Pete Zaitcev wrote:

On Wed, 1 Sep 2004 11:58:24 -0400
"DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:

ever present dolly and suitcase nearly fell over

I thought it was a typical airline traveller's suitcase with integral
wheels rather than a separate dolly.

I had skimmed over a few ROD OVA scenes before writing this. I could swear
the dolly was separate, as the suitcase came off it toward the end of the
fight with Sanzo. I could be mistaken, though.

[...] A skip entered her step, despite the fact she was lugging a small
suitcase full of various papers and reading material around.

Two suitcases now?

Just one. Lugging it on the dolly.

reminiscent of a hunting bird. His gray trenchcoat and matching

wide-brimmed

hat complimented the mood he was projecting: that of dourness.

Man. I got to learn doing those descriptions. This one looked like
something from Conan Doyle.

I'll address this in elisteran's message as well, but this was sort of a
tryout for the Headmaster character, which is why he was described in such
detail. If I ever get around to writing a multi-part ROD fic I have in mind,
he's one of the field agents, along with Yomiko, Deep II, and Anderson.

[...] though she was pleased to see her
friend was so delighted.

I am not a native speaker and I would drop the second "was".

Agree.

 The unusual
set to Yomiko's features was unsettling in a way that Wendy had never

felt

before, at least in connection with her friend.

Are they friends? I'm dubious.

In reality, they might not have even met. Here I'm assuming they are
familiar with one another and have met before. Both seem a more open type,
and if they got along well enough, would probably think of one another in
terms of friends rather than acquiantances, though I wouldn't call them
close friends or such.

[...]

The key exposition was edible despite the hefty size.

Good. I tried to keep it from being too long, but Yomiko wasn't feeling well
and droned a bit.

The ink part was workable. I remember that I discarded a book I bought
once (just once), because I did not want anyone else to read it.
A price provides a miniscule barrier to the entry.

Heh

It's a pity they didn't find the dot.

They will tomorrow. It's not like its going anywhere.

Thanks for the comments. It's appreciated.

DB Sommer



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