Nidoking wrote:

Here, at long last, is the next episode in the increasingly silly

Neat. Let's see what you have to offer this time out.

    "Dear Mr. Rikdo,
    "I am a great admirer of your work and have finally worked up the
courage to write you this note. Please meet me behind the auditorium at
7:00 tonight with your lips ready. I will be waiting."

I shudder to think how this one will end.

    Rikdo's mouth became a thin line, and his eyebrows twitched. "You
write like a girl," he said at last.
    "Why, thank you." Nidoking shyly clasped his hands together in front
of his waist. "So, how about it? Can I write another episode?"
    "Absolutely not! I've made that mistake twice, and this time, I
won't let you strong-arm me into doing it again!"
    Nidoking pouted. "But this time, I was going to make it all about
your original manga, without any of the stuff Nabeshin added in the
anime."

Hmm. Not as familiar with that.

    "Ah, but isn't Excel Saga all about breaking conventions?" asked
Rikdo slyly.

Oui, it is indeed.

    "Koshi-chan, you're a genius!" shouted Nidoking, throwing his arms
around the manga artist. "I can write an episode about something else
instead, like shoujo romance!"

Now that I can only take in limited doses.

    The biggest eyes he'd ever seen slowly opened to peer at him from
beneath a long, flowing head of blue hair. "Good morning, you cutie
you," she murmured sleepily.
    "You - you - you..." stammered Nidoking. "YURIKA MISUMARU!"

Ryoko was cooler. :P

    "Shut up and let me sleep," groaned Yakumo. He rolled over and fell
to the apartment below, sending up a fountain of blood as he landed.

On an upraised bed of stakes or something?

    Mihoshi shook her head sadly. "Poor Yakumo. With as little flooring
as we have left, ninety-five percent of his fatal accidents happen in
the home."

Heh

    "You really don't get it, do you?"
    "Nope!" Mihoshi boasted proudly. "But I did stay at a Holiday Inn
Express last night!"

I hate those ads with a passion

    "Why do you need a big pen?" asked Yakumo.
    Mihoshi pointed to the computer screen. "This E-mail says my pen is
too small to please women, and I need a bigger one."

I get multiple ones. Along with many offers of vaigra. I think someone's
trying to tell me something.

    "There's an attachment," said Yakumo, pointing to the paper clip.
    Mihoshi clicked on the file. "Ooh! Somebody loves me!"
    "ILOVEYOU.EXE?" asked Yakumo. "Don't open that! It's a virus!"
    "Don't be silly," replied Mihoshi. "If it was a virus, it'd be
called VIRUS.EXE

Some are

    Yakumo blinked. "Is that a virus scanner or an RPG?"
    "Neither," replied Mihoshi. "I've got so many viruses on this
computer that they have to fight for survival.

Heh

 I think a few of them

have even evolved into superviruses. It's kind of Darwinian."

Double heh

    "Am I in it?" asked Yakumo.
    "Actually, no," replied Nidoking.
    "Then take your time." Yakumo lounged. "So, any advice for dealing
with someone who's gone completely crazy?"
    "Turn off the TV so they stop talking to it,"

Good point

    Yakumo finally turned around to see Mihoshi standing in front of a
sparkling pink background, surrounded by floating hearts.
    "No."
    Mihoshi set her jaw. "Then I'll have to use brute force!" She leapt
onto Yakumo's lap, and before he could react, kissed him squarely on the
lips. "There! Now how do you feel?"

Heh. Cute

    "Oh, that reminds me!" said Mihoshi. "I was doing the spring
cleaning today, but I couldn't find the toilet brush, so I had to use
your toothbrush instead."

I think I have heard that one before. :)

*************************************************
    Yakumo had to cover his ears as he reentered the apartment. It did
little to shut out the loud, monotonous drone coming from the TV.
"MIHOSHI!" he shouted over the din. "WHAT IS THAT ANNOYING NOISE?"
    "I'm watching EBS," she replied in a normal voice that somehow
managed to be audible over the beep.
    "EBS? The Emergency Broadcast System?"

Heh

higher-pitched voice continued the message. "THAT WAS A TEST. IF
COMPUTERS WERE ACTUALLY TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD, IT WOULD SOUND
SOMETHING LIKE THIS." The tone rose to such high volume that the windows
shattered, and Yakumo's head exploded.

Heh

striking a pose in a backwards sailor uniform. "I'm the beautiful
sailor-suited girl, Sailor Mihoshi! I shall turn into Lord Clef and
punish dirt and grime!"
    "Shouldn't that be 'in the name of Lord Clef'?" asked Yakumo.
    "They never gave Sasami a hard time," Sailor Mihoshi said with a
glower.

Heh

    "Ataru darling!" shouted Nuriko, leaping toward the object of his
affection with his arms outstretched. Moroboshi held him at arm's length
easily until Nuriko overcame what little force he could produce and
grabbed him in a bear hug, crushing the interposed arm and squeezing the
air from his lungs.

Heh. I suspected there was a punchline in there

    At that moment, something inside Bloodberry snapped. Dr. Mori would
eventually grow to regret having secured her insanity tolerance circuit
in place with rubber bands.

Yes, a bad idea, that

    Genma watched the androids run off after the object of their
affection and scratched his head with the corner of a sign.
    [1) FOLLOW ANDROIDS]
    [2) STAY WITH HUMANS]
    [3) PUT IT IN]

Just plain evil. :)

BRAND X: The best savings. Second best at everything else.

Heh

    "Say, Yacchan?"
    Yakumo sighed in exasperation. "What, Mihoshi?"
    "Where do people go when they die?"
    "Why are you asking m- oh."

Yes, it does make sense to ask him that.

    "Ooh! I want to go to Burger Heaven!"
    "You won't see any cows there," he warned her.
    "I know. I'm just hungry. I want a hamburger."

Smart girl.

    A man wearing an expensive suit and carrying an enormous cross
wrapped in cloth came to a stop in front of them. "Excuse me, kids. Mind
if I annoy you for a few hours talking about religion?"

Heh. He's one of the last people that ever talked about it.

    "Not that I'm aware." He took a swig from the glass bottle at his
hip before continuing. "Doesn't all that stuff tell you who I am?"
    "No," replied Mihoshi. "But that name tag says you're Nicholas
Wolfwood from the asylum down the road."
    "No, it says 'traveling priest'," he corrected her. "The Y is
silent."

Thought so.

    Damuramu crouched in the alley beside the Burger Heaven and peered
around the corner. "Excellent! My advanced sensors tell me that the
blonde woman and her boyfriend are coming this way! They told me I was a
fool to have most of my brain removed to make room for the extra
circuitry, but I'll show THEM who's only got two thirty-sevenths of a
brain!"

And his brain was much smaller to begin with as well.

.."

    "Special orders don't upset us," agreed the cashier with a nod. She
grabbed a pair of hamburgers from the warmer and dropped them onto a
tray. "Add fries and a Dr Pepper and make it a meal," she suggested.
    "Got milk?" he asked.

Mihoshi: No, I'm not lactating at the moment.

    They chose a table and sat down to unwrap their sandwiches. Mihoshi
stuck out a tongue disgustedly at her flimsy burger. "Where's the beef?"
she demanded.
    "Oklahoma," Yakumo replied smoothly.
    Mihoshi sighed. "I'm tired of the same old burgers."
    "Eet mor chikin," suggested Yakumo. Mihoshi cocked her head and
stared at him. He shrugged and pointed at her burger. "You gotta eat."
    Mihoshi picked it up and took a big bite. "Mmm, mmm, good!"
    Yakumo nodded. "I'm lovin' it!"
    A man walked past the table and tripped over Mihoshi's foot, nearly
dropping his pizza. "It's not delivery; it's DiGiorno," he explained as
he caught his balance.

God, it is sad, isn't it?

warned her. "We're not supposed to swim for half an hour after eating."
    "It's fine," said Mihoshi. "At the pace Nidoking's been writing, he
probably finished that scene WAY more than half an hour ago."

True, I know this feeling.

*************************************************
    Yakumo slowly awoke, feeling like he was floating. His body felt as
light as a feather, and he was surrounded by water. It was just like
being back in the womb. "Weird," he thought to himself. "It's just what
I used to think death was like before it became part of my everyday
life."

Heh

    The ground opened under Yakumo, dropping him deep into the Earth
along with enough beach sand to bury him.
    "I think it's from Lord Clef," said Mihoshi.

Heh

    Yakumo clawed his way to the surface. "You think?"
    "I just said that." Mihoshi uncorked the bottle and retrieved the
note. "Oh, this paper's no good. Someone's already used it."
    "What does the note say?" asked Yakumo.
    Mihoshi stared at it. "It's not saying anything," she determined at
last. "I think we'll have to read it."

Argh! That's an old one

*************************************************
    Chii held out the marriage certificate and pen innocently. "Chii?"
    "What's this?" The man in front of her took the paper curiously and
read it carefully. A smile slowly formed on his haggard face, and he
rubbed Chii's head. "Thank you, little girl! This is just what I
needed!" He turned around and ran toward the small house in the
distance.
    "Chii!" Chii smiled with satisfaction at a job well done and turned
around to begin the long walk back home.

I think perhaps you are at your greatest evil with Chi .

    "I AM no one!" shouted Shinji. "I demand to see my ex-wife!"

Heh. Cute again.

    Naru took the paper and stared at the carefully printed blank where
she was instructed to write her name. "Well, I don't see why not. If
it'll get you out of my hair forever, I'll do it."

Sucker

    At least, not until the potion wore off.

And one final, heh.

Yurika Misumaru: One of the few new characters in this episode, Yurika
is the captain of the Nadesico in Martian Successor Nadesico. She's
incredibly annoying and, if memory serves, a horrible cook (but then
most of the women in that series who don't work in the galley are bad
cooks. One particularly painful episode saw them all trying to serve
Akito their special dishes... ouch). How she manages to even be a
contender as a romantic lead remains a mystery to this day.

'Just Because' which was why Akito picked her in the final episode. No,
really. The creators realized they ran out of time, and had to match him up
with someone, so he just did it. :)

Take over the world/sailor uniform is the correct answer: "sekai no
seifuku" and "seikai ha seifuku". Yes, half of that pun was in the
original Excel Saga anime. But I could also have gotten it from Trouble
Chocolate, where the same pun was used. YOU DON'T KNOW.

5UP3|2133T: I don't know which to feel more sorry for... those who
couldn't read this stuff, or those who could.

I can't, thankfully

Middle finger: Clay Fortran in Candidate for Goddess always pushes his
glasses up with his middle finger.

MOst characters with glasses do, yes to Gendou Ikari, but no to Fuu from
Rayearth.

Mitsubishi pens: My apologies to those readers who don't attend Anime
Hell regularly,

Tried watching it once, quickly grew bored with religous icons perpetually
farting and the same German song being repeated ad infinitum

Thanks for the laughs.

DB Sommer



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