My opinion, and only my opinion. Take what you find useful
ignore the rest. My comments@@


"j00 607 pwnz0r3d," Usagi said, freezing Ami in her steps as she made 
to enter the Daily Bugle.

@@A bit confusing. Sounds at first as if Ami is literally
frozen by what sounds like an incantation (Usagi could
be a techno-mage for all the reader knows)
@@

'One of these days,' she decided to herself as she turned to face 
Usagi, who was perched on a small statue just outside the Bugle's 
entrance. 'I'm going to find out how she accurately vocalizes a text 
only language.'

@@Pronoun confusion/misplaced modifier. "she decided" "she turned" "she accurately"
Difficult to figure out what/who "she" refers to.
OTOH, very cute bit about vocalizing a "text only language"
@@

"And when I say pwned," Usagi continued, indicating the copy of the 
Bugle in her hand. "I mean butt handed to you on a silver platter and 
lightly garnished with your head." Somehow, Ami managed to keep the 
fact that every part of her body was in agony off her face as she 
walked over to Usagi, who was grinning her usual mad grin.

@@Modifier confusion. Sounds as if Ami is in agony due to
Usagi talking.
@@

 "And not to 
mention you and that Green Goblin fellow tore up an entire urban mall 
last night. I mean, really." She flicked her gaze over the paper. "You 
took out a Spencers'? The places that sell high fashion crap, congrats, 
but SPENCERS'? I thought I taught you better then that."

@@What is "SPENCERS"?  Would help to give just hint to
readers who may not be familiar with Spencers. Otherwise
the joke doesn't make any sense.
@@@@

"I don't recall accepting you as any kind of teacher," Spiderwoman said 
levelly as Ami sat down on the statue gingerly, wincing as muscles and 
bruises protested. "We are allies, which means I do not have to accept 
any reprimands from you."

@@Misplaced modifier. Who is "Spiderwoman"? Ami or Usagi? Or
a third person? The way this is written "Spiderwoman" is talking
as "Ami" is sitting down.
@@@@

Overall: Very difficult to read. Many misplaced modifiers and
confusing sentence structure.  Dialogue heavy. More narrative
would help flesh out the story and make it easier for the reader
to feel/see/smell/taste the world your building as well as get
a feel for what's going on in the characters heads.

There are some intriguing things going on, places with exceptional dialogue
and characterization. The really good bits are diluted by difficulty in
reading and "voices in a void" or "Brenda Starr Dialogue". That is,
more narrative would help balance the dialogue and make for a much
more dynamic story and one that is easier for the reader to "see" in
their imagination. 

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