Subject: [FFML] Re: [RANMA][SI] Hybrid Theory Chapter 4
From: "Frederick Herriot" <pyeknu@hotmail.com>
Date: 10/2/2004, 7:33 AM
To: rlepsilon@hotmail.com
CC: ffml@anifics.com


Dear Aaron,

Very nice story concept.  I wish I had picked up on this one earlier.

Anyhow, some nitpick points:

	Nabiki grit her teeth behind her lips. What was so special about Ukyou 
Kuonji that this girl was going to such lengths to find out about her? 
Nabiki felt her own curiosity aroused now. Damn, her life had gotten much 
too complicated since that spatula-wielding boy had entered her life. "She 
was looking for Ranma and Genma and followed Akane around. I don't know how 
they met

=> Shouldn't it be "He was looking for Ranma and Genma..." ?

****

	"Boy! How dare you run off when you're fiancee is in mortal peril!"

=> "...when your fiancee is in..."

****

	"I'm fine, its just a small bump," Kasumi pointed out mildly. Ukyou noted 
that Soun was entering the household and allowed Aaron to shoot the man a 
dangerous glare. This caused him to back off a bit. Apparently Ranma and 
Genma were still debating manly duties outside.

=> "I'm fine, it's just a..."

****

	Bait?" Her anger was again replaced by confusion.  She bit her lip, clearly 
considering the words, then looked up at him again. "You... you're just 
using me to get to someone else!? But who?"

=> Forgot the start quotes in front of "Bait."

****

	"Tempura flakes mixed with gunpowder, at about triple my usual admixture," 
Ukyou grinned evilly. Ranma gave her a long, serious stare and then reminded 
himself never to get on her bad side.

=> "admixture?"

Is that a word?

(checks dictionary)

Well, I'll be damned.  Learn something new every day. ^_^

****

Cheers!

Fred

_________________________________________________________________
The new MSN 8: smart spam protection and 2 months FREE*  
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'