> the small automobile half-hidden in one of the piles.
>
> Keiichi didn't stop to think. "Belldandy!" he cried, already
> running to where the leather-clad figure had landed.
>
> "I'm coming, Keiichi!" she called back, dashing along side him.
>
> "What the *heck* was that?" Megumi demanded as she got back to
> her feet. "Where'd this motorcycle come from?" She blinked.
> "And who's *he*?"
She's got three covered -- now all we need is "when" and "why".
> * * *
>
> In the top of a tree outside of the temple compound, a small,
> implike creature sat, looking down on the frantic activity
> within. It was not by chance that he was there; he often spied
> upon the inhabitants of the temple, and this day his attention
> had been drawn by an unexpected surge of magic. Expecting to
> find the goddesses engaged in a ritual working, he was surprised
> instead to witness the appearance of the motorcycle and its
> rider.
Senbei. Great.
> As the goddesses and the mortals within the temple walls fussed
> over the unconscious man, the imp nodded to himself. "Mistress
> Mara will want to know of this." He smiled to himself. "Perhaps
> she will reward Senbei for word of this stranger!" And with this
> thought, he departed, unseen by the mundane inhabitants of the
> city.
>
> * * *
>
> Skuld stood and watched pensively as Keiichi and Belldandy, with
> token help from Urd, carried the unconscious driver into the
> temple to take care of him. In one hand she held an essence flux
> detector she had summoned; the device bleeped disconsolately at
> her every second or so. *Don't they care about that... that
> *hole* he came out of?* she thought, a petulant glare forming on
> her features. *There's something *very* wrong here.*
Well, they just have more immediate priorities. And less paranoia.
> Behind her, Megumi said something that Skuld didn't catch. "Huh?
> What was that?" she said, turning around.
>
> The mortal girl was lifting the stranger's motorcycle upright,
> far too easily. "I said, check this out, Skuld. Have you ever
> seen a motorcycle like this before?" As she spoke, she wheeled
> it over toward the shed where she knew her brother and the others
> sometimes worked on their vehicles.
>
> "Of course! I've seen all kinds of..." Skuld's indignant
> declaration tapered off as she took her first good look at the
> cycle. It screamed "movie prop" at her -- streamlined fairings
> and almost organic-seeming cowlings that made it look more like a
> missile on wheels than a proper motorcycle. And the engine!
> "What *is* that?" Skuld asked.
This screams "fanart" too. Unfortunately, my brain keeps
trying to call up the flying morotcycles from "Galactica 1980," and then
I have to gouge out my mental eyeballs to make the pain stop...
> Megumi had swung the kickstand down and was already poking at the
> oddly-shaped motor. She shook her head. "I don't know. It
> doesn't look like any kind of internal combustion engine I've
> ever seen. It looks more like a ... a jet engine! I mean,
> check it out!" She gestured along the length of the device.
>
> Skuld leaned in and examined the engine more closely. With a
> shock, she realized that Megumi was right. "It's a turbine!" she
> said softly. "A motorcycle with a turbine engine." She ran her
> fingers along a smooth metal housing that hung beneath it. "And
> something else..."
>
> "Really?" After setting the kickstand, Megumi crouched down next
> to the younger girl.
>
> "Yeah, look!" Skuld began pointing out parts whose purposes were
> suddenly much clearer. "You can see the fan blades through that
> intake there. Here're the intercoolers -- wow, strange design --
> and all around here, these must be the fuel injectors." As
> Megumi squat-walked around the bike and studied the intercoolers,
> Skuld slid her finger up along the fuel lines and made a
> discovery. "Whoa. That's weird. The fuel tank can hotswap."
>
> "Like it could use different fuels?" Megumi asked from the other
> side of the bike.
>
> "Uh-huh," Skuld replied, nodding. "And what is it made of?" She
> tapped a fingernail against the block, and received a dull "tok"
> rather than the sharp "ping" she was used to. She looked up at
> Megumi. "I think it's some kind of ceramic."
>
> Megumi frowned. "Are you sure?" The younger girl was a
> remarkable font of technological information and aptitude, but
> Megumi was of the opinion that Skuld had to be wrong about a
> machine *eventually*.
Heh. Don't hold your breath, Meg.
> "Yeah, I'm sure."
>
> "But there's no known ceramic that can handle the heat and stress
> of an internal combustion engine, let alone a turbine!"
Mmmm... I'm not sure that's true. I know Ford was messing with
it as
far back as the 70s. I'll have to do some research.
IIRC, the big problem with ceramic isn't so much that it can't
handle the stresses, as that it can't handle cracking. See, the
structure of ceramic, when it cracks, causes local stresses to
*concentrate* at the ends of the crack, causing it to propagate further
-- once you hit your first crack, it takes off like a wildfire. Metals,
OTOH, are relatively unique in that cracks cause local stresses to focus
*away* from the crack, thus preventing (or at least delaying) propagation.
...um, sorry. Back to the fic....
> "Not down here there isn't," Skuld murmured, then frowned again.
> "There is now," she said. "There is something wrong here." She
> traced her fingers along the mysterious housing below the engine.
> "Very wrong." *That looks like a gravity control system,* she
> mused with a growing scowl. *Who *is* that guy?*
"Doug? 'Rocket Attack USA,' please..."
> * * *
>
> Taking her leave of Megumi, Skuld dashed into the house and
> sought out the telephone. As she had hoped, they'd put the
> stranger in Keiichi's room, which was as far away from the phone
> as one could get and still be inside the compound's living
> quarters. Sparing a quick glance around to make sure she was
> alone, she lifted the handset and dialed a long sequence of
> numbers that connected to no telephone on the mortal plane.
Which, oddly enough, started with 555...
> It was answered.
>
> "Hi, Atropos, yeah, it's me. I think we might have a problem
> here. I need to talk to Father."
One of the Norns speaking with one of the three Greek Fates? Hm.
> As Skuld stood hunched over the phone, her back to the entrance,
> she failed to notice Megumi enter. Megumi, for her part, froze
> at the end of the hall when she heard Skuld ask for her father.
> The three sisters rarely spoke of their father, and when they did
> they were maddeningly vague, though it was clear that they felt
> great warmth and love for him. This was the first time Megumi
> had stumbled upon one of the three actually speaking with him,
> and her curiosity proved far stronger than her sense of
> propriety. She slid behind a shoji screen and listened.
Yep, that's Meg all over.
> "Hello, Father," Skuld said. "I... No, the Tether is just fine.
> It's just that I... No, Bell's okay, and Urd's... Urd's Urd.
Further depondent sayeth not.
> And Niichan's just fine. I... No, Keiichi's okay, too. I...
> Father! You *know* all this already, why are you asking..."
>
> A pause, then softer, almost contrite. "Yes, sir. I understand,
> Father."
Chris: "Okay, where can *I* get some of that mojo?"
> Another pause. "There's a... stranger here. He came through
> some kind of planar gate, Father! Essence all over! The
> Disturbance was huge!"
I wonder if Meg is picking up on all these capital letters.
> Behind the shoji screen, Megumi's eyes widened, and she silently
> mouthed the words, "planar gate?"
>
> Skuld fumed through another brief silence. "That's what *I* want
> to know! Is he a danger?"
>
> A moment later, her voice shifted from strident to contrite.
> "I'm sorry, Father, I didn't mean to shout at you. I'm just
> worried about Belldandy and... about Belldandy. What if he's
> some kind of exotic ploy by the Other Side?"
Yes, heaven forbid that Skuld should show any concern for Urd.
Or Keichii.
> "What do you mean, I'll just have to find that out for myself?
> Father! Father, don't hang up on me! Fa... Oh, poo."
Hey, at least he didn't say "That... is a secret."
> Skuld hung up the receiver with unnecessary roughness and Megumi
> slid silently back out of the hallway. The conversation hadn't
> sounded quite like what Megumi'd been expecting, and she wanted
> to think about it.
>
> * * *
>
> Location Unknown, Date Unknown, Time Unknown
Cue Heart: "How Do I Get You Unkown?"
> As I have previously mentioned in these chronicles, I am subject
> to unconsciousness when I make a transition from universe to
> universe. The jump out of Holland Township was no exception.
>
> This time was one of the more comfortable awakenings. Soft, warm
> bed -- a definite novelty where my arrivals were concerned. I
> drifted for a little while between unconsciousness and
> consciousness, enjoying the comfort. But I soon realized that
> there were people nearby, and that discovery prodded me from my
> gentle haze into full awakening.
>
> That was a mistake. As soon as I threw off enough of my
> drowsiness I realized I ached all over. Uh-uh. Rotten landing
Should that be "Uh-Huh"?
> this time. Without opening my eyes I did a quick inventory of
> my parts. Nothing seemed broken, as far as I could tell, but
> other than that, I felt like someone had stuffed me in a cement
> mixer and turned the sucker on. Still, it was just pain --
> ultimately ignorable. Meanwhile, it was time to see just where
> I was.
>
> I opened my eyes to find that I was on a futon or mat in a room
> that looked vaguely 20th-century Japanese in style, to judge from
> the fixtures I could spy. I was also the center of attention for
> a small crowd. Three beautiful women, all apparently in their
> twenties -- two Euro, one Asian; one of the Euros was heavily
> tanned, almost nut-brown, with white hair, and the other had
> ivory skin and an ankle-length sheaf of honey-blonde locks. Oh,
> and the Asian woman was noticeably shorter than the other two.
> One girl in her early teens, Euro, cute, with a peaches-and-cream
> complexion and her own waterfall of jet-black hair. And an Asian
> guy, just barely taller than the Asian woman; the two bore a
> strong resemblance to each other, just as the three Euros did
> despite their wildly varying skin and hair colors. The Euros
> also all had odd facial marks, maybe tattoos, and I wondered
> briefly what that might imply.
This is going to be fun.
> The range of expressions directed at me would have been amusing
> had I not been the target -- an assortment that started with
> unabashed concern on the ivory-skinned Euro woman, through a
> devil-may-care grin on the tanned one, to the girl's intense and
> obvious suspicion. The Asian woman and guy both simply looked
> confused, with overtones of worry.
>
> I'm used to provoking a wide variety of reactions from people,
> but this was ridiculous. I mean, I'd been unconscious the entire
> time I'd been here so far. I hadn't had the chance to do
> anything obnoxious yet.
Doug, buddy, you can sometimes be obnoxious just by *existing.*
> "<Um, good morning?>" I croaked in English.
>
> One of the Euro women, the sweet-faced beauty with the
> improbably-long honey-blonde hair, leaned over me and brushed her
> fingertips along my forehead. The touch left a lingering tingle
> that was strangely pleasant. "<Late afternoon, actually,>" she
> replied with a gentle smile. Her voice was as sweet as her
> looks; her bell-like tones were strangely familiar. "<Are you
> all right? You appeared to be unconscious when you, um, arrived,
> but we couldn't find anything really wrong with you.>"
Ah, I hear that first shoe falling...
> "<You mean other than the bruises?>" She nodded and I smiled at
> her. Then I groaned as I propped myself up into a sitting
> position. "<Thank you for your concern. It's a side effect of
> my, um, mode of travel. Please don't worry yourself about it.>"
>
> At this point the guy said, in Japanese, "Belldandy, who is he?
> Is he a..." He glanced at the Asian woman. "Can you tell, um,
> what side he's on?"
>
> The Asian woman frowned. "Oniichan! What's that supposed to
> mean?"
>
> I raised my eyebrows. I had to agree with her; that *was* an odd
> question. "I am Douglas Sangnoir, sir," I replied in the same
> language, "also called 'Loon' and 'Looney Toons'. This may be
> hard for you to believe, but I am a traveler from another
> universe, lost and trying to find my way home. As for the side I
> am on, well," I grinned -- disarmingly, I hoped, "I am a
> professional good guy."
"Professional Not-A-Bad-Guy" would be closer, but not as euphonius.
I bet O'Hara is *still* trying to get rid of those racing
bicycles...
> That having been said, my intuition -- or maybe my danger sense --
> tugged at the back of my mind, and I dropped into magesight
> almost instinctively. The Asians were normal humans, but the
> Euro women and the girl...
"AIIEEE! My EYES!"
> Oh. Shit.
>
> Immediately forgetting my aches and pains, I leapt out of the
> futon and knelt at the feet of the "woman" called "Belldandy".
> "Forgive me, Holy Ones, for invading this your sanctuary," I said
> as quickly as I could. "With your leave I will gather my
> belongings and depart, and upon my soul I swear that I shall
> disturb you no further."
...well, I suppose that's one way to make a first impression....
> I stayed there, kneeling, with my head bowed for what seemed like
> a small eternity. While I'm there waiting, let me explain
> something for those who don't already know it: I do not like
> dealing with gods. I've cajoled, bargained and fought with a
> handful of Powers. Some of them have screwed me over but good.
> A couple more hold markers for favors done for me. I've killed
> at least one being that claimed to be a deity. And back home, I
> work for a genuine, bona fide avatar of a goddess. But I hate
> dealing with gods. Gods *scare* the piss out of me. A more
> terrifying combination of utter caprice and world-shattering
> power I have never come across, and that includes the Fae and the
> Elder Ones.
I have this sudden desire to see what happens when Doug meets
Cthulhu...
> And at that moment I was stuck in a small room with three of
> Them.
Panicking Doug is probably *not* a good thing.
> There was a long moment of silence, then "Belldandy" said softly,
> "Keiichi, Megumi, could we speak privately with Sangnoir-san,
> please?"
>
> "Bell-chan...?" began the Asian guy. I lifted my head just high
> enough that I could watch what was going on.
>
> She turned to look at him, a surprisingly *human* expression of
> concern in her eyes. "Please? We'll be quite fine. I'll
> explain later."
>
> He swallowed nervously. "O...okay, if you're sure you'll be all
> right." Poor kid probably had no idea what she was, if he was
> worried for *her* safety around *me*. He grabbed the Asian
Gah. Doug, *take the hint.*
No, I guess his knee is too busy jerking.
> girl's hand and dragged her out of the room, closing the door
> behind them.
>
> At the same time, the Euro girl and the platinum blonde stepped
> over to stand on either side of "Belldandy". And stared at me.
> The girl *snarled* at me, too.
Of coure, Skuld's not helping...
> "Urd, Skuld, be nice," "Belldandy" said.
>
> *Urd? Skuld?* I thought, then ran "Belldandy" backwards through
> Japanese phonetics to get... "Verdandi? Shit!" I blurted and
> leapt backwards, coming to rest pressed against an outer wall.
> "You're the Three!"
People cringing, bowing&scraping, and fleeing in terror must be
a *very* unusual experience for Bell. Painful, too, I bet.
> * * *
>
> "Kei! *What* is going on here?" Megumi demanded in a whisper as
> Keiichi drew the door shut tightly. "Who is he? What did he
> mean, 'holy ones'? What is going on?"
>
> "Ssh!" he hissed, his ear to the door. *Just because Bell-chan
> said they were safe doesn't mean I'm not going to make sure.*
>
> Megumi watched for a moment, then shrugged and joined him.
Oh, boy.
Heh. So much for good manners.
> "You're the Three!" came clearly through the thin door, and
> Megumi saw her brother's eyes widen.
>
> * * *
>
> Verdandi slowly nodded. "Yes, but not entirely. We are...
> aspects of Them."
>
> I kept my back to that wall and looked around for my helmet. I
> spotted it on a table near the door in the far wall. Damn.
> "Avatars?" I replied, almost as an afterthought. Well, the Norns
> *were* supposed to be a set of hags in black robes, after all,
> not two twenty-something beauty queens and a snarling bundle of
> early-teen cuteness.
"Snarling bundle of early-teen cuteness." Oh, I am SO stealing
that one.
> "You can't tell?" the white-haired one -- Urd? -- asked with a
> smirk and a shake of her hips. The girl shot her a venomous
> look.
>
> I studied them carefully. "So, what do you bitches want with me
> *now*? It wasn't enough that I had to free an entire sentient
> race for you last time, you have to interfere in my search for
> home *again*?"
Ack! Okay, Doug, calling them "bitches" to their faces is not
only unwise, it's downright impolite. Especially when you're their
guest. Didn't your mother teach you any manners?
And, once again we get to see the pantented Sangnoir Shift --
from Supplicant to Jerk in under 17 milliseconds.
> Yeah, that's me. A high-performance mouth: grovel to insult in
> 6.5 seconds.
<blink> I *swear* I didn't read ahead.
> They exchanged looks of shock and surprise, but I was wary -- if
> there's one thing gods are good it, it's deceiving mortals. "It
> wasn't us. We didn't do anything," Skuld growled.
>
> "We don't *want* anything, either, buster," Urd added, a frown
> crossing her face as she stabbed a forefinger toward me.
>
> "And at this time, and in this place, power of that scale is not
> available to us," Verdandi said softly.
>
> "Father forbids it," Skuld amended.
>
> "Father?" I asked. This was getting more than a little odd...
Yo, Doug, TAKE THE HINT! Your prejudices May Not Be Accurate here!
...sigh. Between gate-exhaustion, deity-paranoia, and a truly
amazing ability to be a self-righteous prick when he wants to be, I
doubt his thought processes are running that clearly.
> Verdandi nodded. "Our Father, who is in Heaven."
>
> "'Harold be thy name,'" I muttered, mostly from force of habit,
No, actually, it's "Art." You know, "Our Father, who Art in
Heaven..."
Okay, obviously you guys didn't grow up with the King James version.
It's surprisingly helpful when trying to understand Shakespeare.
> and got three sets of very strange looks. "What *are* you
> talking about? You're *Fate*, for god's... for Pete's sake. The
> other gods are supposed to be subject to your weaving!" I
> bellowed at them.
Gee, Doug, you sound like you're pissed at them for not living
up (or down) to your expectations.
> * * *
>
> Keiichi grabbed his sister's arm and dragged her away from the
> door. "Um, c'mon, Megumi, we shouldn't be listening to this."
>
> Megumi tore her arm from his grasp. "Like hell. What does he
> *mean*, 'the *other* gods are subject to *their* weaving'?" She
> glared at her older brother with an intensity that made him
> cringe. "You know, a lot of strange things that I thought were
> just my imagination or worse are starting to make sense."
Uh oh. Where's the MIB and their Neuralyzers when you need them?
No, Skuld! You are NOT mak<FLASH>.... what? huh? wha'happen...?
> Keiichi gulped.
>
> * * *
>
> "In this time and place," Verdandi said quietly, "we are charged
> to answer to Another."
>
> "Office politics, huh?" I sneered. "Must be a major comeuppance
> for you three. Took a big fall, did you?"
Geez, Doug, rub it in, why don't you?
> There was a swish of wind, and my reflexes took over. A moment
> later, I found myself holding the shaft of something that looked
> like a croquet mallet by way of Star Trek. Its head was mere
> centimeters from mine, and Skuld throttled its handle in a
> double-fisted deathgrip. "We didn't *Fall*!" she shouted as she
> tried to free her weapon from my grasp. "No one Fell!"
Boy, he struck a nerve there. Of course, that's another talent
of his...
> I inclined my head toward her as I looked at the other two.
> "Discipline problem, eh?" Then a thought struck me. "Those two
> you sent out of the room. Do they know what kind of creatures
> you are? Or are they living in danger and ignorance?"
The heck of it is, technically the answer is "yes."
> "Megumi's just visiting," Urd said off-handedly. "And Keiichi is
> Bell's..."
>
> "Keiichi is my love," whispered Verdandi.
>
> This shocked me so much I let go of the mallet, and Skuld
> promptly nailed me in the foot with it.
<ROTFL> Sorry, Doug, but frankly you had that coming.
Of course, that's probably going to distract him from figuring
out that he's Wrong in a Big Way...
> When I got done yelping and jumping around, I relieved the kid
> of her hammer and turned back to Verdandi. "Your *what*?"
I can SO see this...
> "My love," she repeated, almost too softly for me to hear.
>
> I blinked at her, then shook my head. "You know, that's...
> that's..." I *was* going to say something like "pathetic", or
> maybe "disgusting". We'd had quite enough of that stuff with the
> Olympians, after all; with all the other damage that they do to
> the world, deities should *not* play with human hearts. Plus,
> the relative power levels made it pretty damn likely that it
> wasn't exactly the most equitable of relationships. Poor guy.
> Talk about being pussy-whipped. But my danger sense chose that
> moment to smack me on the back of the head, and I realized that
> insulting a god-human relationship to the involved god's face was
> probably not the wisest course of action.
Ohhhh, NOW his common sense wakes up. Where was it for the past
ten minutes, on a union-mandated coffee break?
And, of course, he's *still* not getting the subtext here. By
this point, Bell's nonverbal cues ought to be cluing him in that there's
Something Odd going on here...
> Okay, now those who know me and the Warriors will say, "Hey, you
> never had a problem with Hexe dating men." Well, for all that
> Hexe is bossy, dominant, pushy *and* a deity, she is also one of
Hexe: "I love you too, Looney. And I'm going to show you just
How Much, as soon as you get back."
> the most *human* beings I have ever known. When I see her with a
> guy, I don't see a monstrous, alien creature of immense power
> manipulating some poor schlmazel for its own amusement. I see a
> woman with a guy. Say what you will about her abrasive and
> overbearing personality, Hexe is a woman first, and a deity
> second. And in my experience, that was *unique*. I had no
Hexe: "Gee. Thanks. I think."
> reason to believe Verdandi's relationship with Keiichi Morisato
> was anything but a sadistic and/or exploitative dalliance for
> her.
Oy. Doug, you can run that entire Hexe soliliquy through your
head, while watching the way Bell's acting, and *still* not pick up on
the possibility...?
Doug, Doug, Doug. I know a Vorlon Inquisitor who would have
*loved* to
meet you...
> Anyway, it was at that moment that a shriek erupted from the
> other side of the door to save me from my own mouth. "Belldandy
> is *WHO*?"
And the hits just keep on comin'!
> I raised an eyebrow. "I take it she didn't know?"
I get the *wierdest* DeForrest Kelley vibe, here...
> "THE JERK, TOO?"
Ohboy.
> Urd smirked. "Nope," she said as Verdandi pursed her lips and
> Skuld's eyes grew large.
>
> "DOES THAT MEAN..." came from the hallway, then Megumi's voice
> dropped to an outraged mumble.
>
> "I think," I said, suppressing an urge to sing-song, "that
> somebody's in trouble."
Doug. Stop enjoying this.
> The door burst open, and Megumi stormed back into the room,
> dragging her brother by the collar behind her. "Where's this
> Mara character?" she roared, and all three goddesses jumped, then
> as one turned to look at her. "Turn *me* into a car, will she?
> Possess *my* body, will she? When I get my hands on her, she'll
> be one dead..." She jabbed a finger at Urd. "You! How could
> you let me think that was just a *dream*, that it was my
> imagination? Do you *know* what it's done to my self-image?"
> She whirled on Skuld, who eeped. "And *you*, you're just as bad.
> You can't believe what it felt like to think I was crazy because
> of all the strange crap that goes on around here because of you
> four!"
Okay, Doug, are you going to get the hint NOW? She's verbally
smacking the Three around, and they're *taking it.*
> "Why aren't you yelling at Belldandy?" Urd muttered, but Megumi
> evidently heard her.
>
> The mortal girl suddenly dropped completely out of rage and into
> utter embarrassment. "I couldn't!" she replied, doing some odd,
> rhythmic twiddling thing with the tips of her forefingers.
> "She's so nice, I'd just feel so *guilty* afterwards."
ROTFLMAO!
> I hazarded a glance at the divinity in question, who simply
> smiled a beatific smile. Uh-huh.
...aaaand, of *course* Doug gets exactly the *wrong* idea.
> "Why aren't you yelling at Keiichi, then?" Skuld grumbled. "He
> hid it from... eep!" Skuld interrupted herself when I grabbed
> her collar and yanked her up for a nose-to-nose conference.
>
> "Did Keiichi have a choice?" I demanded.
>
> "We never really told him not to..." she breathed. I wasn't
> satisfied.
>
> "Did *you* sit Megumi down and let her know what was going on?" I
> demanded.
>
> "No," she squeaked.
Fer cryin' out loud, Doug, she's *squeaking*! How much more do
you...
Never mind. I give up. Maybe if Kami-Sama hits him with Divine
Epiphany or something....
> "Then don't start throwing blame at other people, kid. It's not
> polite. Apologize to the man." Yes, I knew I was giving orders
> to the avatar of a goddess. No, I really didn't care, because my
> foot was still hurting and I was feeling just a bit peevish
> towards her. I shook her gently, just a little. "Apologize," I
> repeated, adding a little menace to my voice for effect.
And why am I sure that this is a BAD thing?
> * * *
>
> Tokyo, Nekomi Ginza, Friday, May 9, 1997, 5:26 PM
>
> Chris was having one of those feelings, and it was ruining his
> date. It wasn't fair to Rachel, or to him for that matter, but
> he honestly couldn't help feeling that the other shoe was going
> to drop, and it was probably going to land on him.
As my old philosophy prof used to say in this context: "How do
you know God only has two feet?"
> Like a one tonne weight.
"Tonne" as in "metric ton"?
> The little voice in his head that was *insisting* that he was not
> only right for thinking so, but that he really should have known
> better than to try in the first place, wasn't helping much,
> either.
Just a *bit* of a persecution complex.
> Growling a mental "shut up" to his more cynical (and, he was
> ruefully willing to admit, probably wiser) side, Chris gave his
> utmost effort to enjoying the walk, the scenery of the ginza, and
> the company, who had been downright forward (for her) in slipping
> her hand into his earlier.
>
> Chris was feeling somewhat proud of himself by the time they had
> walked another block. Not only had he actually started to enjoy
> himself, he had managed to resist his techie urges and not drag
> Rachel into every single computer and game store they passed. He
> was somewhat more proud of himself for not groaning every time
> Rachel considered stopping in an athletics or clothing store --
> or for being too eager when she stopped for a good 30 seconds
> considering the swimsuit shop.
<snicker>
> As they crossed the street toward the movie theatre, Chris felt
> Rachel's hand tighten almost painfully in his, and heard a little
> growl from her throat. He followed her angry glare to its
> target, and sighed.
Look! Incoming TOW (The Other Woman) missile!
> Sending another mental "shut up" to the voice in his said that
> was gleefully singing "I told you so", he extricated his hand
> from Rachel's and shook it to restore the blood flow. "Hi, Ami,"
> he said resignedly. "Would it be bad of me to ask what brought
> you here?" He looked the policewoman up and down, and wry smirk
> formed on his face. "In uniform, no less?"
She probably had an APB out for a "huge gaijin with local girl,"
and came running.
> "Oh, nothing," she replied sweetly, and twirled her baton. "Just
> taking a break from writing tickets and directing traffic."
>
> "Ami," Chris said sternly, "isn't your assigned area about forty
> blocks from here?"
That *does* kind of knock a hole in the "just wandering by" excuse.
> "So?"
>
> The growl in Rachel's throat had finally worked itself around to
> speech. "Fine," she said icily. "Why don't you just finish the
> date with her then, Chris?"
<eyeroll> Women!
> "Now wait a sec-"
>
> "Don't be silly," Ami interrupted. "I just came by to say hello,
> that's all."
>
> "Oh, so I'm silly, am I?" Rachel snarled.
>
> Chris began to sweat. "That's not..."
>
> "Will you settle down, schoolgirl? Can't I check up on my
> investment?"
>
> "SCHOOLGIRL? I don't have to take that from a wannabe cop-ette!"
>
> "COP-ETTE?!"
My, this situation is deteriorating as fast as Doug's
confrontation with the Goddesses.
> "Oh Lord," Chris swore under his breath, not really caring about
<crackBOOM!>
> the trouble he'd get in. "Here we go." He looked up into the
> sunset-washed sky and scowled slightly. "You know, guys, Urd,
> Skuld, and Bell really don't need your help screwing up my
> love life, they've got it more or less handled."
...who's he talking to?
> "Well at least I'm not teasing him like a frigid BITCH!" Ami
> snapped.
>
> "HEY!" Chris roared, and the two women turned to him, shocked.
> "If you two want to fight, fine, but: One, keep it clean; and
> two, *leave me out of it*. It's not my fault we're stuck like
Somewhere, Ranma Saotome is scribbling notes like mad.
> this, and unless you want me to--" He broke off suddenly, and
> his face paled.
>
> The women watched in bewilderment as a blank look came upon
> Chris' face. His hair lightened to a tan as his skin became
> almost ivory. His god-marks, which they had been convinced were
> mere tattoos, began to glow visibly in the fading daylight; his
> rectangular forehead mark slowly bent and warped until it was two
> vertical lines bracketing a shorter one. "Skuld," he whispered,
> and then disappeared.
Doug, you in Trroooooubllllle!
> "What happened?" Rachel whispered. "Where did he go?"
>
> Ami bestowed a withering glare on Rachel. "Don't you ever
> listen? He's supposed to protect his sisters. I'm betting the
> brat's in trouble."
>
> "Serves her right," Rachel muttered to herself, and sighed.
> "There goes the date."
>
> "I don't believe you!" Ami exclaimed. "The kid's in big trouble,
> and no one deserves that. Come on, schoolgirl, we've got to get
> to the temple!" She checked her watch and winced. "The chief
> is going to kill me," she moaned.
>
> "Pity," Rachel said as she began to run down the street, leaving
> Ami behind. "And don't call me that!"
>
> * * *
>
> Tokyo, Nekomi Ward, Friday, May 9, 1997, 5:27 PM
>
> One of Skuld's hands darted for a pocket, and I grabbed for it
> with my free arm as she brought it back out. In her grip was
> something which looked like a chrome baseball that had visited a
> plumbers' and electricians' convention. At the time I didn't
> know why she'd even use one, but it was a safe bet that it was a
> grenade of some sort. Her tiny hand was wrapped around it; my
> much larger hand, still in its leather glove, was wrapped firmly
> around hers. "Uh-uh, kid. No toys. Or do you want to take your
> sisters out *with* me?"
>
> She considered this for a moment, then shook her head. "Very
> good. Now apologize to the nice man."
>
> "I'm sorry, Keiichi," she forced out between gritted teeth. The
I can *feel* the sincerity from here. No, really -- would I lie?
> gentleman in question just laughed nervously. Megumi simply
> stared with huge eyes.
>
> "Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" Watching her carefully, I
> released her hand, and she slipped the whatever-it-was back into
> her pocket. When both of her hands were visible again, I lowered
> her back to the ground -- but I didn't let go of her now
> somewhat-wrinkled collar yet.
3...
> I put her down just in time to see the other two goddesses with
> glowing balls of light hovering between their palms. Urd glared
> angrily, but Verdandi simply looked... concerned. "Are *those*
> for *me*?" I asked mockingly with one of my special "oh, please
> attack me, do" smiles.
If you gotta go, go with a smile.
2...
> "No," said Verdandi as the light in front of her simply vanished
> and she folded her hands around each other.
1...
> Then I felt a prick at the side of my neck. Somewhere starboard
> of me, just out of my peripheral vision, a male voice -- an
> *angry* male voice -- rasped, "Let go of her. *Now*."
0. We have "ohshit".
> Even as I felt a moment of odd deja vu -- I'd been on the other
> end of this kind of conversation a couple of hundred times -- I
> was sorting very, very quickly through all my options. Slowly I
> turned my head and smiled politely at the nice man -- the nice
> *huge* man -- the nice huge *god,* my mage-sight told me -- with
> the arm-mounted pigsticker and the blue-green armor.
That there's a mighty deep hole you've dug yerself, Doug.
> Then I spoiled the effect by saying, "And whomsoever art *thou*,
> in thy cast-iron tuxedo?" I gave the armor a second look. "I
> take it that Navajo turquoise plate mail is 'in' this season?"
>
> * * *
>
> Chris scowled at the man as he made his smart-ass remark, and
> flicked his eyes over Skuld's form to make sure she was
> uninjured. Admirable, but it was the kind of lapse his opponent
> was looking for, as he threw Skuld at Chris. *What the... hey!*
I'm not sure who the "admirable" remark is coming from -- it
seems to be *aimed* at Chris, but he's the current viewpoint character,
and I'm sure he doesn't think that way.
> At the same time, he batted the sword arm out the way and hooked
> Chris' leg with his foot, and the three of them fell to the
> floor. Instead of falling like Chris and his sister did, though,
> the guy rolled into a handstand and flipped over the tangle, and
> went running out the door.
Y'know, at some point it's going to occur to Doug that he
probably could have just talked his way out of this, about ten minutes
ago, if he had just kept his mouth under control.
> *Okay, I'm impressed. That was a bloody work of ART,* Chris
> reflected. *Combination of at least three different martial
> arts, there, and the guy was smart enough to dump us in such a
> way that we'd be tangled up, speaking of which...* "SKULD, GO
> LIMP!" he barked, and marveled at how once in her life she
> actually listened to him.
>
> Without Skuld's struggling to interfere with him, Chris managed
> to get to his feet in a couple of moments. "Okay," he growled,
> "I'm going after that guy." As Belldandy and Urd began to speak,
> he overrode them. "STAY HERE."
>
> Going into no time and running out the door, Chris felt the power
> of the Full Manifestation, which had been hovering on the point
> of activation the whole time, subside. *Okay, smart guy. You
> clearly didn't want to hurt me or Skuld, because you could have
> done either. Fair enough, I won't hurt you... much.*
How very generous.
> Behind him, he was pretty sure he heard Urd mutter, "Thor and
> his stupid training."
>
> * * *
>
> As they gently hit the floor I rolled over the tangled heap of
> god and goddess into a one-handed handstand that took me back to
> my feet free of unpleasant encumbrances like pointed swords.
> Before Blueboy and the Brat could untangle themselves, I snagged
> my helmet off the table. Then I shot out the door while rattling
> off a quick thanks for the hospitality to Verdandi and Urd. My
> intent was to get to my bike and get the hell out of Dodge. I
> didn't care where I was going to go; I'd worry about that once I
> was in the air and accelerating at as many Gs as I could stand in
> any random direction that took me away from these... creatures.
>
> My helmet was fortunately still turned on and in combat mode, so
> I didn't have to wait for it to boot or anything. I just shoved
> it on my head as I made a dash for the first visible exit,
> combat-hyping as I went. I'd just managed to get the chin strap
> buckled when I burst out into the early part of an evening's
> twilight. I stopped short on a porch to peer around, looking for
> my cycle in the fading light and growing shadows. "Ah, hell," I
> muttered when I made out the irregular shapes scattered across the
> ground in front of me. "I'm in a goddamned junkyard."
>
> Then something blew through my field to hit me in the back, and I
> went flying into the middle of the scrap heaps.
*Through* the field. Uh oh.
> Just like it's supposed to, the polykev absorbed almost all of
> the blow. I rolled with the rest of it, taking advantage of the
> momentum it had imparted and letting it carry me almost all the
> way to what had to be a perimeter wall. Right before I hit, I
> twisted slightly and popped back up to my feet facing the way I'd
> come from, feeling the faintest heat on my face as my armor
> radiated away the energy it had absorbed.
>
> There he was. The Turquoise Titan was standing on the porch of a
> very traditional-looking Japanese house that seemed quite out of
> place amidst all the heaps of rusted and greasy metal. His feet
> were spread almost a meter apart and his face bore a hideous
> scowl. His armor was... interesting, a weird mix of medieval and
> high-tech. His sword arm -- and I was surprised to realize that
> the sword really did seem to be an integral part of the armor --
> was swung back almost behind him, and his shield arm was forward
> as if he'd just thrown a punch with it. He probably had -- that
> impact *had* felt more like a shield bash than a thwarted blade
> thrust.
>
> I was lucky he'd decided just to bash me. The shield -- it was
> more of a buckler, really, attached to his arm at or near his
> wrist -- was vaguely teardrop-shaped, with its own sharp, wicked
> point sticking out over his clenched fist. *Damn,* I remember
> thinking at that moment. *Alberich would have *loved* to have
> seen the style this guy uses. Can you fight Florentine with a
> pointed buckler for your main-gauche?*
Hmm. Kinda short, but it does have a defensive advantage over a
dagger.
> *He sure looks mad,* I continued to myself, changing mental
> tracks. *But what the hell, might as well try to reason with him
> first.* I raised my hands slowly in what I hoped was a non-
> threatening manner. "Look, Lancelot," I called out. "I don't
> want a fight. I just want to..."
>
> I didn't get a chance to finish because the next thing I knew,
> Blueboy had *blipped* from the porch 30 meters away to right in
> front of my face. The moment I realized what he'd done, I threw
> myself to the side -- just in time to avoid a vicious swing of
> that sword.
Hey, Chris, what happened to not hurting him? Much?
> "Teleporter, eh?" I muttered to myself as I let the roll carry me
> back to my feet again. Well, I had a counter to *that*.
> "System, 'Freeze Frame'. Play!" I got ready to invoke a freeze
> first chance I got. Nothing like a good old-fashioned timestop
> to screw over a teleporter with.
Ooooh, this is going to be interesting. And not in a good way.
> Except it didn't work as I'd expected.
>
> "<I could see it was a rough-cut Tuesday
> Slow-motion weekdays stare me down...>"
>
> The moment that the J. Geils Band kicked in, there was this
> hideous, gut-wrenching *jolt* unlike anything I'd ever felt when
> using the song before. Panicked, I looked around. It'd gone
> right into a timestop without waiting for me to invoke one. That
> wasn't supposed to happen.
Paradoxical resonance?
> Timestops are weird to begin with. Everything takes on a bluish
> cast -- in this case even deeper than the combination of my
> combat hype and the fading twilight had already given it. Sound
> is faintly muted, as though you're wearing earmuffs. Moving
> objects, well, they're the first obvious thing people think about
> when they hear "timestop". Looking around, I spotted a couple
> birds on the wing hanging motionless in midair, silhouetted
> against the setting sun; the goddesses and their mortal dupes
> were halted in mid-dash as they all tried to pile Keystone Kops-
> style through the narrow doorway I'd run through. Just like it
> was supposed to, everything around me had frozen in place -- no
> wind, no sound, no movement.
>
> Everything, that is, except for the very large, very angry, very
> *un*frozen god with the armor and the sword.
Yep. He's on Chris's turf.
> And *that* wasn't supposed to happen, either.
>
> "<...There were no defects to be found
> Snapshot image froze without a sound...>"
>
> "Shit!" I swore under my breath, and ran at him. There was a
> source of mystical power nearby, I realized as I prepared to
> spring. I could sense it, even without magesight. Not the most
> powerful one I'd ever encountered, no, but close, very close.
> Almost close enough to touch. And very focused, constrained
> even. Strange. Maybe he was using that, somehow, to sync up
> with my timestop.
It would be interesting to see him try to tap into it.
> Pity I wouldn't get a chance to investigate it. However this
> fight went, I wouldn't be hanging around.
>
> I leapt, spun, and laid my bootheel across the side of his helm.
> The impact made a muffled, metallic thud in the preternatural
> quiet, and his head snapped to one side; his body followed as he
> went into a half-spin that ended with him dropped to one knee.
>
> Next thing I know, the colors are shifted back to normal, the
> goddesses and the girl are shrieking, the short guy with them is
> yelling, and Blueboy is staggering backwards with a growl.
> Something had yanked both of us back out of timestop.
>
> * * *
>
> *Rat bastard, that hurt!* Chris thought as his brains stopped
> spinning. *This guy hits hard enough to impress Magni.*
>
> Snarling, Chris looked around to where his opponent had gone. A
> portion of his mind noted that things seemed weird -- there was a
> bluish tinge to the world, which was suddenly in shadow. Out of
> the corner of his eye, he saw a couple birds frozen in mid-air.
Wait... aren't they *out* of the timestop right now? It seemed
as if they dropped out when Doug kicked him.
> *A time-stop,* Chris realized. *This guy can mimic what I do.
> Not good. Most emphatically not good.* He ran through his
> options mentally: his full manifestation had abandoned him when
> Skuld was out of danger, which meant a lot of his advantages had
> left him, and this guy's ability to copy his time-stop power
> stole his biggest remaining one.
>
> *I'm going to have to actually win this fight on skill.* With a
> mental shrug, Chris jumped at his opponent. *That's why I get
> paid the big bucks. Wait... do I get paid?*
He only thinks to ask this NOW?
> * * *
>
> Damn. That kick would have knocked anything *mortal* for a loop.
> I should have realized that he'd be at least as tough as Hexe.
>
> I never could beat Hexe one-on-one, not even with every dirty
> trick and low blow in my arsenal.
>
> With a thought I invoked another freeze. That same gut-wrenching
> jolt hit me again, and once more it was Blueboy and me in the
> Land That Time Forgot. I dropped and tried a legsweep on him.
> As he leaped over it, I said, "Just what *is* your problem? All
> I wanted was for the kid to apologize to the guy." I took the
Yeah, sure, but how it *he* supposed to know that?
> followthrough of the sweep and let it carry me into a roll along
> the ground just in time to avoid getting speared by that blade of
> his. I kicked upwards and knocked his arm away long enough to
> kippup back to my feet.
>
> Just in time to get smashed in the head by the shield on his
> *other* arm. The guy may have been the size of Broot, but he
> moved like Maggie, dammit. I went tumbling across the yard
> again, my head ringing like the temple bell that I nearly fetched
> up against from all the various auto parts I hit along the way.
> The light had changed when he hit me, and I realized we were back
> in real time again. Double dammit.
So, whenever one of them pulls a Stop, the other one gets drawn in?
> "Oh, like I'm supposed to believe that," he sneered as I rolled.
>
> *Buddy,* I thought blearily, *the state you're in right now,
> you'd say I was lying if I told you you were *tall*...* Another
And *whose* fault is that, eh Doug?
> wrench hit me, but this time I didn't notice any changes in the
> light. *What the... I didn't do that...*
>
> "SHIT!" I yelled as my reflexes took over. My opponent could
> *fly*, too, dammit! He'd taken to the air and shot across the
> compound at me. I barely got out of the way in time -- he came
> at me sword-tip first, and with an impressive "thud!" the blade
> drove into one of the heavy wooden posts supporting the bell
> shelter, burying itself like a 9-penny fired from a nail gun.
Hey, Chris! You *said* you were going to keep it non-lethal,
remember?
> *Jolt* and we were back in real time. The rapid transitions back
> and forth were starting to make me queasy -- and that takes some
> doing, let me tell you. I had to come up with something to put
> this guy down fast so I could get on my bike and get the hell
> away from this madhouse. It occurred to me that this bozo had
> one weak point that Hexe didn't. While he tugged on his sword
> blade to free it, I turned around and delivered the most
> devastating blow I could think of at that moment.
....oh, no.
> As the audience shrieked at us in outrage, my steel-toed boot met
> his metal codpiece.
Hold it -- aren't they still in freeze? Or did Chris drop them
out when his sword got stuck?
> So I don't fight by Marquis of Queensbury rules. Or even Marquis
> of *Doonesbury* rules. Sue me. I fight to *win*, dammit.
"Marquis of Doonesbury"? I'm stealing that, too.
> Let me tell you, neither one of us was happy in the moments
> immediately after that kick. But at least I could start
> stumbling through the twilit yard toward a lumpy shape that
> looked like it could be my cycle.
Big brass ones, huh? (:)
> * * *
>
> One of the advantages of being a god, Chris reflected at that
> moment, was that a kick in the crotch was not *nearly* as
> crippling as it might once have been. Plus, he was prepared.
> Early on his training, during one of the free-for-alls that the
> other gods had insisted were the best way to get him up to speed,
> Sif had pretended to cozy up to him and then kneed him in the
> groin. His reaction -- mostly leftover reflex from being a
> mortal -- had cost him that fight *and* earned him a lot of
> ribbing from Thor.
I suppose you can get used to anything, with enough training.
Still... oooowwwwwww.
> Shortly after the humiliation, he had to endure yet another
> lecture from Tyr, this one on the physical differences between
> gods and mortals -- even male ones. Chris then worked with one
> of the dwarven armourers to have his groin armor rebuilt to
> eliminate any future problems along those lines. It wouldn't
> stop everything, but the plate and padding diverted most of the
> force of impact away from sensitive areas. He'd drawn the line
> at putting spikes on it like Njord had suggested, though. *Okay,
> he had a point,* he snarled angrily as he dispelled his blade.
> He looked around. *Now where'd that stinking rat bast... aha!*
>
> It took only three quick steps to catch up to the limping man in
> leather. Chris grabbed him by the collar. "You know, sparky,"
> he said conversationally, "that wasn't nice, and pretty damn
> low." Then he threw the guy as hard as he could into the
> compound wall.
Which would splat an ordinary mortal like an overripe tomato.
But I guess Chris has figured out that Doug isn't an ordinary mortal...
> * * *
>
> The impact knocked the wind completely out of me, and I dropped
> to the ground belly first, ending up with my nose buried in a
> pile of timing chains. As I levered myself back up onto hands
> and knees, all I could think of was, *Who *is* this guy?* The
> dark hair didn't suggest any of the Norse pantheon, and *none* of
> them had freckles, last I knew. Besides, they tended to be built
> like bears, while this guy was more like a tree: tall, slender,
> sturdy without a huge amount of bulk.
>
> Even so, he was easily big enough to be Thor or Heimdall. But
> Thor didn't use swords, and by all accounts he was bearded. And
> Heimdall... I seemed to remember something about gold teeth,
> which this guy didn't have either. Both eyes, not Odin. Both
> hands, not Tyr. And Loki should still be tied to a rock enjoying
> the Viking version of Chinese water torture. I couldn't think of
> any of the other Aesir or Vanir before he was charging me again.
> At least his *temper* said "Norse" in great big capital
> letters...
Or Irish.
> Not that it mattered. He was a god. Bad news, any way I looked
> at it.
>
> Well, "Freeze Frame" wasn't helping me any here. Might as well
> go on a full offensive, since I seemed to have no other choice if
> I wanted to get away from here under my own power and direction.
> I needed to come up with something to stop this guy. Maybe I
> could knock him out with one of my really big guns.
Hmmm... I wonder how "Fly Like An Eagle" would interact with
Chris's timestop?
> "System," I muttered. "'Lightning's Hand.' Play." With the
> change in songs the flow of energies released, then embraced me
> again. I let the lightning out enough to cloak me in the usual
> sheet of rolling, crackling blue-white sparks. Then I cocked my
> my fist back, filling it with enough loose, angry electrons that
> the skin of my hand *buzzed*, and set myself to receive his
> charge. "Come'n'get it, god-boy," I called out.
>
> "Don't call me 'god-boy,' *pipsqueak*!" he snarled as his sword
> rippled back into existence around his arm.
But wasn't that part of his on-line handle? Oh, wait -- wrong
Chris. (:)
Problem here is, if Chris thinks to use his timestop again,
Doug's *had* it.
> "That's *quite* enough!* a throaty, melodious female voice
> declared from the side. There was a flash of light and a
> thunderous blast, and everything went black.
Oh, right. Forgot the OTHER THREE DEITIES who were present...
> * * *
>
> "Urd, was that really necessary?" Belldandy remonstrated softly
> as her elder sister lowered her hands.
>
> "Yes," Urd declared flatly. "Any more testosterone in the air,
> and I would've needed to shave tomorrow morning." She glanced
Ick. Not to mention a crime against Beauty.
> toward either end of the temple yard, where the two combatants
> had been flung by the force of her levinbolt; not surprisingly,
> each had landed in a pile of auto parts. "They're still moving,"
> she said with a sigh. "You and Keiichi ... and Megumi," she
> added as an afterthought, "should probably go hold our guest
> down. Skuld and I will take care of 'Niichan."
Good choice.
> Belldandy nodded. "Very well."
>
> Urd strode off toward Chris; Skuld trotted after her, a not-
> unfamiliar scowl darkening her face. "If he hurt 'Niichan..."
> the younger goddess growled, letting the threat trail off
> uncompleted as she glanced over her shoulder toward the other end
> of the courtyard.
>
> "'Niichan's a big boy," Urd replied calmly. "He can take a lot."
>
> Skuld's deepening scowl was evident in her voice. "I don't care.
> That jerk's a mortal *and* he was slinging around enough magic
> to..." The two stopped, having reached their brother.
>
> "Softer, Skuld. My head's still ringing," Chris groaned. "Who
> lobbed the powerbolt at us?"
Urd: "Belldandy. You really managed to piss her off,
'niichan. I didn't think you had it in you."
> "Me!" Urd replied brightly.
>
> Chris reached up slowly and rubbed his eyes. "Thank you ever so
> much. We are going to have a little talk about this later, you
> understand?"
>
> She shrugged. "Hey, it stopped the fight."
Typical woman. They don't understand that these things have
*rules.*
Okay, stupid rules, but they're GUY rules, dammit!
> "Whatever." Chris tried to push himself up off the ground,
> failed, tried again, and failed again. "Ouch."
>
> Skuld gave an exasperated sigh. "Here, 'Niichan," she said,
> holding out a hand.
>
> With an aggrieved look on his face, Chris took the offered hand.
> As Skuld pulled, he pushed, and with a grunt of effort from both
> of them he was back on his feet again amidst a clatter of falling
> debris. With a thought he dismissed his armor. "Okay, so, who
> was he?" he asked his sisters. Looking around the courtyard, he
> added, "And where is he?"
>
> "C'mon," Urd replied, holding out her hand. "I'll tell you what
> we know."
>
> "Are you okay, 'Niichan?" Skuld asked anxiously.
>
> Chris took a moment to assess himself. "Yeah, I think so. Just
> a few aches and pains. Nothing that a couple of days in the furo
> wouldn't fix."
>
> Skuld nodded absently. "All right. I've got something I want to
> check into out here, then. I'll be inside in a little bit."
>
> "Fair enough." He looked at Urd. "Okay, let's go. And start
> from the beginning."
"Well, in the Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth..."
> "Well, it wasn't long after you left on your date..." Urd began
> as the two headed for the house.
>
> Skuld watched them go inside, then glanced at the storage shed
> where Keiichi kept his various bikes, and where they had parked
> Sangnoir's strange, intriguing motorcycle. A smile broke across
> her face as a most uncharitable thought occurred to her,
> something petty, unkind and completely unworthy of a young
> goddess. *But it would be *so* satisfying.* Still smiling, she
> headed for the shed, practically skipping with a smug delight.
> "Now where did I put my toolkit?" she sing-songed to herself.
Oh, crap. The things a pissed-off Goddess of Technology could
do to a bike like Doug's... I don't wanna think about it.
> * * *
>
> "I've got a question for you, Urd," Chris said with elaborate
> casualness once Urd reached the point where she'd thrown the
> levinbolt. They had reached the house and now stood near the
> step-stone which led up to the engawa. "Have you ever considered
> the concept of 'subtlety?'"
Pot, kettle, blacker than blackest black?
> "Have you ever considered the concept of 'ask first, fight
> later?'" she retorted primly. "What possessed you to try and
> slaughter that guy, anyway?"
>
> "I wasn't going to kill him," he said sourly. "Only maim him, a
> little." He visibly winced at the flat look his eldest sister
> gave him. "It's not my fault! That little Full Manifestation
> dealie that got dumped in my head was saying 'Skuld in danger,'
> so I fly over here and what do I see but Skuld being menaced in
> what looked a hostage situation. I did what I thought was
> appropriate."
>
> Urd gave a skeptical snort. "And then *after* she was out of
> danger, you decide to go after the guy. What is it with you?
> You did the same thing to Mara!"
"I'm good at holding a grudge."
> "I'm supposed to just let bad guys run away and come back to
> fight another day? When exactly did our life become a cheesy
> comic book?"
<holds OMG manga behind his back, whistling innocently>
> Urd smirked a little as she glanced toward the gate. "I'd say
> yours has been one for a while." With a nod of her head, she
> indicated the two women running across the yard towards the
> house.
>
> "Crud," Chris muttered. "Think I can pretend he killed me?"
<snicker>
> * * *
>
> Location Unknown, Date Unknown, Time Unknown ... Again
>
> Consciousness returned to me rather suddenly, but I didn't open
> my eyes right away. "<'From my heart and from my hand,'>" I
> whispered when I remembered what had happened, "<'why don't
> people understand my intentions?'>"
Probably because you're too busy doing everything metahumanly
possible to PISS THEM OFF.
> "Ah, Sangnoir-san, you're awake. Good."
>
> I opened my eyes. *Hm. This ceiling looks familiar.*
Shinji Ikari: "Boy, you're lucky."
> I was once again sprawled on the same futon in the same room
> where I had awakened earlier. How much earlier I had no idea;
> all I could tell was that it was now completely dark out, thanks
> to a view of a window through the door. No helmet again -- and
> this time it wasn't even in the room. Damn. I was also once
Hm. They figured out that his helmet is important to his powers?
> more the center of attention. This go-round it was just Verdandi
> and the two mortals -- Keiichi and Megumi, if I recalled
> correctly. They both looked like they were each clamping down on
> about a million questions that threatened to spill out of them.
>
> "Okay," I rasped. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, but how
> come I'm not dead?"
"Oh, because death is far too kind a fate for you," she replied
brightly.
> Verdandi made a little moue with her lips. "Don't be silly. We
> wouldn't let that happen. Besides, while Oniichan can be a bit
> overprotective at times, he would not kill indiscriminately."
>
> "Coulda fooled me," I growled. I could still feel every hit I
> took from him, even where the polykev intercepted most of the
> force. Then I finished parsing what she'd said. "'Oniichan'?" I
> asked, turning my head to look directly at her. "Since when have
> the Norns had an older brother? *How* can the Norns have an
> older brother?"
Well, first you have to screw up Really Big dialing a phone
number...
> Verdandi just smiled blandly at me. "If you want, you may use
> the furo," she said without even acknowledging my question.
> "Then, if you're hungry, and I'm sure you must be, I'll have a
> little something waiting for you in the dining room. Keiichi,"
> she turned to the guy. "Why don't you show Sangnoir-san to the
> bath?"
>
> One hand went behind his head and he laughed nervously. "Are you
> sure, Bell-chan?" he asked. I could see the barest traces of an
> "are you out of your fucking mind?" expression in his eyes, but
> it was almost completely buried in what I could tell on sight was
> an absolute and complete trust.
>
> Megumi was a little less trusting, and it showed. As she opened
> her mouth for what was likely to be another prize rant, I sighed
> as loudly as I could. "I promise I'll behave, Keiichi-san," I
> said as I levered myself back up to a sitting position. The girl
> shuffled backwards ten or twenty centimeters on her knees, but
> Verdandi and Keiichi stayed put. Poor kid. She tried to hide
> it, but she was scared out of her wits, and not just of me, I'd
> wager. I gave a knowing look to Verdandi. "If there is any oath
> I could swear, be it Norse or Japanese..."
>
> "Don't be silly," she repeated with a brilliant smile. "You don't
> need to swear any oaths." She favored Keiichi with a look that
> almost convinced me that she *did* love him the way a human woman
> would. "Please, Keiichi? I'm quite certain Sangnoir-san is no
> threat."
And you can take that any way you like.
Well, no, I'm sure Bell meant that she trusts him to keep his word.
> "I'll do my best to be a proper guest," I offered. "This time,"
> I added with an apologetic little smile.
>
> Megumi stared with her mouth open, looking at each of the three
> of us in turn.
It's gotta be a little surreal for her...
> Keiichi still had his doubts, I could see that. But he nodded
> and stood. "Sangnoir-san?"
>
> "Right." I managed to get to my feet with only one little grunt
> of pain (oh, okay, maybe not *that* little), then spent a moment
> or two rolling my head and working my back, listening to and
> feeling each pop and crack. "Okay," I announced when I was done
> with that. "Lead on, MacDuff."
I can just *hear* my English-Lit teacher aunt shouting "That's
"LAY ON," darn it!"
Not that Doug would care.
> "This way," he said, giving me a funny look and gesturing me
> through the door. I stepped out into the hall, and waited for
> him to follow and close the sliding panel behind us. Damn, but I
> towered over this guy. I mean, he was no midget, but hell, even
> Crystal was taller than he was; I easily had a head and a half on
> him.
>
> When he turned back to me I bowed as best I could in the narrow
> passage. "Please accept my apology for disturbing the wa of the
> house, Keiichi-san," I offered in my most formal Japanese.
> (Well, except for the honorific. He struck me as the kind of guy
> who'd be uncomfortable with "-sama", let alone "-dono".) A
> hallway wasn't the proper place for this kind of thing, but I
> felt that it was more important to do it now, rather than wait.
Yep, that's the Doug we all know and... respect. Mess up big,
apologize big.
Is it just me, or is this sort of a recurring pattern for him?
> Keiichi just rubbed the back of his head with one hand and
> laughed nervously. "It's okay, really," he said. "C'mon, the
> furo's this way." He began to lead me down the hall.
>
> "Thanks." My boots made dull thuds on the polished wood floor.
> As soon as I could I'd have to take them off and get into a
> pair of house slippers.
>
> He glanced back at me. "You'll need some bathing supplies,
> right?"
>
> I nodded. "Yes, please."
>
> "No problem, we've got spares you can use." He smiled wryly.
> "We get a lot of guests -- expected and not." We stopped by an
> partly-open door, beyond which I could see a tiled floor. "Here
> we are," he said unnecessarily.
>
> I pushed the door open and saw the changing room. At its far end
> another door held a sign that read "available". I nodded to
> myself, then glanced back at my host. "Thank you, Keiichi-san."
>
> He grimaced. "Just 'Keiichi', okay?"
>
> I grinned back at him. "Okay, then. Just 'Keiichi' it is. And
> I'm just 'Doug' to my friends."
>
> "Thanks... Doug." He smiled, still a little nervously I thought,
> and waved in the general direction of the changing room. "You'll
> find a couple unmarked sets of supplies in there; just take one.
> We always keep a few around for the odd visitor."
>
> "Okay," I said and stepped inside. "Heaven knows I'm certainly
> odd." The thudding from my boots changed timbre noticeably, and
> echoed. *I really shouldn't wear them in here, either,* I
> thought.
>
> Keiichi held out a hand. "Oh," he said rather tentatively. "One
> thing."
>
> I glanced back at him over my shoulder. "Yes?"
>
> He screwed up his face as if at a distasteful memory. "I think
> Skuld's out in the yard, but... just in case..."
>
> I raised an eyebrow. "Just in case?"
>
> He nodded. "If the water in the tub starts swirling or
> bubbling, get out *fast*." He grimaced again. "It's less
> painful that way."
<snicker>
> Slowly I turned. "Say *what*?"
LOL!
> * * *
>
> After her brother and the stranger had vanished down the hallway,
> Megumi swallowed nervously and turned to the ... being ... seated
> next to her. "Buh..." she began, then stopped, licked her lips
> and swallowed. "Belldandy-sama..."
<wince>
> Warm brown eyes, crinkled at the corners with a smile, turned on
> her. "We'll have none of that now, Megumi."
>
> Megumi dropped forward in the lowest bow she could make -- or she
> would have, if Belldandy had not stopped her with a finger on the
> point of the girl's chin. "But..."
>
> "Nothing has changed, Megumi," Belldandy said softly, her
> everpresent smile driving the growing panic from the girl's
> heart. "We are still the same people we were this morning, and
> the day before, and the day before that. Urd is still Urd, Skuld
> is still Skuld, Chris is still Chris, and I am still..." She
> blushed prettily. "I am still your brother's girlfriend. All
> that is different is that you now know a little more about us."
A *little*?
Still, you gotta love Bell. No one pours oil on troubled waters
the way she does.
> "Really?" Megumi whispered as she let Belldandy guide her back
> into a sitting position.
>
> "Really," Belldandy reassured her.
>
> Megumi shook her head. "You seem so... well, not *normal*, none
> of you are normal, but so... 'human'."
>
> Belldandy's eyebrows crept up. "What would you expect?"
Doug: "Where do I *begin*?"
> The girl shrugged. "I don't know. A Viking goddess? Three
> meters tall in fur and leather, with a huge double-bitted axe?
> Wild hair streaming in the wind as you scream war cries?" She
> grinned sheepishly.
"Hmm... do you think Keichii would like that?"
> "We don't do that kind of thing any more," the goddess sniffed
> primly. "In fact, we hardly ever did that kind of thing at all,
> and even *then* it was more Skuld than Urd or I who dressed like
> that."
>
> Megumi's eyes grew wide. "You're kidding! *Skuld*?"
To steal a quote from "Twilight": "The future is where all
things die."
> "Well, she *is* the leader of the Valkyries," Belldandy said
> matter-of-factly.
>
> "At *thirteen*?"
>
> "She's on sabbatical until she grows up again."
Poor Meg. She must be approaching Information Overload.
> "*Again*?" Megumi blurted, then waved her hands. "No, no, I
> don't think I want to know. At least not right now. I think I'm
> suffering from information overload." She closed her eyes, shook
> her head, then opened them again. "One thing I still don't
> understand."
Only one?
> "Only one?" Bell asked with an amused little smile.
<boggle> I *swear* I didn't read ahead!
> Megumi frowned at her with mock annoyance. "Well, one out of
> many. How did my big brother, the nerd-king of Nekomi, end up
> living with three, count'em, three *Viking* goddesses and their
> big brother?"
>
> "Well," Belldandy replied, "that *is* a bit of a story. Why
> don't we go into the kitchen and I'll tell you over some tea
> while I get dinner ready." She stood, and held out her hand to
> the girl. Megumi took it and got to her own feet.
>
> "Sure," she said. Tea would be perfect. It was good to find
> *something* normal to latch onto.
>
> * * *
>
> Chris sighed breathily as his two erstwhile girlfriends ran up to
> him. He noted with a bit of irritation that neither was
> particularly winded after doing a run that would have killed him.
> "Hi, girls," he said weakly.
>
> "*HI?!*" Rachel demanded. "You disappear in the middle of our
> date to go save the brat and all you can say is 'hi'?" He
> blinked as both Chris and Ami gave her a perplexed look. "What?"
>
> Shaking her head, Ami muttered "Whatever," and looked Chris over.
> He watched with chagrin as her critical eye noticed his more
> disheveled state and the slight bruise forming on his temple.
> "Did you win?"
Cuts right to the chase, this one.
> "Well..."
>
> "Oh, don't be silly," snapped Rachel. "Of course he won, didn't
> you?"
"Well, I was ahead on points before Urd decided to referee..."
> "Actually..."
>
> "Oh, really? It's not like they kill each other, you know. He
> could have lost."
>
> "Umm..."
>
> "If Chris had *lost* would he be here now?"
>
> "THAT'S IT! I'm not dealing with this now!" Chris roared. He
> stormed into the house, grumbling to himself.
>
> "See what you did?" the women both snarled at each other, and
> rushed to follow the god.
...no, I don't want Chris's love life problems. Even if they
*are* both really hot.
> As she walked toward the house, Ami stopped to check out the
> strange, futuristic motorcycle that was parked by one of the
> outbuildings. She always found the NIT Motor Club's efforts
> interesting from a professional standpoint, and this one was
> particularly bizarre. With a chuckle, she looked over the bike,
> noting that Keiichi was lucky he had a goddess on his side. This
> one looked to be deadly.
>
> Ami's good humor left her when she noticed its license plate.
> *New Jersey? 1986? That plate's ten years old, but it looks
> brand new. That doesn't make sense...* Frowning over the
> anomaly, she broke into a trot so she could catch back up with
> Rachel and Chris, hardly registering the appearance of a grinning
> Skuld, a small toolbox in hand.
How sharper than a serpent's tooth is the vengeance of a
child-goddess scorned!
> * * *
>
> The bath made all the difference in the world. I'd already felt
> vaguely grimy after my transit between universes. (Probably
> psychosomatic, but even if it were, it was still an unpleasant
> sensation.) Adding the sweat and dirt from the fight on top of
> that just made it worse. So when given the opportunity to scrub,
> I leapt at the chance. I followed that with a positively
> sybaritic soak in the furo, which did wonders for my various
> aches and pains. I still needed a good healing, but that would
> wait until I retrieved my helmet. Should probably alert the
> Celestials before I did it, too -- they probably wouldn't take
> kindly to unexpected magic worked in their vicinity.
Good to see he's finally pulled his foot out of his mouth and
his head out of his ass.
> "<Gods,>" I muttered to myself as I sank into the steaming water.
> "<Why does it always have to be gods?>"
Doctor Henry Jones Jr: "Hey, at least it's not snakes."
> I lost track of time in the bath, but the water was still warm
> when I decided I'd soaked enough. After I dried off and stepped
> back into the changing room, I found that the clothes I'd been
I admit, I was half-expecting some kind of Ranma-esque scene
with Chris walking in on Doug. But that probably wouldn't have had much
shock or slapstick value.
> wearing -- boots, leathers, polykev, socks, underwear and all --
> were gone. That would have panicked me had it not been for the
> fact that someone had retrieved a complete set of my civvies from
> one of the panniers of my bike and had laid them out neatly. I
> supposed someone was trying to figure out how to clean my
> leathers; I wondered if they'd notice that everything else was
> wash-and-wear.
Bell is nothing if not an effective and efficient hostess. With
her loyal staff of (K)one...
> Anyway, I got dressed in the provided clothes (jeans, crew socks,
> and my Hong Kong Cavaliers 1985 "War of the Worlds" tour T-shirt)
And now we're going to have to wait for the story behind
*that.* Sigh.
Hazard of being a captive audience.
> and poked my head back out into the hall. Empty. No guard, not
> even one of the mortals trying to look innocuous. The sound of
> conversation and clinking dishes drifted down from one end of the
> corridor, accompanied by the most marvelous scent -- dinner,
> unless I missed my guess. My stomach growled, and I realized
> that it had been at least eight hours and maybe more since Pinky
> and Reno had treated me to my "condemned man's last meal" (as
> Pinky'd put it) at the White Manna in Hackensack.
>
> I considered the possibility that this might be the lure for some
> fiendishly subtle trap, then decided I was being ridiculous. With
> four Celestials in the house, I was either a guest or dead meat,
> and they didn't have to play games to make me the latter. *Some*
He couldn't have figured that out when he was manhandling
Skuld? Oh, Doug...
> gods would, for the sadistic fun of it, but from what I could
> remember about this particular expression of the Three, the Norns
> weren't that type. Then again, these weren't exactly the Norns I
> was familiar with. And, I reminded myself with a certain amount
> of trepidation, I knew absolutely *nothing* about "Big Brother".
Funny, Chris doesn't *look* Orwellian....
> Then I chided myself for being excessively paranoid, and stepped
> into the hallway -- where I stopped short. From the threshold of
> the changing room, I could easily see the source of the enticing
> odors -- a very typical Japanese family/dining room at the end of
> the hall. Through its doorway I could spy the low dining table,
> along with some of the occupants, who hadn't yet noticed me.
>
> The first person I spotted was Captain Turquoise (now in civvies,
> too), who looked distinctly uncomfortable in seiza on the far
> side of the table from the door (and, thus, me). He was flanked
> by two new folks, a pair of young women who appeared to be in
> their twenties and who occupied almost all of his attention.
> *Hm. More mortal auxiliaries. They must have shown up while I
> was in the bath,* I mused. I raised an eyebrow when I realized
> one was a cop of some variety, in full uniform. The other looked
> more like Buffy Coed.
Which means she might have a wooden stake with your name on it.
(;)
> Surprisingly, the big guy looked like he would rather have been
> *anywhere* but in between two nubile young Asian girls intent on
> fussing over him. Of course, the fact that each was glaring
> daggers at the other might have had something to do with it.
Perceptive, ain't he?
> "Are you sure you're alright?" the college girl asked.
>
> "Look, I'm fine," he insisted.
>
> The cop poked him in the ribs, and was obviously nonplussed at
> the wince she got. "Uh-huh. And those ribs aren't bruised, and
> that bump on your head is makeup."
>
> "I'm *fine*," he repeated. "Big tough Aesir, remember? Taking
> this stuff's in my job description."
>
> The girls exchanged a flat look, and Police Girl quietly stabbed
> a bruise on his temple with her finger. He yelped and recoiled.
Make that "big tough *henpecked* Aesir."
> "You've been talking to that idiot Thor again," the coed growled.
> "Why do you listen to those dunderheaded gods?" From somewhere
> out of my line of sight I heard a shocked gasp, followed by a
> reassuring murmur.
Meg and Bell.
> Holding a protective hand to his head, "Big Brother" objected,
> "Hey, they're the pros, last I checked." He waved off their
> protests and added, "I'll be okay in a day or two. Part of the
> package is fast healing. Look, trust me."
>
> Miss Coed gave him a flat look. "Fine," she said evenly. "You
> owe me a movie, since we missed the one today."
>
> "Mercenary, aren't you?" the cop muttered wryly, almost too
> softly for me to hear from my distant vantage point. She looked
> over at someone hidden from me, and called, "Belldandy, can I
> borrow the phone?"
>
> I heard a faint noise that I assume was some manner of assent,
> because she stood gracefully, explaining to the big guy and the
> college girl, "I need to report in."
>
> "She's gonna be in trouble," "Big Brother" sang softly as the cop
> stepped out of view. Then he turned his attention back to the
> girl with him. "Okay, Rachel, a movie. We'll figure it out
> later. I've got something big to deal with here." So the coed
> was named "Rachel". Okay.
>
> Rachel opened her mouth to protest, but then shut it with a click
> in the face of his sincerity. "Fine," she said shortly, and
> stood on her tiptoes and hissed him on the cheek. "Let me know
"Stood on tiptoes"? But he was just described as sitting in
Seiza, when Doug first spotted him.
> how it goes, God-boy." She smiled at the wince that elicited.
>
> I chuckled when I heard that. It must be a popular nickname for
> him. "I *hate* it when they call me that," he muttered, and I
> grinned. Yeah, it was a popular nickname, all right.
>
> I must have missed something at that point, because God-boy had
> turned back in the direction the police girl had vanished, a
> concerned expression on his face. "Everything all right?" he
> asked.
>
> I heard a faint goodbye, and the second girl came back into view.
> Bewildered, she said, "Chris, the license plate on that
> motorcycle... it doesn't exist. Did it belong to whoever you
> fought?" Okay, two things to remember. God-boy is named Chris,
> and Police Girl is *really* on the ball.
>
> "Yes..." Chris said slowly, and then clamped his hand over her
> mouth and brought his face close to hers. "Oh no, you don't," he
> said urgently. "This is god business, Ami. *I mean it.*" He
> pulled his hand away. "You understand?" Okay, Police Girl is
> Ami. I was busy making mental notes, just in case.
>
> "Okay," she grudgingly agreed, and then with a impish grin,
> grabbed his head and kissed him firmly. "Gotcha," she gloated,
> releasing him.
>
> "GAH!" Chris blurted, stumbling back. "Can't you kiss like
> normal people?!"
He's (still?) standing again.
> "Where's the fun in that?" Checking her watch, Ami winced.
> "Eek, I'm in trouble. Bye!" With that, she ran out of the room
> and down the hall. She didn't even give me a look as she passed
> by.
You know, if Chris plays his cards right, he could have the
best of both worlds.
Well, except for all that "God's Toy" stuff...
> "Women," Chris muttered in mock (or maybe not-so-mock, it was
> hard to tell) exasperation, and then looked amused.
> "'Dunderheaded gods?'"
>
> Rachel was still sitting at the table, aiming a murderous glare
> at Chris. "Well, they *are,* most of them. Can you say 'Modi'?"
And now she's seated again.
> Chris actually growled. "Don't remind me."
>
> *Well. There's obviously a hell of a story there,* I thought.
> *Pity I'm not going to stick around to hear it.* Another thought
> struck me. *Interesting. They're talking as though he's not a
> god himself. Weird.*
>
> "Anyway," Rachel went on, rising to her feet, "It's pretty clear
> the evening's shot."
>
> "But..." he tried to object.
>
> She shook her head. "Nope. You're not going to leave your
> sisters alone in the temple while Blondie is still around."
> *"Blondie?"* I thought. *Well, I've been called worse.* Rachel
Heh. Turnabout is fair play, Doug. Dougie. Dougie-boy.
> went on. "And while I really like hanging out with them, it's
> not what I had in mind for my night tonight." She shrugged,
> a little sadly I thought. "And I do have some studying I need to
> do..."
>
> "If you really think you have to..." Chris replied weakly.
>
> "Yeah. But, hey, it's not like we're never going out again."
> She stepped over to the big guy and gave him a very slow and
> gentle kiss goodnight, probably in a deliberate counterpoint to
> Ami's rather vigorous farewell just a minute earlier. "See you
> tomorrow?"
>
> "Sure," Chris breathed. She hugged him with one arm, then turned
> and left the room herself. Not being in quite as much of a
> hurry, she noticed me standing in the furo doorway. She shot me
> the same murderous glance she had graced God-boy with, and then
> passed by with a sniff. I simply smiled and bowed, after-you-my-
> dear-Alphonse'ing her towards the exit the other girl had used.
>
> When I stood up straight again, Verdandi was laying a heaping
> platter on the table and at the same time looking straight at me.
Jumping out of my skin was *not* a panic reaction -- it was a
part of a very intricate and subtle tactical maneuver.
> "Sangnoir-san," she sang out, making Chris jump with surprise.
> "I see you've finished your bath. Please come on in." Between
> the mouth-watering scent of the food and the invitation I figured
> I didn't have a choice, and headed on into the dining room as
> Chris awkwardly seated himself back behind the far end of the
> table.
>
> As it so happened, Chris and Verdandi were not the only persons
> in the room. Seated to my left as I entered were Megumi, who
> still looked a little shell-shocked, and Urd. On the right were
> Keiichi (who was just putting away what looked like a textbook of
> some variety) and an unoccupied cushion. A quiescent but gently
> steaming rice cooker sat on the floor adjacent to the latter.
>
> Skuld was missing, but there were two additional, unused
> cushion/seats at the side of the table nearest me, catty-corner
> from the empty one next to Keiichi.
>
> Somehow, in the moments when my attention had been on Rachel in
> the hall, the table had gone from virtually empty to loaded. On
> it were now one of those pump Thermos carafe things and what
> looked to be the single most ornate Japanese dinner I'd ever seen
> outside of a state function. *This* was "a little something"?
> Yeesh.
I never appreciated gourmet cooking until after my younger
little sister finished her culinary arts degree. Then... whoa. But
she'd *kill* for Bell's sheer *speed*....
> Verdandi seated herself on the cushion by Keiichi. "We've kept
> dinner waiting for you and Skuld." She patted the empty cushion
> closest to her, around the corner of the table. "Please sit down
> and join us."
>
> "Um," I managed, and glanced around the table. Both mortals
> still looked nervous, although for his part, Keiichi did seem a
> bit more relaxed than Megumi. Urd caught my glance, smiled
> slyly, and gave me a "come-hither" look that would have made Mae
> West hang up her feathered hat for good. I resisted the urge to
> answer her with a snarl. Wedged behind the table at his end,
> "Oniichan" just loomed and glowered at me, especially after he
> caught sight of Urd's performance.
<snicker>
> I rolled my eyes and sighed, then dug out my rusty diplomatic
> skills again. "Lady Verdandi, please. My presence clearly
> disturbs the harmony of the house. There is no need to honor me
> with a place at the table. If it please you, I would rather take
> my motorcycle and leave."
>
> "Nonsense, Sangnoir-san. You will join us for dinner." I swear,
> that pleasant smile never left her lips *or* her eyes, but there
> was steel in her voice. I knew that steel, too -- my mother and
> grandmother both had it, that "eat your peas or *else,* young
> man" tone that brooked no argument. I sighed again. Oh, well,
> time to look into the abyss and all that.
Yep, that's Bell.
> "Thank you," I said to Verdandi and took the seat I'd been
> directed to, dropping smoothly into the kneeling/seated posture
> that obviously gave the big guy some problems. He glowered some
> more. I smiled sweetly at him.
Doug. Don't tease the animals.
> Completely ignoring the wordless byplay between him and me,
> Verdandi continued blithely on. "Oh, and you haven't been
> introduced properly to Oniichan. Sangnoir-san, this is our elder
> brother, Christopher Angel, the God of Moments." She gave a
> sprightly gesture towards him.
>
> *Uh, right.* I didn't need a degree in Applied Theology to
> notice the obvious and totally unlikely collision of two
> completely incompatible religious traditions inherent in his full
> name. Shoving the disturbing questions it raised to one side, I
> grinned weakly. "Um, hi. Douglas Q. Sangnoir, Colonel, UNMPFWA,
> UK, M.O.U.S.E..." No one laughed. Oh, well. "Sorry about the,
> um, the kick in the, um, you know..."
>
> "Consider it forgotten," Angel grated in a slow, forced tone that
> sounded like stone scraping on stone.
Oh, yeah, this is going to be a FUN meal.
> *Uh, yeah, buddy. It'd be more convincing if you didn't sound
> like you're about to leap across the table and throttle me.* I
> suppressed a third, heartfelt, sigh. With luck, I'd be on my
> motorcycle and gone within the hour, leaving this nest of gods
> and goofballs behind me for good.
>
> While I was counting the minutes until my liberation, I heard the
> sound of a door down the hallway behind me. Unless this was
> someone else new, it had to be Skuld.
>
> "Hiiiii!" a familiar, high-pitched voice echoed up the hallway to
> us. I was right, it was the kid. Stockinged footsteps padded
> their way up the hall as I kept myself from turning around to
> watch her approach. "Ooh, dinner."
>
> "We've just been waiting for you, Skuld," Verdandi said with an
> indulgent smile. "Come sit down."
>
> "Okay, let me get washed up first." Skuld stepped into my field
> of view and held up a pair of greasy hands for inspection. "I
> was just working in my shop." She gave the table a smile almost
> as brilliant as her sister's, then scampered out, practically
> skipping. A happy little hum trailed after her.
>
> I raised my eyebrows. That was a big difference from the dour,
> angry little girl I'd initially encountered. "Well, *she's*
> certainly cheerful now," I murmured to the table at large. "What
> changed?"
Oh, you'll find out.
> Nobody offered me an answer.
>
> Skuld's mood noticeably darkened when she returned to the dining
> room and realized that the only available place was next to Mama
> Sangnoir's favorite son. She flounced down onto the cushion with
> a dismissive sniff and turned up her nose at me. The disdain on
> her face soon slipped away, though, and a smug little self-
> satisfied smile began to play around her lips.
And he doesn't get a Bad Feeling about that? Tsk.
> Now that we were all seated, dinner could be served. As Verdandi
> began filling and distributing rice bowls, I surreptitiously
> studied the godling girl to my left. Much as I disliked deities,
> I had to admit to myself I *had* been a bit out of line with her.
"A bit." Yeah. For definitions of "bit" bordering on "very
very much."
> I suppressed a sigh as I realized that I should offer her an
> apology, if only so that we could part on non-hostile terms when
> dinner was over. Same thing applied to Angel -- the last thing I
> needed was a pair of deities with grudges at my back.
>
> By this point, all the courses had been passed out, and dinner
> was about to formally begin. The chorus of "Itadakimasu" around
> the table was a strange, surreal moment -- I'd expected it of the
> four Japanese, and I joined in because I knew I was supposed to,
> but to hear the three Norsewomen and Angel -- well, it was just
> odd for a second.
Ain't acculturation wonderful?
> The oddness extended itself when I realized that dinner was
> indeed entirely Japanese food, with not even so much as a
> lingonberry or a lutefisk in sight. This made me wonder who had
> prepared the feast in front of us. Megumi was a guest, according
> to what I'd heard earlier; Keiichi looked like the kind of guy
> who'd happily live on cafeteria food, cup ramen, and take-out;
> and Angel did not strike me as the chefly type. I seriously
> doubted that either of Angel's bookend girls had anything to do
> with it, especially since they'd been fawning over him the entire
> time I'd been watching them. And Verdandi was smilingly
> parceling out the servings, which was almost always the job of
> the hostess/cook in a traditional Japanese household.
>
> I tried to wrap my mind around the idea that one of the Three
> could be playing Little Miss Homemaker -- *happily* -- and failed
> utterly. I tried again and almost sprained something. So I gave
<snicker> I could make an unkind comment, but I won't.
> up and dug in with the others.
>
> It was easily one of the best meals I'd ever eaten.
>
> Dinner being dinner, and people being people, there was a babble
> of talk around and across the table. Personally, I sat quietly,
> concentrating on keeping my meal from transmuting into something
> inedible as it entered my field one bite at a time. That aside,
> I thoroughly enjoyed dinner, and tried to keep as low a profile
> as I could while I tuned into the different conversational
> threads.
>
> I quickly learned that Rachel and Ami were apparently in a to-
> the-death competition for Angel. As I chased down the last of my
> salad's ginger dressing Angel recounted the tale of the evening's
> interrupted date. All through the story, Angel sat there with a
> classic hang-dog "Why me, Lord?" look on his face. Well, if
> *that* were his karma I could certainly understand the peevish
> mood he'd been in when we met earlier. No doubt he had the
> frequent urge to slap both girls silly and had decided to use
> *me* as a target instead, rather than ruin his chances with
> either.
And Doug makes *such* a more appropriate target...
> Megumi, true to my earlier impression of her ignorance of matters
> here, was busily firing off The Big Questions about Life, The
> Universe, and Everything at all four of the Celestials. Most of
"42. No, seriously."
> these were deflected with varying levels of grace. Several
> others -- including a few I thought would have been on the
> "classified" list -- were answered, sometimes in excruciating
> detail. Naturally, I took mental notes. (In particular I
> promised myself that I would look up a place called "The Heart of
> Darkest Chocolate" if by some unlikely chance I ever found myself
> in Asgard. I haven't had a decent malted milk since I moved to
> England.)
That's easy -- you take the Anime Metro's Toltir Line down to
Mimir station, go south on Sharpp Ave, then...
> Keiichi interjected a few comments of his own into this exchange.
> >From what he said -- and what he didn't -- I gathered that he had
> physically visited some variety of Heaven at least once. Since
> he didn't have the look of a Jewish patriarch about him, I found
> this rather remarkable, and wondered again about his relationship
> with Verdandi. Living mortals and the Celestial Realms normally
> mix about as well as mortals and the lands of the Fae -- which is
> to say, make sure your next of kin know where you're going, and
> that your life insurance premiums are paid up.
>
> Being a good hostess, Verdandi tried to draw me in to the
> conversation several times. Pleading fatigue, I declined to
> offer anything more than polite small talk, though, since I was
> unwilling to derail Megumi's interrogation and thus lose the
> chance to pick up more intelligence about the Celestials and
> their purpose here.
>
> Of which I derived *nothing* that made any sense. Angel was here
> because the Three were. Urd and Skuld were here because Verdandi
> was. And Verdandi was here, if I were to believe what she and
> Keiichi told Megumi, because Keiichi had *wished* for her. Yeah,
> *wished*, like in a fairy tale. If it weren't the goofiest
> disinformation program I'd ever encountered, it was a far goofier
> *truth* than I could imagine. Or believe.
Don't forget, Doug, that the truth is often stranger than fiction.
> Dinner ended with Verdandi handing out dessert: small servings
> of ice cream. Well, small for everyone but Skuld, who got what
> looked to be two or three liters of rocky road in a bowl the size
> of a batting helmet. I nibbled my way through my ice cream as I
> watched her emulate the Tasmanian Devil, and fought back the urge
> to shake my head. My mind may have been saying "monstrous thing
> capable of snuffing entire galaxies on a whim," but my *eyes*
> were saying "cute if bratty little girl".
<snicker>
> My eyes were winning, dammit.
>
> For all that they were Celestials, the four seemed very human.
> Almost too human. It had to be some kind of sadistic game.
>
> Didn't it?
FINALLY! He *can* be taught!
I suspect that if I knew Doug in Real Life, I would be in a
near-constant state of exasperation with him. Which would make me
different from most of the people in his life *how,* I wonder?
> As impatient as I was, I waited calmly for the "official"
> conclusion of the meal. I almost got comfortable, almost forgot
> what surrounded me, in the midst of a dinner conversation that
> eventually drifted off arcane topics and back into more mundane
> ones: classes, clubs, a friend's attempt at her own small
> business. Once I completed my dessert I faded in and out, nearly
> drowsing.
>
> I think I might have forgotten entirely that I was in enemy
> territory, had it not been for the clatter of silverware and
> crockery to my left that jerked me back to full awareness. Skuld
> had finished demolishing her confection, and almost as though she
> were personally offended at the empty bowl had thrown her spoon
> down into it. Verdandi gave her a concerned look, and I got the
> impression that she might have said something had the others not
> taken it as a sign that dinner was over.
>
> As everyone else stretched and moved away from the table, I
> stood, stepped back, and bowed toward Verdandi with a polite
> "Gochisousama." When I straightened up, she was gracing me with
> a brilliant smile. "Thank you for your hospitality," I went on,
> "but I must beg your leave to depart."
>
> Verdandi's smile faded infinitesimally. "If you must, Sangnoir-
> san..."
>
> "I'm afraid so," I replied, surprising myself by half-regretting
> that I was leaving. "I just need my uniform and helmet back,
> please. Then I'll take my motorcycle and go."
>
> Behind me and to my left, I heard a faint "Uh-oh." I wasn't the
> only one to hear it, since everyone in the room was now staring
> at Skuld. Slowly I turned to look at her.
This is gonna *hurt*....
> "What's *that* supposed to mean?" I asked with a calm that belied
> the sudden premonition of doom which gripped me.
>
> * * *
>
> Skuld had tried to weasel out of it, but Verdandi would have none
> of that. Firm without being harsh, or even loud, she had simply
> asked that Skuld tell us. Instead of speaking, though, the
> little goddess had silently led us to an outbuilding -- her
> workshop, according to Keiichi. Flashlight in hand, she drooped
> her way across the night-shadowed and junk-strewn yard like a man
> on his way to his execution. At the door to her shop, Skuld took
> the handle firmly in her grasp, then paused and murmured a quiet
> apology.
>
> Then she threw open the broad door and hit a switch just inside,
> revealing what would have been a remarkably sophisticated
> workshop for a human girl of her age. (Hell, it would have been
> remarkably sophisticated for *me*.) Bright light illuminated the
> shed interior, shining down from several industrial fluorescent
> fixtures overhead. A workbench -- white Formica from the looks
> of it, and spotless -- ran the length of the back wall. About
> half its surface was taken up by an assortment of equipment that
> ranged from the expected (timing light, vise, drill press) to the
> strange and outright bizarre (oscilloscope, stereo microscope and
> something that looked like the bastard child of a rice cooker and
> a particle accelerator). The other half was taken up by Urd, who
> promptly perched herself upon it.
>
> The bench was supported by two cabinets filled with drawers, and
> under it were a big trash can and what appeared to be a small
> refrigerator. A tall, wheeled stool was shoved off to one side.
>
> Every hand-held tool known to man and then some were neatly
> arrayed on hooks, rings and pegs along both side walls, sorted by
> both size and function. Tall, locker-like cabinets painted
> brilliant white lined the wall in which the door opened. The
> floor was unfinished wood, scuffed a bit but like the bench it
> was spotless. The whole place had a clean, crisp smell with just
...I think I've died and gone to geek heaven.
> the barest hints of oil and gasoline and ... ozone? in the air.
> And scattered across the floor and the workbench were enough
> parts to build an entire motorcycle.
>
> *My* motorcycle, in fact.
>
> "My... bike."
The tiny little whimper of a broken man. I seem to recall The
Fonzz having a similar reaction in a dimly-recalled episode of "Happy Days."
> At my first reaction, Skuld snatched up a ratchet driver and
> clutched it protectively in front of her like some kind of charm
> as she stood in the middle of what had once been an exquisitely
> hand-crafted vehicle. Now the only pieces left that were bigger
> than a breadbox were the panniers and the frame. And -- thank
> goodness -- Buckaroo's second-best sword, carefully laid to one
> side. "I just meant to mess with it a bit, to get back at you,"
> she said, a little defensively. "Over-tighten the brake
> calipers, or maybe restrict the fuel line so you'd stall out.
Pretty small-time, harmless stuff for a Monster That Snuffs
Galaxies. Much more 13yo-girl style. But I suspect it'll be a while
before Doug gets around to absorbing that...
> But then I got interested in some of the systems, and I guess I
> got a little carried away..." She trailed off sheepishly.
I hate to admit it, but I've done this.
> "My bike!" I was not yet ready to listen to explanations.
> Behind me, the peanut gallery streamed into the shedlike
> building, making it seem even smaller than it actually was.
>
> "I feel for you, guy. You should see what she did once to my
> computer," Angel muttered in obvious sympathetic tones. In my
> anger, I hadn't noticed that he had stepped up to my side,
> putting us shoulder-to-shoulder. Well, shoulder-to-chest, at
> least. His presence towering over me contributed a *lot* to the
> sense of shrinking space.
But at least you have something in common, now, right? Right?
Hey, Doug, wake up!
> "My... bike," I whispered, dropping to my knees amidst the
> scattered parts. Months of work building it, all the way back in
> MegaTokyo. Years of faithful use through gods knew how many
> timelines. Weeks more redesigning and improving it with
> Rawhide's help and Buckaroo's occasional input back in the last
> world I'd visited.
>
> "I mean, I can get taking the parts out," Angel announced from
> over my shoulder. I barely noticed.
>
> My motorcycle lay in a thousand pieces scattered across the bare
> wood floor of the shed. The only way it could have been
> disassembled so thoroughly in so short a time *must* have damaged
> at least some of its non-monomer parts -- parts that it might
Mmmmmaybe not. Skuld *is* awfully good at her trade.
> well be impossible to replace in this universe. Impossible
> unless they had a GENOM nanofac or a Black Lectroid autoshop
> handy, but I doubted I'd find either in *this* world.
No, but you've got Skuld.
...oh. Um.
> "Hey, I've even taken apart drives in my spare time," Angel
> continued without really waiting for a response from me.
<snicker> Oh, this background monologue works beautifully.
> Skuld tried to dig a toe into the floor and studied her ratchet
> driver intently. "You had that really interesting gravity drive
> on it! And the ceramic turbine! And the bits that looked almost
> organic! And there were traces of magic all over it!" she
> protested.
"And I just... HAD... to see how it worked!"
> "I can almost get her unsoldering some of the chips off the
> board. But how did she split PCB layers, anyway? Or open up the
> CPU casing?"
<snerk> Chris, you're Not Helping... <snicker>
> "Chris, quiet," said Verdandi. A blandly forgiving expression on
> her face, she stepped up to her younger sister and laid a hand on
> her shoulder.
>
> "It's destroyed," I said softly. I looked up at the... the...
> *thing* that looked like a little girl. "Why?" I asked. "I only
> shook you a little bit and made you apologize. Did you really
> have to destroy my bike to get even?" I picked up the closest
> piece -- the headlight -- and studied it. "All the time and work
> and joy I put into it -- gone forever." I looked back up at her.
> "Congratulations, girl. The only way you could have hurt me more
> would be to let Godzilla here kill me." I gestured with my head
> towards Angel, who was still hovering over me.
>
> "Hey!" protested that worthy.
Now, Doug, he was actually trying to reach out.
> "It's *not* destroyed," Skuld declared with a pout. "I was
> *very* careful about taking it apart. Nothing's broken at all."
> There was an almost imperceptible pause. "I think," she added in
Argh! And yes, I know that feeling too.
> a nearly inaudible voice before scowling at me once more. "After
> all, it's no fun if you can't put it back together again."
>
> I lifted my eyes from the headlight and looked at her flatly.
> "It can be reassembled?"
>
> Her scowl deepened. "I just said that, didn't I?"
>
> I carefully put down the headlight and stood, saying, "Then you
> and I have a little project, chibikko."
Double 'k'. Deliberate?
> "Project?" Skuld blinked, then returned to her furious scowl.
> "Hey! Don't call me 'chibikko'!"
>
> "Remember that one," Angel muttered to Urd. "She hates
> 'chibikko.'"
Is there *any* curse worse than siblings who think they're funny?
> "Yeah, a project, *chibikko*." I jabbed a finger at her. "You
> are going to put my bike back together. And *I* am going to
> watch you every minute it takes, to make sure you do it right --
> no cutting corners, no leaving things out."
>
> "No *way*!" she shouted at me. "It's *your* bike, *you* put it
> back together!"
Oh, I *know* that's not gonna fly. Bell won't stand for it.
> "Listen to me, you little brat," I growled, losing some of my
> self-control and reaching for her. I wanted to pick her up and
> shake some sense into her -- again! -- but before I could do more
> than raise my hands I felt a large, unfriendly grip clamp onto
> the back of my neck. *Right. Angel. Oh, fuck.* I went limp
> and prepared for pain.
Actually, I'd guess Chris was prepared to just hold him, barring
any overtly hostile actions. He can probably sympathize with Doug too
well right now.
> "Chris, that's unnecessary," Verdandi said mildly. After a
> couple of seconds, the pressure released and the hand lifted.
> Verdandi then repositioned herself precisely half-way between
> Skuld and me. She smiled at the big man behind me, then laid one
> hand on the brat's shoulder and the other on my forearm. "I
> believe you've more than adequately made your point, Sangnoir-
> san," she said in a tone that all but oozed peace and serenity.
>
> There was no reproach in it at all, but suddenly I felt more than
> a little ashamed. I was a guest, after all, and I had been
> treated well. They needn't have brought me in and cared for me
> after my fight with Angel; they would have been justified in just
> dumping me at the curb with a note reading "Go away!" pinned to
> my chest. But they hadn't done that; instead they tended me, and
> let me bathe, and fed me. Even though Skuld had vandalized my
> bike, I had no call to start acting like a complete asshole to
> her and to my hosts.
Now, if only he'd figured that out about five minutes after he
woke up
the *first* time...
Ah, well. Then he wouldn't be Doug.
> I closed my eyes and took a long, deep breath before opening them
> again. "You're quite right, Verdandi-sama. I'm out of line.
> It's just..." *It's just that I fear and hate all gods but one,
> and four of you are surrounding me, and one of you has just
> demolished one of the few possessions I can carry with me from
> world to world, and another of you clearly wants to kill me, and
> dammitall I just want to make it home and why can't I, dammit,
> why can't I?* Instead of letting all of *that* spill out, I took
> another long, deep breath and fought back the sob that threatened
> to emerge in its stead.
...of course, he keeps up such a good front, it's easy to forget
just
how badly stressed he is...
> When I thought I could trust my own voice not to crack or
> tremble, I continued, "I apologize for my behavior, Verdandi-
> sama." I bowed respectfully to her, then stood up straight again
> and caught Skuld's eyes with mine. "But I mean it -- I *need* my
> motorcycle intact."
>
> Off to the side, I caught the motion out of the corner of my eye
> as Verdandi nodded. "I understand," she said simply. "Skuld?"
>
> "What?" the girl grunted petulantly.
>
> "You will help Sangnoir-san reassemble his motorcycle."
> Verdandi's tone was quiet and reasonable -- and once again held
> that steel.
>
> "But, onee-sama..." Skuld whined.
>
> "No, Skuld," the elder goddess interrupted. "You took it apart,
> it is only proper that you help repair it."
>
> "Not just help," I added, a little bit of my anger coming back.
> "I want her to do the lion's share of the work." I looked over
> at Verdandi. "As penance."
>
> If looks could maim, the one that Skuld shot me would have left
> me in a basket.
KZAP! "Since when do Norse Goddesses have heat vision?"
> "Skuld," Verdandi said levelly, "I think you should promise
> Sangnoir-san that you will do as he asks."
>
> Something about that innocuous little suggestion seemed to shock
> Skuld completely out of her snit. Her eyes went wide and she
> dropped the ratchet driver, which landed on the wooden floor with
> a dull thud. Behind me, Angel went "Huh!" From where she was
> perched on the counter, Urd made a sound that was something like,
> "oho!", a strange little hint of a smile playing on her lips.
BWAHAHAHAHAAAA! Perfect!
> "Belldandy?" Skuld whispered, disbelief evident in her tone.
>
> "A promise, imouto-chan," Verdandi repeated.
>
> I looked around. Keiichi was just as wide-eyed as Skuld; Megumi
> was merely confused. I returned my attention to Verdandi, who
> was patiently but determinedly waiting on her sister. "Okay," I
> muttered, mostly to myself, "what am I missing here?"
>
> "Bell," Angel rumbled from over my shoulder, "are you telling her
> to do what I think you're telling her?" He sounded vaguely
> amused.
He would. So would *I*, in his shoes. Skuld's finally set
herself up
for a learning experience that she can't ignore or wriggle out of.
> Verdandi ignored him. "Skuld?"
>
> I glanced at the girl, and only with difficulty kept my own eyes
> from widening and my mouth from falling open. The little goddess
> was actually trembling. It was obvious that this was not just a
> two-bit, forget-it-when-it's-convenient promise that Verdandi
> was talking about. From the way Angel and Skuld were reacting,
> this was Something Else entirely.
>
> Verdandi and Skuld exchanged gazes for a long, long moment, Skuld
> stunned and nervous-looking, Verdandi calm, almost placid. It
> didn't look like a war of wills, but evidently it was, because
> suddenly Skuld tore her eyes away and her shoulders slumped.
> "All right, onee-sama," she whispered.
>
> Then she straightened up, drawing back together a little of the
> rambunctious spirit she had possessed earlier, and settled her
> eyes on me -- eyes that suddenly were no longer those of a
> thirteen-year-old girl, but those of the Celestial I had come to
> call "The Child". If I hadn't realized before then that this was
> something more than a simple agreement between us, I would have
> figured it out when I saw that.
>
> "Once again you try to compel Us," she said in a voice that rang
> heavily with tones that did not come from her vocal cords, tones
> that made it seem as if two people were speaking, not one. "Very
> well, Douglas Quincy Sangnoir. What do you want My avatar to
> promise?"
Actually, it's Bell doing the compelling...
> Over my shoulder I heard Angel quietly whisper, "Okay, who the
> Fnord is that and what did she do with my little sister?"
>
> *He's a god and he doesn't know?* flickered through my mind
> before the matter at hand took back my full attention.
>
> Mama didn't raise no fool. (Well, not in the sense of being
<cough>
> stupid; it was sometimes appropriate in terms of a job title.
> But anyway.) Whatever I requested at this point would be
> *binding*, like a wish from a genie. And just like a wish, it
> probably would be interpreted as literally as possible. I
> nodded to her, and took a moment to organize my thoughts.
>
> "I want her to do a significant share of the work," I said,
> addressing my comment to Verdandi, who seemed to have taken on
> the role of impartial arbitrator. "Not all, but a goodly amount.
> What do you think would be fair?"
>
> Verdandi gave this some consideration. She looked at the merger
> of Skuld and Child, who nodded fractionally at some unspoken
> communication. Then she tilted her head to one side slightly.
> "Would you agree to half?" she asked.
>
> I nodded. "That's fine with me." Then I turned my attention
> back to Skuld/Child. I fought the impulse to get all high-magic
> formal in my language, and instead phrased things as plainly as I
> could.
>
> "Okay. This is what I want you to promise. That you'll honestly
> and sincerely work with me to restore my motorcycle to nothing
> less than the operating condition it was in when you took it
> apart, and that you will contribute no less than fifty percent of
> the labor necessary to do so. You also promise to abide by *my*
> decision as to what counts as its proper operating condition, and
> to follow my instructions as necessary to get it there. You
> further promise that you won't indulge in sabotage or other petty
> revenge against me via the motorcycle, especially after all the
> repairs are completed."
He's leaving her a loophole here, but I bet it's deliberate.
> To the side, I was sure I heard Urd snort and mutter, "He knows
> her."
>
> Skuld/Child was looking thoughtful as I got to the end of that.
> I knew I was leaving a bunch of holes in the promise, but I was
> only asking for what was fair and equitable, no more. Besides, I
> could handle attacks on my person, but the bike was very much
> something that I didn't want to risk. Just to sweeten the deal,
> though, and maybe earn some goodwill, I threw in a little quid-
> pro-quo. "Your promise, by the way, is contingent upon my own,
> made right now, not to jerk you around or make your job harder
> than it has to be." I nodded at Verdandi. "Your sister decides
> if I've broken my word on that. If I have, then you're freed
> from your promise. And finally I reserve the right to release
> you from your promise at my whim. Agreed?"
Good to have that little out, just in case.
> This got me raised eyebrows, from both Skuld *and* Verdandi. I
> suppressed a smile as I toted up one point for my side. After
> coming off like an angry jerk all evening, it was past time to
> show that I could be reasonable, too.
*Way* past.
> "Very well," Skuld/Child grudgingly agreed. Apparently the idea
> of any promise to me at all still rankled on her. "As witnessed
> in this place and time by my divine sisters and brother, I so
> promise."
>
> At moment she said the words the marks on her face flashed a
> brilliant blue-white light, and I... *felt* something, something
> like a giant lock latching, or a huge light switch flipping -- a
> vast, solid *click* that reverberated along the pathways of my
> mage senses. It was the first time I had ever gotten a tactile
> sensation from my metagift without using a song -- a mage *touch*
> instead of the mage sight I was used to.
>
> When I looked back at Skuld after that, she was herself again --
> just herself.
>
> "How come my transformation just turns me into a killing machine,
> and hers turns her into *that*?" Angel muttered.
"Seniority."
> "Different thing. *Later*, Chris," Urd murmured.
>
> I suppressed a laugh. The elder brother of the Norns sounded
> like a complete newbie at the god game, which both tickled my
> sense of humor and intrigued me no end. How could he register as
> a god to my magesight and yet have no knowledge of the
> transcendent overself that was the very *definition* of a god?
Does he *have* one? Maybe it takes time to grow one.
> It was almost as though he thought that the minuscule timeshares
> of the Three's attention that inhabited these avatars were *all*
> that they were.
Or maybe he's stuck on that level until his sisters "level up."
> Something really weird was happening here.
>
> Back to the matter at hand, though. I looked around at all the
> pieces, and realized for the first time that, as haphazard as it
> looked at first glance, Skuld seemed to have laid them out in
> some organized manner. It wasn't the way I would have done it,
> and frankly, I didn't quite grasp the basis on which she'd done
> some of it, but I *could* see patterns in the way the parts had
> been distributed. Maybe things weren't as bad as I'd first
> thought.
>
> Even so, it still wasn't going to be a quick job. I glanced
> around the workshop, trying to guesstimate how long it would take
> to get the bike back together, tested and working. I frowned; it
> was harder to figure than you might think -- the only time the
> bike had ever been in this state was when I had been building it,
> all those years ago, and the original assembly time had been
> dictated by the combination of my budget and the speed with which
> I could design and fab up custom parts in the Ganbare and IDEC
> nanofacs.
>
> Verdandi evidently saw my frown and misinterpreted it, for she
> laid her hand on my arm again. "Sangnoir-san, is there a
> problem?"
>
> I roused myself from the near-fugue I'd entered and shook my
> head. "Oh, no, I'm just trying to figure out how long this will
> take."
>
> "Ah." She tilted her head and looked at her younger sister.
> "Skuld, what would you say?"
>
> The girl's face took on a look of thoughtful consideration that
> she held for some seconds as she surveyed the room in exactly the
> same way I had. "Two weeks, maybe three," she finally replied.
> "Longer if we have to find or make new parts." She very
> carefully did not look at me.
And I know that feeling, too. All too well.
> Sorry, kid, but I think that's a bit optimistic. "This is a
> hand-built custom mod based on a 2015 Mitsubishi Nightblade frame
> from another universe entirely," I said as calmly and softly as I
> could manage. "Most of the engine components are individual
> giant molecules that were built atom-by-single-atom in a
> nanofabrication tank. It was finished with an electrically-
> sensitive paint that probably won't be invented here until the
> early twenty-first century." Behind me, I heard someone whistle.
> "It took me over half a year to build it."
>
> "Okay," Skuld grudgingly admitted. "Maybe a little more than
> three weeks." I rolled my eyes.
<snicker>
> Keiichi stepped up for the first time since we'd all entered the
> shed. "Sangnoir-san, if you'll have me I'd be happy help out
> with the reassembly," he offered without hesitation, and then
> shot me a sheepish grin. "Have to admit I'm really interested in
> learning what I can from your bike."
>
> "Me, too," his sister added. "No way I'm going to miss out on
> this kind of opportunity."
Hey, Meg, are you available? Don't judge all us gaijin by your
oversized brother-in-law-twice-removed-to-be...
> "Sure," I said, returning Keiichi's grin and sharing it with
> Megumi. "The more the merrier, as long as Skuld here still does
> half the work herself." I decided it liked this guy, and I hoped
> for his sake that Verdandi really wasn't jerking him around for
> her own jollies. His sister seemed like a good egg, too, under
> all the shock of the day's revelations.
>
> I looked over at Angel. "You going in, too?"
>
> He grinned and shook his head. "I'm not a gearhead like the rest
> of this gang -- I'm a computer geek."
>
> I grinned back at him. "You'll probably want to take a look at
> my autopilot, then." I smirked. "That is, unless you're not
> interested in checking out some early-21st century silicon."
>
> He gave me a half-lidded stare. "Slick. We'll talk."
>
> Hearing that, the middle Norn laughed and nodded once more. "Very
> well. How long with Keiichi and Megumi's help, Skuld?"
>
> Yet another scowl flitted across Skuld's face before she returned
> to the thoughtful expression. "It should make it quicker, I
> think, but I don't know how much. It depends on a lot of
> variables."
>
> "Either way, at least a few weeks. Fair enough," I said. "We'll
> start on it first thing in the morning?"
>
> Skuld shook her head. "Can't. I've got classes."
>
> I raised an eyebrow. "You go to school?"
>
> "I go to *college*," she snapped at me. "Nekomi Tech, like
> 'Niichan and Keiichi and Megumi."
>
> "Well, pardon me!" I said with only the faintest sarcasm. "After
> lunch, then?"
>
> Slowly, Skuld nodded. "Yeah. That'd work."
>
> "Well, then," her sister continued. "Everything's settled."
>
> "Everything except where I'm crashing tonight," I said. Stepping
> around Skuld, I picked my way through the pieces of my motorcycle
> to reach the panniers. For a moment, I considered the sword, but
> decided that it would have to wait; taking it in hand now, even
> by the saya, might still be seen as a threat, despite the new
> armistice.
.,...good idea.
> I turned back to the panniers, and popped open the one that would
> have normally been hanging on the rear of the bike. From it I
> pulled out the prepacked overnight bag that I had stashed in
> there for just this purpose, and let the lid drop shut with a
> muffled thump. With a rip of velcro I opened a side pocket on
> the bag and pulled out a clear plastic packet holding a pair of
> weathered gold coins, just to make sure it was still there.
>
> I turned back to my audience -- two mortals, four gods. "Would
> any of you know where there's a jeweler or coin shop where I
> could sell these for some local currency? And if there's a hotel
> or boarding house nearby?"
>
> Keiichi and Verdandi exchanged a look that was heavy with private
> meaning. "You don't need to do that," he said a moment later.
"Trust me, we put up all *sorts* of strays."
> "We'll be happy to put you up for as long as is needed," Verdandi
> chimed in. "After all, we're responsible for your situation."
>
> "But...!" Skuld sputtered, and from her perch on the workbench,
> Urd chuckled.
ROTFL!
> "Besides," Keiichi continued, tag-team style. "It's too late --
> all the stores are closed. You won't be able to find someone to
> buy those until tomorrow morning at the earliest."
>
> Verdandi nodded. "You would have to stay here tonight anyway, or
> else be out on the street. You wouldn't want that, would you?"
> There it was again! That tone my mother and grandmother had.
> Dammit.
>
> "Well, no," I admitted reluctantly.
>
> "And we do owe it to you to make up partly for Skuld's... prank."
> She was turning it on full-force, now, and had added a brilliant
> "aren't we all friends here?" smile to the mix.
>
> I looked up over my shoulder at Angel, half-hoping the Turquoise
> Terror would make some kind of objection on the grounds that I
> was a threat to their precious bodily fluids or something, but he
> merely grinned with resigned amusement and shook his head at me.
> "If Belldandy's okay with it, *I'm* not going to argue," said he.
And if that doesn't settle any questions Doug has about who's in
charge
around here, nothing will.
> Okay, I know when I've had enough. But I wasn't going to take
> charity. Especially not from gods. I had enough claims on my
> soul as it was.
>
> "I'm not a freeloader," I declared firmly. "I'll pay rent for
> the space I take here, and I'll contribute to the household
> budget." I held up the coins in their zip-seal bag. "This'll be
> my first payment, soon as I can sell'em."
Hm. Wonder if they need any English teachers, or English-speaking
sci/tech teachers, around the greater Nekomi area?
> Verdandi and Keiichi traded another look, this one pleased. "I
> think that's fair enough," he said, turning back to me.
>
> I allowed myself a smile. "I'll help out around the house, too,
> if you want, when I'm not working on the bike."
>
> "Oh, that's not necessary," Verdandi declared with a dismissive
> wave.
Because she'll never leave anything for anyone else to do.
> "Maybe, maybe not. We'll see." I looked back and forth between
> them, then glanced at the others to see if there were any
> objections beyond Skuld's. None. Cool. "Then we have a deal?"
>
> "We have a deal," Keiichi said confidently.
>
> And that was that. Freed from all the attention and drama, Skuld
> eagerly scampered out the door, tugging Angel along behind her
> with a deathgrip on his arm. In a moment they had vanished into
> the dark, followed by a sauntering and smirking Urd.
>
> Overnight bag in hand, I tiptoed around my motorcycle's parts
> until I stood once more in the middle of the floor. I stopped
> for a moment, looked around at Skuld's handiwork again, and
> sighed.
>
> "Something wrong, Sangnoir-san?"
>
> I looked up. Verdandi stood at the door, alone. While I had
> been giving in to my maudlin moment, Keiichi and Megumi had
> apparently left as well, leaving us the last two in the shed.
>
> "Yes," I said. "No. I don't know." I made a face at my own
> indecisiveness, and picked my way through the rest of the floor
> to stand beside the goddess. "Usually my first night in a new
> universe has a little less in the way of emotional upheaval."
Yeah, his first night in MT was much more cathartic, kicking
punk ass
and all.
> She made a wordless "I see" noise as we stepped out into the
> yard. As I reached back into the shed to shut off the light,
> she asked, "Have you had many? First nights, that is?"
>
> With a click the light went off, and we were plunged into a near-
> darkness alleviated only by starlight and the warm yellow windows
> of the house fifty meters or so away. "More than I'd like,
> Verdandi-sama," I replied. As we waited for our vision to
> adjust, I groped for the shed door and shut it. The sound of its
> latch catching was almost inaudible amidst the chirps of
> nighttime insects and the distant rumble of traffic. "I'll tell
> the whole story over breakfast tomorrow, if you like, but the
> short version is, I'm lost, terribly lost, and I'm trying to find
> my way home. I've been trying for the best part of a decade, and
> failing." I blinked back a sudden stinging in my eyes and added,
> "But you would know that, wouldn't you?"
>
> "Actually, no." Evidently her eyes had already adapted to the
> darkness; she slid her arm through mine and began to lead me back
> toward the house. "I know what you must think, but we operate in
> this world and those like it under very strict rules, quite
> unlike the ones you're used to, I'm sure. Most of our power is
> sealed away, and yes, that includes reading minds and even the
> more limited forms of omniscience. Without going to Yggdrasil
> for a report on you, I know nothing more than you decide to tell
> me, save that my overself has had some dealings with you in the
> past."
>
> "That's for sure," I muttered. Then I stopped short. "'Going
> to Yggdrasil for a report'?" I parroted. "Yggdrasil the world
> tree?"
>
> I sensed, rather than saw, the smile. "Once, yes. Now, it's...
> well... think of it as Heaven's Mainframe."
>
> "Huh." I turned that concept over in my head. "I guess things
> really do work differently in this universe. I suppose I'd
> better check my assumptions at the door, eh, Verdandi-sama?"
I've already made all my comments on that score.
> She actually giggled. "It would certainly help. And please,
> Sangnoir-san," she added, "just call me Belldandy. While the
> respect is flattering, it's not at all necessary."
>
> Slowly I nodded. "All right." Then, despite the sick sense of
> foreboding I had, I added, as I had with Keiichi earlier, "But
> only if you call me Doug. All my friends do."
>
> Belldandy favored me with that gob-smacking smile of hers again,
> visible even in the faint light from the house. "Certainly,
> Doug. Now come on in. We have to set up your room."
>
> I returned the smile as best I could, despite my fears. "In just
> a couple minutes, please, Belldandy-san. I think I'd like to
> take a few moments to look at the stars before I go in, if you
> don't mind."
>
> "Not at all." She disengaged her arm, and then squeezed my hand.
> "Take your time."
>
> "Thank you," I said. She smiled again, and went into the house.
> I turned around and walked back out into the middle of the yard.
> I made my way through the drifts and piles of junk, which I took
> a moment to survey and puzzle over. I still hadn't gotten an
> explanation for *that* yet.
I can't wait until he meets T&O.
> When I was far enough, I turned around and studied the house,
> which at this hour was defined more by the light that shone
> through its windows and doors than by the shape of its roof and
> walls. Figures moved within, silhouetted mostly -- the little
> community of enigmas and curiosities into which I had found
> myself inserted. Dangerous enigmas and curiosities, I reminded
> myself, one of whom I was now bound to by means and reasons I
> didn't entirely understand.
<Vincent Price voice> But you will, my dear boy. You *will.* </VPv>
> I concentrated for a moment and slipped into magesight. Now the
> patterns of light and darkness were vastly different. The
> buildings around me glowed with the power that they had absorbed
> over time from their inhabitants, but that light was nothing
> compared to the six within. Mortal and divine souls alike blazed
> with golden fire to my inner sight, with only the triple helix of
> colors at their hearts to distinguish the immortals. And not far
> away, in the center of the largest building in the yard, was the
> mysterious source of power. I took a moment to study it. The
> building itself was little more than a blocky shadow in the
> night; by contrast, the mysterious construct of mystic energy
> within it was easily distinguishable, if not classifiable. More
> than a ley line, but not a node, not by any definition I knew. It
> was something completely out of my experience. I knew I'd have
> to look into it, but not tonight. I had, at the very least, two
> or three weeks. I had time.
Time enough for we-the-readers to perhaps get an idea of why the Three
would send him here...
> I found that I didn't want to lie to Belldandy, not even by
> accident, so I slipped back out of magesight and looked up at the
<snicker> Even Doug's not immune to the Belldandy Effect.
> sky. I spent a few minutes trying to make out familiar
> constellations and the fainter stars against the light-wash of
> the community that presumably existed outside the walls of the
> compound. I tried as well to come to terms with my situation.
>
> Well. I had shelter. And the company of ... people ... among
> whom I didn't have to hide my identity, origin or metatalents.
> But I didn't have the freedom to leave, not if I wanted my cycle
> back in one piece any time soon. Skuld's promise held me here as
> much as it obligated her to help me.
He *could* still just bug out -- grab the parts and leave. He did
leave himself that loophole. But a bit of honest curiosity, plus a
certain vindictive desire to Teach Skuld A Lesson (and maybe a bit of
not wanting to be a bad guest, especially in Bell's eyes), are probably
going to keep him here a while.
> It wasn't the worst position I could be in, not by a long shot.
> Hell, I could have come out in a place worse than MegaTokyo. Or
> I could have come out in an alley somewhere, gotten rolled and
> left for dead while I was still unconscious from the worldjump.
> Or both. Yeah, there were a lot worse possibilities, but I still
> resented the fact that, for the moment, I'd been deprived of my
> ability to decide my own course.
Not unreasonable. But he needs to prevent that from poisoning his
interactions with the locals. It'll probably be especially helpful if
he can find a way to relate to Skuld geek-to-geek, which I suspect will
happen to some extent. It's hard to maintain illusions about someone
you work with, and if there's one way to get Skuld's respect, it's
showing m4d 5k1llz in the tech department.
Or she might fall in love with his field. I'm suddenly recalling a
scene from one of Allyn Yonge's fics, where Ami Mizuno, after being
shown the Ranma crew's Jusenkyo curses, goes a bit over the edge and is
chasing Genma-Panda around with a syringe, yelling "Just a little
disection, a tissue sample! I promise it won't hurt a bit!"
...Skuld trying to create an artificial Loon Field. Suddenly I'm very
afraid....
> I turned back to the bright squares of light that revealed the
> house, and thought about it, and realized that so much could have
> gone wrong it was a surprise that events had turned out as well
> as they had. I could take some comfort in that, and in the fact
> that I was, well, if not entirely welcome, at least not
> *un*welcome.
Well, despite a few hot tempers, all the people involved are pretty
nonviolent -- well, except Doug. Heck, he probably counts as the most
violence-prone person in the temple complex at the moment.
> Maybe it wasn't my first choice, but it would do for now.
It'll be interesting to see how this plays out.
> END OF CHAPTER ONE
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