At 10:16 AM -0700 17/8/2004, Tim Williams wrote:
First things first. The last chapter (the Third Day) changed in a big
way from the initial draft I sent to the list. The correct version
(which cuts out the magic nonsense and lengthens the fic considerably) is
located at http://home.comcast.net/~fireangel37 Please skim the last
half of it even if you've already read the first half. It's worth doing
since the changes are quite drastic.
You're not exaggerating there. :) And they do, I think, make
more sense than the previous version.
Oh, and for anyone who cares, I finally finished revising the old
chapters of The Rebound Effect (the original one). No longer does
"Senshi" appear as "Sancho" in chapter 18... Same page is the source.
Oho! Will have to check out.
Then To Live As a Woman
The Fourth Day
A Love Hina Fanfic
Tim Williams (ffml_tim@yahoo.com)
Don't have time tonight to go through this in detail. My impressions
on a quick first reading are ... well, the main Keitaro/Motoko story-line
almost takes second place to Shinobu here. That's not a bad thing; I
rather like the way you're showing K&M very hesitantly growing closer.
As for the Shibou-and-Su thread ... I really can't see this ending happily.
(And, from a story-telling point of view, that may not be a bad thing,
either. There seems to be a fanfic tradition that, as soon as a character's
safely in a lesbian relationship, that character's problems are pretty much
over. While not a lesbian myself, I kind of doubt that's the case.) Shinobu
clearly doesn't fully understand what she's gotten into, and she could get
quite badly hurt; while Su's bullet-proof innocence could let her get away
virtually unscathed -- and, probably, not really understanding why Shinobu's
unhappy.
Of course, I have no way of knowing what you're preparing to pull out
of your hat. :)
Cheers,
Angus