Not too many comments. Take or leave, as you please.
--On 9/17/2004 6:43 PM -0400 PsyckoSama (Sam Phoenix) wrote:
Awkward Consequences
Chapter 12a: A Mother?s Love
PsyckoSama (syp104@psu.edu <mailto:syp104@psu.edu>)
Ranma blinked and turned to his fianc�e. ?Hotaru, what do you mean ?we???
I know that, typographically, directed quote marks & apostrophes are more
correct, but they don't show up properly in all mail/text viewers.
?By battling an Oni??
Gratuitous Japanese--which isn't always a bad thing. But you do want to
keep it, I'd drop the cap O and consider bakemono instead. If I've learned
my vocabulary correctly, oni is a more specific type of monster while
bakemono is a more generic word.
?But if anything happens to you??
something, not anything.
She nodded solemnly. ?It a risk I have to take? but I still have a job
to do.?
It _is_ a risk...
Her mother?s brow was furrowed in though, and her eyes downcast with
shame. She was obviously lost in thought, but Usagi could feel the
torment dragging at her mother?s heart.
...furrowed in thoughT... But that's two 'in thought's. I'd drop the
first one.
Moments later, Ikuko returned with an old furoshiki that looked like it
had been wrapped and undisturbed for decades. She continued to the door,
and turned to her daughter.
More gratuitous Japanese. And according to EDIT, at least, furoshiki is
just the wrapping cloth, not a wrapped package. But I could be wrong.
A monstrous Oni, straight out of Japanese legend, stepped out of the
shadows.
Hmmm. Okay, but up above, *Ranma* wouldn't have anyway of knowing oni
specifically are involved. :-)
Ikuko glared at the demon and in an angry, spiteful voice she said,
?Listen you son of a bitch, you have no idea who you?re fucking with.
You just threatened my little girl and there is no way in hell that I am
going to let you live.?
In general, the level of swearing in this series is waaaay OOC for Sailor
Moon, IMHO.
Ikuko lifted the knife into the air and plunged it into her own heart.
?PRETTY AVENGER, TRANSFORM!!!!!?
Ummm... Ooookay. If that's the transformation key, I can see why she gave
it up. :-)
Jim