"Usagi carried in the plate of food."

Ok.  What's the deal here?

If it was, "Usagi shielded the plate of takoyaki with her arms -- she just
*knew* that one of the othersssss would try to get sssssome of the
preciousssss itemssss from her before she could indulge herssssself," *then*
I could believe it.  :)

         I disagree here.  The best way to improve a story often is to 
eliminate words, and even scenes.  Over describing every little action 
detracts from the important parts.  If what's important is establishing 
Usagi (or the food) was present, that's enough to do so.


                               ("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._
       Bastet's Chosen          `6_ 6  )   `-.  (     ).`-.__.`)
bastetschosen@comcast.net      (_Y_.)'  ._   )  `._ `. ``-..-'
                              _..`--'_..-_/  /--'_.' ,'
                            (il).-''  (li).'  ((!.-'

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embracing, bowing to the dark; for when they idealize half the world they
must devalue the rest.
                            -Miriam Simos


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