"DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net> writes:
Inside the belly of the helicopter, the blades sending reverberations
through the interior like a rapid heartbeat, made Drake Anderson feel like
he was child in the womb. One armed with an M-16 and enough plastic
a child
Coming to theaters this fall: 'Child of the Womb!'
He turned to the other agent assigned to the mission and felt a headache
coming on. They should be preparing to hit the ground and deploy, not relax
relaxing
by kicking back and reading a book. "Agent Paper."
Yomiko continued reading without acknowledging Drake had even spoken.
"Readman."
She turned a page.
Drake sighed and made his way to one of the helicopters viewports. "Oh,
helicoptor's
"Not yet." Drake checked the portable camera connected to his headset. "You
you'd
The pair donned their headsets as the helicopter landed in front of a small
library. The door rolled to the side as the two hit the ground, Drake with
his rife at the ready, Yomiko with her dolly and suitcase in one hand and
rifle
"I-Jin have him the ability to takes on some of the physical traits of the
gave him?
characters he's portraying at any given moment. Not their abilities. Just
their physical appearance."
"And that's dangerous how?" Yomiko prodded.
"If he knew Japanese, he could probably put half the anime voice actors out
of business."
Seems like he could be a decent physical actor, too
Joker's voice echoed in their ears. "That's Sir Gelad Morded. Apparently
he's the inspiration for Mordred from the Arthurian legend."
inspired by? Or the I-jin's plan goes back further than we know...
"With pleasure. My daughter made me listen to that !#$% song about a hundred
times before I lost it and blew up her CD player."
I'd suggest either dropping !#$% or using actual words. It's very
disruptive to the story to suddenly run into unpronouncable gibberish
(or so it seems to me).
Yomiko leaned back against a tree and returned to reading her book, the
smell of fragmentation grenades and napalm soothing her as it filled the
air.
I'd tone down his overt reaction and have it be more of this level of
implied reaction to hanson. The actual reaction is overkill, so making
it too front and center weakens the story's durability. In my opinion,
of course :-)