You have a few spelling and spacebar issues, nothing a quick reread
wouldn't catch. Assuming you did a quick reread.
"was that"
"required cooking"
"yelled"
"the phone"
"the boy"
"room began"
"started to"
"or demon"
"for example"
"clothes"
"clothes"
"clothes"
"clothes"
"some food"
"you out"
"stuff into"
"her usual"
The concept is vaguely amusing, but I don't think you're making the best
use of your crossover material. Furthermore, since the bulk of Azumanga
happens in vignettes, expect to have a bit of trouble keeping the plot
rolling smoothly. (In fact, in my opinion, you're already having more
than a bit of trouble keeping the plot, characterization, and the
writing flow smoothly.) This would be a good first try, but this isn't
your first stab at fanfiction.
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