Pete Zaitcev wrote:

On Thu, 7 Oct 2004 12:19:17 -0400
"DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:

[Forward: This takes place at the second year summer beach festival,

meaning

everyone but Kaorin is present. This will be a set of scenes around a

common

theme, like Sex Education was.]

Shouldn't the setting be self-evident from the story? Or is this
an obsolete dogma I'm thinking here?

Sometimes its hard to pinpoint things early on. In Azu's case it's bad
because despite there not really being an overall plot, they end up in a lot
of similar situations with minor variations. In the case of the beach,
Kagura isn't there until the second time, and Kaorin pops up in the third,
so this way I let you know which cast members will be present.

~Something Fishy~
[...]
"I told you Sushi was a good name," Tomo said in satisfaction.

This was enjoyable.

Good characterizations.

Thanks.

~Handling Palms~

Chiyo hurried to the front of the group. "I'll go first. I really want

to

know my future."

This is so not Chiyo, I would think. My Chiyo would let others to have
their fortunes read first. Remember that Chiyo was the one to suggest
to visit Yomi when she fell with cold. Even the only one, if we do not
count Osaka's non-commital body language.

She's a little kid, and I'm taking the liberty of having her interested at
the prospect of having her future read, so she's acting like a little kid
and hurrying there so she can be first. Not so much she's being rude as is
just excited.

"It's for the effect. Same with the mist," the man explained. "Now sit

down

and let me read your future."

Man, this is just like Zoltan's James Brown :-)

Didn't read that one yet. Will have to at some point.

Xxxxxxxxx

I'm not quite sure why you needed to use these sub-sub-chapter breakers.
The story is well structured as is. I had no difficulty following.
One thing I noticed, the 'x' bars are all of different lengths.
But I cannot crack the code, if it's present in them.

It's however long i leave my finger on the 'x' key and if I hit return or
just a down arrow. :)

~~Things Left Lying Around~~

This felt unsatisfying. Perhaps my sense of humour needs a tune-up.

Humor is one of the worst genres to write for in that you can do everything
right, and people still won't find the joke funny, and you can't do anything
about it. I think this is probably one of those times.

attention to him and boldly said, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce

soir."

Wait a second. I can swear I saw an Azu fic about it. In fact... it was
YOUR OWN FIC:
 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1701762/1/
It even has the masculine-loking Nyamo. I almost forgot about that one.

Assume all my Azu fics (except the Avenging one) take place in the same
universe. Besides, it was too good a joke not to use more than once, though
I doubt if I would use it a third time.

~~Body Art~~
[...]
"But what if it was a cute tattoo? A really cute one of something

like...

Necoconeco. Wouldn't that make the person cuter, especially if they

were...

fierce-looking?"

O.M.G. A fierce Neco-coneco.

Well, no, she's referring to herself being 'fierce-looking' which is what
the artist said, and hoping a cute tattoo would offset that some.

~~Airborne Supremacy

Sakaki appeared as though she was about to say something, but upon

seeing

Chiyo's pleading look, remained silent.

Hmm...

Sakaki was sitting completely still, her hands gripping the safety bar

so

hard her knuckles were turning white.

Oh, that's what it was. Good move, DB!

Yeah, there was a reason for it. This is so sparce on descriptors nearly
anything included in the text probably is a set up for something else.

For some reason Chiyo couldn't fathom, Sakaki's grip tightened.

Post this to FF and you'll make Kamehameha swoon.

It'll be there once I get the grammar cleaned up and whathnot.

~~The Cards Say It All~~

"Let's all do it!" Tomo shouted.

Obviously, her Ryo is very far in her future at this point :-)

Tomo said, "So, you want to start making out or what?"
"Hell no!"

This was good, really.

Thanks. This was the second card that came to me, Osaka's being the first.

[END FIC] Not much of a bang to end it on, but that's sort of the

problem

with vignettes. They just end. Thanks for reading.

Well. Sakaki afraid of heights was a gem.

As for the taking own old fics wholesale and repackaging them, it's
completely all right. Gabliel Garcia Marcos did this quite a lot, and
won a Nobel.

Good work. IIRC, you said it would be your last Azumanga fic. If so,
we'll miss you in the Azu section.

Nah, it's not the last. I'll do them as the ideas come to me. No others at
the moment, but then I want to do another chapter of Should Old soon.

Thanks for the comments. They are appreciated.

DB Sommer



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