Not too many comments.  Take or leave, as you please.
 

As always... ;)

Awkward Consequences

Chapter 12a: A Mother?s Love

PsyckoSama (syp104@psu.edu <mailto:syp104@psu.edu>)

Ranma blinked and turned to his fianc�e. ?Hotaru, what do you mean ?we???
   

I know that, typographically, directed quote marks & apostrophes are more
correct, but they don't show up properly in all mail/text viewers.
 

Yeah... it can be a pain at times. I'm going to make sure to strip the 
smart quotes next time

?By battling an Oni??
   

Gratuitous Japanese--which isn't always a bad thing.  But you do want to
keep it, I'd drop the cap O and consider bakemono instead.  If I've learned
my vocabulary correctly, oni is a more specific type of monster while
bakemono is a more generic word.
 

Oni is a type of monster. Useally a big ugly-ass demonic horned ogre 
with tiger skin undies and a club...

They were told it was an Oni. Not a  generic monster...

?But if anything happens to you??
   

something, not anything.
 

I'll double check the final

She nodded solemnly. ?It a risk I have to take? but I still have a job 
to do.?
   

It _is_ a risk...
 

I'll double check the final

Her mother?s brow was furrowed in though, and her eyes downcast with 
shame. She was obviously lost in thought, but Usagi could feel the 
torment dragging at her mother?s heart.
   

...furrowed in thoughT...  But that's two 'in thought's.  I'd drop the
first one.
 

I'll double check the final

Moments later, Ikuko returned with an old furoshiki that looked like it 
had been wrapped and undisturbed for decades. She continued to the door, 
and turned to her daughter.
   

More gratuitous Japanese.  And according to EDIT, at least, furoshiki is
just the wrapping cloth, not a wrapped package.  But I could be wrong.
 

I may clarify that... and when you use propper nouns it is not very 
gratuitous... but that may just be in my mind because I'm learning 
Japanese and been to Japan

A monstrous Oni, straight out of Japanese legend, stepped out of the 
shadows.
   

Hmmm.  Okay, but up above, *Ranma* wouldn't have anyway of knowing oni
specifically are involved. :-)
 

The chapter prior Hotaru said as much after talking to Yoko on the phone ;)

Ikuko glared at the demon and in an angry, spiteful voice she said, 
?Listen you son of a bitch, you have no idea who you?re fucking with. 
You just threatened my little girl and there is no way in hell that I am 
going to let you live.?
   

In general, the level of swearing in this series is waaaay OOC for Sailor
Moon, IMHO.
 

This is not sailor moon. This is sailor moon's mother really super 
pissed. As you will find out later she is not the "I will puinish you in 
the name of love" type... ;)

Ikuko lifted the knife into the air and plunged it into her own heart.

?PRETTY AVENGER, TRANSFORM!!!!!?
   

Ummm... Ooookay.  If that's the transformation key, I can see why she gave
it up. :-)
 

Its a painful job... but somebody has to be stuck with the dirty work. ;)

And yes... she was more than happy to give it up and NOT very excited to 
rejoin. It took her daughter being a magical girl for her to do it 
again. Needless to say she isn't a happy camper 

- Sama


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