"each colour" reads oddly to me.  I suggest "between the two sides".

- Sure. Plus, black and white aren't really colours, anyway.

 "Chess," said Shikamaru. "Someone brought it back from a
mission to the snow country."

Should perhaps be "the Snow Country"?

- I debated that, I guess it makes sense with capitals.

It might be worthwhile, just for immersion's sake, to pick someone in
particular to have brought it back, rather than just saying "someone."
(Shikimaru's father?)

- He says it like that because Shikamaru didn't actually ask, his dad just
gave him the game. At least, I don't think he'd ask.

Ah, that explains that, then.  Seems rather odd that it wouldn't have
the rules on it, though.

- Since it's coming back with someone on a mission, I thought it might end
up being an old game, possibly coming back not entirely complete. So, some
of the papers are missing. I should probably write that in, then, thanks for
bringing that to my attention.

 "Right. Even I know, and no one tells me anything," said Chouji,
finishing the last of his chips, then carefully placing the empty bag
in his satchel for later disposal. Deflated, Shikamaru leaned back to
his elbows, looking up at the sky once more. So, Hinata liked Naruto.
But Naruto didn't like Hinata, did he? No, that didn't seem right.
Something clicked in his mind, a conversation, a memory. It was almost
with him, if he could only grasp it...

I have been told that, when ending a sentence in an ellipsis, it is
better to use four periods.

I believe this is an issue of some controversy, however.

- It is indeed. I've heard people say three and four, and when looking in
published works you can see it either way. I like how three looks,
personally.
If I were to get something published, I'd bend to the will of the
editor/publishing
company on this matter.

 "Feh, don't ask me," said Sasuke, turning away to look back at the

lonely

path
ahead of him. "I don't like board games anyway."

~FIN~

And my C&C skills really must be rusty, for that is more or less all I
found to say.  I can only hope that something was useful.

Oh yes:  glancing back at the story, I don't notice any disclaimer.
It's customary to give credit to the original creator and owners of the
anime/manga you're working from.

- You might think this is arrogant/ignorant, but I don't do those for
sending
fanfics on mailing lists. I don't think there's a point. I understand why
others
do it, and it's fine for them, but I don't want to bother with it. I do,
however, note
at the start what anime it is, and whether it's the manga or the anime.

- Anyway, thank you for reading and for your comments. :-)

- Denise


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'