----- Original Message -----
From: "Josh Temple" <tarne_of_eat@sluggy.net>
To: "FFML" <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2004 9:39 AM
Subject: [FFML] [R.5][SM] The Return ch9
"A hundred and ten years ago it was nothing more than a bright light
observed by loggers in the Yukon. Eighty-seven years ago it was just a
thousand acres of destruction in northern Montana. Forty-two years ago the
Company lost nearly two hundred men and barely contained the situation.
This seems strange to me, I better reread the company history. Okay,
definitely an H.P. Lovecraft fan myself, and you actually seemed to be using
his style in that chapter. I at firstthought the company wasnt that old, but
i was remembering the dates wrong.
"Yes, I'm not leaving," Ranma said to the pair of nude demons. The redhead
closed her eyes. and her unitard and undergarments disappeared. The demoness
walked into the shower stall. Using the hot water that came out of the
faucet, she changed forms as her male clothes appeared
This last sentence doesnt read right to me. maybe more like this:
she changed forms. As her male clothing appeared Ranma stepped
Ranma stepped back to avoid the water and disrobed. His clothing was then
tossed over the shower curtain. He knew his children were still in the
bathroom, but he could not feel them. Ranma put those thoughts aside
concentrated on washing his body. If the girls needed him it would be quite
easy to bring Mommy back.
Here he disrobes apparently in front of them as a guy
After he finished showering he shut off the water and asked for a towel.
Ranma expected one of his girls to toss one to him. Instead, Nariko slid
open the door and handed him a towel.
Ranma blinked at his daughter. He should have seen this coming. Grabbing
the towel he quickly wrapped it around his waist.
"Something wrong Mommy?" Nariko asked, with some confusion. How could she
have a problem with nudity? The brood slept in the nude and only wore
clothing for convenience.
"Oh, nothing" Ranma forced himself to either avert his gaze or keep it
centered on his girl's face.
"Mommy's bashful." Nariko smiled to her mate.
"Don't see why, Mother's very good looking in either form," Akane noted.
The blue-haired demon looked over the human form of her mother and
formulated a plan. Mother had sacrificed so much for them. It would be nice
if she could show her appreciation.
"It's just that I'm male, like this and you're... Never mind." Ranma
walked to the sink. He was actually pretty happy. The girls were joking
about his male form and not cowering and whining for their Mommy. That was a
good sign.
And yet after the shower finishes he is bashful and shy and doesn't want to
see/be seen by them as a guy. Later we are also taught that the demons have
no greater attraction to males than females, and Ranma is well aware of
this, so I'm not sure this works for me. unfortunately I cant think of a
suggestion.
"You're going to change back, aren't you?" Nariko asked.
"In a little bit." He inspected his eyes; they seemed to be clear of
violet flecks. He sighed in relief before placing his hand into a flow of
cold water from the faucet. The martial artist watched the reflected pair of
eyes subtly change shape and not so subtly change color.
Ranma looked her body over. She was planning to summon her unitard and
wear that, or go to her room and get the leather dress her mother had bought
her. Her growing powers had given her more options. Ranma shrugged and
decided to see what she could do.
The black calf-high, high-heeled, leather boots were the same, but
everything else was different. She wore a pair of black leather pants that
were not quite painted on. Her top was sleeveless and silk. Of a Chinese
style, it bore considerable resemblance to the top of a cheongsam. The shirt
was dark green and clasped with buttons in the front and had gold trim.
"Wow, you look great," Akane said, looking her Mother over.
"It's very nice," Nariko confirmed.
Ranma's reaction was a bit different. "I'm finally wearing pants!"
cute
***************
Assembly of Man acolyte Ryoga Hibiki leveled his gaze at his partner. The
two demon hunters were in the hotel room that they had been using.
"I assure you, I have no doubts." Ukyou gazed out the window of the room.
The Canada Trust Tower loomed prominently in the view. She pushed those
errant, those traitorous thoughts out of her mind; now was not the time.
"Really? Father Oslo has told me about your previous relation with the
target."
"I didn't know the demon was Ranma!" Ukyou shouted. "You knew who this
demon was, but you never told me! And you've had just as much personal
contact with Ranma as me."
"I had my orders," Ryoga said simply.
"It's moot, anyway. Even if Ranma was my friend, that's not him, not
anymore. That's a demon that took over and corrupted his body. There's no
way I could confuse Ranma Saotome with that redheaded succubus."
"Just be sure to keep that in mind."
"I will... though, maybe we should ask for assistance."
"No. We don't need any help," Ryoga indignantly replied.
"Are you sure? You couldn't kill her before, and now she's got two spawn."
"I tried to do that alone before, but together we will destroy them."
Ryogas bonkers if he thinks Ukyo can help. Oh, right this is Ryoga whos with
the Assembly, he is bonkers from the power up he got.
***************
A mental image flashed into Usagi's mind as she watched the two demons
comfort each other. It was from the dream she had, the one where she and
Queen DarkStar ruled over humanity. The blonde shuddered, not wanting to
think of mated succubae, especially when one of them was herself.
Usagi looked at Ranma. There was something she to know - there was also
something Usagi should tell her. "Sunshine," Usagi said, using Ranma's
alias. "Can we talk... in private?" the blonde asked, her eyes looking at
the redhead.
There was something she to know - there was also something Usagi should tell
her.
There was something she HAD to know
The rest of the chapter I didn't notice anything, wither because it wasnt
there or I was just enjoying it too much.
Hope that was helpful, if you need a suggestion on that one spot let me
know, I might think of something.
Mike
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