allyn yonge wrote:

Ok, I'm going to have to find time to go back and read all the other chapters. Even so, this is difficult to read. My suggestion would be to read "Three Faces of Eve", "Syble" and any thing else you can find about Multiple personality Disorder. That might give you some hints on how to write this. I've had problems trying to do similar things in stories. The best I can come up with is to make the transition more explicit AND to limit the number of changes or perhaps space them out. that is, IF you're going

to change personalities A-> B -> C->A, only do this once in a scene or at least space it out with a more stable section (sticking to B for example for several paragraphs.)

Essentially you're changing POV with each personality change. There's nothing wrong with that, but it takes a bit of effort to keep it clear to the reader. 

Something like:

A: dialogue/narrative
<transition bit showing A -> C>
C: dialogue/narrative
<Transition C -> A>
A: dialogue/narrative
<Transition A -> B ->D ->A>
A;B;D;A: dialogue/narrativ

Example:
@@@@
Ami couldn't belive what was happening; She put her head in her hands, trying to decide what to say to Usagi. But it was Spiderwoman who looked out of her eyes. "Dammit, Usagi," Spiderwoman groused. "Even for a madwoman, that's pretty crazy."

A tiny shudder ran through the shared body as Usagi reacted to the taunt.
@@@@

I'd simply write the thing as it comes to you, then go back and add little bits of transition to help make it clear to the reader what's going on. It's a bit clumsy, but IMO it's important to keep it clear to the reader what's going on. and the only way i can think of to do that is with additional narrative.
hope this helps.

StudioPC <studiopc@sbcglobal.net> wrote:

On the other hand, you may want to be real carefull in how you do these changes. I agree it can get difficult to know which personality is talking, but it is interresting, since you pretty much feel like people who are around her do ("who the hell is talking to me now ?..").

You may want to do that throught really good characterisation of the speech pattern / attitude/ way of moving of each of them (quiet, detached, wild would be a start, I guess). That way, you probably wouldn't have to name the personality talking as much. A side benefit would be to ba able to occasionnaly throw people off balance with one talking/acting in a way associated with another (particularly interresting if you have an eventual fusion of the personalities).

Of course, this would require a lot of effort to work... :-)


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