Subject: [FFML] Re: [Azumanga][R1/2][AHG] Oh my Demon
From: Jonathan Rosebaugh
Date: 10/9/2004, 11:01 AM
To: JLee100441@aol.com
CC: ffml@anifics.com


You have a few spelling and spacebar issues, nothing a quick reread 
wouldn't catch. Assuming you did a quick reread.

"was that"
"required cooking"
"yelled"
"the phone"
"the boy"
"room began"
"started to"
"or demon"
"for example"
"clothes"
"clothes"
"clothes"
"clothes"
"some food"
"you out"
"stuff into"
"her usual"

The concept is vaguely amusing, but I don't think you're making the best 
use of your crossover material. Furthermore, since the bulk of Azumanga 
happens in vignettes, expect to have a bit of trouble keeping the plot 
rolling smoothly. (In fact, in my opinion, you're already having more 
than a bit of trouble keeping the plot, characterization, and the 
writing flow smoothly.) This would be a good first try, but this isn't 
your first stab at fanfiction.

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