And on to the oldest one left in the backlog:

I've been looking forward to publishing this story for a while. It's an
original story in the magical girl genre, but the tone is closer to
Gunslinger Girl meets Alien Nine.

Seen two episodes of the first and none of the second.

In other words, there's no sappy love

angle or other artificial source of warm fuzzy feelings... just real
life, magical girl style.

Of course, since there's no such things as real life magical girls....

    There was a brief, annoyed pause. "You're not even trying to make
sense, are you? You're just making random noises." The tiny body landed
on the bed next to her, and before she could roll on top of it, a set of
sharp claws jabbed into her side. She was on her feet in an instant,
glaring at the cat.
    "Ouch! Dammit, Theron, you know I'm still sore there!"
    "Why do you think I aimed for your wound?" the cat retorted smugly.
"I know being a magical girl is tough on you, but you have to keep up
your normal life or the hunters will figure out who you are."

Hmm. I remember reading some C+C for this. I'll try not to hash over the
same old things.

    *Do you think maybe we'll ever find a magical girl whose power is
removing the powers of other magical girls?* asked Amber.
    *She'd probably use it on herself first,* replied Theron.

Good point

    "No!" Amber replied far too quickly. She bit her tongue, but it was
too late.
    "You don't look like one of them," agreed Jessica, "but everybody
says that magical girls don't look anything like themselves when they're
in disguise."

Nice to see the fear her buddy has about MGs

    "Yeah, I know. The hunters again. I don't see why you're so
terrified of them when the magical girls are there to protect us."
    Amber's side twinged painfully as she closed the stall door behind
her. "I don't know either," she lied.

Hmm .Unless the hunters are incompetant or horribly underpowered, one would
think they've whacked MGs, and would be proud to brag about it. I'm
surprised her buddy would be unaware of that.

    *Hey, a cat's gotta eat.*
    *Yeah, but serving yourself from our fridge... how do you DO that,
anyway? You never do it when I'm around....*

Theron: The same way an intelligent horse can bind your wounds when you're
unconscious.

I Did that in a D+D game once, by the way. :)

    "Great," moaned Amber. "NOW the hunter shows up." She stood up and
followed her classmates toward the classroom door, beyond which the
excited students were already beginning their race for the nearest
emergency exit in varying degrees of panic. The soft hiss of the gas
jets turning on was barely perceptible amid the din. It wouldn't have
any effect on the hunter, since they'd acclimated to the latest toxin
years ago, and would only serve to obscure her vision as she tried to
fight it, but the school officials and military were too lazy and
bureaucratic to shut the system off. Still, it would make it easier for
her to slip away from the crowd and find an empty place to transform.

Hmm. So the hunters are bad enough that the gvmt feels the need to try and
stop them. Either they're clandestine, or operate from somewhere they can't
be touched, I take it.

a monster that had several girls cornered. Two teachers lay unconscious
on the floor behind the monster, their clothes and faces burnt by the
same acid that had destroyed the walls. The students in its sights
weren't undamaged either, but they remained conscious and screaming as
the hunter advanced on them. Its top half bulged and pulsated like an
overfilled water balloon about to burst.

Not the sort of thing I thought about when you called them Hunters. I was
thinking more human.

    The explosion had dispelled

think  you can drop the 'had'

    The hunter was seconds from bursting.
    Nothing else for it.
    Yurika inhaled sharply and screamed. The echoes quickly filled the
hallway, drilling into everyone and everything in their path. Every
window in the hallway shattered instantly. Yurika herself quickly felt
the familiar tingles through her body, but she pushed them aside just as
she had the pain in her legs. The girls on the floor were screaming,
adding their own tiny contribution to the noise level. But it was the
hunter that felt the worst of the attack. It shuddered even more
violently as the sound waves tore through it, causing the acid to spurt
out in random jets. The hunter was screaming too, now,

I'm not quite sure why she didn't do this *before* it refilled with acid.

 as it slowly

died, but the process wasn't nearly over yet.

drop 'nearly'

    Nephtali quickly intervened diplomatically. "What she means is that
grades aren't important anymore. You can do what most people only dream
of. You save lives every day. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
    "Yeah. It meanth I have louthy gradeth and bruitheth all over my
body."
    "Oh, honey," whispered Nephtali, wrapping her arms around Yurika in
a hug. "We understand. We've been through it all, and we're here for
you."
    "I'm covered in athid," Yurika warned her.
    "You wanna turn down a hug?" asked Nephtali.
    Yurika couldn't stop herself from smiling. "Not a chanthe."

Heh

    "Are you going to be okay?" Rachel asked at last, once the tears had
slowed to a mere trickle.
    "No," Amber replied truthfully. "I'm going to stop crying, and
things will go back to the way they were."

Well, that's true.

    "SHINING LANCE!" shouted Tabitha, summoning a new copy of her
weapon. Moving her feet carefully to avoid sliding in the slick puddle
of blood, she hurled the lance at the hunter's chest. At such close
range, the hunter couldn't dodge in time, and the weapon gouged out a
wide hole in its side. It leapt away, finally escaping the range of
Nephtali's attack, and landed in a heap half a block down the street.

Tough critter

very unusual power, unlike anything I've ever heard of. I know it hurts
you as much as anyone else when you use it. And unlike most of the
magical girls I've known, your life really meant something before you
changed.

Heh. Interesting fact.

    "Am I fooling anyone? Really? Everyone notices that I've changed.
Even Jessica... and she didn't realize her parents had gotten divorced
until three days later."
    "Seriously?"
    "No. That was a joke."

Heh

    "I knew a girl some time ago who was extremely intelligent, just
like you," the story began. "She got the top grades in all of her
classes until she hit puberty. That was when she found out that she was
a magical girl."

I think I know what this is leading up to.

    "She taught at the school where I taught before I transferred here,"
replied Miss Hodgson. "She disappeared from there some time ago and
hasn't been seen since. I suppose I was never very close to her, except
for knowing her secret, so I didn't keep in touch."

Hmm. Thought it would be this teacher.

    There was a soft snap as Jessica's arms closed around Yurika's neck,
twisting her head firmly, and her spine split in two. She died
instantly.

Ouch. Didn't see that one coming.

    As she fell to her knees, she saw a thin trail of white ooze seeping
out of Nephtali's ear. "No... no, you bastard. I just killed my other
best friend. You have to be dead."
    The ooze stretched toward her, and her hair stood on end as it made
a beeline for her ear. A bright flash blinded her, and she felt a pair
of comforting arms wrap around her. The silky smooth hands brushed her
face and neck, and then she gave herself to unconsciousness.

Ouch

    "That's up to you," the teacher replied. "Each of us must choose her
own path. Whether you choose to embrace your magical girl nature or try
to reject it and live as a normal girl, all you can do is live to your
fullest and enjoy every moment as if it is your last."
    "I don't know which one to choose," sobbed Rachel. "It's so hard."
    "Your choice will be clear in time," Miss Hodgson assured her. "Just
do what you feel is right. No matter the outcome, that is never the
wrong choice." With that, she stood up and pushed her way through the
curtain, leaving Rachel alone with her thoughts.

I see. My, how grim. I didn't count on you whacking the main character you
had been focusing, and it coming out of nowhere like that. Excellent work

DB Sommer

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