"Zac Wendler" <flashfyre5@msn.com> writes:
Disclaimer: Well, despite my best legal efforts, Naruto
STILL doesn't belong to me. As such, I can't claim that I own him,
Sasuke, Sakura, or any of their buddies. According to American
copyright courts, they belong to some random manga writer from Japan.
I don't believe it, but until my appeal goes through, I must abide by
the decisions handed down by the honorable justices. My legal action
on claiming ownership of Rock Lee is progressing nicely, though.
A bit glib, and I'd feel better if you gave the 'random manga writer'
an actual name. A fanfic disclaimer is at least as much about
acknowledging others' work as it is about disavowing it, I think.
Naruto sat on his little porch and watched the sunrise,
his legs dangling down over the edge of the teetering metal construct.
His jacket lay inside, thrown across his bed, leaving the blond-haired
As zaitcev pointed out, you use 'blond-haired' a lot. To give it some
variety, note that you can typically omit the 'haired' ; people will
tend to assume it's talking about hair, in my experience.
"The blonde jumped up and down excitedly; Lord Ilpallazzo would be
pleased she was returning home from Greece with the world's first gold
medal in Climbing-Out-of-Deep-Pits"
"The clouds look like I feel," Naruto finally said,
shaking his head. It was true; for now, Naruto had managed to collect
himself. Kakashi's funeral had been hard, as had Taka's, to a much
lesser degree. Sakura had been stopping by regularly over the past
few days, ostensibly to comfort the blond-haired man. In reality,
And here the 'b-h man' feels like you're putting in too much distance
on the character, I think.
A pork bun in hand, the last remnant of a lunch on the go,
Naruto made his way through the front doors of the central ninja
offices. He took a bite of the confection, which he had purchased at
Are pork buns sweet? Confection seems a bit odd there; I associate it
with sugary goods. (And the dictionary suggests sweetness or fanciness
is requisite).
"No, we're not," Tsunade said firmly, then stared at
Naruto until he calmed down. "Considering his current metal
incapacity, the Leaf has decided that Sasuke couldn't have known that
mental incapacity
ALPHONSE ELRIC: So how much metal *can* he hold?
WINRY: ...
"I'm no idiot. The Leaf is a powerful country. We would
be no match for them if they turned their full wrath upon us," the
bespectacled man returned, adjusting his glasses. He allowed for a
significant pause, and couldn't restrain a small smirk of
satisfaction. /These pompous pricks are no substitute for true
leadership,/ he thought to himself smugly. "I'm sure that they've
approached us with an offer of peace, and possibly allegiance," he
Do you mean "alliance" ? If not, who would be liege?
At any rate, the story seems interesting so far.